WARNING: Objects in Reviews Are Larger Than They Appear		Shameless promotion.  We can do that.  Especially when we stand to gain nothing from it. Previously, the Dreaded B-Masters' Cabal had worked together on en masse events.  We started with everyone doing the same movie.  Then we got topical and tried to cash in on Y2K fears.  Twice. On 18 August 2000, Godzilla 2000 was released in American theaters.  (By the way, the guys at StompTokyo published a review of the Japanese version well in advance of that date.)  For us of the Cabal, the anticipated return of the real Godzilla to the English speaking world was one of the ties that bind our hearts in cult movie love -- and a topical excuse to round up some big monsters in some little movies. And so, ladies and gentlemen (and indecisive types) and boys and girls of all ages, as they said in the promos for Godzilla 2000, and without further ado...
Let's Get Ready to Crumble!
Site	Author	Movie	Preview
And You Call Yourself a Scientist!	Liz	The Giant Claw	Sally announces her own theory: that the reason The Bird came to Earth was to lay an egg.  "It’s the only thing that makes sense!"  (Um – yeah.  If flying "millions and millions of light years" from an anti-matter galaxy to a matter one in order to reproduce "makes sense".   And I thought the panda was badly designed!)
Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension	Ken Begg	Reptilicus	Then we get our first shot of the title monster, shown in slow motion for cool emphasis. Whether this is wise, given our subsequent ability to study the less than utterly realistic creature at some length, is another question.
Badmovies.org	Andrew Borntreger	The X from Outer Space	Notice how Guilala's head is tilted back while stumbling across the set. I imagine the actor was desperately peering around in an attempt to figure out what was going on.  Good luck buddy
B-Notes	Apostic	Space Monster Dogora	It looks like some kind of gigantic jellyfish or squid, unless you remember it's supposed to be based on a single cell, and then it looks like a giant mutant neuron.  (Takes a lot of nerve to visualize.)
StompTokyo	Chris Holland & Scott Hamilton	War of the Gargantuas	Just when things look bad, salvation comes in the form of a giant green humanoid that wrestles the octopus into submission, then eats the crew.  Oops, we guess the giant green humanoid wasn't salvation at all, but actually an ironic, evil, grinning death.
Bad Movie Report	Dr. Freex	Mighty Peking Man	At the stadium, the Evil Capitalist has not only chained him up to various John Deere Tonka toys to see who can pull whom, but the crowd in the stands is pelting him with fruit.  Slight digression: at what point can throwing crap at something a hundred feet tall and pissed off be deemed a good idea?
B-Mania	Nathan Shumate	Godzilla vs. King Ghidora (1992)	Meanwhile, undersea: Shindo's sub is dutifully making it's way to the Bering Strait, when -- what's that ahead?  That, huge, bipedal, corduroyed thing?  (Wait a sec while they turn on the rock star lighting behind him.)  It's Godzilla!  And he's in the mood for a good sub sandwich!
Oh, The Humanity!	Alan Gallauresi	Godzilla vs. Mothra (1964)	Despite the efforts of the Japanese peace-keeping forces, Godzilla is still running rampant.  He descends on the egg's incubator and rips it to shreds.  It's hard to say what his motivation is here, except that it's either jealousy over being a childless loner or possibly a free continental breakfast.
Teleport City	Keith Allison (Ol' BattleMonkey)	Godzilla's Revenge	But first, Ichiro must dream, dream, dream himself away to sweet monster Island, where Minya introduces him to an unimpressed Godzilla, who would rather swat airplanes out of the sky than talk to his stupid son's nerdy friends.

Originally Published 11 August 2000