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zombiewhacker
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1475 Posts |
 Posted - 09/17/2007 : 1:55:58 PM
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[url]http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Gallery_of_Horrors/70044121[/url]
MST3K is out of business. Rifftrax is more interested in zinging Hollywood blockbusters and Grey's Anatomy. Gangrene Widescreen appears to be down for good.
In other words, Kenneth, my man, it's all up to you.
And no... this isn't what you think it is. This isn't that Christopher Lee-Peter Cushing-Donald Sutherland horror anthology from the '60s. That was Dr. Terrror's House of Horrors. Gallery of Horrors is an embarassingly bad quickie/ripoff pic featuring those twin titans of Z movie badness, John Carradine and Lon Chaney Jr. A movie so crappy it was re-released under six different titles in the English speaking-world alone:
Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors
Gallery of Horrors
The Witch's Clock
Alien Massacre (well, they got the massacre part right)
The Blood Suckers (a more fitting title)
Return from the Past (the title I remember from my Chiller Theater years.)
Quoting Psychotronic Encyclopedia author Michael Weldon: "The sets look straight out of a play put on by a rural high school. The script is completely ludicrous. In other words -- total entertainment! Don't miss it!"
It was directed by David Hewitt, the same man who helmed The Wizard of Mars and The Mighty Gorga. Dude, what more inspiration do you need?
Anyone else with me? Want to see this film get Jabootized? Sign the petition!
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Terrahawk
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
644 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2007 : 5:26:48 PM
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ZW, you have to realize that it takes green to get Ken to review anything now. Drop off a large brown paper bag with small, used bills at the Chicago library and he might, if you are high bidder, consider your mere mortal request. Like the Catholic church of old, you must buy indulgences from the high priest of Jabootu. ;-)
- While science has societal benefits, science is not a social virtue. - |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2007 : 5:41:46 PM
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I'm down, as long as we get Hawk The Slayer first *g* *g*
I already gave my bribe btw, albeit a paltry one...
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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New Hinda
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Israel
469 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 02:59:43 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by zombiewhacker
[url]http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Gallery_of_Horrors/70044121[/url]
A movie so crappy it was re-released under six different titles in the English speaking-world alone:
Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors
Gallery of Horrors
The Witch's Clock
Alien Massacre (well, they got the massacre part right)
The Blood Suckers (a more fitting title)
Return from the Past (the title I remember from my Chiller Theater years.)
According to www.imdb.com, EATEN ALIVE (1977) was released under SEVEN titles. I've suggested in the past that Ken reserve the full Jabootu treatment for movies that have something PRETENTIOUS about
them. This looks like it would make a good little video cheese. Lets compromise, shall we? Ken, do you think you can manage a Video Cheese? |
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Ericb
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
648 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 07:28:39 AM
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I don't know about reserving the full Jabootu treatment to films with pretentions, my favorite Begg recaps tend to be cheesy stuff like Raiders of the Living Dead, Frankenstein Island and From Hell It Came.
"I reserve the right to look as well as be boring." - Robert Fripp |
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zombiewhacker
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1475 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 11:42:19 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sardu
I'm down, as long as we get Hawk The Slayer first *g* *g*
Hawk the Slayer was a halfway decent flick. Recast the hero, tighten the story a bit, and reshoot the action scenes and you might actually have a winner.
Um... oh, yeah... the music... can't have that (reels from the memory)... |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 1:40:57 PM
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*lol* I actually like the music. It's decently done weenie-prog-lite. Sort of what the Ladyhawke soundtrack wanted to be, but they went with too much real symphonic stuff and not enough cheesy 70's analog retro synth (which makes anything better!) Neil from The Young Ones would have owned the album.
As for recasting, tightening the story, reshooting action and generally having done things to make it a watchable film- if ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd have Christmas every day *g* Without Jack Palance chewing scenery and playing a guy written as 40 years younger you'd have nothing. As it is you have comedy gold.
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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zombiewhacker
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1475 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 6:36:16 PM
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| I meant recast John Terry (Hawk). Palance was the villain. I got no problem with Big Jack. |
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New Hinda
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Israel
469 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 05:11:44 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ericb
I don't know about reserving the full Jabootu treatment to films with pretentions, my favorite Begg recaps tend to be cheesy stuff like Raiders of the Living Dead, Frankenstein Island and From Hell It Came.
Ken's reviews of pictures like THE GIANT CLAW are hilarious, but a little unfair. You make a movie for 50 cents in a week and see how it turns out. And I wouldn't call FRANKENSTEIN ISLAND unpretentious. |
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Ken HPoJ
Supreme Potentate
USA
1530 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 3:50:34 PM
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Since I seem to be avoiding Zabriskie Point with all the strength my subconscious can muster (look, a survival instinct!), I probably should move on to Hawk the Slayer and circle back to ZP afterward.
"And no... this isn't what you think it is."
Were you addressing that remark to me, sir? You'll be teaching your grandmother to suck eggs, next. It's pretty laughable, true, although I'm not sure it would support a full review. It is on the list, though, since it's out on DVD now.
PEGGY: I don't see how having a girl on the team would ruin it. Did a woman judge ruin the Supreme Court?
HANK: Yes, and that woman's name was Earl Warren.
--King of the Hill |
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zombiewhacker
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1475 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 8:23:42 PM
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Oh, Hawk the Slayer before Zabriskie Point. Pleeease.
And, yeah, Gallery of Horrors may not be worth a full-length review, but a nugget most definitely. Actually, some of your nuggets run pretty long, too. Wasn't "10 Things I Hate About the Lost World" a nugget? |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 9:11:40 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by zombiewhacker
Oh, Hawk the Slayer before Zabriskie Point. Pleeease.
Well, I sort of agree-
Zabriskie is going to require much painful analysis. It's certainly a meatier project and will require a lot of psyching up, and probably alcohol, one might imagine *g* I am really hoping for a reaming on a par with Trial Of Billy Jack on that one. There will be deep hurting and Ken may have to spend time in the Bahamas recovering afterwards.
Hawk on the other hand is just a fun cheesy flick. It really is probably only worth a nugget, to be honest. But I think that's the reason one might want to get it out of the way- it's like, do you want to start with the painful tattoo on your butt, or the hot stick in the eye *lol*
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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New Hinda
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Israel
469 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2007 : 04:52:42 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ken HPoJ
Since I seem to be avoiding Zabriskie Point with all the strength my subconscious can muster (look, a survival instinct!), I probably should move on to Hawk the Slayer and circle back to ZP afterward.
WHY are you avoiding ZABRISKIE POINT? Speaking of pretentious, have you ever thought of having a go at THE LIFE OF DAVID GALE? And if you ever get around to reviewing LIPSTICK, don't forget to mention that, right before the rape, the soon-to-be-rape victim is RUDE to the soon-to-be-rapist!!!!!One of my pet peeves about rape-revenge screenplays!!!! |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2007 : 06:28:55 AM
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Wow, Lipstick- one of my favorite rape/revenge films (next to I Spit On Your Grave)! That was one of the first things that came on some new-fangled thing called cable back in the late 70's and it warped my fragile little mind. It's cheesy, stupid, full of inappropriate nudity and to a large degree genuinely mean and unpleasant- you wind up with that whole "Ha ha ha ha- OMG!" reaction you often get from Japanese exploitation. I don't recall ever seeing it on any bad movie site yet- that would be great.
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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New Hinda
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Israel
469 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2007 : 06:36:01 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sardu
Wow, Lipstick- one of my favorite rape/revenge films (next to I Spit On Your Grave)! That was one of the first things that came on some new-fangled thing called cable back in the late 70's and it warped my fragile little mind. It's cheesy, stupid, full of inappropriate nudity and to a large degree genuinely mean and unpleasant- you wind up with that whole "Ha ha ha ha- OMG!" reaction you often get from Japanese exploitation. I don't recall ever seeing it on any bad movie site yet- that would be great.
A) Does I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE have a seen where the soon-to-be rape victim is rude to the soon-to-be rapists? B) Does she parade around nude, someplace where they can see her? C) Does she do something S-T-U-P-I-D in the scenes leading up to the rape?
I plan, ultimately, to rent I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. In high school, I went out with a fellow who's an extra in the ice cream store scene. |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2007 : 08:56:19 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by New Hinda
A) Does I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE have a seen where the soon-to-be rape victim is rude to the soon-to-be rapists?
No. Her crime is to be seen as strong and independent in a jerk-water town. This translates to "uppity" which translates to "asking for it". One *could* argue that her very existence is rude to the perpetrators...
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B) Does she parade around nude, someplace where they can see her?
IIRC, yes. But she's supposed to be on private property- they are spying.
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C) Does she do something S-T-U-P-I-D in the scenes leading up to the rape?
Not that I recall. She's pretty much portrayed as minding her own business; the guys just get her in their sights and at that point her fate is sealed.
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I plan, ultimately, to rent I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. In high school, I went out with a fellow who's an extra in the ice cream store scene.
ISOYG is a very different animal from Lipstick. It's a different type of exploitation- ISOYG, whatever its faults, I really think is not meant to be titillating in any way. I think the guy that made it wanted to make a serious commentary and while the kills are a bit ludicrous, it DOES present the rape itself as possibly the harshest, ugliest one ever filmed apart from maybe Irreversible. Last House is the weakest one of the bunch to me because it also takes itself pretty seriously but I don't think it comes off well. lipstick wants to have its cake and eat it too- it's the type of movie that goes "rape is awful- let's watch!!"
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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