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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
 Posted - 05/13/2007 : 10:54:58 PM
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This one has been brewing in the back of my mind for a long time now. When I told Netflix to send the DVD, I expected it to be simple: watch the movie again, write a (for me) quick review, from beginning to bitter end twenty or twenty-five pages max, send the DVD back after three or four days.
Yeah, right.
Grab yourself a comfy chair, kiddies, and keep the snacks handy. This one’s lo-o-o-o-ong. Also, be ready for some religious commentary from a reviewer who should know better than to get in over his head. This is the last paragraph I actually wrote on this. I was going to give the whole thing a long read and edit it, but I’m worn out by this sucker.
Of course, I’ll find some blinding errors after posting and have to do some correcting then, but there ya go.
I think I first heard of The Omega Code in an article in USA Today. It was being marketed as a thriller produced by a Christian organization, and they were using a grass-roots marketing campaign, including advertising in churches. One of the film’s producers said they were trying for the Christian equivalent to The Blair Witch Project. And for a week or two, The Omega Code was in the box office top ten. I read a few reviews, all of them negative, and I wasn’t sure how much stock to put in them. I had read one review of The Spitfire Grill that immediately wrote off the film because it had been financed by a Catholic group; you don’t see many critics that review a movie without actually seeing it, but they do pop up from time to time. (By the way, The Spitfire Grill was pretty decent. Not a great movie by any means, but worth the time and money.) So, curious to see how this movie would turn out, I bought a ticket and saw a matinee showing at the local theater.
Now, for some reason, I hadn’t notice that the particular “Christian” organization behind this thing was none other than Trinity Broadcasting Network. If I had, I may have passed. Having since learned a few more things about TBN, and about its founder and leader, Paul Crouch, I’d definitely pass on it today.
A couple of things before getting into the picture. I’m not a very good Christian. My church attendance is a joke, I swear like a sailor when I’m upset, and I spend way too much time indulging in the pleasures of impure thoughts (i.e., I’m a 15-year-old horndog trapped in the body of a thirtysomething nerd). Yes, it’s something that concerns me. Certainly, I’m no theologian, and I’d be hopelessly lost if someone asked me to quote scripture chapter and verse. But when I say the Apostle’s Creed, I mean it. Also, I don’t put too much stock when a local TV preacher (actually, he’s more like a cult leader) insists that we are living in the “last of the last days.” I’m sure many people believed that same thing during World War II. But I’m not gonna write that theory completely off. Whether you believe Judgment Day is right around the corner or not, turn on the news at any time, and you’ll have strong evidence of two things: (1) We, the human race, are the same band of knuckleheads we’ve always been. (2) The difference now is, our toys have gotten a lot more dangerous in the past few decades. First one’s funny; second one’s scary.
Having said that, I do not like televangelists. At all. Billy Graham has my respect and admiration, but just about every other one of these people make me cringe. There was a song several years ago that sums up my opinion of these guys nicely: “Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?” TBN leads the pack here. Okay, they have Graham as part of their regular line-up (and I would love to take Mr. Graham aside and tell him he should distance himself from these clowns). But TBN is better known for having the likes of Benny Hinn. Look him up if you’re not familiar with him. I won’t go into details, lest my blood pressure go sky high.
When the first title came up — “TBN Films presents....” — I did not get up and walk out. So I deserved what I got over the next 100 minutes.
The basic premise behind The Omega Code — an end-of-the-world thriller supposedly based on the book of Revelation — is pure dynamite. Now, all this movie needs is what every good movie needs: a good script, a competent director, and a budget to match the film’s needs.
(Long pause)
Fasten your safety belts. It’s gonna be a bumpy night. (With apologies to Miss Davis.)
Beware of false prophets... including the makers of this film
The first warning of things to come is right there on the DVD itself: Goodtimes Video had the first-run video rights. Look it up, folkses; Goodtimes ain’t exactly Paramount.
Now, into the movie.
We begin with the following title:
“Throughout the ages, man has pillaged Jerusalem’s ancient artifacts in search of supernatural power. That quest continues as scholars seek to unlock one of the most mysterious relics of all...
The Bible Code.
-a mathematical phenomenon whose hidden messages are said to contain the whole of human history.”
For the record, the punctuation and capitalization above are exactly as they appear in the movie.
So, whatever became of this rumored “Bible Code” anyway? I read a couple of things about it, then it went poof and disappeared. For some reason, the word “Nostradamus” comes to mind. The fact that this “serious religious thriller” is basing itself around the concept of a “Bible code” puts it in deep trouble, ten seconds in.
Uh oh, there’s another title:
“Yet now some are using the latest technology to scour the Bible Code for an even darker secret - the key to Jerusalem.
For it has been foretold in the apocalyptic books of Daniel and Revelation that he who controls Jerusalem in the last days will control the world...”
About a year after this thing was released, I remember another movie having a pre-title prologue like this. Battlefield Earth.
The opening credits (those that come before the title) appear as Hebraic writing, I think, then morph into what I assume are their English counterparts. This, in itself, is kinda cool. We fade up on an establishing shot of Jerusalem, then go inside a study of some sort. An old rabbi is in here looking all scholarly, with lots of scholarly books and a scholarly brass lamp, going over a scholarly text in Hebrew. This is intercut with a man outside in a black coat and black shoes walking fairly quickly and purposefully. Pan up to reveal that the man is Michael Ironside (yay!), decked out in a disguise as a Hasidic Jew, complete with wide-brimmed hat and very fake-looking beard.
The main cast is listed; here’s the rundown, with my own comments:
Casper Van Dien — from what I gather, Van Dien is better known for his pretty-boy good looks than for any acting talent. This was evident by the time this movie was made (1999), but they cast him as the lead anyway.
Michael York — I’ve never cared for him. Haven’t seen Cabaret, but I do remember him mostly from The Three Musketeers and Logan’s Run. He always seems to be overacting like crazy. That works in stuff like the Austin Powers movies, where he’s supposed to be comical and over-the-top. In more serious movies, though, he comes across as an overstuffed ham.
Catherine Oxenburg — Casper Van Dien’s female equivalent, at best. I’m not gonna bother with looking her up on the IMDb; if memory serves, she was a b-movie actress before this thing was released, and she was a b-movie actress after it was released.
And finally, Michael Ironside — goofy beard aside, at least one of the over-the-title names has real talent. No doubt, Mr. Ironside will be tonight’s Embarrassed Actor.
Okay, back to the movie. The old scholar is copying a passage from what I assume is an ancient copy of the Torah in Hebrew, then plugging what he copies down into a laptop computer. There’s a cheesy visual of some Hebrew writing swirling around, then the computer flashes the message “ROSTENBERG FINDER OF THE KEY GONE TO GOD SUNRISE 4TH OF AV”. The scholar starts at this (hmmm, could this be Rostenberg himself, we wonders?), then tears out the page he just wrote down in his journal and stuffs it in his jacket pocket. (Y’know, at this point, the movie had potential.)
A laser sight plays across the room as a cheesy musical sting builds up. The red dot centers on the scholar’s chest, and Michael Ironside shoots the old guy in the chest with a silenced pistol, killing him. Note that Ironside has sneaked into the room, and is firing from a few yards away, meaning that the laser sight would not be needed unless Ironside were a worse shot than Greedo in the “special” edition of Star Wars. Anyway, the scholar is dead, and Ironside takes his journal, as well as a CD that was in the laptop, but doesn’t search the guy. He then leaves.
Almost immediately after (in real time), two other men come in and examine the body, going through the scholar’s pockets and finding the torn-out page.
Ironside is walkin’ through the empty alleyway, when he sees the two men blocking his way. He turns and tries another passage, to find them waiting for him. Hey, how’d you do that?! He tries again, and whaddaya know, they’re blocking the way again. This might have been more effective if I hadn’t seen it done several times as a gag on the TV show Animaniacs. In frustration, Michael tears off the beard and grabs a little girl who was sitting there in the alley because it was in the script. The two men wave him off calmly. Michael tries to shoot them, but his gun jams (and it’s clear that this ain’t dumb luck). The angels — c’mon, isn’t it obvious? — send him on his merry way. Actually, I have no problem with their decision; I’ve always thought that the idea of God toying with Satan now and then to show him who’s Boss is a credible one. The acting here isn’t bad at all, even though these guys were clearly not putting too much effort into it. I recognized one of the angels. A quick check reveals that it’s Jan Triska, whom I know best from a small part in Ronin (which I recommend very highly). He tells Michael, “Tell your master we have arrived.” Michael looks up, says, “He already knows,” then walks off. It’s revealed that the whole thing was caught on surveillance camera, and someone is in a room full of TV monitors watching the whole thing.
And then we go into a computer-animated main title, combining Hebrew, English, and some “futuristic” geometric drawings and such. But what struck me most here was the music. It sounded very, very cheap. Seriously, it came across as (and probably was) someone playing an improvised riff on a $100 Casio keyboard, recording it, and saying, “Here’s your main theme.” Yeah, that bad. And the title comes up. Five minutes in, and I’m on page five. It’s gonna be a very bumpy night, and, I suspect, a very long review.
We go to what looks like a studio backlot with some trailers parked along one side. A TV reporter gives some clunky expo, revealing that this is the main studio for the Alexander Satellite Network. And then we go inside a studio, where a pretty talk-show hostess (Catherine Oxenberg) is introducing her latest guest, “world-renowned” motivational speaker Dr. Gillen Lane (Casper Van Dien). And Gillen rushes out on to the stage, whooping and cheering and jumping over the couch before sitting down on it. Um, right. World-famous Ph.D., huh? Tom Cruise did this about six years later. Didn’t help his career any, did it, Doc?
This is the first of many long side trips. Around this point, the music credit comes up. Harry Manfredini. Uh oh! My heart sank when I was watching this in the theater, and I realized I’d made a mistake in buying the ticket. Manfredini may be a good musician away from the silver screen; I don’t know. But I have yet to see a movie he’s scored that’s actually good. No wonder that opening sting was so cheesy. Remember, this is the guy who wrote that dopey “ch-ch-ch-ha-ha-ha” bit for the Friday the 13th movies. Didn’t scare me the first time I heard it, doesn’t scare me now. And even when his score is decent on paper, it sounds bad in the performance. I suspect he comes relatively cheap, which is why he gets plenty of work in grade-Z movies. Seriously, let’s say you want a really big-sounding score for your movie, but you just don’t have the budget to hire, say, James Horner. What do you do? If you’re a clever director, you will do one of two things: (1) You will show your movie to a name composer and hope they’ll like the movie well enough to forego their usual fee. This worked in the case of the aforementioned, Spitfire Grill. $6 million budget, and they got — yep — James Horner. Alternately, (2) you will look for a young, talented unknown composer who’s hungry to make a good impression. And if you’re lucky, that talented unknown will be a young John Ottman, Patrick Doyle, or (hey, I beat up on him when writing about Beyond Borders, so here’s a friendly wave) James Horner. But my impression about Manfredini is that he doesn’t even try anymore. He just dashes something off, hands it in, and collects a paycheck. More power to him. But going on what I know, I’d like to introduce The Manfredini Rule™: if you see Harry Manfredini’s name in the opening credits, get up and walk out of the theater. Get your money back or a free pass if you can. At the worst, you’ll save yourself a 90 minute headache.
So, after Gillen’s done lookin’ stupid, Talk Show Babe gives him a mild chiding for his behavior. He responds with a truly lame joke that gets a rim shot from the in-house band. I’m deadly serious; a literal rim shot. Casper Van Dien acts like he’s had three pots of coffee here. But Talk Show Babe steers the conversation — very quickly — to Gillen’s studies on the Bible Code.
Aw, crikey, I’m sorry. Another side trip (and a visit from Future Brad). Around here, the writers, producers, and director come up. Never heard of the writers or the director, though one of the producers rings a bell: Matthew Crouch. Paul Crouch’s son. And then something crazy pops up. After the director’s credit, we see “Executive Producer: Paul Crouch.” Okay, this is unheard of. Even in movies where the producer has the most creative control — think Joel Silver or Jerry Bruckheimer — the director gets the final credit. So why does this one not follow that rule? Well, a look in the production notes in the DVD Speshul Feechurs tells all: the writers and the director were employees at TBN. High-level, but employees nonetheless. In other words, Crouch could do whatever he wanted to do, since he was putting up the money for this thing. And his considerable ego dictated that he get the last credit. (He probably never thought about the possibility of taking the blame if this movie turned out to be a dog.) I wasn’t familiar with Paul Crouch at the time; I didn’t realize he was the guy with the goofy mustache, whose wife had the cotton-candy hair. I know a little more about him now, and what I gather about him ain’t good. Even without that hindsight, seeing an Executive Producer credit after the Director caused me to sink deeper into my seat. Why didn’t I leave right then? I still don’t know. Okay, I will try to keep on point from here on. I’ll try.
Anyway, TSB mentions Rabbi Rostenberg’s murder; yep, that was the guy Michael Ironside ventilated at the beginning. Gillen knew him, but his attempt to show sympathy isn’t just insincere; it’s pathetic. He’s been on screen for two minutes, and already I don’t like him. TSB asks Gillen to explain to her studio audience (and us dummies in the REAL audience) what the Bible Code is. Long story short: it’s a series of hidden messages in the Torah that predict the future. Oh, it’s more involved than that, as Gillen tells the audience, jumping over the couch again to show them a TV monitor that displays how this Bible Code is supposed to work. Seriously, did Cruise get his Oprah bit from this movie? For what it’s worth, TSB clearly has to fight to keep from rolling her eyes at this schlub. Gillen gets all breathless, telling of all of the predictions the Bible Code has made so far, finishing with Princess Diana’s death! O-o-o-okay, whatever you say, champ. (Excuse me while I turn to hide my laughter.) Gillen, in the same breathless tone, adds that Rostenberg believed that the Bible was “a holographic computer program.” This may be worth sitting through, after all. Man, I wish those boys at MST3K took a crack at this thing. I wonder if I should write them and suggest they do a Rifftrax on this baby.
TSB then asks Gillen how he can believe in this “Bible Code” and not believe in the Bible. Very good question, I gotta admit. After all, I’m a Christian, and I’m already writing this Bible Code stuff off as more work from that Italian beauty Alotta Baloni. Any skeptics or non-believers can confirm or deny this: if you don’t believe in religion, you’re probably going to give anything that suggests the supernatural a sideways look. Anyway, after TSB asks him that, Gillen makes a sarcastic reference to the children’s hymn “Jesus Loves Me,” then flashes back in a couple of shock cuts (oooooh! Artsy!) to brief shots of his mother. He reveals he stopped believing in God after his mom died in a car wreck when he was ten. Okay, I buy someone’s faith being shaken by something like this. But Van Dien is over the top here; the guy acts less like a world-famous Ph.D. and more like a mental patient. Besides that, he hasn’t answered the question as to why he would believe in a kooky thing like the “Bible Code,” which, again, strikes me as being along the lines of Nostradamus’s predictions: they were so vague you could interpret them to mean anything, and therefore they were always “right.” But this inconsistency is glossed over.
Hmmmmm. Lemme see. Hero doesn’t believe in God, and this movie was produced by TBN. So, he’s gonna go up against a villain who turns out to be the Antichrist, and he will find his faith once again before the movie ends! How’s THAT for a prediction, Mr. Doubting Gillen?
Oh, we hear Talk Show Babe’s real name: Cassandra. And Gillen goes into overcooked ham mode again.
Meanwhile.... In a computer room somewhere, a programmer pops in the CD Michael took off Old Scholar. There’s some generic computer-y stuff on screen, then the programmer tells someone off screen that the code is incomplete: the scholar’s last page is missing. His boss tells him they need to find the two men in the alley. The computer starts sending its display of Hebrew type into a spiral (literally), while trying to look all futuristic and technological and stuff. The program apparently works without the final page. Um, okay. And it shows the first message: “REBIRTH OF EMPIRE BEGINS.”
Now it’s off to Rome. A subtitle tells us we’re in Rome... two seconds before we see the Coliseum. Man, you can’t make up stuff this good. *snicker* We see several people going in and out of some sort of meeting, and a dubbed in voice of a reporter tells us it’s Stone Alexander’s annual charity gala. The reporter then says, “And here comes the world-famous globe-trotting Dr. Gillen Lane.” Note that she says it before Gillen gets out of his car, and it’s doubtful she’d recognize him before he got close to her. Oopsy. After Gillen gives his sound bite (saying nothing, and acting it badly, natch), the reporter tells the audience (and this is a direct quote), “Alexander, the beloved media mogul turned political dynamo, has recently been named Chairman of the European Union.” Michael York, no doubt, will be playing Alexander. His best part in a long time was as Basil Exposition in the Austin Powers series. Now we have a minor character doing a little Basil Exposition herself. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t ya think? (Warning: Dated Joke, uh, just past!) And whaddaya mean “beloved media mogul”?! Media moguls may have professional respect, but you’d need to search far and wide to find one whose personality would earn an adjective like “beloved.” Hmmmmm, Chairman of the European Union? Beloved media mogul? Well-loved and respected by the world? Gasp! I believe we have a potential Antichrist here! The way the filmmakers are telegraphing things here, it almost hurts me — almost — to tell them that stuff like telephones, cell phones, and the internet have been invented.
Uh oh, Michael Ironside’s at the party. Bum bum BUM! He’s smoking a cigarette! That dastardly villain! Hold that thought, cuz there he is, the man of the hour, Alexander himself, beaming a beatific smile at his audience. He begins the charity auction with the line, “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your money!” Oooooh. Not so subtle, guys. Us dummies in the audience won’t get it if’n ya don’t hit us over the head with a two-by-four. I am writing this review with the benefit of hindsight, having seen this monstrosity nearly eight years ago (and having the mental scars to prove it). But most of what I say here went through my mind when I was in that theater. Much of this movie will fall prey to the Ed Wood Syndrome: the filmmakers will think they’re making the next Citizen Kane, having nary a clue they’re churning out a 100-minute bad joke. But from time to time, one catches a whiff of contempt for the audience on the part of the director and (especially) executive producer. A pretty strong whiff just went through the room. (Please, no cheap jokes. Leave that to me.)
Alexander gives the podium to a Princess of some sort (I’m not gonna bother going back to check her name). We have a quick shot to show that Cassandra is also in the audience; whutta co-inky-dink, eh? Anyway, Pretty Princess gives a speech praising Alexander, noting that one of his many corporations has produced a new inexpensive wafer that can satisfy people’s hunger and nutritional needs for a full day. (snicker) (snerk) (snort) Aw, c’mon, say it with me, you know you want to! It’s made of PEOPL-L-L-L-LE!!! Then Pretty Princess praises his efforts at creating a new water desalinization process, as Alexander holds up a big plastic bottle that looks like a knockoff of Evian. Finally, she gives him the UN’s Humanitarian of the Year Award. Laying it on with a trowel, aren’t we. And Michael Ironside looks at Alexander, looks at Gillen, looks back at Alexander, and glowers and looks mean (which, admittedly, Michael Ironside can do quite effectively). Anyway, speech time’s over, and Gillen approaches Alexander. Michael Ironside gets between them, but Alexander waves him off, revealing that (1) the guy’s name is Dominic, and (2) he is (gasp!) Alexander’s personal assistant and bodyguard! Bum bum BUM!!! We learn that Cassandra’s last name is Barashe (helpful to know, I guess) and that she and Alexander aren’t strangers. The meeting goes nowhere, and Alexander brushes Gillen off (and I wondered why it was so urgent for Gillen to meet our boy Stone). Gillen tries to follow him, but Dominic gives him a mean look, and Gillen gets the message. Yeah, Michael Ironside will be one of the few bright spots in this thing. He’s had, I think, all of three words of dialogue, and he’s the most interesting character we’ve seen, by a long shot. After they’ve gone, Cassandra does some Basil Expositioning, telling us that Dominic used to be a priest. Then the strap on her blouse conveniently breaks (and it is painfully obvious that Cassandra — or Catherine Oxenberg — reached into her jacket and pulled the strap loose), and Gillen uses the pin for his name tag to repair it (question: would this work?). More Clunky Expo: Gillen is married, but he and his wife are separated. Cassandra gives him some mild criticism about his motivational speaking tapes; apparently, she doesn’t like them. Uh huh. But she does like Gillen; it’s obvious she’s flirting with him. Normally, this wouldn’t be a serious problem. Remember, though, TBN is supposedly a fundamentalist Christian group. Cassandra’s flirting with a married man, however light or playful, can only mean one thing: she’s EE-VILL!!! Please refer back to my comments on subtlety and two-by fours. Now that the scene is done, she walks away, and Gillen’s name tag prominent (and I do mean prominent, as in the filmmakers shove our faces in it) on the strap of her blouse. Please go back two sentences (subtlety, 2x4’s) and read it again. Gillen walks over to the horse that’s being auctioned off, and I noticed a significant change in the light. Earlier, it looked like mid-afternoon; now, apparently a few minutes later, it’s dusk. More on the cinematography later. For right now, the horse’s eye’s seem to glow, and the screen goes into a sort of solarized negative image that would be right at home on an episode of Doctor Who (the old series, with Tom Baker as The Doctor).
The word processor says we’re now on page 11. We’re fourteen minutes into the movie. This was when I realized this review would be an epic.
We go back to the computer room, where the computer keys up a new translation: “SINGLE LANE LEADS THE WAY” as the laser printer gives a hard copy of the same text in Hebrew and English (and it doesn’t look all that much more sophisticated than the stuff I used to print out on my old dot-matrix printer using Brøderbund’s The Print Shop for the Apple II). Oh, right right right! I get it! Gillen is single now, as in separated from his wife, and he’ll be “leading the way” for the rest of the world — no doubt guided by the EE-VILL hand of Mr. Stone Alexander himself! Wow, these guys are profound, aren’t they. I’ll get back to the exact wording of this message in time.
Now we go to Los Angeles, where Gillen shoots pool with his father-in law. The fact that the older guy is his father-in-law is the only thing that’s not Basil Expositioned to the audience. Let’s see, father-in law wasn’t aware that Gillen and his wife Jennifer were having problems (close-knit family ya got there, pop; your daughter didn’t tell you her husband filed for divorce??), he’s a Senator, he wishes Gillen had spent more time with his family, he doesn’t care for the great Stone Alexander, Gillen helped “empower” him to his election (whatever that means). I looked up the actor playing father-in-law. His name is George Coe, and he’s one of those guys you’ve seen many times before, popping up on TV or in small parts in movies. He acts like he’s not putting any effort into his performance here, just going through the motions. Can’t blame him. Of course, Casper Van Dien overacts every moment he’s on screen. Casper Van Dien overacting. Scary thought, isn’t it. Dad-In-Law and his wife spell it out for us: they’ve been married for 32 years by “sticking it out, no matter what.” Sheesh, layin’ it on thick again, aren’t we. And this came across to me as manipulative. They’re Gillen’s wife’s parents, not Gillen’s. It wouldn’t be a problem if they acknowledged they were putting their daughter first (which is absolutely right), but by never mentioning this fact, they dent their credibility a bit. Well, I’m giving this one a pass, since Gillen seems to be very close to them, at least on paper (Casper Van Dien doesn’t give that impression, though). After Mom-In-Law has left the two guys alone, Gillen tells Dad-In-Law he’s been seeing “visions.” Dad In-Law tries to laugh it off, tells Gillen he should take another look at his beliefs (more subtlety, I see). And he’s right. If Gillen is seeing things, he would logically rethink his religion, or lack thereof. That or talk to a shrink. Gillen is just a lee-dle too dense to work this out himself, you see. Then DIL steers back to advising Gillen to patch things up with his wife. Again, this sounds more manipulative than noble.
Now we go back to “ALEXANDER’S CASTLE, ROME.” Alexander is in a media room, watching one of those multi-TV walls that are always in media mogul’s inner sanctums in movies like this. Dominic comes in, and they have a little chat which says practically nothing, but lets us know Alexander wants to know more about our Gillen.
Speaking of whom.... Sappy music plays in the background as Gillen goes to his wife’s house. He has a rose for her and a birthday present for his little daughter. The daughter is seven or eight, I’d guess; I noticed there were a couple of “Happy Birthday” banners in the house and several presents and party hats on the table... but no other party guests, and nothing like cake or soft drinks or anything. File this one under bad set decoration. Gillen and the kid have a “heartwarming” jokey greeting, then Jennifer pops in and says, rather coldly, “If you loved me half as much as you loved her, we’d have a heck of a marriage.” She continues to chide him, citing the affection he shows the kid, and the simple “hi” he gives her. Um, lady, it’s bad form to start a marital argument in front of your daughter when she’s about to open birthday presents. Then Gillen tells her he got a teaching job nearby so he can be with them full-time. They kiss, and the little kid just beams with joy, as the sappy music swells. (No, I’m not exaggerating here.) Uh, didn’t Gillen file for divorce? If he did, then he needs to do more than this to patch things up. And if he didn’t, Jennifer needs to do her share to make the marriage work. I’ve never been married, and even I can tell it takes a lot of work to get through rough spots; it’s nowhere near as simple as portrayed here. Well, the marriage won’t be front and center in this movie. Remember, Catherine Oxenberg got the high billing, not the actress playing Jennifer. And while Jennifer is, in all honesty, no more bland than Cassandra, Cassandra has the sexy British accent to make her more interesting. Theoretically, anyway.
Dissolve to some time later, not exactly sure how long. Gillen is teaching, and he’s doing his old question-religion schtick (I’m not going to go into the politics-in-colleges stuff right now, but I would like to ask, What course is this?). And looky here, Dominic’s at the door, listening in! Afterward, Gillen’s in the hall, signing his students’ books (!) when Dominic comes in and offers Gillen an invitation to a sit-down with Alexander, at some sort of diplomatic conference. Gillen turns it down. Y’know, Dominic, it might be helpful for you to adopt a civil tone and not sound like the mean jerk at a time like this. I’ll assume Michael Ironside had figured by now that it wasn’t worth the effort (kinda like DIL).
More from the computer, and another goofy printout is spit from the printer: “HOUSES OF ISAAC AND ISHMAEL TORN IN TERROR.” Computer guy gives this to Alexander, interpreting it to mean a synagogue and a mosque will get hit. Alexander tells him to get on the horn to some lackeys and start “the Jerusalem plan.” Oh, joy.
What is this “Jerusalem plan” exactly? Why, set a bomb in a synagogue and blame the Palestinians, then set a bomb at a mosque (namely, the Dome of the Rock) and blame the Israelis. I won’t go into the politics here; this review’s already gonna be way too long. The very very short version is, I rolled my eyes when seeing this in 1999; today, I find this unbelievably simplistic take on Middle East conflicts to be offensive. |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2007 : 10:58:15 PM
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That night, Cassandra is with a news crew in Jerusal— Hey, whoa, hold on! I thought she was a talk show host! You don’t see Oprah turning into a globe-trotting reporter! Ah, forget it, it’s not the goofiest part of this movie anyway. So, they’re setting up the shot, and Cassandra asks the cameraman if she’s “framed” properly. Oh, I get it! Framed! How clever! Give yourself a pat on the back for that, writers! Oh, they’re doing it already. So, right after she says that, what happens? Yep. The Dome blows up. Actually, an unreasonable facsimile of the Dome blows up. A moment later, when Cassandra breaks the news to the world, we see the Dome, heavily damaged by the blast but still there; when it blew, it was clear the whole thing went up. Continuity, folks. Con-tin-u-i-ty. As she’s reporting on this, the synagogue goes up. Gillen and his family watch at home, and Gillen juts his jaw and looks intense.
The cameraman was killed in the blast, but Cassandra was just knocked out. She’s fished out of the rubble by— oh, nice to see you guys again! It’s them two angels! So, is she one of the Good Guys after all? Anyway, they have a message for her to carry, but they don’t reveal it to us. Can’t spoil the big surprise, you see.
Now it’s a week later. The Middle East has gone completely haywire (and that differs from the norm in what way?), and Alexander is trying to step in and find a way to solve this problem without a lot of killin’. Keep dreaming, pal, this stuff’s been going on for, what, fifty years now? And that’s just post-World War II.
Anyway, Gillen’s reconsidering talking to Alexander. Big surprise here, Jennifer ain’t happy about that, and she tells him off. Seems seeing all the carnage in Jerusalem has convinced Gillen he can do more good over there. Ya know, if Jennifer were a little smarter, she would ask Gillen exactly what he intends to accomplish on the world stage. After all, from what we can gather, he knows zilch about diplomacy or world politics; he’s a motivational speaker, not an ambassador! This little fact flies right by Gillen. Gillen tells her, and himself, that it’ll only be for a week. Yeah, and the check’s in the mail, and no, that outfit doesn’t make you look fat, and of course I love passing up seeing Heat to watch Crimes of the Heart with you, honey!
So, we bop on back to an establishing shot of Alexander’s castle. Then we’re back in Alexander’s office. It’s here that I realized that the logo for Alexander’s network resembles a pentagram. The filmmakers’ cleverness knows no bounds. Dominic reports to Alexander that Israel is ready to tell him to stick his diplomatic deal where the sun don’t shine, calling his terms “unreasonable.” And at this very moment, Gillen appears, saying, “Tell them it’s unreasonable people who shape the world.” Um, is this his contribution? I remember a line from the original Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy radio play: “Very deep. You should send that to Reader’s Digest. They have a page for people like you.” But in this movie, that’s what passes for deep-thinking politics and philosophy, all rolled into one. Dominic belittles Gillen, and he’s right. But Stone likes the way Gillen thinks. And I roll my eyes. Stone dismisses Dominic. Y’know, all in all, Dominic would be a better villain than Stone; he’s leaner, he’s meaner, he’s smarter... and he’s played by a better actor. Ah well, whaddaya gonna do?
So, Stone and Gillen have a brief tete-a-tete, where Stone reveals that he thinks the world is “too independent.” He also reveals that his reasoning could be cracked by a high school student who paid attention in History class. But Gillen is swept along, thinking this is a great man. Gillen is all behind the idea of our boy Stone becoming a great world leader, a “new Caesar.” Um, yeah, okay. There are two things more stilted than the dialogue here: Van Dien’s performance and York’s performance. So, it looks like Alexander’s gonna take Gillen under his wing and be his mentor. Apparently, York did likewise with Van Dien. An overcooked ham training a wooden overcooked ham. Alexander has some wine brought in, from his own vineyard. He reveals that his father was a drunken lout who abused him and his momma. Well, now we have his backstory. [Future Brad: well, almost. We’ll get a little more Clunky Expo on Alexander in a while.]
And the printer ejects another goofy printout: “CORNERSTONE LAYS FOUNDATION.” Whoa whoa whoa. Let’s look at this. “CornerSTONE”? “Single LANE”? Okay, the Bible is supposed to be the Word of God made manifest, right? No problem. And I buy God foreseeing the rise of the English language, computer technology, and goofy printouts. I do not buy the idea that God has a weakness for puns that would make Rocky and Bullwinkle cringe. Sheesh!
Later that night, Gillen calls home and leaves a message (and Jennifer sits by the phone, listening): Alexander has offered him the job of Minister of Information. Minister of Information? Man oh man, that title isn’t transparent, is it. The fact that Gillen doesn’t read something EE-vill into this tells me our world-renowned Ph.D. is a dope of the highest order. Anyway, he’s leaving his wife and daughter to go on a goodwill tour, and his tone of voice makes it clear: he doesn’t care that he’s leaving his family behind. Here’s some advice for Jen: dump that loser. And to the filmmakers: your movie can have a flawed hero, a tragic hero, a hurting and embittered hero, even an antihero. But it’s kinda nice to see something, you know, heroic, SOMEWHERE in your guy’s make-up. Anything. Even if your audience doesn’t always LIKE your hero, they have to CARE about him. Gillen has none of that. Nothing. Zip. Anyway, Alexander comes up and tells Gillen to let his family go, it’s for the greater good. He sounds incredibly insincere here; the fact that Gillen buys this line is another mark against him. Audiences don’t like heroes who are complete morons. Nor should they.
Now we go to a montage of stock footage as reporters are dubbed in, informing us that Stone and Gillen are going on a world goodwill tour, trying to spread “peace and unity.” People start to get happy! Third-world nations are starting to develop! The stock market takes a jump up! Ah, yes, Stone’s dream of a one-world government is coming true. Aw, don’t tell me you don’t see this coming. Oh, and in Jerusalem, them two pesky angels are starting to warn people that The End Of The World Is Nigh. I was wondering, what are these two trying to accomplish? They haven’t actually done much of anything since they showed up. And I’m beginning to suspect that “message for Cassandra to carry” will be dropped from the story entirely. Gillen denies the two angels’ claims while at a “world unified religion” conference (or some such thing) at the Vatican (and the stock footage of the Vatican is in poor shape), then says he will rest at Casa Del Alexander after the tour is over. So much for the wife, and for that daughter Jennifer seemed jealous of.
While relaxin’, Gillen gets a call. It’s Computer Guy, begging him to stop the top secret Mideast summit that’s coming up. He has information about what’s really going on, he knows about Rostenberg’s program (d’you remember Rostenberg?), and he tells Gillen to meet him at 2:00 the next day. What do you think the odds are this guy will be pushing up the daisies by 2:01?
So, the next afternoon, Gillen goes to the meeting place, a large plaza where... uh, something is going on. Hard to say, there are clowns there and a fire eater, and some organ grinders, and lots of extras, but there are no stands or tents or anything. Lemme guess: one of these “performers” is gonna be the guy who does our Computer Geek turned informant in. And there he is, ladies and germs, Geeky himself, looking nervous. And our man Stone is somewhere in the crowd, glad-handing a couple of civilians. We see a clown dressed in a red plaid get-up, and a musical sting plays. There’s our shooter, boys and girls! And finally we see Gillen looking around, wondering which one of these extras he’s supposed to meet. While he’s looking, we hear a voiceover flashback: Gillen told Alexander about this weird caller. I rolled my eyes again here. Gillen, you putz. Of course, he doesn’t get all the blame; after all, Computer Guy could have made the effort and told Gillen not to tell anyone about this! Yes, we have two, count ’em, two morons for the price of one! Gillen and Computer Guy are startled (but the audience isn’t) by what sounds like a gunshot. Ha, ha, false alarm, it was just a balloon popping. Lemme check my watch; Computer Geek will get shot, collect his paycheck, and hop on outta this movie in about fifteen seconds. Computer Guy spots Gillen, pulls out a piece of paper (that last page the old scholar hid, I assume, though who knows how this guy got hold of it), gives it to Gillen... and Red Plaid Clown shoots him. Fourteen seconds! I win! Just in case we don’t have the sense to figure it out, Dominic watches from afar, through an ee-vill pair of binoculars, smoking an ee-vill cigarette, and giving himself an ee-vill smirk.
So, Gillen takes the piece of paper back to Alexander. Looks like I was wrong; it wasn’t Rostenberg’s last page. It was another dopey print-out, reading “WILD SIBLINGS TAMED BY BEAST.” Gillen says it can’t be a co-inky-dink; he used those same words earlier when describing what Alexander was trying to do. Ooo, ooo, I get it! Wild siblings! Israel and Palestine! Tamed by Beast! Stone, the Antichrist! Do I get a gold star? Stone says he thinks someone’s trying to sabotage the upcoming peace conference (but WE all know that he knows more than he’s telling, right, kiddies?), and we hope back down to Jerusalem.
At the conference, the Israelis and the Arabs sit on either side of a long table. The Isrealis all wear three-piece suits; the Arabs wear the same, but they all wear turbans. Well, sorta. They look more like pieces of tablecloth. No, that wasn’t a joke. Of course, neither side wants to give an inch (and they say this, loudly), until Gillen and Alexander come in. Gillen gives some generic can’t-we-all-get-along words, not one of them sounding sincere. Now it’s Stone’s turn. But before he begins, we....
Cut to after the summit. Alexander announces both sides have signed a seven-year peace treaty; no more fighting, Palestine is recognized as a state, and Alexander will pay for the rebuilding of the mosque and synagogue... side by side.
Yeah right.
The reason they didn’t show the summit itself is simple. The filmmakers had no way to make it look believable. Just show us what comes after, and hope the audience will buy it. Well, I didn’t. And as for this “seven-year peace,” I’ve heard it all in Sunday school. This isn’t a sermon; it’s a movie. Ever hear of that, Messrs. Crouch? How about you, Mr. Director? Writers? Anyone? Yes, Mr. Ironside, I know you know the difference, which is why I’ve gone easy on you here.
Where was I? Okay. By the way, Cassandra is one of the reporters covering the press conference. Well, I was wrong again. Cassandra goes to Gillen after the conference and tells him his life is in danger; the two “prophets” (I still calls ’em angels) gave her a message for him, to follow the pages of blood. Took you long enough to get that little tidbit to him, didn’t it, girl. Gillen’s response is the one really good line I’ve heard so far in the movie: “You sure it wasn’t the butler in the conservatory with the candlestick?” Van Dien doesn’t pull the line off, but the line itself is kinda funny. It still makes Gillen look like a jerk, and considering that he just witnessed a guy get murdered in a James-Bond-y way, you’d think that he’d at least give a tiny bit of weight to Cassandra’s warning. Not too much, though; maybe God Works In Mysterious Ways, but I think if He sent an angel to deliver a direct warning, it wouldn’t be “follow the pages of blood.” It’d be, “Take a long, hard look at your employer, bub.”
Ah, it’s back to that crazy old printer again! It spits out the message: “TEN HORNS UNITE FOR WORLD PEACE” as a voiceover tells us Alexander has organized a ten-zone “world unity project” while giving the world that water processing plan and the endless supplies of Soylent Green. Oh, and he gives the world some device that can make nukes harmless. I’m sure this will be a plot point somewhere, but you never know. Don’t think too hard on it, lest your brain explode. We hear about this “world union” pretty much taking over all countries, while two political pundits argue over whether this is a good thing or not; I wondered if anyone involved in this movie had even seen an episode of, say, Crossfire, before showing us these yokels.
And the printer spits out another one of those blasted print-outs! Keep ’em coming, printer! I need more toilet paper, and Sheryl Crow will only let me use one square at a time! (Now THERE’s a joke that won’t date!) The message this time? “AROMA OF EDEN ENCHANTS AIR 3 1/2 YEARS.” Actually, “ENCHANTS” is hyphenated, as it appears at the end of a line. Was someone trying to make this look bad? Look at any computer type with a large font, and you’ll see why that word wouldn’t be separated at the end of the line unless someone specifically told the program to print that way. Ay yi yi! Okay, so we’ll have 42 months of paradise on Earth, then all Hell will literally start to break loose. I remember a message that the printer will spit out later on, and I’ll wait until then to really unload on this whole “Bible Code prophecy” set-up.
So, three years pass, and world peace reigns. We get that through a couple of shots of construction of the two temples and another reporter’s voice over. Filmmakers, you really should’ve set your sights lower. You didn’t have the budget for this sort of thing, and your director obviously wasn’t good at stretching a dollar. Oh, and we hear a report that those two “prophets” are still in Jerusalem, saying The End Is Near. Not doing much, are they. Just standin’ and preachin’. Kinda like Paul Crouch, eh? Hee hee hee.
In Alexander’s castle, Dominic watches the reports on TV then turns to face the camera. And, uh, that’s it. God bless Michael Ironside. He doesn’t stretch any acting muscles in this movie, but I got the feeling he was at least trying to inject a scrap of dignity into the proceedings. And when he realized it was tilting at windmills (such as in this shot), he at least had the good manners to look embarrassed.
On the plane back to Casa Alexander, Gillen has another, uh, vision. A few flashes of graves (I think) and religious imagery (I think), then the computer room. And he wakes up to see Alexander sitting across from his seat, giving him a weird smile. Was there some sort of gay subtext worked into Alexander’s character? Last I heard, TBN claims to be quite fundamentalist. Guys, you may as well spell it out; you’ve spelled out everything else in this movie in CAPITAL LETTERS! Wouldn’t it be funny, though, if the filmmakers didn’t realize the impression that weird smile on Stone’s face would make? You know what? It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that was the case with this bunch.
That night, Gillem’s washing up, and the image of a hooded monk appears in his mirror, but he doesn’t notice. Excuse me? Isn’t the point of visions that you actually, you know, see them?! Stupid movie. Now he goes to his window and has another vision. Same as before, but we see a close-up of the printer, showing a page stained with blood.* Just in case we don’t get it, we hear a flashback of Cassandra’s message.
*[Just for grins ’n’ giggles, I freeze-framed the image of the printer so I could see the message printed out. “DOMINIC SHALL HE BE THE PROPHET?” Huh?! Keep this in mind for that breakdown of this movie’s “prophecies” I’ll go into shortly.]
Gillen goes into the courtyard outside, noticing several statues that looked like the ones in his, uh, visions. Then he sees a “secret” door that I could have found with my glasses off.... and my vision’s 20/200 at best. The door leads to a long stone hallway (or is that “Stone’s hallway”? Ha ha, I’m such a comedian!) ending in a double door that leads to.... Bum bum BUM! The computer lab! Amazing that no one thought to post a GUARD here! For that matter, the door doesn’t a card reader or keypad entry; it doesn’t even have a lock! It’s even more amazing that no one bothered to put away the notebook containing all them printouts! I’d want to have a talk with Dominic about this; after all, wouldn’t he be the logical choice for a security director around here? Gillen starts reading the messages. The first one is “STONE’S PURE WATER SUPPLIES WORLD” with some chemical formulas that look like they were copied from a high school textbook). Then there’s that one about the “single Lane”.
Meantime, Alexander and Dominic are waging a weird philosophical debate, about free will versus fate, I think. It’s the sort of thing the Peanuts gang could work out on the pitcher’s mound without breaking a sweat, but the filmmakers obviously thought this was a Really Deep Discussion. The bottom line: Alexander is having second thoughts about all of his success, while Dominic tells him to just “trust the code.” Alexander feels like someone’s using him as a puppet. Gee, Stone, it’s a wee bit late to think about something like this isn’t it? Should I repeat it? Well, I will. Of the two Michaels, Ironside acts circles around York without having to strain himself.
Uh oh, save the debate for later, gentlemen, because I see the security cams picking up Gillem reading all about your ee-vill plans! Dominic mutters, “Son of a....” then books it down to the computer lab, Alexander following close behind, while I take yet another side trip.
It’s the mark of a Jabootu movie that it can take what should be an asset and screws it up. Here is an example. I have seen many an excellent movie marred by an excess of profanity. There are lots of films that I’ve watched and loved (and a few of them are in my DVD collection), but I’ve often thought to myself, “They didn’t need quite this much swearing in this thing.” Now, I’m no prude, and I understand that sometimes swearing can be put to good use in a film, just like sex or violence. Glengarry Glen Ross loses a lot when you take out the language, and can anyone imagine Joe Pesci in Goodfellas not dropping the f-bomb every ten seconds? But the former was written by David Mamet, and the latter was co-written and directed by Martin Scorsese. To all aspiring screenwriters: unless you can write at these guys’ level, let’s watch the mouth, okay?
The Omega Code has done one thing fairly admirable here. It has gone all this time without a single vulgarity. The harshest word uttered has been “damned,” and Stone used it in the old sense, as in “condemned.” Not bad. But here, the movie throws that advantage away, by calling attention to it. I can be pretty certain that Dominic would not break off before getting to the wordy-dird; he’d shout it out loud. Of course, the movie could’ve bypassed this by not having him say anything. He could’ve bolted for the door, and no one would notice he wasn’t swearin’ a blue streak. But he started to swear, then stopped. And now the movie’s showing off, which kills the effect very quickly. Nice job, fellas. Still, in keeping with the spirit of things, I hereby vow to keep this review cuss-word free. I know, I’m calling attention to it, too, but at least I’m being honest about it. It won’t be easy watching the mouth, though: I’m thinking of a particular word that can describe 99% of what we’ve seen so far; it’s synonymous with “fertilizer.” Okay, back to the story. (Groan.)
Gillen sees Dominic’s shadow outside and hides behind a computer bank. Dominic comes in, chambers a bullet in his gun, and does the old we-know you’re-here bit. Oh yeah, his gun still has that stupid laser sight, which again would be unnecessary in such close quarters. Gillen makes a half witted attempt to get out, but Dominic spots him easily. He’s got Gillen dead to rights when Alexander comes in and tells everyone to calm down. He then tries to sweet-talk Gillen, using flattery made to sound like “reason.” Well, for once Stone’s smarter than Dominic: this soft-soap routine could actually work with someone as gullible as our Dr. Lane. And Michael York almost makes it believable (a better actor would be able to finish the job). Uh oh, he makes one tiny widdle mistake: during his let’s-be-reasonable spiel, he tells Gillen, “You’ll be my prophet.” Dominic says, “You said I was supposed to be your prophet!” Then he goes ber ZERK, firing off his pistol three or four times. Gillen gets away unhurt, but Stone takes a bullet to the head.
Thud.
I can’t believe it. I wanted to weep with joy! At last, this movie has given us an honest-to-goodness plot twist! I truly didn’t see this one coming: the killing off of the main villain. And now, hopefully, we’ll have a real villain in Dominic, who’s much tougher. (Okay, right now I’m speaking what I thought when I first saw the movie. Let me give something away right now: in a few minutes, this “plot twist” will collapse like a loaf of homemade bread with too much salt in the mix.)
Even now, though, my heart sank. This one surprise in the movie has two serious drawbacks. First of all, that whole “I thought I was your prophet” thingy. It’s hard to tell which one of these two is dumber: Dominic for believing that Alexander was gonna make him his “prophet” (his term for spin doctor, a job that a glowering, scowling guy like Dominic could never fill), or Alexander for spilling the beans that he was planning to stab his right-hand man in the back right in front of the guy — knowing that the guy is a cold-blooded killer and has an automatic in his hand! Of course, it could be the other way around: Alexander could be planning on stabbing Gillen in the back. But then we’d have to weigh Stone’s choice to make Dominic — Mr. Warmth himself — his spokesman against Dominic’s popping his cork at the worst possible time. Whatever these guys were thinking, the end result is the same: if Batjerk and Wondermutt here were the worst old Beelzebub could throw our way, we’d be in pretty good shape.
What’s the second drawback? Wouldn’t ya know it. The computer cranks out another prophecy: “BLOOD POURS FROM STONE — WORLD WONDERS.”
Okay, now at long last, I’m gonna put this Bible Code business to rest, at least where this movie’s concerned. These stupid pages have been shooting out of the printer for nearly fifty minutes, and you’d never be able to convince me that they had anything to do with real prophecies, real Hand of God, real anything.
First of all, there’s that stupid trick of falling on bad puns. “Blood pours from Stone” is the worst. No need to go further with this.
Second, it’s amusing to see these prophecies shoot out of the computer right before some big event happen (when it’s too late to do anything about it), or even after it happens. What kind of prophecy is this?! In one of his early routines, Bill Cosby made the joke, “Does it make any sense to put up a Dip sign two inches before you get to the dip? You may as well put it up after you hit the dip.” The joke applies here quite nicely— Oh, right right right, it’s just the translations that happen to come too late. Uh huh.
Third, once again, it’s the Nostradamus factor: the “prophecies” are so vague that they can be interpreted any way one wants (and I’ll give an idea how this could’ve worked in a moment). Oh, except for the ones that aren’t. You know, the one at the beginning telling Rostenberg he’s about to meet his maker? That one Gillen saw about Alexander’s water purification project getting worldwide acclaim?
The only explanation that makes sense to me is that the filmmakers didn’t believe in the Bible Code for a second. They just used it as a convenient plot device to move things along when the characters had nothing to do but stand around and be talking heads. That happens a lot. So the movie’s falling on its rump as a Sunday school lesson, and it bit the dust as a movie long ago. So why bother?
The funny thing is, the “Bible Code” could actually work as a plot device. Make it a red herring. Alexander plans all his dastardly deeds based on his translations of the code. The final twist could be pretty good: there was no code; Alexander was reading what he wanted to read into it. (And it could be a good way of turning Gillem’s beliefs on their ear, when he realizes that he hasn’t been seeing the forest for the trees.) Something tells me this idea never occurred to anyone making this movie; actually, just about any halfway decent idea would’ve sailed past these clowns.
I’d better get back to the movie before everyone reading this tries to force a prescription of Ritalin on me. |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2007 : 10:58:53 PM
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Where were we? Oh yes, Dominic just put a bullet through Stone’s head (why would this hurt him? There wasn’t much to damage!) and Gillen has hightailed it outta there. So, Dominic calls the guards and pins the shooting on Gillen, saying that Gillen “shot Chairman Stone.” Uh, isn’t Stone the guy’s first name, Dom? Throw another consistency onto the pile. So here come the guards, stumbling in and running around all over the place. I suppose the sequence where Gillen makes his escape is meant to be exciting. It does not excite. Instead, we’re left wondering where Dominic got these guards; they’re not too good at finding intruders or escapees. Gillen’s escape seems much too easy. I did get a laugh when a guard panned a searchlight around, and the light’s beam went “whoosh.” Seriously! While Gillen and the guards are playing Keystone Kops, Dominic loads Alexander into an ambulance and makes tracks to the hospital, telling his guys to help the police, and that he wants Gillen “dead or alive.”
And how is this manhunt shown? Three shots, each of a single police car! No joke! And a couple of shots of Gillen running down a sidewalk next to a busy street. Hey, where’s Tommy Lee Jones ordering his people to search every farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse—? Oh, right, Tommy Lee’s working on a good movie somewhere. In one shot of Gillen running, we see that he has caught up with the ambulance, which left the scene as he was beatin’ feet off the castle grounds! Who is this guy?! The Flash?!
Now Gillen’s running along a walkway outside the Coliseum (completely in the open, not something you want to do when you’re running from a murder rap). He stops and looks around, and we have some “scary” shock cuts of three or four men dressed as monks. Huh?! Oh, yeah, it’s one of his visions. But are these guys supposed to be scary? More than anything else, they reminded me of the cover of the Chant album.
Alexander is wheeled into the ER, while Dominic angrily asks his men how they could’ve let Gillen escape (and he’s right to be mad). The doctors hook Stone up to a monitor, but he’s already flatlined. No comments here; we actually have fifteen seconds in this movie that look competent.
Gillen makes his way to Cassandra’s house (letting the audience know where he is by muttering “Please be home, Cassandra”). Now, one could buy that Gillen has learned where Cassandra lives over the last three years. Maybe. But isn’t she a globe-trotting reporter? Strike that: isn’t she a globe-trotting talk-show host turned reporter? Let’s assume she has several homes, and this is one of them. Aren’t the odds against her being around incredibly steep? Apparently not, because she just so happens to pull up in her car when Gillen arrives. Anyway, Gillen tells her his side of what happened, and he adds that he saw those “pages in blood” she told him about. She believes him and promises to hide him.
Back at the hospital, the docs have pronounced Alexander dead. Dominic looks at him and says, quietly, “Bye, my friend. I’ll take it from here.” Then he’s all business again, and he goes back to work. Maybe the filmmakers wanted Dominic to look all sleazy and falsely loyal. Or maybe the vibe I got off Dominic was intentional. If so, all the credit goes to Michael Ironside. Here we see someone who made an honest mistake, and now he’s trying to make it up by continuing his boss’s work. And we see someone who seems to believe that what he’s doing is right. Ironside played this part too well. In this “Christian” thriller, the Antichrist’s top henchman (and a cold-blooded killer, to boot) has just become the most believable and sympathetic character in the whole movie! (Don’t think he’s the most sympathetic? Consider the fact that he’s the only character, and I do mean the only one, who shows the least bit of sincere emotion.)
The news of Alexander’s death breaks, and we see Gillen’s wife and daughter watching the report. The world’s reaction is shown via a single shot of people in a bar watching an offscreen TV while the reporter’s voice is dubbed in, then the worldwide manhunt is show via three shots of single police cars. I’d be tempted to cut this movie some slack here, normally. After all, they had a budget of $8 million, and this could be seen as them doing their best with what they had. So why beat up on them? Because Paul Crouch put up the money for this, dictated the budget, and dictated the storyline. Shoulda known better, Paul.
Dominic gives a statement to the press, showing that he may not be such a bad spin doctor after all. He goes too far, though, comparing Alexander to “Buddha, Christ, Mohammed, Confucius.” A media mogul? Someone would cry foul over this. During this scene, we see people in a church, then Buddhist monks in a monastery, bowing down to pictures of Alexander. We’re not laying it on thick anymore. We’re shovelling.
Gillen and Cassandra get on a plane. Note that she said she would “sneak” him on, but they get out of the car, go in plain sight to the plane, and get in. And Cassandra gives the audience some expo about what they plan to do: contact those two prophets, and then.... Well, they’re not sure what they’ll do after that. Oh, the plane has Alexander’s logo on it. Hmmmm, could Cassandra be a spy? Maybe? Gillen tells Cassandra to get “the disk.” Hey, where’d that disk come from? I guess Gillen took it when he was in the computer lab, but I never saw it. Note to Paul Crouch: next time, try to plug up plot holes like this by hiring a real screenwriter and a real director. If anyone will take the job without laughing. Anyway, Gillen and Cassandra pull out a handy laptop and put the disk in. Gillen delivers some technobabble (which sounds as made-up as the whole “Bible Code” gimmick) about what Rostenberg was doing to crack the code. It seems he had worked out a key to the code... but the last part is missing. Bum bum BUM! Wait a minute! If part of the key was missing, how come Stone and Dominic have been getting all them goofy messages? OOPS! So, Gillen and Cassandra are trying to find out what the code is saying, what all the prophecies are.
Uh oh! Bum bum BUM! Stone’s still in that hospital bed, and he’s starting to twitch! The heart monitor’s beeping again! And back in the plane, the laptop puts up its own version of the code and spits out a message: “PRINCE OF THE AIR SACRIFICED; THE SEPULCHRE RE-OCCUPIED.”
Aw, naw, ya mean we’re gonna have to endure Michael York’s brand of acting for another forty minutes?
Oh yeah, cuz he opens his eyes, and for a second, his irises are red. Kinda like David Banner when he was almost done un-Hulking out. And he rises to a sitting position and whispers, “Alexander.”
Uh, okay.
Terrific. Say it with me, everyone: Hmmmmm, could it be-e-e-e... SATAN?!?! Problem is, if I remember right, he’ll still have a lot of Stone’s memories. And Michael York’s hamminess.
Another thing. Mr. Crouch, last I recall, Satan wasn’t capable of bringing people back from the dead. (This problem cropped up in End of Days, the Schwarzenegger version of this story. End of Days wasn’t a good movie, but it ran circles around tonight’s subject.)
I said this review would be long. Remember how I thought it would be 25 pages total? I’m now on page 26, and the movie’s got forty minutes to go. Time to take a break, but before we do that, let me make something perfectly clear: I am a Christian. I’m a member of a religion whose primary text predicts, in general, the world ending as the movie describes it. And yet I’m making sarcastic remarks and snarky comments left and right. That’s how phony and unconvincing this movie is.
Add to that, the filmmaking technique is just terrible. I haven’t mentioned the director’s name: Rob Marcarelli. This was Crouch’s baby, but Marcarelli deserves a lot of the blame. It’s obvious this guy has no idea how to direct a theatrical feature. He hired Harry Manfredini to score the movie, then he approved the score (which has had cheap synthesized stings all over the place. Look up “Mickey Mousing” on Wikipedia; this movie’s score is a textbook example of that gimmick). Much of the cinematography is grainy and muddy. And even those shots that are technically competent look stagy; according to the IMDb, everything but the computer lab was shot on location, but all of the locations look like sets. If I pointed out every example, this review would be novel length by now. Also, Marcarelli has no idea how to work with actors. If he did, he might have noticed that most of his cast couldn’t be bothered to even try. We have one decent performance in here. Ironside isn’t putting much effort into his part, either, but he’s done this sort of role many times before and he’s good at it; also, one suspects he’s too much of a professional to not put a little work into it. York is a hammy mess, and Van Dien and Oxenberg are so wooden you could make furniture out of their performances. Everyone else? They spent ten minutes learning their lines, walked through their performances, and took the money and ran. It shows.
From what I remember from seeing it eight years ago, the worst is yet to come. So, rest up and come back. Mwa ha ha ha!!! |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2007 : 11:01:56 PM
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Bathroom break done? Got yer munchies and drinks? Ready to burn your eyes out once again? Ready to see what happens when a movie stops being bad and moves into the world of the surreal? Good.
Siddown.
When we left our story, Gillen and Cassandra were taking off for, I guess, Jerusalem. Meantime, dat liddle debbil Stone was turning into a great BIG debbil! And it’s back to the hospital!
Dominic comes running when he hears that Stone is alive. Funny thing is, he’s the first one in the room after Alexander wakes up, so how—? Aw, never mind. Needless to say, he’s awestruck. Stone smiles at him and says, “Hello, my friend. I’ll take it from here.” Ooooooh, SNAP! (Actually, this moment by itself wasn’t all that bad. But the unwritten rule of bad movies is, once the badness sets in, the audience will get real cynical, real fast.) Stone goes on, telling Dominic to stay in line from now on if he doesn’t want to suffer a fate worse than death. (His threat is almost as bad as saying, “I’ll make you watch The Omega Code again and again until your brain is mush.”) He proves his point by grabbing Dom’s hand and squeezing it until he nearly breaks the bones. Ah, looks like our boy Stone’s gettin’ mean. Credit to Michael Ironside, again, for his convincing portrayal of a guy who’s just had the rug pulled out from under him; also, when Alexander asks him if he’s found “the final code,” he has a look on his face that says “Uh oh; I’m toast.” (I know, I know, I’ve been praising Ironside left and right. Hey, in a movie like this, a competent and professional performance is worth all the accolades one can give. Still, I’d love to know what Ironside was thinking when he got the contract to work on this thing, and he signed on the line that was dotted.)
So Dominic bops on back to the computer lab. No, no progress on that final code, and no, Gillen ain’t been found. Crack team ya got here, Dom. Oops, here comes another message: “SEVEN HORNS BOW TO WOUNDED HEAD.” This one’s easy. Seven world leaders will knuckle under to our boy Stone, and he will rule the world! MWA HA HA HA! (And maybe he’ll get the secret formula for the Krabby Patty!)
Dominic, who must feel like a ping pong ball about now, gets back to the hospital, where Stone is channel-surfing like a madman. (Is this supposed to be significant? My stepfather does this all the time, and the only thing it serves to do is drive my mom bonkers.) Alexander gives Dominic a little philosophy — which I could’ve worked out myself when mowing the neighbors’ lawn twenty years ago — and throwing in another hint of gay bashing (and again I’m surprised the filmmakers weren’t overt). Alexander hasn’t slept in two days, nor does he need it anymore. (Caffeine patch, anyone?) He says whenever he closes his eyes, “Thoughts fill my head.” Yeah, the same thing happens to me whenever a rerun of Justice League is on the tube and Wonder Woman is on screen. Uh, erm, let’s get back to the review, shall we? (Remember: horny adolescent, hopeless adult nerd.) Anyhoo, they give the audience some details about their backstories: Dominic was a priest until the day Stone came into his confessional. Seems our boy Stone had offed his father, and still had the blood on his hands. Oh yeah, he was also hearing voices. Dominic thought that a guy who could kill his own dad could “do anything,” and left the priesthood to be Alexander’s number-one lackey. They literally recite all this for the audience. Also, Dominic gives Alexander that “Seven horns” message, and Stone gets Dom to call in the ten leaders of the world’s nations to have a meeting here in the hospital. Okay, three are gonna decline, got it. Oops, Stone pulls off his bandage to show he no longer has a head wound. Right. Good Actor Michael keeps his emotions under the surface. Hammy Actor Michael is really starting to go off the rails here; at times his tics and mannerisms make one wonder if he has a mild form of Tourette’s Syndrome. Anyway, they patch up any differences; Dominic will continue to be Alexander’s Chief Stooge. Getting all of this? There’s gonna be a test later.
Gillen and Cassandra arrive at an abandoned monastery in the Jerusalem foothills. Well, that’s what the subtitle says. Really. Awfully well-kept for an abandoned building, but there you go. Here, Gillen meets with the two angels/prophets. He asks who they are, and Jan Triska answers, “Our names are not important.” You got that right, Jan; these two are listed in the credits literally as “Prophet #1” and “Prophet #2”. And with that, we go back to the hospital room! (Forget Dominic. I’m starting to feel like a ping pong ball!)
Yep. Seven of them world leaders are there. They ask Stone how he’s doing. Fine, thank you. Oh, great Mr. Alexander, how ever did you survive a head shot? Alexander then tells them of how, while lying dead (or something), he was visited by the ghost of Alexander the Great, who told him to go back and “unite the world.” That’s the short version. I don’t have the heart to give the full speech, sorry, it’s just too painful. The world leaders look at each other with dismay and pity; the great Stone Alexander may have miraculously survived that shot, but it clearly left him with massive dain bramage, causing serious dementia and a tendency to overact—
Ha! Gotcha! No, these world leaders decide to let this guy have the keys to the kingdom. Literally. He’s named ruler of the world! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! One of these “world leaders” says, and I quote, “Long live the king.” It’s too bad they didn’t have Alexander stand at the bow of a 900-foot-long luxury liner — or at least on the stage at the Oscars — and yell, “I’m the king of the world!!! WHOOOO-HOOOO!!!” Must’ve slipped their minds.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch— uh, the abandoned monastery, the two prophets read some Bible verse predicting what Alexander is gonna do next. Gillen doesn’t listen to them, since all he cares about it clearing his name. Um, Gillen, maybe a few things have slipped your mind, but... (1) these guys’ predictions seem to be coming true so far, and (2) the only way to clear your name is to stop, or at least, expose our boy Alexander! So both of youse wants the same thing! Gillen isn’t a non-believer; he’s an idiot, not to mention a glowering, rude jerk. Did I mention before that someone should’ve told the filmmakers that smart audience will accept an unlikable main character sometimes, but they won’t accept a dumb, boring, badly acted, and unlikable main character? Well, here it is again. The prophets go on about how Gillen needs to worry about his eternal soul. Ah, yes, preachin’ time. Doesn’t make these two look too bright, talking to Lane in a somewhat high-handed way, knowing that he’s not in a mood to listen. Gillen finally leaves, pushing past the, uh, prophets. Well, that meeting went well! [Future Brad: note that the prophets say that after Alexander takes over the world, there will be three-and-a-half years of peace before Stone-y gets all megalomaniacal and says he’s God Himself. Potential Plot Hole Alert!]
Gillen tries to e-mail all of the world leaders with his copy of the info from the computer lab, which would at least show that Alexander was up to something that just might not be in the world’s best interests. No go; he figures Stone’s found a way to block incoming mail. (Good guess; I only wonder why he bothered. You don’t think it’s gonna be that easy, do ya, Gil?) Then he calls on Jennifer. D’you remember Jennifer? His estranged wife? She just so happens to have a “law school friend in the NSA.” Yes, that’s an actual line of dialogue from Our Hero. Uh oh, looks like it wasn’t a good idea to send those e-mails. Alexander was indeed monitoring incoming mail, and his goons were able to pinpoint exactly where they were coming from (the computer screen literally reads “E mail intercept and trace.” Thanks for that info, guys). Gillen is able to send a copy of his info to Jennifer, meaning that Alexander didn’t bother to make sure all Gillen’s possible contact were blocked. Good planning ahead there, Stone.
So, Stone’s commandos start in on the monastery, while Gillen wakes up inside (and the room is much too well lit for a building with no power, lit only by lanterns and candles; go back up to what I said about the cinematography). Gillen has no trouble seeing these guys come into the building (great stealth skills, ya bozos!), but he does little but look around and jut his jaw. Casper Van Dien is good at jutting his jaw, and he keeps in practice here. There are a few “night vision” shots that are clearly just green-lit scenes on grainy film stock; this is revealed when one of the commandos steps into a light and his face shows flesh tones. It’s not really made clear just how Gillen gets away from these guys, but they’re not much good as soldiers. Gillen runs into one and knocks him out with one or two punches. Wimp. Anyway, he gets in his SUV and peels out
Uh oh, he almost plowed into another SUV head on! Good thing neither vehicle was moving more then ten or fifteen miles per hour, or they might’ve had trouble. Chalk up “exciting action scenes” as another item on Robert Marcarelli’s can’t-do list. Cassandra is in the other car. Gillen gets in, and away we go. Gillen tries to use his phone (ignoring the fact that he runs a risk of his call getting intercepted), but he can’t get reception. He tells Cassandra to pull over so he can make his call. Uh, Gil, forget that it won’t matter if she pulls over or keeps moving (if you’re out of area, you’re out of area, my friend). Aren’t there some baddies on your tail?! Remember them?! Doofus. Ah, but it’ll work in this movie, won’t it. Sure enough, Gil gets Jennifer on the phone. Jennifer tells him off, taking Alexander’s side and telling him never to call her again. Well, it was pretty obvious. Wiretap. Gillen, you shoulda stuck by your better half, man. She figured out someone might be listening in, showing she has at least half a brain. More than I can say for you, sport. Gillen says it’s time to get back to L.A. and see how Jennifer and his daughter are. Cassandra’s against it (for good reason; anyone can see how easily he could get caught), but Gillen insists: it’s his fault that they’re in this mess, and “It’s my child.” Figured that out on your own, did ya, slick? Maybe the filmmakers wanted this effect; get the audience mad at the “hero” for neglecting his family for so long. Problem is, the filmmakers don’t seem to care for minor characters like Jen and the kid much more than Gil does. Add that to the fact that Gil’s been acting like a dope for most of the past hour, and you get an audience lulling itself to sleep.
Say, what’re Stone and Dominic doing? Why, they’re in the computer lab, trying to figure out what the rest of the code says. Only problem is, that “final code” is at long last causing problems. They won’t get any more prophecies or messages until the thing’s repaired. Dominic suggests putting everything on hold until they have the final code; no sense taking chances. Alexander turns this down; he wants his big coronation. Yeah, Stone, ya got the Prince of Darkness pullin’ your strings, and Dominic is still way smarter than you. Stings, don’t it?
Gillen and Cassandra land in L.A. and get to Jen’s house. Shock of shocks, they’re under surveillance! Dominic berates his men, asking how they could’ve let Gillen get into Los Angeles, much less get to his old house. You know what? Dominic is right. Some crack force! Dominic orders a sniper across the street to take Gillen’s head off, but the sniper keeps saying, “I don’t have a shot!” From what I could see, the view of Gillen’s head wouldn’t be a great shot for an amateur, but a professional sniper would have no trouble whatsoever squeezing the trigger and doing a radical frontal lobotomy on Our Hero. Business as usual here.
Gillen goes on in the front door. Either it was unlocked (highly unlikely in L.A.), or Gillen still has the keys he had three years ago when he last set foot in here, and he’s kept them through his run from Rome to Jerusalem to here. The unlocked-door story is more believable.
And here comes his daughter, still seven years old! All right, no one has aged or changed their hairstyle or clothing in three years; that’s bad enough. But it’s particularly bad when it’s a kid that doesn’t show aging from seven to ten. So, Gillen’s ageless daughter yells “Daddy!” Jen runs in, telling the kid that it was just a dream. Kinda lame, but at least she tried. While she’s giving her daughter cues that her daddy is not home, Jen puts her finger to her lips, clearly indicating that Gillen should keep his big mouth shut. Gillen responds by saying, “What is going on?”
I had to pause the DVD to laugh. Of course, the baddies already know Gillen’s in the house, but this is further proof that Gillen got his Ph.D. at a degree mill. Gillen, you FOOL! Jen angrily tells Gillen to get out, while grabbing a pen and paper (which just so happen to be lying on a lamp stand) and writing “BUG” in very big letters so Gillen can read them. I liked the exasperated look on Jen’s face. Maybe Gillen did them a favor by abandoning them; at least none of his stupidity has rubbed off on his daughter in the last three years. Jen is now in an exclusive club. She and Dominic are the only two characters in this movie who have shown any real intelligence so far— Strike that! Jen now says, “I’m so scared. I don’t want him to hurt us,” out loud. Ah, it gets better. Gillen tells Jen to call her mom and tell her they’re coming over. Since Dominic and Co. are bound to be listening, they’ll go on a wild goose chase (sucking Jen’s parents into this mess; THANKS, Gillen!) while Gillen, and the ladies (and kid) sneak off to sunny Mexico. Great plan, Gillen. Only one problem: Dominic and his guys hear the whole thing! I guess it wouldn’t matter if that sniper had ventilated Gillen after all: there’s nothing in his head to hurt!
So, finally, FINALLY, the police (on orders from Dominic, natch) pull up as Gillen and Company are pulling out. And the chase is on!
If you can call driving through the streets of Los Angeles at thirty miles an hour a “chase.” Ronin or Bullitt this ain’t. After about a minute of this, Jennifer parks the SUV in a parking lot and lets the dummies in the police car go right by them. This is where I roll my eyes for the thirtieth time in this movie. Well, at least it doesn’t insult my beliefs, at least for now. It’s just plain ol’ bad. I gotta admit, this review is going a lot faster now, since I’m not stopping every three minutes to rake Paul Crouch over the coals.
Next stop.... <thud> I can’t believe it. For the second time, the movie got me. Gillen actually made a halfway decent move! They’re going to Jen’s parents’ place! Looks like our boy Gil used a leedle reverse psychology, he did. Of course, that doesn’t change the fact that Dominic (the kinda smart one, remember?) might decide to send some goons their way anyway, just to be sure. Also, Gillen’s still involving Jen’s parents in this mess. Amazingly, though, his ploy works. The police can’t find him, and no one (including Dom) thinks of checking out friends or family. Jennifer and the kid get in the car with Mom-in-Law; she’s gonna take them to her lake house. Dad-in-law is gonna contact some of his friends high up in the government, and hopefully they can start getting stuff straightened out. Gillen and his daughter have a heartwarming saccharine moment where they say half-hearted goodbyes. It ends with the kid saying “Don’t go, daddy,” and Gillen gives her a grimace which was supposed to pass for a smile before turning away.
It’s been a while since we’ve gone off on a tangent. Here’s what I’m wondering. What was the status on Gillen and Jennifer’s marriage in the last three years? Has he been stringing her along, remaining “estranged”? Frankly, divorcing her would be more merciful (besides, to be honest, you ain’t much of a catch, Gillen). And with that, Gillen’s family’s out of the picture. They don’t show up — or even get mentioned — after this. So, after making Gillen look like a bad father figure for neglecting his family, the movie reveals that his family was just another plot hook.
Remind me to give the writers (along with Rob Marcarelli and Paul Crouch) a good swift kick in the pants if I ever meet them in person.
Gillen goes back in the house, and Dad-in-Law offers him a drink. Warning! Warning! Dad-in-Law just offered something with alcohol in it. This is a clear indicator that he’s in with the villains. I’m not kidding, I guessed this the first time I saw it; it shows just how simple-minded this movie is. Note that when Dad-in-Law is on the phone, we can’t hear him, even though he’s a few feet away from Gillen. One would think that whispering a phone conversation would clue Our Hero in, but no-o-o-o-o!!! After this business is done, Gillen tells Dad-in-Law he’s seeing demons, and we get a split-second flashback showing us them hooded monks. Hooded monks are demons now? Dad-in-Law’s response, and I quote, is, “Demons? God, you really do need help.” I suspect that George Coe ad libbed this line without even thinking about it, and it slipped past the filmmakers. We’re supposed to be getting behind Gillen, but he’s all bug-eyed in this scene (as bug-eyed as Casper Van Dien can get), so it would be logical for another character to assume Our Hero was wigging out a bit. Quick aside here: I just realized that Cassandra has been MIA from the moment Gillen carted wife and daughter out of their house. Even though it’s possible she might have gone off in a separate car, it doesn’t make much sense, and the movie gave no indication of this. Chalk it up to yet another bit of laziness in the writing. And production. And direction. Back to the story. Dad-in-Law excuses himself; nature calls. Lucky break for Gillen, since the phone rings while Dad-in-Law’s in the can. So, DIL isn’t too swift either, not monitoring the phone like that. Well, looky here, Gillen picks up the phone and it’s none other than Dominic telling DIL he got his message. Gillen drops the phone, just as DIL is coming out the door. Dad in-Law sees the phone off the hook, and knows the jig is up. He tells Gillen he did it for his own good. Uh, Dad-in-Law, didn’t you not like or trust Alexander way back when? Dummy. Gillen beats feet outta the house as the troops come rushing in. Dad-in-Law points the way for them, and they shoot him for his troubles. Ya know, even if Dad-in-Law was dumb enough to betray Gillen, he wouldn’t have been offed if Gil had stayed away! Methinks Jennifer would have quite a lot to say about her father being killed! That is, if she hadn’t been written out of the movie already.
So, Gillen starts runnin’ through the streets of L.A., Fugitive style once again. (Who should feel more insulted here, Harrison Ford or David Janssen? My money’s on Janssen; he played the part for several years, not just one movie.) He makes his way to a deserted street (in a commercial area of Los Angeles, which I imagine would be some distance from an upper-class residential area like the one he came from; anyone from L.A. who knows different, please correct me). A police car is patrolling nearby, so he thinks fast and pretends to window-shop. One guy, looking in darkened windows on a street where all the stores are closed. Of course, the police car doesn’t notice him. Only one problem. Gillen is outside a TV repair shop. There are several display TV’s in the window, along with a camcorder, and Gillen’s face is displayed on all the monitors. This could’ve been a great little gotcha moment, but it has two problems. First, the store is closed, but the camera and TV’s are still on, and there’s no grating or fence over the store front. Yeah, that won’t attract a looter, will it? Second, this scene is a near-verbatim ripoff of a much more effective moment in 12 Monkeys (a good end of-the-world thriller). His cover is blown, and the chase is on!
The chase lasts all of forty seconds, involving several police cars which Gillen somehow outruns. He gets over a fence and hides behind some oil drums and construction equipment in front of a blocked-off tunnel until the cops pass by. This chase scene, while pretty dopey, would pass muster (barely) if it ended here. But the filmmakers couldn’t leave well enough alone. (Besides, this is a Jabootu movie. When there’s a halfway decent scene, you just know there’s gonna be payback in a minute or two. This movie will deliver a lot of payback: get ready for one of the most mind boggling moments I’ve ever seen on film. And I do mean ever.)
Gillen makes his way down the abandoned tunnel, certainly feeling all pleased with himself for evading the police so easily. Au contraire, Dr. Lane! At the end of the tunnel there’s a big oil rig roaring to life. Hold the phone. Was this thing waiting for him there? Yep. Did the police somehow know Gillen was gonna go down that tunnel rather than wait for them to pass by then come out the way he came? Yep. And now we have the truck chasing Gillen back up the tunnel. Hmmmmmm, why am I reminded of Terminator here. That’s right, we’re ripping off another good end-of-the-world thriller. So, Gillen runs the length of the tunnel, the truck right behind him. In other words, the driver of the truck keeps it in first gear, and the stupid thing never goes more than ten or fifteen miles an hour! Ah, but remember, there was a fence blocking the tunnel. Gillen tries to climb it. The truck is bearing down! Whatever will Our Hero do?! He screams as the truck bears down on him and....
....Gillen wakes up safe and sound in a room somewhere.
(very long pause)
Do you remember the old Road Runner cartoons? (If you don’t, or never saw them, shame on you.) Remember how they usually began with Wile E. Coyote (Eatabirdius Inyourdreamsus) chasing the Road Runner (TheFlashius Is-a-wimpus) down a stretch of highway. Remember how the Coyote would seem to gain on the Road Runner, until the Road Runner looked back, went “Mheep! Mheep!”, stuck out his tongue as if to say, “I’m just toying with you, me bucko; watch THIS!” then jammed the throttle wide open? Remember how Wile E. would slow to a stop and watch in amazement as Road Runner tore outta there so fast the road rippled behind him? Remember how sometimes the Coyote’s jaw would drop until it hit the pavement? Remember that? Well, now you know exactly what I looked like in the theater. (I’m very glad the floor was clean. Imagine my jaw dislocating, dropping to the floor, and landing in a puddle of stale popcorn butter mixed with Coca-Cola syrup, stepped-in Juicy Fruit, and smushed-up Milk Duds. Eewwwwww!!!) I simply could not believe what I was seeing here.
It gets even better. Cassandra is here. She tells him he just had a bad dream. He’s been having them on the plane back here (they’re back in Israel). She found him in Los Angeles “passed out on the ground.”
(another long pause)
WHAT?!?!?! You gotta be kidding me! Okay, class, can anyone tell me when Gillen’s dream ended and when reality began? No? Can anyone tell me how he got away— No, no more! I’m gonna stop this attempt to make sense of it before I break my neck. That long paragraph above about me lookin’ like Su-u-u-u-per Genius Wile E. was a slight exaggeration, but I’m surprised I didn’t jump to my feet in the theater and start yelling at the screen. I did when I saw it on DVD (and believe me, I wasn’t keeping any promises not to swear, either; I must’ve sounded like Ben Kingsley going on a tear in Sexy Beast). What makes this moment even more amazing is they could’ve taken it out in the editing, and no one would be the wiser! Have Gillen escape down the tunnel, insert one shot of him making his way to an airport, and your problem’s solved. Oh, and while Cassandra’s back in the picture, we still have no clue where she was while Gillen was smuggling his family out.
Most of this movie is just incredibly clueless. But every now and then, one gets a hint that its makers think their audience is a bunch of gullible fools who will buy anything put in front of them. And now this display of raw, naked contempt.
Why didn’t I walk out here? I honestly don’t know. Perhaps I was beaten into submission at this point. But this moment was a serious contender for a spot in the all-time lows at the movies.
More? Sure, why not. It occurred to me that Gillen and Cassandra’s little foray back to La-La Land was useless. No progress on working on the code, no calls out to blow the whistle on Alexander, nothing. The only thing that came of this trip was that Gillen’s wife’s father got croaked. Nice goin’, hero.
Well, I ate up more than a page with that, and my original response was longer. What? Oh, do we have to?! Sigh. Okay, let’s get back to the movie.
It’s time for Stone’s little coronation as King of the World! Whoo-hooo!!! (I promise I won’t do that again.) Gillen watches from the monastery. He figures Alexander’s won. Well, considering that your efforts weren’t all that great, you don’t have much right to whine, pal. The prophets appear once again and tell Gillen not to give up. And then they give him that page Rostenberg ripped from his notes. D’you remember the final page? D’you remember Rostenberg? The page has the final code. Gillen blows up, asking them, “What kind of prophets are you, anyway?! Did this slip your mind?! Maybe this could’ve helped earlier!”
Ha! Made ya look! (Maybe the angels/prophets have a good reason for holding this little tidbit back, but Gillen looks like an imbecile for not even asking them why they didn’t give it to him before his jaunt to sunny Los Angeles.) No, he just asks where they’re going. They answer that they have to meet their destiny, as told in Revelation. Prophet #1 tells Gillen to remember to have “the faith of a child.” You just know Jan Triska was another actor walking through this and collecting a check. From what I’ve read, he’s a really good actor. But Roma Downey and Della Reese’s characters in Touched By An Angel would run rings around these guys. (And Roma Downey’s a lot prettier, too.) And with that, the prophets disappear.
Cassandra approaches, sees that Gillen has a scrap of paper in his hand, makes the psychic leap that it’s the final code... and pulls a gun on him, telling him that he should know that “Satan often appears as an angel of light.” This is where I cross-reference yet another good movie and turn into Iago from Aladdin: “Oh, there’s a big surprise! I think I’m gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise!”
Truth be told, this did kinda throw me the first time I saw it, even though it was obvious this, uh, temptress was a baddie early on. The filmmakers shouldn’t feel good about this, though; the only reason this was remotely surprising is that it makes no sense! Having Cassandra act as a spy would work, especially with someone as dense as Gillen. But if Stone was hoping Gillen would stumble on the final piece of the code, wouldn’t he tell Dominic to let Gillen through at every turn?! It’s obvious he didn’t.
There’s a simple explanation for all of this, though.
The filmmakers cheated. Big time. Go back two paragraphs and read that Iago quote once again; it’s not like it’s the first time these clowns played fast and loose with ideas like logic and consistent storytelling. Hacks. By the way, Cassandra’s statement tells us that she knew all along she was workin’ for Old Scratch. Sigh. I won’t bother to comment on this one. Good news, though! We’re on the home stretch! Seventeen minutes to go and counting!
Alexander’s coronation is gearing up. Stone is getting ready, when Dominic reports that Cassandra has Our Hero in tow. Apparently, Alexander did indeed keep Dominic in the dark. Yet another pat on Michael Ironside’s back; he does a good job of playing someone who just realized his boss is undermining him left and right, but can do nothing about it. It almost makes Our Villain’s plan credible. Almost.
Stone comes up to make his acceptance speech. Man, he goes over the top. Maybe this would actually come out of the mouth of a megalomaniac who’d just been named Grand High Poo-Bah of Earth, but Michael York’s acting keeps me wondering why anyone would listen to this blowhard. (I know, I know, I’m raking York over the coals even more than Van Dien. There’s a reason. Read on.) Oh, and so we’ll have some scope to all of this, the filmmakers give us a stock shot of a crowd in Times Square watching he Jumbotron, and Stone’s speech is matted in. Only one problem: the teletype below the Jumbotron reads “Monsanto Wins FDA Approval.” Oops!!! Also note that when we see shots of the crowd Stone’s addressing, we hear wild applause and cheers, but the extras just go through the motions of clapping, and not one of them cracks a smile, much less cheers! Marcarelli, you idiot.
Let’s skip all the windbaggery and cut to the chase: Alexander announces that he is God Himself. (Loved the musical sting when he does this. It sounds — and I’m not exaggerating — like something I could’ve played on the $50 toy synthesizer I had when I was a kid.) Understandably, this does NOT win the crowd over. So, seeing he’s not gonna charm ’em, Stone calls in the big goons with the big guns to make sure everyone’s in line. And here come the prophets, chiding Alexander, telling him he’s gettin’ too big for his britches (at one point, Jan Triska’s fist is about waist level; cut to a close-up, and he is shaking his fist at eye level; nice trick, Jan). Stone’s reply is brief and to the point: he says yes he is too God, then he gets Dominic to come in and do what he does best. Well, second best (act circles around everyone else is what Ironside does best here). Dominic introduces Prophet #1 and #2 to Bullet Through the Heart #1 and #2. And the crowd panics and scatters. Oh, and Stone said he’ll enjoy ripping down all the “holy temples” after the prophets all but dared him to do so. The audience riots, but they’re put down by Alexander’s loyal soldiers.
Hold on a second. Those prophets said there’d be 3 1/2 years of peace before Alexander turned into Donald-Trump-on-crack. But it’s been, what, a week?
Stupid writers. Stupid director. Stupid movie.
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2007 : 11:04:22 PM
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Alexander and Dominic get back to their helicopter. All in all, not a bad coronation, eh? Shoot, this “Biblical event” could probably pass for a really rowdy night at Studio 54 about thirty years ago. Dominic gets a call, giving him an instant news report: Israel and “several others” are pulling out of their agreement. Stone says he wants to “make an example of them.” MWA-HA-HA-HA!!! They start back to Rome, with Alexander telling Dominic not to worry: “I have the final code.”
Uh, Stone, did it ever occur to you that the final code may say something like “UPPITY RULER GETS CACKED”? Or “STONE DISSOLVED IN ACID”? Or how about, “GOD STEPS IN AND TELLS THE WORLD, ‘OKAY, EVERYONE OUT OF THE POOL!’”? Hey, audiences in 1960 didn’t know Marion Crane would get stabbed in the shower by Mother until the violins started going skree skree-skree!
This aside will be relatively quick. Without doing much research, I suspect that the broad points here — one world order, religious leaders bowing to the New King, the Antichrist saying he’s God, and so on — are taken direct from the Bible. But last I heard, the Bible doesn’t read like a script for an Idiot Movie! (The writers of the movie had to provide that.) And with that, it’s back to Rome.
While Gillen is dragged into a stone prison cell (or is that Stone’s prison cell? Hey! Stop with the rotten fruit!), Alexander calls his top aides together and plans a nuclear strike. Dominic calls attention to news reports of a meteor shower killing millions, and the ocean water’s molecular structure changing (that’s a quote). Ah, the skies are falling and the ocean’s boiling! You know, I was pretty hasty when I said that an apocalyptic thriller based on Revelation would be a big hit if done right. Thinking about it, I seriously doubt there is any way it can work as a movie. I’ll go into detail later; let’s finish this disaster up first, all right?
Now two of them world leaders come in. Seems they’ve gotten hold of that computer disk, and they ain’t happy with Alexander lyin’ and cheatin’ on them. Not sure how they got hold of this thing, unless Gillen’s L.A. trip somehow produced some results. A day late and a dollar short. And guys, Alexander just got his henchman to murder two unarmed men in front of the world. What makes you think he’s gonna stop at you? Sure enough, he tells them to wait outside, and they’re dumb enough to comply. Time for Dominic to go to work again. Two ventilated world leaders, comin’ right up! (Hold the pickles and onions, please.)
Ah, there’s Cassandra! Stone congratulates her on a job well done. (What, fooling Gillen? Bah! Child’s play!) He then asks her, if push came to shove, could she pull the trigger on Gillen herself... but he lets it drop. Whonk! Whonk! Plot point alert! She gives him the final page. Uh oh! The ink runs (in a VERY badly-done FX shot) and the paper burns Stone’s fingers! Time to ask Gillen politely if he’ll help them.
Dominic starts beating the snot out of Gillen while Stone and Cassandra look on. (And this gives another idea of how badly this “Christian thriller” screws up. I actually took satisfaction from seeing this twerp get tenderized the old-fashioned way.) Actually, Dominic’s not doing too good a job: Gillen doesn’t have a bruise or a single trickle of blood on his face! He glares up at Dominic as Dominic throws fake punches and keeps demanding the final code. Finally, Gillen juts his jaw and says, “I don’t know,” looking all manly and stuff.
Here we’re out of contempt and back into cluelessness. That’s what kills me about this movie. It’s awfully self-important and puffed up. Truthfully, there hasn’t been one real moment of humor (apart from that joke about the “butler with the candlestick”), at least no intentional humor. Crikey, even The Passion of the Christ had a joke in it, and Schindler’s List had a real belly laugh! Does humor in a serious movie take away its power? To the contrary; it often adds to it. Imagine the scene this way: Gillen has been established as a natural-born smart aleck. While Dominic is using him for a punching bag, Gillen reels off one liner after one-liner. Then, bloodied and bruised, and exhausted, Gillen finally says “I don’t know” very quietly.
But then, the filmmakers aren’t exactly high-calibre, are they.
Stone tries to dangle a carrot in front of Gillen’s nose: reveal the final code, and he’ll call off the attack on the Middle East. Gillen responds by spitting in his face. Yeah, Stone, real good. What kind of torture expert is Dominic, anyway? I could probably hold up to this, and I’m not exactly Navy SEAL material. So, after all of this, the Three Amigos... leave Gillen alone in the cell. Jeez, even the ACLU wouldn’t consider this pathetic display to be real torture. (Well, maybe they would.)
Stone goes outside to see the fleets of attacking warplanes heading out of Rome for Israel. Something about the formations of planes made me suspect that the filmmakers got some stock footage of one squadron of planes, looped it, and matted it all in; I could be wrong, but this doesn’t look too hot. Anyway, Stone is all happy now that he can be a dastardly debbil, and he waves to the planes, all over a cheesy musical cue. Did Paul Crouch et al really think people would be impressed by this?
Back to Gillen’s cell, where Gillen is lying back and catnapping. Seriously. Uh oh, here come some scary streaks of light and matted-in skulls. Do I need to mention how bad the visual effects look? We get a flashback of Gillen’s mom (remember her?), then a couple of shots showing her death. Now Gillen kneels down as an FX light swirls around him. He says, “Jesus save me,” and starts praying. This was supposed to be the big climactic scene, the payoff. How well did they do with this?
I said before that End of Days wasn’t impressive. Clumsily written and badly directed, but it did have two things going for it: Gabriel Byrne’s ultra-cool performance (as Satan himself), and, surprisingly, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ah-nold had a conversion scene much like this one at the end of Days. (Sorry ’bout that.) But his scene where he got down on his knees and prayed was much more effective than this. That’s right, Casper Van Dien manages to make Schwarzenegger look like Pacino circa 1975; that’s how bad his performance is.
And with that, the demons and visions are gone, and Our Hero is made whole once again! Three cheers! Hip hip... Uh, is there anyone in the audience who isn’t nodding off? And now that his soul has been saved, Gillen... juts his jaw. (And THAT’s how well they did with it.)
Meanwhile, back in Jerusalem (I assume), a couple of guards are standing over those two prophets’ bodies, when an earthquake begins. Wait a minute. It’s not Jerusalem; it’s Rome: we see Stone and Cassandra in Stone’s main office (or whatever it is) reacting to the shaking ground. Um, could someone tell me why Stone would haul these two corpses back here and then just dump ’em in a courtyard somewhere. What? It’s In The Script? Oh, okay. Anyway, some blood appears and runs back into their bodies (and it’s obvious the film was just run backwards here) as a group of swirling FX lights (which — again, I can’t make this stuff up — look like cartoons) surround them. The door to Gillen’s cell swings open and he hauls it outta there as the two prophets rise, floating in the air until they come back down in a standing position.
Gillen runs through the castle until he is attacked from behind by Dominic, who was waiting for him and isn’t the least bit surprised Gillen is free. No comment here, nor is it needed. (I’m just glad this thing has ten minutes to go, including credits.) Dominic delivers an Obligatory Gloating Line as he cocks his gun. (He tells Gillen he’s “about to take the next step on the evolutionary ladder.” So, if you drink, show the first sign of flirting with someone who’s taken, smoke, or even mention evolution, YOU’RE THE EEE-VILL BAD GUY!!! Subtlety, they name ain’t The Omega Code.) Prophet #2 appears behind him, commanding Dominic to let Gillen go (we’ll see in a few seconds that these two “messengers of God” aren’t even gonna give Dominic a chance to do so). Dominic whirls to face him, then turns back to Gillen... and there’s Jan Triska standing right in front of him. Hey, like at the beginning! Both prophets raise their right hands and makes what looks like a half-hearted peace-sign (seriously!), and Dominic shudders, drops his gun, then drops to the floor, dying. And I’m sure Michael Ironside was glad to be out of this movie from here on.
Kinda violent, even if Dominic is the Prince of Darkness’s first lieutenant. Five seconds after Dominic croaked, I came up with another scenario: Dominic sees these two prophets and starts firing, but the first shot passes through Jan Triska harmlessly, ricochets, and comes back and drills Dom right between the eyes. Okay, enough playing You Fix The Movie. Ready to finish this sucker?
Jan Triska tells Gillen “The truth has set you free,” then gives Our Hero the page with the final code. Gillen bends down to retrieve Dominic’s gun, but when he stands up, the prophets have vanished. (Ooooo, neato!) Let’s forget any moral debates about carrying a gun in the name of God, shall we? I have one question: what makes Gillen think Dominic’s gun will do any good? After all, it’s the same one that drilled Stone the first time, and we all know how well that turned out, right? Oh, never mind, we only have one scene left.
And then we’ll get to the Afterthoughts. MWA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!
Back to Stone’s control room. Stone has lost the world’s support, but no matter. He’ll just nuke anyone who stands in his way. Uh oh, I sees a red light on Stone’s back, I does. Yes, it’s that dopey laser from Dominic’s pistol. Gillen tells Stone to call off the attack or he’ll do a Dirty Harry. Stone brings up the exact point I made a moment ago: he was shot dead before, and he’s feelin’ great now, thank you. A “Christian” thriller, and the Devil is the only one here who makes any sense. Brilliant job, Mr. Crouch. Stone goes through some overheated taunts, finishing with him declaring he’s not only King of the World; he’s also Judas, Hitler, and the drunk driver who killed Gillen’s mom! (And again, I can’t help but think of End of Days, which had a similar scene between Gabriel Byrne and Ah-nold. Yes, it played much better, mainly because Byrne’s a better actor than York.) Then Stone calmly takes the gun out of Gillen’s hand. But wait! There’s more! He brags about raising Cassandra “up out of the gutter” and “making her someone desirable.” And Stone plants a sloppy kiss on Cassandra’s mouth. Did Catherine Oxenberg have a bottle of wine before shooting this scene? If she didn’t, I suspect she wished she had.
Cassandra holds the gun on Gillen, and Stone makes an offer: if Gillen gives him the final code, Stone can call off the missiles and troop deployments. As he says this, we see several video feeds of planes, troop formations, etc., on the video monitor. It’s clearly stock footage, and it was shot in late morning or early afternoon. This scene takes place at night (and I doubt Jerusalem time’s far enough ahead of Rome time for it to be daylight). Whoops!
Gillen gives Stone the final code. Stone responds, “I knew you’d be reasonable.” I started to laugh here; I knew exactly what was coming. Gotta admit, though, I wasn’t prepared for just how blatant it would be. Anyway, Gillen takes the last page to the laptop computer waiting on the table, says “Forgive me,” (why? If Scripture is spot on — and Gillen now believes it is — then this final code won’t make Stone too happy. Gillen’s doing nothing wrong here) and feeds the last page into the computer.
Stone turns around and tells his troops to attack on his order. Gillen says “What?!” Stone’s answer: why not? Yeah, Gillen. Besides, don’t you know that Dantooine is too remote a target for an effective demonstration of the Death Star’s power? Don’t worry. We’ll deal with your rebel friends soon enough! (I’m shocked the writers remembered to take this part out; one suspects they literally cut and pasted this scene from a text file of Lucas’s screenplay.)
And he gives the countdown. Three... Two....
A light flashes and covers all of Rome! A blast wave of some sort roars through the castle! We see some more bad FX of some sort of demon (or something) being ripped out of Stone’s body! Stone feels the back of his head and shows his hand to the camera, and his hand is covered with blood red paint! Gillen juts his jaw! Really! Catherine drops the gun and puts her head on the table, shielding her eyes from the light! (I guess that bit about her being able to pull the trigger isn’t gonna have a payoff. Must’ve slipped the writers’ minds.) Stone falls to the floor dead! Gillen gives a grimace that’s supposed to look like a smile!
We go to a cheap-looking shot of the Earth from orbit! A light flares out of Rome and circles the globe! Yes, sports fans, that’s right! Judgment Day and the Rapture will look exactly like... the Genesis Project scene from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan!!! (For those keeping score, that’s five good movies — at least — that this thing has shamelessly ripped off.) For once, I have something good to say about the movie (outside Ironside’s work): this shot of the Earth is the single decent special effect in the whole thing. Oh, and do I need to mention that the music isn’t exactly majestic? Cheap and hasty are better adjectives, as usual.
And the final thing we see? That printer, with one last prophecy. “0000.... DAWN OF NEW MILLENNIUM”
Waitaminute. That’s IT?!?!?! Crikey! Even the movie seems to know this Bible Code business is a load of dingo’s kidneys!
Finally, FINALLY. We see a wonderful, beautiful sight. The end credits.
About damn time.
(Sorry, couldn’t hold that one back.)
Afterthoughts
Told ya this was gonna be an epic. Honestly, having already seen this thing, I knew it was bad before I put the DVD in. But I’d forgotten just HOW bad it was. I doubt that any three minutes here went by without me shaking my head in wonder at the incompetence on screen. To make it worse, as a Christian, I found this movie to be deeply insulting. The only thing — and I do mean the only thing — that kept it from being a strong contender for Worst Movie of All Time was Michael Ironside’s performance.
I was hoping this segment would be relatively brief. Wouldn’t ya know it, methinks I’m gonna have to write a commentary on the making-of special on the DVD. (I got my first clue from watching the first five seconds of it. Details later.)
The DVD box has two “critic” quotes on it. On the right, there’s a line from the Focus on the Family website calling The Omega Code “without a doubt the most impressive apocalyptic thriller ever.” James Dobson’s credibility has just taken a massive hit. The other quote? “A most important prophetic message.” The source of the statement: Hal Lindsey, author of the book The Late Great Planet Earth.
Lindsey receives a prominent mention in the end credits of The Omega Code as “Biblical Prophecy Consultant.”
Ahem. Guys, you don’t use a critical blurb from someone who worked on the movie! Add to that, Lindsey is a regular on TBN. Not exactly an impartial reviewer, is he.
Back to the movie. When one looks at Our Hero’s actions, they’re pretty laughable. What exactly does Gillen do in the course of the film? Nothing. He joins Alexander’s little group, breaks from the group, gets framed for murder, runs around like a chicken with its head cut off, gets that final prophecy, hands it over (eliciting a big “So what?” from the audience), and that’s about it. Oh, and he juts his jaw. Lots of jaw-jutting from our Gillen. And the ending was a deus ex machina... literally.
To tell the truth, though, there wasn’t much for him to do anyway, considering the structure this movie was given. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I said any movie based around Revelation could be a winner. Now, with hindsight, it’s doubtful Peter Jackson, Clint Eastwood, and Martin Scorsese’s talents combined could make it work. If you go in for Revelation’s telling of the end of the world — Antichrist, Final War, Judgment Day, Rapture, the whole nine yards — then the ending is a foregone conclusion. And people won’t have a say in what’s going on; it’ll always end with God stepping in and saving the day. A deus ex machina is hard-wired into the story. Problem is, movies are about how people deal with a situation. That’s why even religious films focus on a person or group of people. So, this movie was doomed from the start. Mainstream Hollywood movies have tried to churn out movies like this (yeah, there’s End of Days again), but they usually have the hero trying to prevent Judgment Day. I have yet to see a really good one.
As a Christian, I found this movie to be embarrassing. It’s ironic that the documentary Touching the Void was about a committed atheist, and the film itself takes a more-or-less atheistic tone, and yet Void also has hints that a refusal to believe in any sort of God may not be the best way to go. From what I’ve seen and read about the filmmakers and their subject, Joe Simpson, they seem to be onto that little hint, and they kept it in. (By the way, if you haven’t seen Touching the Void, drop everything and see it post haste. It’s great.) And here we have The Omega Code, a movie made a an organization professing to be rooted in Christianity. It drops Biblical references in left and right. The final result? A movie that Madolyn Murray O’Hare would’ve cheered for. Even a devout believer would look at this movie and say “Gimme a break” every five minutes or so.
And the movie isn’t a very good representative of Christianity. Two things wipe that right out. First is the use of the “Bible Code” as a plot device. I doubt many people actually believe in the idea of a “Bible code”; it’s lazy writing, and it undermines any religious intent the movie may have had. Second is the hypocritical treatment of Gillen’s family. The movie wants the audience to look down on Gillen for abandoning his wife and daughter. But then later, the movie itself does just that: it writes them off and doesn’t mention them again.
In any case, the movie is an embarrassment to any believers simply by being there. There is very little to like in the movie, or in its making. One gets the strong feeling that no one behind the camera had any idea what they were doing. Script, art direction, make-up, photography, all of it looks like the work of rank amateurs. Bad writing + bad camera work + bad direction = one very bad movie. Who’s to blame? Paul Crouch, and to a degree, his son Matthew. Crouch wasn’t present at every shoot, but he came up with the storyline, fronted the money, and oversaw the production. If he didn’t like any of the footage he was seeing, he could have made changes. This was Paul Crouch’s movie, and he made sure people knew that, by putting his name on after the director’s.
One thing that Hollywood has rarely latched onto is the fact that well written and well-made movies that are sympathetic to Christianity generally do well at the box office. I’ve seen several movies that write off Christianity, or trash it altogether, but most have bombed (for now, I’m writing off The Da Vinci Code as a fluke). And on the other side? Well, you have your obvious examples: King of Kings, The Ten Commandments, The Prince of Egypt, Ben Hur. Then there are allegorical movies, like Narnia. But you can also count in little movies like A River Runs Through It or Chariots of Fire. Even Home Alone fits in here; Macauley Culkin hides from the burglars by running into a church, and the movie’s best dramatic scene takes place inside the same church. I’ll go out into left field and include Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Exorcist. Yes, The Exorcist. Linda Blair was not the main character of that movie; Jason Miller was. He played a young priest besieged by doubt following the death of his mother. In the end, he proved to be truly heroic, overcoming his doubts and laying down his life to protect a young girl.
The granddaddy of the bunch, of course, is The Passion of the Christ. Passion was conceived in much the same way The Omega Code was: funded out of one man’s pocket (in this case, Mel Gibson), shot independently, given a grass-roots ad campaign centering on churches, and it may have, in some ways, been preaching to the choir.
The Omega Code crept into the top ten for a couple of weeks, then disappeared, taking in a total of about $12 million. The Passion turned into an unstoppable juggernaut, grossing over $350 million in the United States alone.
Now, some of the receipts The Passion got may have been due to some of the controversy surrounding it. But controversy alone does not translate into ticket sales. No, the difference between Passion and Omega Code is simple: No matter what your personal opinions of Mel Gibson, the man is a gifted director. He was working with Caleb Deschanel, a brilliant cinematographer. The lead role was played by Jim Caviezel, a man who had proven his acting chops. You can figure out the rest. In short, The Passion of the Christ was made by people who know how to make movies! In contrast, The Omega Code is cheap and amateurish. One has to wonder if the people behind the camera had ever been on a film shoot before. Same thing with the writers. Same thing with the actors; take a guess who the sole exception is. (The worst performance is from Michael York, a man who in the past had been in some prestigious films. He of all people should have known better.)
So the movie came in, went pop, and died. I’ve read that the final net take for The Omega Code was around $2 million. But since the investment was only $8 million, it wasn’t a great loss. Add to that, TBN could now show it on their network royalty-free whenever they wanted.
You know what’s coming, don’t you? Yep, they made a sequel. Megiddo: Omega Code 2. No, I don’t know how you can make a sequel after the ending of this particular masterpiece. Actually, I’ve seen bits and pieces of Megiddo (and I don’t wish to see more, thank you). They did a reboot, having Stone Alexander as the main character, showing his early life. Wouldn’t ya know it, Michael York was the only holdover from Omega Code... and he got top billing. And a producer’s credit. That’s right. Michael York produced Omega Code 2. Is there anyone out there who can’t figure out why I was so hard on this guy?
For the record, Ironside was nowhere to be found for the sequel. Smart man. Casper Van Dien and Catherine Oxenberg got married after Omega Code was finished. So, their personal life seems to be good, but their professional career didn’t go forward after this thing. Their very next movie? A little German direct-to-video thing called Sanctimony. The director? Ready for this? Uwe Boll.
Anyway, Megiddo did even less business, and it ended up all but being a direct-to-video release. A lot of theaters refused to show it because of its ad campaign, literally using 9/11 as a selling point. But Megiddo had a bigger budget ($20 million, I think), meaning they were able to suck Michael Biehn and Diane Venora (not A-listers, but capable actors) into this thing.
God help us.
I’ll have my final words on Paul Crouch after watching that behind-the scenes thing on the DVD. |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2007 : 11:08:12 PM
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Behind the Scenes
Anyone still here?
Time to comment on the making-of feature on the DVD. Keep in mind that, as I type this, I’m going in cold. I have no idea what to expect; this commentary may be two pages or it may be ten. Let’s hope I can keep it relatively brief.
The first couple of seconds are a shock. I recognized the music right off: it was the opening music from The Last Temptation of Christ. Let me get something out of the way. While I thought Temptation was made with the best of intentions, in my opinion it was an artistic failure. Scorsese’s personal quirks of storytelling, which usually help his films, clashed with the subject matter here, and the movie fell through. It’s too bad, because you can see the skill that went into Temptation’s making, and one suspects that Scorsese was honestly trying to make a personal film about the life of Christ. (Yes, I can go into my reasons for thinking the movie was a failure, but do you really want ANOTHER fifteen pages?! For the record, though, Donald Wildmon does not speak for me.) It pains me to say it, but Marty, ya blew it.
The one thing about Temptation that I found to be an unqualified success was its score. The music (by Peter Gabriel! Yay!) is one of the best film scores I’ve ever heard; I recommend you pick up a copy if you get a chance.
So, does this mean that TBN is a little more open-minded than I’m giving them credit for? Possibly, but I kinda doubt it.
After a few seconds, it segues into a more generic score. It may be Manfredini’s music from Omega Code, but I can’t remember enough about that stuff to tell for sure.
There’s some breathless narration about people believing in the Bible Code for “hundreds of years.” Then we have an interview with Rob Marcarelli, who admits (perhaps unwittingly), that the concept of the Bible Code was used simply as a plot device, the movie’s version of a Holy Grail.
Then we get a real beaut. Matthew Crouch appears. First, he compares The Omega Code to Raiders of the Lost Ark. Sure, Matt. Just take out the good special effects, good acting, good photography, John Williams on the score, Lawrence Kasdan at the typewriter, and Steven Spielberg in the director’s chair.... The first real jaw-dropper from this featurette follows immediately after. Matt states that “Some of us would probably have different beliefs on whether the Bible Code really exists, but it doesn’t matter.” Uh, guy, when your movie is little more than a clumsy Sunday-school lesson, um, er, IT DOES MATTER!!!
Michael York appears briefly to give a bit of breathless cheering for the movie. You’ve heard it all before: watch any puff piece about a new movie coming out, and you’ll hear an actor somewhere saying something similar. Sincerely.
There are a few clips from the movie (with the logo “Behind the Codes: The Making of a Feature”, large on the screen), then Casper Van Dien appears, doing the same puff-piece stuff York did. One interesting thing: he ends his bit by saying that Gillen “inadvertently saves the world.” Um, no, Casper, he doesn’t. So far, this looks like your typical Hollywood promo video. Someone should tell Van Dien that you generally don’t want to blow the ending for your movie when promoting it.
Now it’s Catherine Oxenberg’s turn. The first thing out of her mouth is something about how excited she was: “I had read this fantastic script. It was beautifully written!” *sigh* I would love to hear her opinion on Uwe Boll’s direction. Strike that. I’d probably die laughing.
There’s another brief bit with Van Dien talking in a badly-staged interview. He mentions the Tim Burton film he was working on. It’s not named, but it was Sleepy Hollow. I wonder what TBN thought of that movie; I picked up a decidedly anti-Christian bent to it. And then we go back to Miss Oxenberg, who notes that she and Van Dien were so excited to be working together, that they’d dreamed of working togeth—
Would you excuse me while I go bang my head on the wall? Thank you.
Okay, back to the torture featurette.
Casper Van Dien and Michael York gush over one another’s acting abilities for a moment, then York goes into discussing the craft of acting. I recently saw the stage production of Cabaret for the first time. I’ve never seen the film, in which York stars, but I have it at the top of my Netflix queue. York’s words sound good here, but I’ve heard them before. And the problem is, it’s hard to buy what he’s saying, considering the acting job he gives in The Omega Code.
More footage from the movie, with the big making-of logo on top again (thanks, guys, we know what this featurette is, and I’m not Lenny from Memento), and....
More from York, calling Alexander a “multi-faceted” character. Uh, okay. He makes an interesting point here, though, saying that Alexander could be “Rupert Murdoch, George Soros, and Ted Turner all rolled into one.” Then he calls them “charismatic men.” I don’t know about Murdoch, but “charismatic” isn’t the first word I’d use to describe Soros and Turner. The thing is, if Alexander were modelled more closely on one of these two, he’d be much more believable, and much more frightening. Personally, I think George Soros is the kind of real-life villain who could eat Stone Alexander for lunch.
York then mentions Michael Ironside, praising him as an actor, as we see behind-the-scenes footage of Ironside prepping for a scene. And we go to another clip, with the making-of logo in place. Okay, this is four times we’ve seen this, at least. From here on, whenever we see clips from the movie with that stupid “Behind the Codes” title, I’ll just note it with a big blue SEGUE!
Oh, didja notice that Michael Ironside hasn’t been interviewed? If he was gonna be, this was the time for it. Smart man, eh?
Next up: Hal Lindsey. He’s talking about how timely this movie is, at the dawn of the new Millennium, where the press is talking about global weather patterns and storms of “Biblical nature.” Okay, we’re about to get into the good stuff. *cracking my knuckles* Oh, and could someone tell Mr. Lindsey that the Millennium had come and gone by the time this movie was released? Do a little homework on the Gregorian calendar; it’s off by a few years; Christ was born around 4 or 5 B.C.
Lindsey gushes about how this movie will turn many people around to the Gospel and bring more people closer to God, how this movie couldn’t be released at a better time. I wonder if he would change his tune now, eight years later, knowing that The Omega Code was barely a blip on the radar. Probably not. He’s been predicting the end of the world for at least thirty years now.
We then have an unidentified voice talking about how the FX crew is planning to blow up a model of the Dome of the Rock. A pyrotechnician gives a dry explanation of how he’s gonna blow up the model. Not the most informative interview I’ve ever seen, but the guy’s got experience. Hey, we have a PRO on this crew! There’s a fairly interesting bit showing how the crew lines the inside of the model with explosives, then they set it off. Kewl! (This is the most entertaining part I’ve seen on the whole DVD, including the movie.) And with that, we SEGUE!
Marcarelli appears to discuss how they showed the burned-out buildings after the mosque got bombed. For once, he seems halfway competent: their methods seemed fairly effective considering the low budget. (They found a burned-out and abandoned area in Jerusalem, used the crumbling buildings to simulate bombing damage, then added temporary roofs and set fire to them.)
Michael York gives a quick sound bite about working in Jerusalem, and then we have an especially long SEGUE!
Matthew Crouch goes into a long-winded bit about one particular shot, where a raven flies through the scene. It was a shot that could be cut with no one noticing, but Matt goes on and on, eating up a minute and a half of time, and then we have another SEGUE! (I like these segues. They eat up more time, and make this walkthrough much quicker to write.)
There’s more video of the crew shooting the scene where Gillen and Cassandra get on the plane, then we hear an older man’s voice talking about how his parents didn’t believe in going to movies at all when he was young. Uh oh, I do believe we are in the presence of the man himself, Paul Crouch. Crouch continues, saying that he now embraces movies and TV as a communications tool. Should I reference that Iago quote again? Oops, too late, we’re already going into another SEGUE! (Yes, this is less than two minutes after the last one. It’s amazing the stuff I remember, though: the musical cue in this segue was lifted from the score for Red Dawn).
We then have a bit from Eddie Matthews, the stunt coordinator. The man is a Christian, working in Hollywood. He talks about how he is currently (in 1999) working on Rocky and Bullwinkle, a movie that “will touch no one.” (Gotta give him credit; he’s right.) Matthews then says he hopes to now be working on a movie that will touch its viewers and cross over to secular audiences. I felt sympathy for this guy. He seems to be a decent fellow, and I thought he really wanted to make a good movie that would reflect his values. If I were there, I’d take him aside, look him in the eye, and remind him that it has to be a good movie first, and then you could work on sending a message. For what it’s worth, Eddie Matthews’s demeanor is unpolished, unaffected, and casual. In other words, this guy seems to be the real deal. I didn’t get that feeling from watching Paul Crouch.
Matthew Crouch brings up the low budget, then goes into what they did to save time and cut costs. The first thing he mentions is the use of a second unit. This might be informative for people who are new to the filmmaking process, but there’s a problem: second units aren’t limited to low-budget movies. Look at any big-budget movie these days; more likely than not, you’ll see “Second Unit Director” in the credits.
This baby has four minutes to go, so let’s hope this is the last SEGUE!
They’re in L.A., which is subbing for Jerusalem, filming Stone’s coronation. Matt Crouch describes this while being interviewed by Paul Crouch. No kidding. Father/executive producer interviews son/producer. Matt says this was one of the biggest scenes they shot, with 200-300 extras. Then he starts gushing about how The Omega Code has “something for everyone” in it. He also praises Casper Van Dien’s energy, and says that Van Dien “does a lot of running” in the movie.
The featurette should be wrapping up here, so this is a strange time to interview the actor who played Computer Guy. But that’s what they do. He doesn’t say much. More puff piece stuff. And there’s more of that from Matt Crouch, who is interviewed by his dad once again. Michael York gives one last sound bite promoting the movie, then we go into the final SEGUE! “O Fortuna” from Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana plays here. And that is that.
So, the featurette is a half-hour promo. I lost count of the number of times I said “puff piece” here. It wasn’t as goofy as I expected to be, certainly nothing on the order of an Uwe Boll movie. But it’s pretty lame. Most of the cast and crew talked without saying anything. The only parts that were interesting were the technical sequences, and they were nothing new. The only person who engaged me here was Eddie Matthews; I’m hoping he was able to find a real movie that could touch audiences later on. But the whole thing felt very sloppy, from the constant segues to filler scenes, to interviews carried out by the executive producer. This bunch doesn’t know how to make behind-the-scenes videos, either.
I thought about editing this down to a page or two, because it was so boring, but I’m too tired to bother. I’m gonna let it stand. It may be a while before I do this again; this movie beat me down.
You may have picked up from this review that I don’t like Paul Crouch. I’ve seen him on TBN from time to time, and there was always something about him that rubbed me the wrong way. Most people will agree that they’ve met people, or seen them on TV or heard them on radio, who give off a bad vibe. You get that little feeling in your gut that says, Thar’s somethin’ wrong here. I’ve learned to trust that little feeling. Call it your subconscious mind hitting on what that person is saying and sending a warning, call it a psychic flash, call it whatever you want. But that’s the impression Crouch left on me. Also, I came across a couple of websites that criticized him pretty harshly, giving some pretty ugly thing he’d said, including, “I am a little god.” Those aren’t the words of an evangelist; they’re the words of a cult leader. (I’ve heard the audio; those claims seem pretty solid to me.) And isn’t it interesting:. This quote comes fairly close to the words of The Omega Code’s villain.
Which leads back to The Omega Code. Throughout most of the film, it looked like all of the goofy stuff on screen came as a result of sheer incompetence from the film crew, from producers and director on down. But I detected a whiff of contempt for the audience from time to time. And in that unbelievable it-was-a-bad-dream bit, it didn’t whiff; it reeked. I remember reading that Matt Crouch slammed people who criticized The Omega Code, calling them “sinners.” (I don’t have the original quote, and I might be off on this. If anyone has info either way, please let me know.) Uh, Matt, first off, do a little homework. Ya got six billion sinners in the world right now. And you might want to take a long hard look at yourself and dear old dad first. In the New Testament, Christ stated there’s an Eleventh Commandment: Love Thy Neighbor. This should cover Thou shalt not treat thy audience like a bunch of blithering morons quite nicely. The Crouches may have some explaining to do when their time comes. |
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Matrixprime
Diocesan Ecclesiarch of the Sacred Order of Jabootu
USA
69 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2007 : 9:33:23 PM
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Hats off to you for the review! I am almost done reading it (I print 'em for offline reading). This is some great stuff....get some screen shots, and I think this should be moved out of the forum and onto the website proper so that it doesn't archive.
**disclaimer - since this is a religious movie/discussion, please don't take offense at how I may word things/etc. In the end, I feel all religions lead to the same end result. I don't, however, belive in Rapture in any way/shape/form, and after reading various books by those who do, that has not changed in the slightest. To that end, there is a liberal amount of putting words in quotes, because I don't want anyone to think that I'm saying these things as a believer. I also am using the word Rapture as an all encompassing term for End Times/etc because frankly, it takes too long to type it all out.
At one point I did as much research into Rapturology as I could bear, out of curiousity, and I just thought I'd toss a few things out there:
-Regarding how quickly people bow to the Antichrist: from all I've read, most people who believe in the Rapture take a dim view of free will; everything is pre-ordained. To that end, many people will turn to the Antichrist and worship/follow him because they HAVE to because the Bible 'indicates' that most of the world will worship him. To give you an example from the Bible I'm familiar with, in some of the New Testament it's implied that Judas was BORN to betray Jesus, it was no choice of his because Jesus had to be betrayed, and that despite that it wasn't his choice he's still Hell Bound.
-Regarding the 'prophecies' - Similar to above, the basic idea is that everything has been pre-ordained and laid out from beginning to end. There is no free will. So the prophecies lay things out (ignoring the puns) exactly as things will occur, because there's no choice.
-One generalization about Rapturology not specific to the Omega Code - various factions disagree on which elements of the Bible are literal, and which are figurative. For example, in the Left Behind series the Beast is a metaphor for the various leaders that work with the Antichrist, but the human headed locusts are literally human headed locusts. In other works I've seen, the locusts are considered metaphors for something like the Press, while the Beast has been shown in some medieval art as a literal creature. To me, it seems that the ones that are taken figurative are ones that can be used to compare to a real event, and whatever doesn't have a modern day analogue is literal.
I point that out because some of the odder film moments might have been inspired out of the same vein. I've talked to a few people who do believe in the Rapture (and visited fan sites) and the impression I've gotten is that if you believe in the Rapture/End Times, there is no such thing as a plot hole. If it doesn't make sense, its God's will.
-regarding the movies 'subtlety' - My mother was curious about the Left Behind series, so she read 'em all and I read 'em after her. I found them horribly written tripe that wasn't too different than if you found some Middle Schoolers manifesto. They had some of the worst dialog, and at random intervals an entire chapter would be a digital message one of the characters would send to believers (basically a very thinly veiled preaching).
In case you think I'm beating up on 'em, I read an interview with LaHaye and Jenkins in either Newsweek or Time and they said flat out that they didn't disagree with critics that the books were poorly written, but they intended them to be just another way to get their message out to the public (like sugar coating a bitter pill).
That whole idea seems to be common in Rapture literature. I have yet to see one where they wanted to even TRY to entertain; if they can't get you to watch their shows or meet them in person, then they'll trick you with a story - whatever it takes. So yeah, Omega Code ain't subtle, but compared to the various Cloud 10 (or is it 9) movies I've seen, or the various books I've read, its real subtle.
That's a shame too, because while I may not be a believer (and it is unlikely I will EVER believe in the Rapture/etc) it does sound like a fascinating apocalyptic story. The closest I've read to a good novelization was a Military based Left Behind spin off (it told the story from the perspective of soldiers in the Middle East and their family in US bases). I read the first two books, and thought they were pretty good.
One last thing; when I saw the movie, the impression I got wasn't that this stuff had to happen then, but that in order to basically 'push the button' and set the whole thing in motion, someone had to first A) Decode the instructions, and B) follow them.
So when I saw it, I was under the impression not that the crappy prophecies came true a few seconds after they appeared, but that in order for York to get the power he thought he'd get, he had to get the next 'instruction' and then make it happen. Once it was done, then the next prophecy would reveal itself, and so on. I thought he was hesitant to take it all the way, and it was Dominic that egged him onto going far enough to transform him into the Antichrist (at which point obviously the Antichrist will definitely finish the job).
I know, I know, way too much thought. But you have to admit, if you think of the movie in that light, it actually seems kinda entertaining.
Bah Weep Granna Weep Ninny Bahn - Universal Greeting
Est Solarus Oth Mithas - Solamnic Knight Pledge
And now its me too:
http://matrixprime.blogspot.com |
Edited by - Matrixprime on 05/16/2007 9:39:04 PM |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 06:52:22 AM
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Thanks, Matrix! Actually, now that you've recommended it, I might try and submit this as an official revew, except for two things. One, I have no idea how to submit it; do I e-mail Ken, or someone else, with a copy of this and say "Here ya go"? *grin* Second, I don't have the equipment I'd need to put vidcaps in, and I can't afford it at this time. Hey, if there's ways around that, I'm game.
I'm not 100% sure I believe in the idea of the Rapture liteally or not, to tell you the truth. As far as End Times prophecies go, forget it. My interpretation of anything the Bible says about this is pretty much, "It may be tomorrow, or it may be a million years from now. Keep your bags packed, just in case." You have a point about those predictions taking free will out of the equation, but remember that people aren't always geniuses when exercising their free will. Crowd mentality, especially, can be both stupid and frightening. Yeah, that sounds cynical, but I have plenty of history to back me up on this, unfortunately.
What you said about the writers of the Left Behind books rung a bell. I was checking a couple of articles on this movie, and I came across a quote. Don't remember exactly where it was, and I wish I'd copied it and put it in the review, since it says something about Paul Crouch. He basically said, go and see the movie and recommend it to friends, even if you don't like it. Not too long ago, I saw a quote from the writer of The Nativity Story, Mike Rich. He basically said the same thing I've said ad nauseum: make a good movie first, and THEN try and get a message in. (Unfortunately, Nativity was a crashing bore, partly because Rich's script is so by-the-numbers, but at least he has the right idea.) Someone should tell the Crouches that, but I doubt they'd listen.
The idea of unlocking one prophecy in the code by fulfilling another one might work. But it still falls apart in the movie. First off, the Bible Code isn't set up that way; everything they say points to the whole code being there for the looking, if you know how to decode it. Second, if the final code tells Stone that he's toast, then it makes no sense for Gillen or anyone else to keep it hidden. They could hand the final page over and have a good laugh at the look on Stone's face when he reads the final prophecy. After all, it's a foregone conclusion; Gillen doesn't actually do anything to stop this guy.
Anyway, some people might explain plot holes like that as "the will of God." I'd explain it as very, very sloppy writing.
One thing I didn't think about until after I'd posted the review: That opening legend said that "he who control Jerusalem in the last days will control the world." Stone doesn't control Jerusalem; he's in Rome. And he's about to try and blow Jerusalem up, but the Genesis Torpedo hits before he can do it. Oops!
There are elements in the movie that might have worked, if they had some skilled people behind the camera. For the most part, though, these guys were hacks. |
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Matrixprime
Diocesan Ecclesiarch of the Sacred Order of Jabootu
USA
69 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 12:50:21 PM
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I'd just email Ken; I dunno of any 'official' way to submit. Would be a shame to lose this though. If there's anyone who's a Bible scholar of sorts, perhaps you could get them to provide 'picture in a picture' commentary - this is a rather diverse group.
I don't disagree with you regarding plot holes being sloppy; I just know from seeing interviews, talking to people, etc, about films of this nature, that if they are considered fundamentalist in their belief (as religious films tend to be geared to) then there will never be such a thing as a plot hole.
To us film scholars/less shall we say focused individuals, its a plot hole and a little bit of effort could fix most of 'em up. But know your audience...if they aren't gonna care why bother?
A bit of an anecdotal story that relates to the above. My mother was a very religious person. She didn't know about the Rapture/End Times, but she was very spiritual. Even when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she never waivered. She even felt guilty about not going to church weekly (when she was on oxygen, tired from chemo, and still working!).
I say that not for any sympathy, but to say this - I never saw the Passion. She bought the tape and watched it and the tape got jammed in the VCR before I could see it. I bought her the DVD, so its still around here in the shrink wrap, so I haven't gotten to it.
When I talked to those of a fundamentalist bent, or read reviews from same, they gushed over how the film made them feel Jesus' pain, etc,etc. In at least one city a priest was handing out little tissue packets.
My mothers thoughts? She couldn't take the film seriously because the violence was so over the top to her, and so lengthy. She told me she actually came close to cracking up on one scene (Jesus being whipped/beaten by some guards) because, in her words, the guards were acting so over the top in enjoying it, the first thought that came to mind was the Bushwhackers from WWF!
Same thing here; we may notice these plot holes, but for those it was geared to, they're too wrapped up in the 'ambiance' to notice.
Going back to how easily bend to Satan's will, etc...I'm a cynic on people too, but Rapturology/End Timology is even more than us. I wish I had the books to pull exact quotes, but at several points in the Left Behind Series they make specific comments along the lines of 'they don't have a choice' in worshipping evil.
To a true End Time believer, only those similar believers have a chance for heaven because they're the only true believers; everyone else were put on the planet to purposely do evil and be tortured by God for the enlightenment of the believer.
Look at the official Left Behind RTS that came out, and the controversy surrounding it (a Google search will give you some CNN/MSNBC articles). If you aren't an End Time Fundamentalist you are evil. Heck, in some sites I've perused, if you don't believe THEIR brand of Rapturology, you're as bad as everyone else.
I'm not trying to bag on those who believe this stuff, honestly. I researched all of it out of honest curiousity. But what I've walked away with is the impressions above.
Back to Left Behind (and I use it repeatedly because it seems to be a version of Rapture/End Time that appeals widest) it is referenced that the 7 countries join to the AntiChrist because they HAVE to. People get the Mark because they HAVE to. Only those blessed by God beforehand are saved. Even those that originally don't believe but convert were destined to do so in the books.
So even those that convert convert because they HAVE to.
I don't know if its a common thread in all End Time beliefs; I had a Jehovah Witness (they believe End Times are imminent) that only those who can get into Heaven are those who have been pre-determined.
Heres' that production company I told you about:
http://www.imdb.com/company/co0106865/
And this is that movie I was thinking about:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0291850/
It had the potential for an entertaining story; essentially, SETI gets a signal, but its not aliens, its SATAN. Louis Gosset Jr, Judd Nelson are in it. In the hands of someone like Ray Bradbury, Stephen King, etc, this could've been fairly decent. You could draw concept parallels to Pulse (or the original Kairo) or White Noise.
But he acting? HORRIBLE. And it's indicated that any alien life found/signals heard will all be the devil in actuality. And all who hear the signal become vile scum. It starts nice but by the half way marker it is so ridiculously preachy I was insulted.
Check it out...its what I was thinking of when I said Omega Code was subtle.
Bah Weep Granna Weep Ninny Bahn - Universal Greeting
Est Solarus Oth Mithas - Solamnic Knight Pledge
And now its me too:
http://matrixprime.blogspot.com |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 05/21/2007 : 10:52:14 PM
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Man oh man, I think I'm gonna have to pass on that movie. Anything that makes The Omega Code look subtle would probably have me sitting in a corner babbling incoherently. Not too far from my present state, I know, but you get the idea.
Mel Gibson has an unhealthy obsession with violence (keep in mind that I liked Apocalypto), but he was able to channel it well with The Passion. Several years back, I read an article written by a physician, taking the description of the crucifixion from the Bible and describing what Scripture said Christ went through medically. If anything, it was worse than depicted in The Passion; it'd be an instant NC-17 if it were filmed as described (I don't have the article anymore, I'm afraid. If I did, I'd give details on the author). So I didn't think The Passion was over-the-top at all. Different opinions, I guess.
If anyone came to me talking of End Times and said we had no free will, I'd dismiss them out of hand. We may have little or no control over things that happen to us externally, but we always have a say in how we react. I'm with you on that; that's one of the reasons I've never bothered to read the Left Behind series. That and the "if you don't lock step behind us, you are EE-VILL" mentality; again, that sounds less like a religion and more like a cult.
As for saying that some people will go in and recommend a movie (or book, or whatever), even if it has gaping holes in the plot, or bad direction, or what have you.... I wish I could say you were dead wrong. Instead, you probably nailed it. The fact that TBN has quite a following, and is such a success, is evidence of that. I suspect TBN has done some good things over the years, but Paul Crouch, Benny Hinn, Kenneth Copeland, and others still come to mind whenever I think of this group. The fact that TBN is still raking in donations is both embarrassing and a little disturbing to me.
Two final by-the-ways. First off, I did indeed write to Ken about submitting a review. So, here's hopin'.
Second, I saw Cabaret over the weekend. Michael York was eclipsed by Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey, but you can't blame him for that. His part wasn't near as flashy as the other two. He delivered a solid performance, showing that at one time he was a competent actor. I don't know if I'd call Cabaret one of the greatest movies of all time, but it was a fantastic film. One thing did strike me, though. When York was interviewed for the DVD (around 1997, I think), he made a reference to people "enjoying" the movie as they had in '72. Um, Michael, your memory's off. The movie turned out to be very dark, leaving no doubt at the end that the world these people inhabit is able to go to hell in a handbasket. When I saw the play, I noticed that in the last ten minutes, no one in the audience moved; we all had chills going down our spines. The audiences in the theaters probably had that same feeling. Yes, it's a great movie, but Cabaret won't "delight" audiences, nor was it meant to. |
Edited by - BradH812 on 05/22/2007 07:27:53 AM |
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twitterpate
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Canada
1026 Posts |
Posted - 05/25/2007 : 1:28:48 PM
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| Hurray, life is good, a new (and long!) review by Brad! |
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The Omega Code
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