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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
 Posted - 03/17/2008 : 6:40:58 PM
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Since I just spent St. Patrick's Day at the dentist, and I've been hitting everything else as it comes along, I'd like to share my pain a little. Coming soon, Scanranger: March Madness and the Scanrangers vs. KuroEasterBunny.
Coming soon for real (hopefully): The Scanranger drinking game. Please post any suggestions, including "don't make it, loser."
Episode 18-Hit the Beach! The Super Sentai Spring Break
Summary: The Scanrangers travel to Hawaii for spring break, only to have their precious off-time interrupted by the discovery that MAYHEM is up to no good nearby.
Monster: KuroShark
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode18.html
Rants-
-Narration: MAYHEM chose the opportunity to attack the earth in broad daylight!
*Which they do most of the time anyway.
-Narration: The Scanrangers had the upper hand, but suddenly, as our heroes began to call upon their film energy attacks, they dissipate and return back to their civilian identities!
*If the handling of that issue hadn’t been so idiotic (if reading before my dissection of ep. 16, the Scanrangers’ powers suddenly conked out in the middle of a fight for no discernible reason, but they didn’t bother to tell anybody, thinking it was no big deal. I’m serious), not to mention completely ignored in the previous episode, this could’ve been really effective.
-Narration: Ug was about to split Vin's head in two like a ripe fruit! Vin screams, and...wakes up! Fortunately, it was only a dream, but it startled the Scanranger leader. In a cold sweat, he again recalls the time he lost his special film energy attacks fighting KuroSpider.
Vin: "That was some serious nightmare! What if MAYHEM actually had the same power as we did?"
*Fortunately (?), it was all a dream. Vin had a nightmare about his team losing their powers and MAYHEM having film energy of their own. Despite almost a page and a quarter of the episode being given over to Vin’s nightmare, nothing is done with the anxiety. Never. The Scanrangers are talking casually later in the episode and figure out what’s wrong with their powers so that issue goes away, and though Vin is reminded of his dream the first time MAYHEM uses some movie powers of its own, that’s pretty much it. MAYHEM having film energy doesn’t really tip the balance of power at all. Of course when you look at the titles of the next four episodes you’ll probably be able to figure out why.
-Takeshi: “What do you think, Kunio-san?"
Kunio: "It's all right...For one thing, it beats being on those crowded beaches in Florida, you know, Ft.Lauderdale, Miami Beach..It was all right until those beach parties made Spring Break so decadent..in my humble opinion..
Vin: "That's what I like about you, Mikey..Always thinking with a pure heart.."
*Me too. I love hearing Vince Jones’s thoughts on issues like the decadence of college students on spring break. Humble, indeed.
-Nick: “I ask you, What's the catch?" said Nick, questioning the round trip plane tickets that Alex sent them.
*A catch? Like what? Having to use their superhuman powers to protect New Jersey from aliens? Oh, wait. In spite of her creepy escapade last episode the Scanrangers think of Alex as not just their superior officer but as a friend, and she’s hardly made a habit of doing nice things for them only for it to turn out to be an excuse to send them on a mission. Never, in fact.
-Kunio: “Sorry to spoil your plan, but for me, myself, and I..this is a great opportunity to meet girls!" Kunio sighs, shaking his head.
Vin: "Why am I'm not surprised?"
*Nice grammar, fearless leader. Despite what Kunio says, it’s Nick who goes on a disastrous babe hunt when they get to the islands.
-Vin: “Toni..How were you able to create that attack a few days ago?”
*I should probably be glad Vin’s trying to find out how their powers are different from how they used to be at all, even if it’s way after the fact and from the wrong person.
-Toni: “Well, fortunately, with our new ally Danger Woman, I was merely inspired and thought about that movie..The 'Titanic Attack was something I've been working on since we first lost our intital film energies from Benedict and his henchmen..I still can't utilize my original attacks, like the 'Charisse Kick', for instance..”
Vin: “That's it! That's why I couldn't use the 'Abarenbo Slash' on that cybercreature..
*And that solves the mystery of the vanishing film energy, just like that. Drama’s not drama if the issues only come up because the characters are too stupid to talk to each other about important issues.
-Vin: “But I guess it won't matter for the time being..Number one, we do indeed have an entire film vault where we can summon our special movie genre fighting techinques..Number two, Arno Benedict and his Brigade were destroyed with their robot..We don't have to worry about those villains anymore…”
*Why won’t it matter for a while if the Scanrangers don’t have special attacks? Yes they probably do have a huge film vault from which to draw attacks, which is mentioned in a few other episodes, but it’s never made clear what that has to do with them creating attacks (and as I’ve said I shouldn’t have to read Vince’s mind on things like that). In any case, Benedict is an odd thing to bring up. True Benedict was defeated, and while MAYHEM isn’t as great a threat they obviously haven’t given up as the Scanrangers have fought them a couple times since Benedict went down.
-Benedict: “It'll be a matter of time until I recover from my wounds..And once we provide you with our special surprise, Then I, at that moment, shall finish you forever!!!"
*It’s nice the closest things Scanranger’s ever had to proper villains are coming back, but on the other hand, so blatantly announcing their imminent return undercuts the drama of the Scanrangers’ upcoming battle with MAYHEM in this episode.
-Blackorg: “Key! Report to me at once!" said the overlord. "Key, Ug..I have a very special mission for the two of you..I am in the process of experimenting certain humans on your planet..Blackorg notices the TV show which Key was watching..
Key: “The earth villain was somewhat nervous. "Uhhh, nothing my lord, uhh, just watching and viewing how females enjoy themselves on the beach."
*Blackorg tells Key to report to him, then immediately goes to where Key’s goofing off watching spring break specials. What? I wonder why Key’s nervous, too. I highly doubt Blackorg drills his subordinates into a state of constant alertness. If anything seeing Key ogling a bunch of scantily clad females should only help to secure his place in this self-professed evil army.
-Blackorg: “As I was saying..I am experimenting on certain humans and I want you and Ug to bring me two humans..male and female..The right human may prove worthy for possible future subjects from our army to be..”
*Uh, yeah. Wonder why we never hear about this again.
-Narration: Hawaii..a tropical paradise..(if not a very expensive paradise)
*Uh, yeah, once again.
-Narration: After the team rests up and settle down in their hotel, they hit the sands about two hours later.
*They hit the beach two hours after they settle in and rest up?
-Narration: Takeshi and B.C. ride the wild surf. Takeshi(the pro) showing B.C.(the novice) how to hang ten.
*Because as we all know, everyone from Hawaii is an expert surfer. Everyone.
-B.C.: “YEEEHAAAA! COWABUNGA, BABY!!" shouted B.C. as he adjusts to riding a surfboard. He then starts singing the 'Hawaii-Five-0' theme song.
*Only in crappy stories like Scanranger would huge dorks like this be not only accepted but the saviors of the world. Plus you technically can’t “sing” the Hawaii-Five-0 theme song because…it has no words. ([url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AepyGm9Me6w[/url])
-Takeshi: “My dad taught me when I was only 12..He claimed to be the best hotdogger this side of the Pacific!”
*For the geographically challenged, Hawaii is in the middle of the Pacific.
-B.C. and Takeshi are able to hold a conversation while both surf, evidently on separate boards. And amateur B.C. doesn’t wipe out until a 25-foot wave sneaks up on him. I’m not buying it.
-Narration: He gets swallowed by the wave, causing a wipe out! He then flies to a couple relaxing in the sun, unaware of the inpending danger.
*So B.C. falls off his board into the wave, which spits him back out? Sure. At least the second part of the second sentence is accurate. Being within a hundred feet of that guy is hazardous to anyone’s health. I think I got cancer just reading about him.
-Narration: Suddenly, a flying body was about to crash on their parade.
*Thanks Vince, but we probably remember reading about that forty-five seconds again.
-B.C.: “Forgive me! I'm sorry..Are you all right?" B.C. looks at Kotaro for a brief second. "Sorry..You looked like someone I met very briefly.." He runs back to the water.
*B.C. apologizes after almost creaming two beachgoers who happen to be the actors who played Red Hawk and White Swan in Jetman. Anyway, B.C. meets two people who looks (and presumably sound) just like two members of his favorite superhero team ever, who he got the chance to actually meet and make friends with, and he runs away? And doesn’t tell anyone. Alright then.
-Rika: “Are you all right, Kotaro-kun?"
Kotaro: "I guess so..For some reason, I thought I'd seen that face before myself.."
*How would they recognize him? B.C. met the real Jetman in an alternate dimension. As far as I can tell he’s back in his own where it’s only a TV show.
-Interruption: (Editor's note for you super sentai experts: Can you guess the alter egos of this one time future task force couple? E-mail me! Hint: She broke up with the biker; he was mourning his lover who fought on the bad guy's side! V.J.)
*See what I did there?! It’s not bad enough Vince has to make such an awkward insider reference, he has to kick you in the head and make sure you realize that’s what it was.
-Key: “I don't get it.. Where are the bikini babes? I thought I'd set the coordinates for Daytona Beach..It looks like we're on some deserted island..”
Byte: “Excuse me, Mr.Key..but did you ask the general to set the controls?”
Key: “Yeah, why?”
Byte: “Didn't Lord Blackorg tell you that Ug can't r-e-a-d?”
*By a shocking coincidence (which is to say villain incompetence), MAYHEM winds up on the same island where the rangers are vacationing to conduct their evil experiments. Did I ever mention how hard it is to get involved in the conflict if the villains are incompetent boobs who wouldn’t be out of place in Home Alone or Surf Ninjas?
-Byte: “According to my calculations, we're on one of the Hawaiian Islands.." Byte points to a dormant volcano.
*That’s how he tells? From a dormant volcano nearby?
-Key: “I'm surrounded by idiots..”
*Wait til “Carmen’s Baptism of Fire” and say that again, Anark. And if he’s so smart, why don’t they go back to Nebutopia and go where they meant to in the first place?
-Narration: Attempting to meet someone, the unlucky lover sets his sight on another college student soaking up some rays. She was wearing a Stanford University T-shirt.
Nick: “She looks like she has a very 'quiet' type personality like myself..”
*This might be from a bad experience I had with someone who claimed they pick Jews out of a crowd (and picked me), but he can tell she has a quiet personality from her wearing a “Stanford” shirt. I bet.
-Nick: “I could think of nineteen different ways of removing that guys hand off my wrist...but 'out of respect..' I'll cut them a break..for now.." Of course, the bodyguards wouldn't have been aware of Nick being GreenScanner.
*Thinks Nick after realizing secret service agents are keeping him from hitting on Chelsea Clinton. No the agents probably wouldn’t have known Nick was GreenScanner, but think about how much more trouble he’d be in after they found out. Project Paramount gets government funding. He works for the same people they do whether he realizes it or not. Before wondering about that, ask yourself the obvious question, Nick: are you that desperate?
-Nick: “Aquaintance with a new friend from another campus was firmly within my grasp.."
B.C.: "And then the girls ran for their lives.."
Nick: "You wouldn't have done any better!"
*I hate to break this to you Nick, but B.C.’s the one who has a girlfriend.
-Takeshi: “Think he's a little steamed after not being picked to go out with Toni recently, Vin?"
Vin: "Probably so..but let that be our little secret, okay?"
*You couldn’t tell after Nick’s hilarious temper tantrum last episode?
-Kunio: “Hey! Hey! Down in front! I'm trying to sketch here!" said Kunio. He brushes Toni out of the way.
Toni: "What's wrong with you, Mikey?" she replied, snatching Mikey's pad and pencil. "Ever since you've set foot on this tropical paradise, you haven't let go of that pencil! Come on, man! Put the sketch pad aside! Lighten up and play! This is a vacation, you know! Relax and have fun!"
*Didn’t we just get done with an episode where a supposedly sympathetic character tried to force what they thought was a good idea on one of their friends?
-Nick: "You know what? The pretty lady has a point..Like the old saying, 'All work and no play makes Mikey a dull boy..'
*Vin sure likes the words “pretty lady” in sequence, because that’s how the narration described Nick’s would-be paramour too. In any case, the “dull” thing is a lost cause no matter what Kunio does.
-Kunio: “Hey, Takeshi-san! Do something! Help me! Call me a lifeguard!”
Takeshi: “Okay.. You're a lifeguard!”
*Oof! The misses keep on coming!
-Anark Key: “Ug! You know what to do! All you have to do is to press that button, and we'll have two captives for Lord Blackorg!”
*You know what to do, but I’ll tell you anyway!
-Narration: Key hands Ug a remote control device of some sort.
*Good to see Vince is working on clarity.
-Narration: The general was also dressed up in some native witch doctor type outfit(Key's idea to scare the victims).
*Because Hawaii is famous for evil witch doctors that prey on tourists.
-Tourist: “Joe told me about this getaway island when he and his wife went away here..No one else knows about this piece of beach, but us!"
*Other than Joe and his wife, one presumes, but how likely is that? Hawaii’s not a huge place and not at all unexplored. And is it an island or a “piece of beach”?
-Narration: At once, Ug jumped out of nowhere, surprising the two lovers. They make a 160 degree turn to escape his clutches. Soon thereafter, something else jumped in their way.
*Oddly specific about the number of degrees. I don’t know, but “soon” belays the feeling of urgency. How about “immediately”?
-Narration: The woman then screamed.
*The attack ends and Ug never used the remote control. Why bring it up?
-Narration: Back at the hotel, Kunio finishes his e-mail back to Cape Paramount Base. 'Having a blast here in Hawail, Profess! Thanks again! Signed, The Scanranger crew'
*Glad they’re enjoying their vacation in Hawail. On top of that, identifying themselves as the Scanrangers seems unnecessarily risky, and stupid. Would there really be a danger of Alex reading the e-mail then saying, “Vin? Toni? Takeshi? Who the hell sent this?” In regards to secret identities, at this point in the story their secrecy wasn’t played as much of a concern, but in the most recent stuff the Scanrangers act like they’d rather bite off their own tongues rather than betray their secrets, stupid as it is since MAYHEM knows who they are.
-Newspaper: “'COUPLE SLAIN NEAR REMOTE BEACH AREA..Possible Shark Attack'..
*Remember this. Possible shark attack. And add whoever found the bodies to the people besides Joe and his wife who know about that stretch of beach, plus the police, the paper that ran the story and everyone who pays attention to the news.
-Takeshi: “That's very sad for those tourists, considering the north part of the island was infested with deadly sea creatures..”
*If Takeshi’s known that since before he left the islands, that implies people have known about the “deadly sea creatures” in the area where the tourists were killed for a long time. I can’t say I have much sympathy for anyone who’d go there and end up dying. Besides, we know MAYHEM killed the couple and in a minute the rangers read something that compels them to investigate, so Takeshi’s only muddying the waters by saying this.
-Newspaper: “No sign of foul play,the dead bodies seemed to be mummified…”
*The victims appear to be mummified…how does that suggest a shark attack and not foul play?!!
-Takeshi: “This requires checking out..Come on, Mikey.." The two run down to the scene of the crime.
*But not getting the other rangers or even reporting it in.
-Narration: The general, Key, and Byte were getting very impatient as they stack up two more bodies intended for Blackorg.
Key: "They're not the ones we're looking for, either! These victims' will seem to be weaker than what Lord Blackorg wanted!"
*So the bodies are just piling up. Do they even know what they’re looking for in a victim? And they’re still doing this after being reported in the local media. *le sigh*
-Key: “Just collecting a few samples of weak-minded humans for the next phase of world domination..Any objections? KuroShark!" Key orders the cybercreature to attack.
*You mean he wasn’t calling the monster to settle things with a friendly game of checkers?
-Kuroshark: “You can't hurt me! Not as long as Master Key protects me with his Scanner-Proof cartilage formula! You can throw an A-bomb at me and still can't scratch this body!"
*Yeah right. That’s too powerful a weapon to use only once without an explanation.
-Narration: Out of nowhere, a DVD disc lands and explodes in KuroShark's mouth. This signaled the appearance of GreenScanner and the other remaining Scanrangers.
*Just like that they know how to get around the monster’s invincibility. I’m sorry Vince, but unless it’s a multi-episode story, you make things too easy on your heroes.
-Key: “The Scanrangers? Here in Hawaii!? But how?”
*See? Going to his original destination would’ve been worth it after all. Mind he says this only after the whole team shows up, even though Kunio and Takeshi had been fighting them for a little while already.
-Key: “We're got to stop them before they find out about our diabolical plot!”
*Key, buddy, they’re here because they read about the killings in the newspaper, and you yourself told them what you were doing. (“Just collecting a few samples of weak-minded humans for the next phase of world domination..”) It’s too late.
-Narration: He remembered watching Key's satelitte TV and saw a war scene, not knowing what it was all about.. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ug remembers seeing a high-tech 'Maser Cannon' from a Japanese movie.
*Which movie? This is how it is when MAYHEM uses film energy: some generic effect just happens. I can think of one time where Vince identifies the movie used as a source. Strangely this is exactly the opposite for Scanranger, where the movie they’re using is almost always identified, even when it’s silly.
-Vin: “If the three MAYHEM captains possess the same film energies as we do, the project would be doomed!”
*Just like that, huh? I’m sorry dude but your own team has admitted MAYHEM is no Viram.
-Blackorg: “Key! Ug! I have the human specimens necessary! Return to base!"
*So they did find somebody who had what the were looking for after all. What was it again?
-Key: “My lord! The Scanrangers are down! Now is the opportunity for you to finish them off! They're defeated!
Blackorg: "Do not question me, Key! We can destroy those accursed Scanrangers at our leisure, when I will it! Return to Nebultopia! I shall not ask you again!!!" Blackorg's hologram fades out.
Key: "Blast it! Rather I feel his wrath than these beaten fools! Come on, Ug!" Key said, replying to the rangers. "But we're not yet finished..I shall leave all of you a parting gift to remember us by! Byte!"
*Wow. I love it when inanity comes together. MAYHEM’s actually win a fight and Blackorg calls his men off because it’s another case of, “If it didn’t happen that way, the story would be over.” Vince is way too dependent on that, and we can only forgive it so many times. Which is to say once, maybe, in a story this annoying. And yet he thinks Blackorg gets to rant and rave about how useless his men are when he tells them to retreat from a battle they’re actually winning. No.
**Key goes on to say he’d rather feel Blackorg’s wrath than the Scanrangers’…so why doesn’t he stay and finish the job? If he did he wouldn’t be feeling their wrath ever again.
**Finally, Blackorg said leave the Scanrangers alone, yet Key leaves Kuroshark behind to keep the fight going. What the fug?
-Narration: Using its Film Reel Whip, it continues to strike KuroShark's most vulnerable spot: Its mouth!
*Yeah we remember. Are you telling me the monster can’t simply close its mouth to stop the Scanrangers from doing that? It’s a shark monster. It should be pretty hard for them to force its jaws open so they can attack.
-Narration: He kicks KuroShark on the chin nearby an active Hawaiian volcano, knocking the monster to the ground.
*I was so confused there for a second, I thought they were on an Icelandic volcano while they were on vacation in Hawaii. Thanks for caring so much about your readers, Vince.
-Vin: “Make sure you don't get in the way of the blade!"
*Vin says this to the giant Takeshi who’s holding the monster to they can land a sword blow in the mouth. Thanks a lot for that piece of advice, Vin, I was gonna just stand here and let you saw my head off to get rid of one generic monster.
-Kunio: “I was looking for rest and relaxation, and what happens? We barely escaped with our lives near an active volcano!"
*Did the volcano erupt or something? You’d think it would since Vince established it as being active, but he never said it did.
-Narration: To encourage the two, B.C. decided to lighten them up a tad.
*No, oh God no…
-B.C.: “Hey! Mina! Guys! Theres always summertime! We've only got about a month to go!”
*It’ll be okay, because the evil aliens hell-bent on world domination will probably take June-August off too. The stupid thing is they pretty much do.
-Narration: B.C. breaks out a ukelele, doing an impression of Bugs Bunny's Hawaiian song(Think of the end of 'Acrobatty Bunny') He sings, "Honolulumelakimimakakimkimmonotikitiaaaa, pineapple shag, withtommagnum p.i, Ukulelebobbybradyhuladiamondheadrealworldwereasinging some Don Ho, aloha poi, k-i-k-utveeee!"
*Please kill this man, for the sake of our children.
-Narration: Seeing that B.C.tried to lift up their spirits, the other five gave in to his humor, and sang along. He concluded.."Also available for comic cons, lodge meetings, children's parties, and smokers.." The rangers sing to the camera, "Good evening, friendsss!"
*And his friends too, since they find this cute and endearing.
-Next episode teaser: Benedict's Brigade is back with a vengeance! In the meantime, KuroGrappler focuses on one target: GreenScanner! Can the Scanrangers help Nick in this drag down, one fall, steel cage, Texas Death Match?
*Vince do you want the deathmatch between Nick and KuroGrappler to be heart-rending or comical? I think the former but with so many damn descriptors he sure acts like he’s angling toward the latter.
-Scanranger is such a mess when something I find respectable pops up, I feel I should point it out. This episode is like that. I’d like to extend my congratulations to Vince Jones for using up his episode with a shark monster and not taking the occasion to make any stupid references to Jaws.
When a stranger calls, make friends with him. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 03/18/2008 4:23:04 PM
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Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2008 : 09:50:42 AM
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Is there a term for incompetents who are supposed to be super threats? (I don't mean "Informed Attributes") "Battlefield Earth" had them too, the Psyclos were said to be DRUNK most of the time!
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2008 : 11:19:28 AM
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Between this, Bibleman, and Challenge of the Superfriends, there oughta be. Any chance of making space in the glossary, Ken?
When a stranger calls, make friends with him. |
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Scanranger Spring Break
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