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RVHorror
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
532 Posts |
 Posted - 12/20/2009 : 4:50:17 PM
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Holy Moses, did this film stink!
There's so-bad-it's-funny, so-bad-it's-painful, and hey-let's-make-it-bad-on-purpose. This film is a combination of the last two. It also looks like something cobbled together from homemade YouTube clips. The first Rock N Roll Nightmare was a lot of fun in a really terrible way. This is just really terrible in a really terrible way.
Where to start? Well, it's shot on video, which need not be bad, but is, here. It makes everything look as cheap as it is. The actors are all terrible, so they try being is deliberately over-the-top to hide this fact. Watching untalented actors trying to be less talented is, I think, like what falling into a black hole must be like. The costumes and props are from the local Halloween shop, and tend to give the actors problems. (The guy playing "War" is always adjusting his giant shoulders whenever he has to move.) The video effects are somewhat creative, though never convincing. The soundtrack consists of almost constant heavy metal music, which competes with the dialogue at all times. (Sometimes this is good, but it makes following the story really headachey.)
It's not surprising that it took four people to write this. I can only guess that none of them were allowed to show their work to any of the others.
So...some evil lord (named Mephisto) from a dark dimension has gathered the Four Horsemen and some other guys, because they want to take over the "mortal world" because...I guess because they're as bored as I am. Meanwhile, Jon Mikl Thor wanders the earth, beating up people who refuse to pay for their breakfasts. Meanwhile again, there's this nerdy crippled comic book artist. He talks to this neighbor girl on a walkie-talkie and his aunt yells at him to do everything that needs doing in the house, because she's afraid of being injured and unable to sew. As she tells him, "If I can't sew, I can't sew!" The nerdy guy's comic book art isn't terrible, per se, but it certainly can't be called good, either. (I was drawing very similar stuff myself, when I was in the third grade.)
Anyway, his aunt turns into a zombie, along with some guy we've never seen before, the neighbor girl gets kidnapped by more zombies (who, instead of taking her to the dark realm, spend tons of time talking about what they'd like to do with her). I think I missed where all these zombies came from.
So, what happens then? Well, he turns into "The Intercessor," his braces fall away, and he attacks the zombies; eventually, he goes to Hell and fights a giant, floating Misfits logo. Then, right about the halfway mark, we abandon this guy and Jon Mikl Thor shows up to take up the battle. Turns out he's the actual "Intercessor." He fights a fire-lady and a plant-lady to protect this little kid's dreams. See what I mean about four writers? At one point, Mephisto talks about how the "kid" almost messed up his plans, but I'm not sure what he was talking about. Also, the lord of the zombies--who has super-speed--is fighting against Mephisto, too, as he would rather take over the world himself. (I guess he provided the zombies, too, since they start fighting against Mephisto's forces.)The little girl kicks Mephisto in the shin, which looks like it took the actor by surprise.
Occasionally, there's a female narrator who tries to clear things up, but her voice has so much echo on it she's pretty hard to understand. If I'm not mistaken, she could have cleared everything up at the beginning. Ooo, and there's a surprise ending which leaves the door open for a sequel. Oh good Lord.
I think you'd have more fun watching random videos on YouTube, while listening to the local heavy metal station. At least the sheer amateurishness would be expected. And you wouldn't be thinking, "It has to get better" or dreading how much more there is to watch. The best part of the DVD was the "Outtakes" bit, in which the actors in front of a green screen have to content with a cat that keeps wandering into shot. Someone in post put a little flame on the cat's head. That was awesome!
Oh, and I know people age and all, but Jon Mikl Thor has certainly put on some weight since the first Rock N Roll Nightmare. It's a shame he hasn't put on any talent since then either. |
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Intercessor: Another Rock N Roll Nightmare
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