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zombiewhacker
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1475 Posts |
 Posted - 12/15/2008 : 6:43:52 PM
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The recent release of the latest Bond film Quantum of Solace makes this a splendid time to visit a new topic of debate on these boards: the worst superspy movies of all time. (Related subtopic: the worst of Bond... characters, movies, etc.)
I was prompted to start this topic when I checked over at Box Office Mojo and noticed that Die Another Day still ranks in the top three of the highest grossing Bond films, both domestic and worldwide. This is mystifying given that Die was not only the worst of the Brosnan offerings but one of the worst Bond movies period. That being said, there must be even worse spy films out there: cheap knockoffs that never got a wide release and ended up on the late, late show (when there was such a thing), foreign quickies, the kind of fodder that the good fellows of MST3K would so richly skewer.
Anyway, Die is a good (meaning bad) place to start, but I'm sure with a little bit of digging we can set the standard even lower. Suggestions? |
Edited by - zombiewhacker on 12/15/2008 6:44:58 PM
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RossM
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
427 Posts |
Posted - 12/15/2008 : 8:19:28 PM
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During the spy movie craze in the mid 1960s there were dozens of these Jabootu quality movies and spoofs. How about:
In Like Flint: A witless and cheaply made sequel to the weak Our man Flint
Any one of the cheaply made Matt Helm movies with Dean Martin. Horrible movies but the worst is probably The Wrecking Crew.
The Spy With A Cold Nose: A dog takes to spying.
The Second Best Secret Agent in the World
There is one that gets trampled on MST3K that features many actors from the James Bond movies but with Sean Connery's brother in the lead. I forget the title.
Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine is a winner as well.
The Billion Dollar Brain: A well made but overwhelmingly dull followup to the superb Ipcress File. Funeral in Berlin which fell between them is not great but not at all terrible.
I have always felt that the 1966 Casino Royal is very underrated. I like the movie and find many laughs in it despite the fact that it doesnt make any sense even on its own terms. Its music score is one of the best movie scores there is.
S*P*Y*S a weak attempt to recapture the chemistry of M*A*S*H but fails on all counts.
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 12/15/2008 : 10:55:07 PM
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Well, there is always Condorman.
*ducking before Food can throw a TV at me* |
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Danitsu
Minister of the Sacraments of Jabootu
40 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2008 : 2:15:48 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by RossM
There is one that gets trampled on MST3K that features many actors from the James Bond movies but with Sean Connery's brother in the lead. I forget the title.
It's Operation Double 007. But, it was released under several other James Bond and Sean Connery hinted names. like OK Connery, Operation Kid Brother, and Secret Agent 00.
"If you get served and serve them back...Then IT'S ON!!!" |
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Flangepart
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
2329 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2008 : 4:56:49 PM
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ten words...Bart Fargo,Bart Fargo,Bart Fargo,Bart Fargo,Bart Fargo!
DANGER:DEATH RAY...On of the great MST3Ks...Heh heh heh...
Marvin the Paranoid Android to Buzz Lightyear "Too infinity and beyond-i've been there, its rubbish!"
"Hoody Hoo, i waste 'em with my cross bow!" Bob Herzog- KODT
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The Rev. D.D.
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
203 Posts |
Posted - 12/28/2008 : 2:27:27 PM
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We also have Agent for H.A.R.M. that showed up in the SFC years of MST3K. Featuring Rafael "Juan" Campos and Peter Mark Richman as the smarmiest secret agent ever. Some of the worst fight choreography I've seen, including a hilarious "struggle for the gun" sequence where it's apparent that one guy is pulling the gun toward his own face to be "tragically" shot with it, and thus reveal the horrible secret of the movie's big gimmick, guns that fire an intergalactic flesh-eating spore. Seriously.
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The horrible secret was green-dyed Alka-Seltzers, apparently. |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 12/28/2008 : 9:11:46 PM
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Wow,surprised at the hatin' on the Flint movies. Yeah, they're cheap and cheesy but they're tongue-in-cheek and James Coburn plays it just right. On the other hand they did lead directly to the Austin Powers series (which I have never really seen the appeal of) so that's a minus. But I like the Flint flix.
My vote for worst big budget, major studio spy film probably goes to The Avengers and The Saint in a tie. Assuming Avengers counts since that's a spy duo.
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I sleep now!! |
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New Hinda
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Israel
469 Posts |
Posted - 12/29/2008 : 04:19:32 AM
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| SPIES LIKE US. |
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Flangepart
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
2329 Posts |
Posted - 12/29/2008 : 07:28:40 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by The Rev. D.D.
We also have Agent for H.A.R.M. that showed up in the SFC years of MST3K. Featuring Rafael "Juan" Campos and Peter Mark Richman as the smarmiest secret agent ever. Some of the worst fight choreography I've seen, including a hilarious "struggle for the gun" sequence where it's apparent that one guy is pulling the gun toward his own face to be "tragically" shot with it, and thus reveal the horrible secret of the movie's big gimmick, guns that fire an intergalactic flesh-eating spore. Seriously.
D'OH! How did I forget that! Spore guns...yee hee hee! Spore bullets! Stupid idea! Get fumble fingered loading a magazine, and its good-by flesh!
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The horrible secret was green-dyed Alka-Seltzers, apparently.
Marvin the Paranoid Android to Buzz Lightyear "Too infinity and beyond-i've been there, its rubbish!"
"Hoody Hoo, i waste 'em with my cross bow!" Bob Herzog- KODT
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Mark Hawley
Minister of the Sacraments of Jabootu
Canada
48 Posts |
Posted - 12/29/2008 : 10:18:11 PM
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I actually like Spies Like Us, though it may be Eighties nostalgia talking.
One I'd add is a film from the Eighties called "Never to Young to Die".
I haven't seen it in over 20 years but it stars John Stamos as a gymnist who takes up the reigns when his secret agen father, played by George Lazenby, no less, is murdeed by a hermaphrodite supervillian played by Gene Simmons. Vanity plays the love interest and there's a small role by Robert Englund. |
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New Hinda
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Israel
469 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2008 : 01:53:41 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Mark Hawley
I haven't seen it in over 20 years but it stars John Stamos as a gymnist who takes up the reigns
I believe you mean a gymnast who takes up the reins. |
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Neville
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Spain
1590 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2008 : 02:37:27 AM
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| Does XXX count? I'd rather watch any Matt Helm movie instead of that. |
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RossM
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
427 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2008 : 06:37:42 AM
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| Don't forget the Man From UNCLE episodes that were expanded and shown in theaters. These included The Spy with My Face and The Alexander The greater Affair (with Rip Torn as the suave bad guy). As TV shows they were fairly entertaining but as movies they were rather bad. |
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AnnGora
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
252 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2009 : 08:09:37 AM
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How about the spicy Salt and Pepper adventures starring those ex-Rat Packers Peter Lawford and Sammy Davis, Jr.? Just the title alone says it all. See, you think Lawford would be Salt and Davis, Jr. Pepper because Lawford is white and Sammy is black, but, tee hee, turns out Sammy is really Charlie Salt and Lawford is...well, you can see where this is going...and that's exactly where the movie does go...
She was bred in old Kentucky, but she's just a crumb up here. |
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