| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
 Posted - 01/12/2008 : 11:19:44 AM
|
Lately I've been rebuilding my dissections of the story Movie Task Force Scanranger and I figured next I'd tackle its crowning achievement, the "feature length movie" Scanranger vs. Jetman.
This story presupposes you already know a lot about Choujin Sentai Jetman, and in case you don’t I’ve done the legwork for you. Follow the links below to learn all you could want to know about one of the most popular of super sentai.
http://www.fortunecity.com/tatooine/halojones/75/jetman/jetman.html
http://www.supersentai.com/database/1991_jetman/index.html
http://www.rovang.org/sentai/jetman.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koPljaG7Vl0&feature=related
Warning: I’m assuming you’re reading this dissection with a Jabootu reader mindset. That is, I’m assuming if you’re reading a review this in-depth, you don’t care about spoilers. You’ve been warned.
Scanranger vs. Jetman
Summary: A crisis of cosmic proportions no one seems in any hurry to prevent puts the Scanrangers on an adventure with their favorite TV heroes, Choujin Sentai Jetman.
Monster: Dozer Jigen, KuroJaguar
URL: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/5514/jmvssr.html
Rants-
-Disclaimer: This novel is not intended to be sold or used for monetary purposes, it's created just for all live-action(tokusatsu)fans all over the world.
*Novel? My, haven’t we a lofty opinion of ourselves. The story being intended for tokusatsu fans worldwide might also encounter some problems what with it only being available in English (and only barely that).
-Narration: In another galaxy, far, far away from the Milky Way galaxy, a spectaular galactic battle is taking place.
*As always, it’s a bad sign when things start off with a lame rip-off of the opening of Star Wars. Isn’t any other galaxy going to, by very definition, be far, far away from ours? I also like how he uses the word “galaxy” twice in one sentence and goes on to use the adjective “galactic” in the same one. It’s worse than Superfriends narration.
-Deadmeat Alien Elder: “Use the Timerunner! The only thing you can do is to hide the jewel in the past where they wouldn't think of finding it!”
*The selfless elder sacrifices himself to ensure the escape of his sidekick Aileen with the all-powerful Lighkari amulet the bad guys are after. We’re not even off the first page and already the plot’s in shambles. If the good guys have an artifact of ultimate power, why are they losing the battle in the first place? It should be a matter of “abracadabra…we win!” And they have time machines too! But if they did that, then the story wouldn’t happen.
-Evil Alien Commander: “Ah, Counselor! I do believe you have something that belongs to us! The amulet..I shall releive you of it, if you shall…”
*I shall relieve you of it, if you shall…um, yeah.
-Narration: The invaders search the minister of defense, but find no amulet.
*He’d just carry the artifact of ultimate power around in his pocket??
-Evil Alien Soldier: “Sir, there's another life form not far on this ship.
Evil Alien Commander: "Find her! And find the amulet!"
*The guy can tell from a report of a local life form scan that the life form is female.
-Aileen: “Oh!
Evil Alien Soldier: “Seize her!"
Narration: As soon as they attempt to reach her, they shoot at her. A piece of the amulet flies off into space, immediately disappearing,and then she was gone, and the Timerunner with her. Aileen warps back into the past, unaware of what year. She lands on Earth, and not its whereabouts, she wanders off into the countryside.
*Wow, the elder guy sure did a good job of covering Aileen’s escape, she hadn’t even made a move toward the time machine by the time he hit the ground. Why does part of the amulet going flying away? Sealing the set-up’s fate as the most retarded ever, you can now forget all about the evil aliens and their war with Aileen’s people, it has not a thing to do with the rest of the “movie.”
-Really, how unfulfilling is that? This is just what I’d do, but if I’d had any input I would’ve made Aileen’s attackers members of MAYHEM. It not only would’ve tied into the story as it stands, it would’ve helped with the idea that they’re this huge intergalactic army and it could’ve introduced the one-shot villain so common in sentai vs. movies. Read the story and tell me you don’t think my idea’s better.
-Narration: Not far away, on the other side of town, there lies a airport hangar. The area Aileen had landed in was Tokyo, in the year 1991. Across the town lies the Skyforce base of the recent fighting team called Jetman.
*Not far away, on the other side of town…? No, that’s wrong. What’s with the hangar, though? Skycamp (that’s the name of Jetman’s headquarters in case you don‘t know) is hardly an airport hangar. Is that what he’s talking about, or is it across town from the hangar, which is across town from where Aileen is? That’s stupid.
-Chokan: “All right, everyone.." she said in Japanese.
*WTF? He’s pointing out a Japanese person living in Japan speaking…Japanese?
-Chokan: “I shouldn't have to remind you on how you nearly gotten your butts kicked by that Faucet monster! The tires are used to utilizing the enemy's strength in your favor..”
*Nearly got their butts kicked?! That was one of the most one-sided fights in sentai history! Jetman murdered the faucet monster. I suppose there was the short-lived part where it was strangling them with hoses, but seeing as it was, as I said, short-lived, I get the feeling Vince Jones is referring to some alternate universe’s version of Jetman. We’ll see more indicators of that pretty quickly. This is also begs the question of timeline placement, since Chokan talks about the faucet monster as if they fought it very recently, which would place this among the earliest episodes of Jetman. Yet fairly soon something is mentioned that didn’t happen until about halfway through the show.
-Raita: “Tell that to Gai! How come he never attend these workouts, anyway?”
Ako: “Well, Chokan doesn't know it, but he always finds some lame excuse to get away from her, the lone wolf that he is..."
*How could Chokan not know that Gai is always ducking the exercise regimes, especially if the excuses are “lame”? She’s not stupid, and seems impervious to Gai’s way with women. Then again, she’s in the hands of the writer of Scanranger now, which means she’s probably stupid indeed.
-Narration: Speaking of Gai Yuki, he was already hanging out at his favorite nightclub.
*Forget chronologically, when is this happening on a clock? The Jetmen are having a military training regime while Gai’s out at a nightclub. That doesn’t sound right.
-Narration: Aileen wasn't aware that he had picked up a piece of he amulet earlier in the day, thinking that it could be a good luck charm to settle his gambling debts.
*Yet soon she is, and don’t trouble yourself about how. And like Gai would use it to pay off his debts, he’d use it to pick up chicks. What show was this guy watching again?
-Gai: “So, ladies..What do you think? Do you think I can give that guy 'Kenny G' a run for his money?"
*That’s how you get girls, huh?
-Casino Manager: “You've got a lot of guts showing your face around here again! You still owe me 10,000 yen for the last two times you were here!”
*Yen doesn’t have the same value as a dollar. I figure 10,000 is supposed to seem like a lot, but I checked and it’s the equivalent of about $80, and in the mid-80’s was the equivalent of about $50. I doubt it was a lot more in 1991. That’s not an amount most people would throw out the window, but neither is it a pants-wettingly large number like Vince undoubtedly intended. I’ve heard about movie rentals in Japan that cost 10,000 yen.
-Gai and narration: “Well..I was working on giving you the money in installments, instead, I'm working on giving you the full amount as soon as possible…” Gai fumbles around his pocket and pulls out the amulet piece he had found earlier.
*I refuse to believe this character is supposed to be Yuki Gai. The Jetman who attacked a casino manager for doing exactly what this casino manager is doing in the second episode. The Jetman who constantly thought nothing of getting into fistfights with his own team leader. The Jetman who never wimped out of anything. This would never happen.
-Narration: Gai looks at the time and realizes he was late to get to the workout. He rushes to get back.
Gai: “Darn it, lost track of time..Better get back to base..The last thing I need right now is to have Chokan chew me out for lateness again; enough that I have to put up with 'Mr. Boy Scout' as well(referring to Ryu).
*Why does Gai care all of a sudden if he ditched training to go babe hunting in the first place? Did he somehow think Chokan wouldn’t notice he wasn’t there when she only has to account for five people? *sigh*
-Narration: Dateline:Somerset County: Leewood Park, N.J., U.S.A. The place: Central New Jersey University..
*That’s nice, where’s the date?
-Narration: Led by Lt. Commander Daphne Alexandria(aka'Professor Alex'), she leads her team against evil.
*Led by her, she leads her team against evil. It’s nice he introduces the premise but presupposes you know the rangers and other characters already.
-Alex: “Time travel.." Alex writes on the board as two of her charges, Vin Harlock and Toni Montanez assist her.
*They help her write “time travel” on the board?
-Alex: “Numerous books and movies have based this section of science fiction on a lot of subjects.”
*Oo-what?
-Alex, possibly: “As you have already seen clips of the 'Back to the Future' series,…”
*…Marty was clearly standing in the fire.
-Narration: The students look and watch highlights from the BTF movies, and get a brief peek at a 'Star Trek' episode,"The City on the Edge of Forever", where a time travel plot was also involved.
Toni: “Now, in this situation, we see Dr.McCoy in a serious, life-death decision..Shall he save his future lover,resulting in happiness and marriage, or will the entire Earth suffer because of a man's sacrifice? As you know, this person will be responsible for saving lives in the future…”
*Wow, it’s an ironic counterpoint to what happens in this story! Except “will the entire Earth suffer because of a man’s sacrifice” is a stupid question. The world suffered until McCoy made his sacrifice: because he saved a woman who historically died, the Allies lost World War II. I’m not even a “trek-head” or whatever and I know that. I’ll get into why this is an idiotic comparison when the time comes, but once again I’ll say Vince Jones might want to rely on more than distant memories to do clever pop culture references.
-Alex: “Suppose you had possessed the power to go back in time, with the intent of saving the world..If you went back to the early 80's, and avoided the menace of crack cocaine to reach the world, it would have kept families together, kept urban areas,as well as the suburbs from destruction.. Now, a new form of an addictive drug, even more potent than crack, hit the streets..Your intentions of bringing peace were great, but chaos would have reigned.”
*What??? I’m not going to get into a thing over the physics of time travel, mainly because everything about it is and will always be theoretical, but I’ll say a writer as habitually confusing as Vince Jones should’ve avoided such a topic altogether.
-Vin: “Uh, Profess? Don't you think an analogy like drugs fit in with the subject of our class? With all due respect, ma'am, I think it was unnecessary..."
Alex: “You rather I should talk about a dictator, like Hitler, or even Stalin? What if they had succeeded in their plans? There would be no creativity in movies as we know it..Don't you agree, Toni?”
Toni: “Sort of..I may have to agree to a point, Vin..These kids need something thought provoking to bring some ideas to their future filmmaking classes..”
Somebody: “The future Spike Lees, Stanley Kubricks, Steven Spielbergs, and an Akira Kurosawa thrown into the mix...Just what we need.."
*What the hell does any of that mean?
-Someone: “What's up with fearless leader? He looks down..”
B.C.: “I say he's looking at your face and he's sighing like he's out of breath.."
Alex: "No, no..Vin's a bit disturbed about a point I made in the session today..”
*And you can forget about it just like you forgot about the evil aliens.
-Narration: Meanwhile, on the other side of town, the Scanrangers mortal enemies, MAYHEM(Mechanized Androids Yoked Hither to Eliminate Mankind)lands in the countryside.
*The other side of town again, sheesh.
-Ug: “How long will this take, Key?"
Anark Key: “Don't rush me! It wasn't my fault that I ran out of raw material to boost up the Nebultopia engines! I know for certain that there was energy detected about..200 yards from here.." He mumbles,"You reject from a Neanderthal factory!"
*Ug and Key are looking for resources, I guess, to recharge their ship. That they might try stealing from a refinery or a laboratory instead of wandering around in the woods hoping they’ll find something shows just how dangerous these guys are.
-Narration: Key discovers pieces from an old rocket booster. and also finds the other piece of the amulet of Lighkari.
*Whoa, wait a second. It said Aileen lost part of her amulet, and Gai was shown to have it, but somehow she lost the rest too? Then couldn’t Vince have said she lost the whole thing and two pieces went spinning away into eternity? Nah, too much work and stuff.
-Vixen: “Yes..I believe we have also found a downed satellite where the energy supply came from..”
*Aileen’s amulet ended up in a fallen satellite? Why pile that on top if you ain’t gonna say nothing about it?
-Narration: Not far away, Dr.Markby and another Cape Paramount base technician was doing some research on the ground.
Markby: “We just need to check out that clove of fir trees over there, and check for any recent bark damage..Look out for ticks or anything that might have drained the sap from the tree..."
*At least he spelled “fir” right, but I think he meant a “copse” of them. My big question, though, is what are members of a military organization doing checking trees for ticks? It doesn’t seem like something the same guy who builds the giant robots would be doing.
-Narration: Back at Cape Paramount base, Sarita Jain, one of the 'Second Unit' crew members on base, gets a silent distress signal. "Professor Alex! Dr. Markby's been captured!"
*That’s automatically what it means?
-Narration: Blackorg looks into both their eyes as he attempts to apply hypnosis on Dr. Markby and the tech.
Blackorg: “Now, I know that you're part of Project:Paramount...All I desire, good doctor, is the secrets to your five member team's source of power..If you can tell me, I shall provide you with a high position, wealth, and your freedom as well.."
*Blackorg tries to coax the secret of Scanranger’s film powers out of Dr. Markby, except according to the front page Blackorg has power over horror movies, and he came to Earth in the same rock that housed the energy so it’s hard to believe he wouldn’t already have it himself. And he says “five member team” even though Takeshi shows up later, inside the base, so it’s obviously six by now. Finally, I love how Blackorg promises them power and status within his new regime…and he’ll set them free. Yeah, you’ll be my right hand man…and my prisoner.
-Narration: But Blackorg didn't count on Dr. Markby's ability to resist his hypnotic entrallment, as the CPB crew was prepared for any contingency.
Markby: “I don't think so!!”
*Can the bad guys be allowed to do anything the project members can’t immediately counter? Making this even more lame is the one trying to hypnotize him is Blackorg. The story’s ultimate villain. The bad guy powerful enough to beat up all six Scanrangers at once. And he can’t even hypnotize the dink who designs their robots. If the Scanrangers showed up and let him have it with their lasers before he could learn anything, it wouldn’t be so bad, but this is pathetic.
-Ug: “The Scanrangers!"
Narration: Professor Alex also appears beside the five
*Why, exactly? Alex never does this, and if I may be so bold doesn’t do a single thing of consequence during the rest of the “movie” that would justify her coming along for the ride.
-Narration: The enigmatic creature blasts a force beam from his hand, and the rangers get Alex out of the way.
*See? She’s already getting in the way.
-Narration: Out of nowhere, a dimensional portal opens up wide, crackling with thunder and lighting.
Toni: “NO! PROFESSOR! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"
Narration: Yet it was too late. Alex was pulled in as well. "PROFESSSORRR!" shouted Red. Our leader loses his grip trying to save her, and he is pulled in. Pink, Green, Blue, and Yellow. As soon as Kunio was in, the portal closes, and the amulet piece stops glowing.
*There’s Alex proving invaluable to the mission again.
-Narration: The MAYHEM villains travel through a time warp and eventualy land in a dark empty warehouse with little lighting and twisted column figures.
*Actually they don’t, as we’ll see in a little bit.
-Vin: “Where the heck are we?"
B.C.: “Let me put it this way..We're not in Kansas anymore.."
Vin: "Now why did I have a feeling he was gonna say that?"
*Because he’s the unfunny comic relief?
-Nick: “Well, like Vin said, where are we? I don't think we're technically far way from the base..”
*What do you mean you don’t think you’re far from the base? You just got sucked through a warp! That’d be a pretty lame warp that put you right back where you left.
-Someone: “I've always wanted to visit Japan myself, but not like this! And on top of it all, we have no passports!”
Alex: “I think that's exactly what had happened..That jewel opened up the gateway, and sent us back in time.."
*Alex is right, that’s what happened, but who’s she responding to?
-Toni: “Now what do we do?”
Alex: “According to custom,the first thing we have to do is to find some story to explain to the U.S. ambassador, and get things straightened out at the embassy."
*There’s a custom about getting sucked through a time warp and landing in another country? You guys aren’t just stupid, you’re crazy!
-Narration: The portal comes through, and it turns out to be..four alien humanoids.. Surprisingly, B.C. and Kunio recognized them!
B.C.: “Just a second! Mikey! Do you see what I see? If I'm not mistaken,that's the Viram, the dreaded enemies of Jetman!”
*They’re fans of Jetman the show, what’s surprising about them recognizing the villains?
-Nick: “This is very interesting, that we've teleported back in time to meet up with some fictional characters that were only on TV…”
Kunio: “Think what you like..After watching this show years ago back home in my country..I think that MAYHEM is a walk in the park as far as villains go…”
*We agree on MAYHEM’s level as a threat, at least. I’ll give Scanranger a bit of credit for this, actually, because it isn’t often something as pompous as this story is willing to admit there’s something that outshines it. There are other parts that make down for it, though. Later Scanranger (sporadically) treats Jetman as if it were real, just happening years ago, creating not a little confusion. And I’m probably just talking out of my butt, but a little clarification would seem to be in order for Kunio’s statement, because according to the front page he was born in (ten o’clock in) LA. B.C. was born in (five o’clock in) Tokyo. That makes it seem even stranger to me that Kunio has a Japanese name and the Japanese-born B.C. has a Western name (Ben). Did Kunio’s family move home allowing him to grow up watching tokusatsu?
-Narration: Without warning, something jumps on Kunio's back, and he screams.
*Well, what was it?? It’s a question that requires so little effort and creativity. This is just sad.
-Vin: “Professor, look ahead and see if you can get some help..."
*Look ahead…and see if you can get help?
-Raediege: “Do you know what happens to nosy humans?”
Nick: “What in the world are you talking about, man, or should I call you creature? I don't even understand a word you're saying!"
Vin: "I get it..since Kunio and B.C. know the language, that explains why they speak in Japanese...I remember some words, but not enough to speak fluently..."
*They established a while ago they’re in Japan and it’s just now dawning on Vin the locals speak Japanese. How did this guy make it into a good college again?
-Tran: “I guess we'll have to hold you all hostage to prove how the Viram don't tolerate interlopers…”
*Yeah, sure. Viram didn’t take hostages and keep them unless it had a use for them.
-Vin: “You have no idea who you're dealing with!"
Maria: "Yes! Five dead humans!"
*So is there a language barrier or isn’t there?
-Narration: The four villains were amazed by the transformation.
*No way. When Viram found out about Jetman they weren’t amazed. Amused, tops. As I will helpfully remind you, Scanranger isn’t a tenth of Jetman’s caliber, plus they’re the second sentai Viram has seen. If nobody in the first dimension they conquered thought of having one, that is. Unless they’re amazed that rejects like Alex and her band of merry morons could have powers like their dire enemies, this is either a perfect example of poor research or juvenile self-aggrandizing. If not both.
-Radiege: “Scanranger? Another team like those accursed Jetmen? Or are you another group of refugees from the Dimensian planet that we've already conquered?"
*This is the chronological marker I mentioned before that confuses me. The fight with the faucet monster happened in the third episode, but the Dimensian warriors (“another group”) were in 23-24. That’s a big difference. What’s to suggest the Scanrangers are Dimensians, anyway? The title of that episode was “Shin Sentai Tojo,” but they weren’t a super sentai in the same way as Scanranger or Jetman: no fancy costumes or special weapons or really anything in common besides wanting to stop Viram. Well and a giant robot but they don’t know Scanranger has one yet. Let me stress that normally I don’t care when a vs. movie happens in the series timeline (mainly because I’ve yet to hear of one that treats the vs. movie as canon, unlike in Scanranger), but if I’m going to complain about everything else, I don’t see why I should skip this.
-Narration: Using his remote-control gauntlet hand, the 9 year old child presses a button, and a mini van comes out of nowhere, running Green over.
Nick: “W-what happened?" said the dazed Greenscanner, as Tran laughs.
B.C.: "I told you to wait, man.. What I've read about that kid is he has the power to control metal objects at his whim...saw that on an older episode..."
*So which is it? Saw it on TV or read it?
-Vin: “And do me a favor..SPEAK ENGLISH!”
*I got two words for you Vin: Ugly American.
-Narration: With Radieggan successfully triumpant, he was unaware of one other Scanranger.
*A Scanranger sent by the Department of Redundancy Department.
-Kunio: “HEY, RADIEGEE! SPECIAL DELIVERY! WARP SPEED SMASH!" shouted Yellow (again in Nihongo), smashing his face in. He used his Film Energy of Sci-fi/Anime movies with his Super Valkyrie Mecha(from Macross)to knock the count senseless.
*Kunio defeats Count Radiege, just remember that. And Vince felt some need to stress that a Japanese Scanranger spoke Japanese to a Japanese-speaking villain.
-Narration: Before the villains made their move, the battle was temporarily interrupted. Up from the sky, descended a band of five color-coordinated paratroopers. It was none other than the ranger's sentai counterparts: “Jetman!”
*Their sentai counterparts?
-Kunio: “All right! The calvary is here! The Japanese good guys are gonna fix you, brother!”
*And why should they want to help you guys? If the jive about the Dimensians is accurate maybe the memory of fighting an evil sentai is still fresh in the Jetmen’s minds.
-Viram uses a hallucinogen on the Jetmen that makes them see the Scanrangers as their mortal enemies, and see Jetman pound the seventh-rate sentai was the highlight of the story for me.
-Ryu: “I don't know what diabolical scheme you're planning now, Radiege, but this ends now!" said Red Hawk/Ryu in his native language.
*Yes, Ryu is likely going to be speaking his native language when speaking to what he perceives as someone who speaks it too. Thanks for pointing that out.
-Maria: “Hmph! As much as I want to stay and watch these fools kill each other, we do have much to accomplish.."
*That must be Japanese for “If we stayed and made sure the job is finished the story would be over in ten pages.”
-Grey: “I have just the thing.." said the little talkative Grey.
*Talkative little grey? Grey’s not little, and he’s the least talkative character out of the recurring cast, if not the entire show. What show were you watching, Vince?
-Narration: One of the Jetmen notices the bomb at the very last possible second. They reach for it, but as expected, goes off.
*How very, very sad. Vince, just pick one! If you can’t decide which Jetman should notice the bomb, you could’ve just gotten a copy of that picture where they’re all sitting together and closed your eyes, then picked which one your finger landed on. It’s not that hard.
-Narration: The five Scanrangers fly in the air, almost taking the full brunt of the detonation.
*Because they’re tougher than Jetman so it was the only natural way.
-Narration: Professor Alex runs to the struggle. "Rangers! Rangers! Good Lord! What happened?"
*She went to find help, supposedly. Where is it? Seems more like she hid behind some boxes while the fight played out, huh?
-Grey: “This should mean that I claim rulership of Viram, does it not?"
Tran: "He does have a point, we did agree that whomever was the first to eliminate the Jetmen, rules over us..."
*They’re talking about a contest the Viram members have: whoever kills Jetman becomes leader. That much is accurate. What I don’t buy is Tran supporting Grey’s claim. Tran is an evil little brat. When his comrades mocked him he force-grew himself into a villain powerful enough to take over by force. I don’t see him rolling over and accepting defeat like this.
-Radiege: “HA! It was my idea to use the bomb! My suggestion! All you did was aid me in finishing the job!”
*Radiege did always seem a little bit crazy, but not only was it Grey’s bomb but Grey’s idea to use it.
-Blackorg: “I am Lord Blackorg..Head of MAYHEM! My colleagues and I travel from the future in order to wreak havoc and chaos throughout the galaxy!"
*MAYHEM makes their appearance after finding themselves aboard Viram’s floating fortress. Blackorg can just tell they’ve arrived in the past, apparently. His is truly an awesome power. Or bad writing.
-Ug: “But we didn't come here to do that, we came by acc-"
Key: "Shut up, Ug!" Key interrupts him, elbowing him on the side.
*Ug attacked Key for muttering a mild insult before, you’d think he would for being physically assaulted.
-Radiege: “Now Tran was right..this is our ship...and sice this is our ship, we know it better than you would,…”
*Yes, Viram probably does know their ship better than MAYHEM (no easy feat considering the laws of physics don’t apply inside it), but what does that have to do with anything?
-Radiege: “[W]e've our own agenda..to destroy these protectors of that planet..Jetman! And as you see on the screen, we have already succeeded!"
Vixen: "What protectors? I see nothing!"
Someone: "What? They're gone!"
Tran: "Looks like we've got to hunt them down again, you know?"
*Not necessarily. You used a bomb, didn’t you?
-Breaking down a story into multiple sections seems an odd choice to me, but I can roll with it. Or I could, if Vince Jones bothered to put links to the next one at the end of each section.
When a stranger calls, make friends with him. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 01/13/2008 10:17:45 AM
|
|
|
hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2008 : 11:20:20 AM
|
Part 2-http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/5514/jmvssr2.html
-Radiege: “So you're the ones responsible for sending that other fighting team against us! Well, we'll destroy them as I shall destroy you!"
*Radiege must be an Olympic athlete. Why? I’ve never seen someone jump so far to a conclusion. Thank you, I’m here all week.
-Blackorg: “Hold, Count! Another fighting team, you say?"
Key: "That means the Scanrangers are here, too!"
Radiege: “Ah, then you're not responsible for those strangers, then..The ones we swore to destroy..Jetman, are our mortal enemies.. Since they escaped, why are we fighting each other, Lord Blackorg?"
*See what I mean? They act a little surprised, drop a name, and Radiege immediately believes them. He should have all kinds of whiplash changing directions so fast.
-Blackorg: “True..true..We can arrange then to smash both teams in this time period..What say we arrange a temporary truce? The four of you can work out your 'feud' later..."
*I assume Blackorg means Viram’s in-fighting about leadership by “feud”, but how would he know about that?
-Key: “Fair deal, then..but we shall be the ones to claim this mudball first.."
*Key’s the clever one? They just made a truce with a bunch of other villains, that would seem to be the kind of thing that would stop it in its tracks. At least Maria pummels him.
-B.C.: “Japanese music! I must be dead!”
*Don’t I wish. Skycamp isn’t the kind of place to pipe in music, so what’s he talking about?
-Chokan: “Welcome back to the land of the living, everyone.." 'Chokan' said in her native language. The foreign Scanrangers, Vin, Toni, and Nick was trying to understand what she said. B.C then interprets the words in English for the three.
*Vince, why do you keep pointing out the Japanese people speak Japanese? The average tokusatsu fan is less than fluent in the language, otherwise why would there be so man fansub groups? We’re smart enough to assume the Japanese characters are speaking Japanese with the text translated for the benefit of the reader.
-Chokan: “On behalf of the Jetmen team, I apologize for what had happened, the crew didn't realize that there were others around the world fighting to protect the Earth from evil.."
*Around the world? How real is Jetman, anyway?
-Alex: “Well then, commander, It's only appropiate that we resolve our differences since we're here to fight for the same cause.."
*What cause is that?
-Vin: “Ryu Tendo..It is truly an honor to meet you..B.C. has told me about your legendary skills from the future.."
*So they’ve at least told Vin about the show (or whatever. I don’t want to get into the reality of Jetman in the Scanranger universe right now). How come he didn’t seem to recognize anybody before now?
-Nick: “So, Gai..how does it feel to be a ladies man..a 'player'?"
Gai: "Player? Sports?" Gai wasn't aware of the American slang term for ladies man, a.k.a. a playboy.
*It’s good, I guess, that Vince is trying to show at least once that there’s a cultural boundary between the two teams, but I was under the impression only the Japanese Scanrangers spoke the native tongue. Not only should Gai not understand what Nick means, he shouldn’t even understand what he says. Think about that: the writer keeps pointing out the language barrier then forgets he did.
-Narration: While the others got better acquainted, B.C. and Ako somewhat stare, waiting to see who will spaek first. The man named Bluescanner, like Kunio, were already familiar with the Jetman team, watching them on TV years ago. He was actually one of his favorites, yet he kept it to himself.
*??????
-B.C.: “So, Ako-san..How do you like being a Jetman?"
Ako: "I think it's cool..although I admit that at first in order to do so, I wanted to get paid for it.."
B.C.: "Oh, really? Nick, my other teammate wanted the same thing, yet he was the hardest to bring on our team..”
*He was? Nick resisted for like three seconds. And as a matter of fact it was Kunio who wanted to be paid for Scanrangering.
-Narration: He pauses for a few moment, thinking how attractive Blue Swallow was. At the same time, Ako thought the same about B.C. "Gee, she's cute.." thought B.C. "Gee, he's cute.." thought Ako.
*Think of how much better the story could be if Vince would stop wasting his time on needless or redundant explanations.
-B.C.: “Enough!" B.C. decides not to hold back, lest his emotions totally overwhelm him. "Let me just cut to the chase here..Ako-san..Are you seeing anyone now?"
*He decides not to hold back in case his emotions overwhelm him? Hoo-what?? Besides, he’s the supposed expert on the show, he ought to know she didn’t have a love interest.
-I also wonder if it matters there’s about a five year age gap between them and Ako’s not even out of high school. Here’s a word I bet Vince Jones never intended to hear aimed at his story: pervert.
-Narration: From a distance, Aileen finally makes her appearance, tracking the remains of the Lighkari amulet piece.
*Then what’s she doing at Skycamp? Gai gave it away, remember?
-Aileen: “Greetings, sentai teams of the present, and of the future! My name is Aileen..I've come from the future, and I've chosen you ten for the sole purpose of saving your world, and the universe.."
*Did she have a lot of other superheroes to pick from?
-Kaori: “What's going on, asked Kaori in Nihongo
* *helpless sigh*
-Vin: “She looks like a young Irene Cara..and very pretty to boot.." said Vin. Aileen smiles, yet Vin was unaware of the flattering statement he made about the magical woman.
*Does the connection between Vin’s brain and his mouth shut off when he’s around a pretty girl? Not that I’m necessarily opposed to a Scanranger having something of a personality trait but I’d like to not have to figure it out on my own for once.
-B.C.: “He said was she an idol singer back in America's future," said B.C. He hesitates and realizes that Vin was speaking to his red counterpart in Japanese..or was he hearing things?
*That’s not what Vin said. And I checked after reading this and Irene Cara’s career was well underway in the 70’s and 80’s, the past to both teams.
-Ryu: “I-I can understand her...So can I..I can hear you speak English loud and clear..But how?
Aileen: "A trifling spell, Tendo Ryu..Vin Harlock..I've weaved a spell so that you can hear each other in your native language.. Red Hawk can interpret Redscanner's English, and Redscanner can understand Red Hawk in Japanese.
*Aileen casts a spell so everyone can understand each other. This is nice (and it’s going to be very, very annoying later when they team up again and she’s unavailable), but Vince didn’t seem to think it through. B.C. heard Vin speaking in Japanese, which is his (B.C.’s) native language I presume, but Ryu heard their speech as English.
-Aileen: “The pendant is close by the city area where Yuki Gai had sold it to a club owner.."
Chokan: "What pendant?"
*Indeed, what pendant. They have no idea what she’s talking about and why they should care. Great all-knowing alien.
-Aileen: “The Amulet of Lighkari is a priceless jewel 75 years in the future..During the space wars, it was stolen by the Ranchaos empire. It was told to possess unlimited, absolute power to control the universe. Yet, during the struggle, the jewel was torn in half, and it is useless unless both pieces are found and reconnected again. Once together, the rightful owner would bring peace throughout the galaxy, and in the process, will also balance the time-space continum.. It also has the power to bring others into new dimensions..”
*75 years in the future relative to when? This is a time travel story, remember? And the bad aliens stole the amulet, but Aileen’s people had it when the story began. Whuh? In any case, it looks like I was right, the amulet is a token of unlimited power that isn’t used simply because it’s so powerful. Vince, you can’t say it’ll bring peace to the universe then not do it just because it would mean no more Scanranger. Later a somewhat more rational explanation is given, but it’s a long time in coming. Restrain yourself and get a more workable McGuffin, Mr. Writer.
-Aileen: “My magic is limited, and we have only twenty-eight hours to return you back to the future.."
*Aileen’s magic is limited, so what? And where does that deadline come from? Is there a manual that explains exactly what happens if the amulet is broken?
-Toni: “And if we fail?"
Aileen: "Not only you'll be stuck in the past forever, but the space-time continum will collapse and the universe will cease to exist..”
*Aileen explains what will befall our heroes should they fail to reunite the amulet in the timeframe she’s given them. Of course, once again Vince Jones overreaches himself. They won’t be stuck in the past because there will be no past to be stuck in.
-Aileen: “I have my Timerunner not far from here, and it's useless unless I could get it fixed.."
Chokan: "My facilities should have the tools you may need..I can assist on the technology and match up the necessary parts..
Alex: "Nick can give you a hand, Chokan.." said Alex in Japanese." He's the computer brain of the group, and he's willing to help in any way.."
*Aileen asks the teams to help in fixing her time machine. This is yet another plot device that makes no sense. Chokan says she has all the tools and parts necessary…to fix a time machine? What’s the point, anyway? As far as I can tell Aileen’s time machine is never used for anything, besides forcing Nick to sit out the coming battle royal until all seems lost.
-Kunio: “Wait a minute! Profess!" said Kunio surprisingly. "You mean all this time you could speak Japanese?!
Alex: "Life is full of surprises..." Alex responds in Nihongo.
Kunio: "You never told us that!"
Alex: "You never asked..."
*Kunio is blown away to find out Alex speaks Japanese. Is it that big a deal? She speaks a second language and he’s acting like she’s got two heads or something. How does he even notice after Aileen cast her translation spell?
-Narration: The two teams go out together in pairs to get better acquainted, save Nick, as he helps Alex and Chokan to fix Aileen's machine. Vin hangs out with Ryu at a nearby park, using this as an opportunity to perhaps trade battle secrets.
*In case you forgot, they’re doing this right after an alien told them there was a matter of hours to find a piece of a magic crystal that if not reunited with the rest will cause the universe to end. And it’s somewhere in Tokyo. And the “two teams” are teams of superheroes. And they’re having story time instead of trying to keep the universe from ending. There’s no nice way to say this: this is the most retarded thing I’ve ever seen.
-Ryu: “Rie..."
Vin: "Rie? Who's she? Your girlfriend, I take it?"
Ryu: "Yes..I usually don't share about that fateful day on the Earthship, but I trust you..
*B.C. told Vin about Ryu’s legendary skill, but not the show’s longest-running subplot, eh? Also, Ryu might not be constantly whining about his dead girlfriend, but he never really hid it either.
-Vin proceeds to give Ryu a speech about the dangers of leading a super sentai and what it really means to be a hero, and Ryu thanks him. Excuse me, where does this clown get off telling Red Hawk things like “Just suck it up, learn from your mistakes and move on..”? Vin has it a lot easier as a superhero. His teammates are his friends, he fights villains with typically Western family show sensibilities (capture enemies and put them in an elaborate death trap) who’ve had their menace damaged on several occasions by idiotic bickering and Home Alone-style humor, and he’s the author’s avatar in a poorly-written fan fiction. Don’t want him to suffer over much, after all, no angst for him. Ryu’s teammates, on the other hand, while good people at heart are essentially strangers. He was the only one actually meant to be on the team. Ryu and Gai used to get into fistfights all the time, and they’re on the same side. People who get in the way of his enemies die, they’ve never been the butt of idiotic gags (Aside: not that it’s impossible for villains to be comical and still be menacing, Hurricanger I think did an ok job, but you have to know what you’re doing), and Ryu thinks one of them might be his presumed dead fiancee. Talk about angst. Vin doesn’t have a leg to stand on telling someone the true meaning of heroism.
-B.C.: “"I know that this is going to be a pain, Ako-san,..But I couldn't help resist about that experience you had with that ramen monster..."
Narration: Raita cringes as he recalls being the victim of the Noodle-Jigen's corrupted ramen. Kunio, remembering that episode, starts to sing the 'Yoki no Ako-chan' song.
*Idiots.
-Toni warns Jetman to avoid gangsta rap at all costs if they ever visit the States. Yeah, that’s what I’d do if I got the chance to team up with one of the greatest superhero teams of all time too, warn them about gangsta rap. Imagine getting the chance to talk to Gandhi or Martin Luther King, and you take pains to tell them to stay away from McDonalds hamburgers.
-B.C.: “Anyway.." said B.C. "this monster attacked the town, and framed one of my classmates for a crime he didn't commit..He was loaded with a machine gun that sprayed a high pressured graffiti paint...He was talking in rhyme as he wreaked havoc in the city, until the Scanranger crew stopped him.." The three Scanrangers continue to tell the three Jetmen about that particular battle.
*Again, don’t they have a matter of hours to search Tokyo for a magic gizmo to keep the universe from coming apart at the seams?
-Tran: “So who shall get the honors of drawing the teams out of hiding?" asked Tran. At the same time, he, the count, Maria, and Grey set their sights on the same object down on Earth. They see a construction site, and prepare to toss their dimensional parasites down to the object, which was a bulldozer. All at the same time the four parasites land on the machine.
*The villains decide to take another crack at the assembled sentai. Tran asks who’ll do the honors of luring them out, but then all four Viram members create a monster. That’s silly enough anyway, but you only need to use one dimensional parasite to turn something into a monster, not four. Unless Vince’s trying to imply it’s four times more powerful than a normal monster or something.
-Narration: The machine morphs, and in the process, crushes the helpless driver. The creature takes form, standing on two feet, with one normal hand, the other was a double-shoveled hand. Hence, the Viram was pleased at their new blood-curdling monster-Dozer-Jigen!
*Oh no! He said “morph”! Vince Jones must be excommunicated from the Church of Power Ranger Haters! I’ll award the story a few points though because this is the one and only time Viram acts like the real Viram, callously murdering a civilian.
-But this is another source of continuity confusion. See, the monster Viram created is a Jigen Juu, or Dimensional Beast, created from an inanimate object like traffic lights or cup ramen. With a few exceptions (a hairdryer, a medusa, a meteor, and a tomato monster), after the Dimensian warriors showed up Viram’s monsters were part object, part animal. His name is Dozer-Jigen, not Bull-Dozer, suggesting he’s one of the former.
-Narration: Touching the metal bars, the energy flows within, then Blackorg teleports the metal, and creates a partial robot and half jaguar.
*That apparently means MAYHEM creates their own monster. Don’t ask me to make sense of it.
-Key, maybe: “KuroJaguar! These are your orders! Attack and retrieve!" Key holds up a picture of the Scanrangers. The cybercreature captures the scent, and roars on to the surface with lighting speed.
*The monster gets the Scanrangers’ scent from a picture? Is it scratch and sniff or what??
-Nick: “One small calculator chip is all it requires..."
*Says Nick about fixing Aileen’s time machine. And yet he takes hours and hours to use one when there’s a calculator sitting on a desk nearby the entire time. I’d love to hear the writer or one of the story’s fans respond to that.
-Kunio: “Wait a minute..We're talking about Chokan here..The same Chokan that is no-nonsense, take no prisoners, butt-kicking woman who rules the task force with a deep respect..The same Chokan who can take out Ryu and Gai outright in hand to hand combat if needed be..According to me, this is not the same woman that our legend knew about.."
*This is Kunio reacting to the realization that B.C. and Ako are out on a date. Not because they’ve got a universe to save, but because Chokan suggested it. When did Chokan ever beat Ryu and Gai in hand to hand combat, if I may ask? I don’t remember that ever happening, but we’ve been over that several times.
-Narration: Suddenly, the emergency siren goes off as the Jetmen and the Scanrangers run to the consoles. They witness the Grinamus smashing cars and terrorizing the citizens of Tokyo.
Vin: "What's going on?”
*And he’s the leader???
-Kunio: “The Jetmen will probably need some backup..I've heard these foot soldiers are no problem, so, Scanrangers, get going!"
*The Grinamus are no problem, so get your asses out there and help Jetman!
-Aileen: “Sorry, Nick, but your commander's correct..I know you want to help your teammates, but we've only have sixteen hours to go, lest you'll be trapped here..It shouldn't take long to fix this microchip.."
*They’ve pissed away TWELVE HOURS hanging out? What time is it, anyway?
-Nick: “Arrggh! I don't believe this! They need my strength out there! Those creatures don't look like pushovers!"
*Yeah, never mind that Jetman handles them all the time without another sentai around to lend a hand. And wasn’t Kunio, the alleged expert, just saying Grinamus are no big deal?
-Narration: Meanwhile, B.C. and Ako hang out in a downtown Tokyo mall.
*Nice try Vince, but any fool can tell they’re in a downtown Vancouver mall!
-B.C.: “We Scanrangers were all chosen for our desire of specific movie genres, action/adventure movies, sci-fi, drama, and so on..”
*And apparently nothing else…
-B.C.: “Wacky Races?! What do know about Dastardly and Muttley? What do you know about that smart aleck pooch who occasionaly bites DD on the hand?" B.C. does an impression of Muttley's famous snicker.
*Wow. B.C. finds out Ako likes Wacky Races, and this happens. Not only is B.C. the biggest dork ever, wait til we get to the epilogue.
-Toni: “Cute faces for cannon fodder who's about to get their rear end put in a sling.."
Raita: "Don't underestimate them, Toni..They're tougher than you think..."
Vin: "These no-face rejects from a spider convention? I don't think-" Vin almost gets hit by one of the Grinamu's wrist machine guns.
*Is Vin just having a bad day? Otherwise this is just reinforcing my complaint above that Alex might have wanted more criteria for her team members than “loves movies.”
-Narration: The local Japanese sentai hold them own during the battle, while the rangers seemed to have a slightly difficult time defeating them.
*The local Japanese sentai. As opposed to the local Israeli sentai, apparently.
-Narration: Meanwhile, the club owner who bought Gai's jewel was at the jewelry exchange about to cash in the amulet piece. "I could probably get at least 200,000 yen easy, if not more on this thing.." he said. Suddenly, a flash of lighting came before the owner, and he sees the four Viram villains. The man falls down, as the sinister count approaches him with a very, wicked grin.
*Again, do some research on exchange rates, Vince. What’s Viram doing suddenly going after the amulet anyway? They didn’t know it even existed, yet here they are to steal it.
-Kunio: “In super sentai shows, it's customary for the minions to attack the team first, and then the monster appears! How the heck could I forget that?!”
*Yeah, especially since you, like, live in one. And not just when you’re teaming up with Jetman.
-Narration: Once the birdmen recover, they look up, and see the four MAYHEM villains standing in front of them!
Ryu: "Wha-Who are you?"
*Not only is Vince making his own characters look bad, he’s dragging Jetman down with them. The Scanrangers told Jetman about their adventures, and they sure mentioned their enemies while doing it.
-Kunio: “We could use some extra strength! Come on, Nick! Hurry up! We need you! Things just can't get any worse!”
*Then why don’t you use your powers, idiot? Maybe that’s why the super villains and monsters are beating you.
-Narration: They could send out Nick to help, yet he was the only one who could figure out the codes. To let him leave would mean a definite delay in getting the movie task force back to their own time. Indeed, there was only five hours left before the vortex would close forever!
*Let me get this straight: there were sixteen hours left when the other rangers went out to fight, now there’s only five. They’ve been fighting for eleven hours straight. Why are they bothering with the time machine again? Despite what this text implies they don’t use Aileen’s time machine to get home, they use the time rip produced by the amulet shards.
-Nick: “Just a second..Commander Odagiri..Did you say that a calculator sized computer chip was all that this machine needed?"
*Actually Nick that was you, eleven hours ago. After techno babble more retarded than in a Bibleman movie Aileen’s stupid machine is finally fixed and Nick’s free to go help his friends. But do they really deserve to be saved?
-Chokan: “This is no time to rest up, man!" Look! Your friends are in danger!" Nick looks at the screen and witnesses the Jetmen and the Scanrangers almost totally defeated by the villain onslaught.
Nick: "NO! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN TO US! WHERE'S THOSE FREAKIN' ALIENS? LET ME AT 'EM!!!" Nick's adrenaline increases a thousandfold seeing the computer viewscreen.
Chokan: “I thought your friend was drained, Alex-san.."
*“I thought your friend was drained…” And I thought you just acted like that didn’t matter, Chokan.
-Actually they do get some use out of the Timerunner: Nick uses it to send himself to the site of the battle, even though his basic Scanranger equipment lets him teleport.
-Narration: Back at the battle, on one side, the Birdman task force were wounded and nearly defeated. Ryu gets up slowly and tries to cover the other four Jetmen. Aside Ryu and his team were the Scanrangers barely able to stand themselves.
*That’s what eleven hours of uninterrupted battle will do to you, if not kill you itself.
-Anyway, with Nick there everyone’s allowed to use their powers. Brace yourselves for the big battle scene!
|
 |
|
|
hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2008 : 11:20:56 AM
|
Part 3-http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/5514/jmvssr3.html
-Narration: Grey attempts to strafe Yellow with his machine gun wrists. Kunio keeps stepping out of the way until he gets cornered nearby a cliff face.
*A cliff? In the middle of Tokyo? Yeah, yeah, they probably moved to the traditional gravel pit for the fight, but once again, it isn’t my job to guess at things like that.
-Kunio: “WARP SPEED SMASH!" shouted Kunio. His super-mecha film energy enabled him to smash Grey's face in, knocking him out cold. "Did you say 'de feeted at da hands'? Try 'da fist in da face!' Ha! I kill me!"
*I’d love to, Moronscanner.
-Narration: Meanwhile, BC was still in the grip of General Ug.
*“BC” in this case stands for Black Condor. This is a bit of a problem because, as you may have noticed, Scanranger has a regular character called B.C. And with the poor regard for continuity I at first thought the writer had merely lost track of who was fighting who. Would it have been that much trouble to say “Black Condor” instead?
-Narration: Meanwhile, the females have a little catfight of their own. The villainesses, Maria and Vixen, go up against White Swan and PinkScanner.
*Who else would the girls fight but the other girls? I think it’s funny after all the times Vince has had Toni flippantly remind the monster she’s no helpless damsel in distress to show he’s not sexist, he’s following a formula from a country that doesn’t have quite so much in the way of woman’s lib.
-Narration: The former Rie snags her with the Necrorod around her neck.
*Thanks for killing the mystery. And he does it in such an off-handed way, yet plays up Ryu’s suspicions later on.
-Narration: The female Scanranger then calls up her Music film energy….With her sword in hand, she charges at Kaori, but WS jumps over Vixen's shoulder.
*Dang it’s like Vince is avoiding using the character’s legitimate names any way he can.
-Toni: “MAMBO MASHER!"
*That’s the stupidest special attack name EVAH.
-Ako: “BlueScanner! You were wonderful!"
B.C.: “Hey..You weren't so bad yourself, taking out Key like that..Gotta protect the ones I love, you know?"
*After Tran hurts Ako, B.C. goes postal on him with a Three Stooges attack. It’s supposed to be some kind of endearing display of his love for Ako, but come on, it’s Bluescanner, and we’ll have all the more reason to hate his guts real soon.
Plus, Ako wouldn’t know he was wonderful, she was unconscious while he was pounding Tran.
-Narration: The leader men, Red Hawk and RedScanner duel it out with the villain leaders, Blackorg and Count Radiege.
*We would assume he means someone else by “leaders,” maybe? The monsters are the only other villains left anyway.
-Radiege: “Forget it, Blackorg! The stranger is mine! You can do what you will with Red Hawk!"
*Radiege passes up a shot at Red Hawk to take on Redscanner. Of course. Let me remind everyone Radiege actually beat Redscanner before, it was Kunio who took him down with a surprise attack. Regardless of when this is supposed to take place, you’d think he’d have a bigger grudge against Red Hawk who thwarts his plans on a regular basis. But how many chances would Vince get for his avatar to battle the main villain of Jetman?
-Narration: Radiege punches Red and pulls out the piece of the amulet of Lighkari. Aileen was shocked as she, Chokan, and Alex watch the battle from Skycamp. "No! I won't permit the crystal to be used for evil!" Aileen then flies out to the battle.
*You wouldn’t be in this fix if you’d chosen superheroes with enough responsibility to get up and find the thing, sweetheart.
-Chokan: “Somehow Radiege must have activated the jewel and added it to his own power..Aileen said it couldn't work without the other piece, stuck in your time period.."
*Holy crap, Vince is actually calling attention to a huge logistical error. This guy is either a master of self-deprecation or the worst writer in history.
-Narration: Vin tosses his Scanlaser at Radiege, knocking it out of his hand
*Hey buddy, there’s lasers in the other end of that thing.
-Narration: Radiege and Blackorg go to pursue Aileen.
Vin: "No! Leave her alone!" shouted RedScanner. Vin goes over to Ryu first, still shivering after taking Blackorg's Oblivion beam shot.
*So he tells them to leave Aileen alone, but rather than helping to protect the all-powerful amulet she’s gotten back he decides to tend to the guy who was saving lives before he was even considered for super powers and knows the risks of the job.
-Vin: “If my theory is correct, your Birdnic energy runs in the same frequency as our Film energies..Don't worry about me! I can reenergize through Professor Alex..She can download movie scenes in me and I'll be good as new! But for right now, grasp my hand! Like it or not, I'm giving you a transfusion!"
*Theory? What theory? Now he’s just making things up. This has officially devolved into the most self-serving piece of tripe I’ve ever read. Not only does Vin get to take on Count Radiege, he saves Red Hawk’s life with a power boost. What a guy!
-Ryu: “Save the congratulations for later, RedScanner..There's still those monsters we have to deal with first!"
Vin: "I see Yellow Owl and GreenScanner fighting it out with those two..Don't worry, buddy..I think they can handle it, Ryu.."
*Vin wants to hang back until their friends actually need help, even though he’s on a “task force” and there’s a ton of didactic crap in Scanranger about there being no “I” in team. And Vince thinks this craphead has something to teach Red Hawk.
-Nick: “All right! A true test of metal against metal!"
*Uh, the monster’s metal, but Nick isn’t…
-Narration: Green then clips it with another missile shot from his wrist.
*Since when do the Scanrangers have missiles on their wrists?
-Narration: Nick presses the Pause button on the Filmbrace under the other standard buttons, and freezes KuroJaguar in its tracks!
*He pauses the monster! Lamest power ever! Lamest superhero ever! Not only that, Nick did most of the work beating the monsters; he beat down the Viram one and left the MAYHEM one a sitting duck for Yellow Owl. That’s been the tone for this whole fight. Three paragraphs were spent on Toni fighting Maria while Kaori beats Vixen in one, a little more space is spent on Kunio fighting Grey than Gai fighting Ug, and Ako knocked Key out in one sentence while B.C. spent paragraphs getting even with Tran. Maybe it’s Vince admitting Jetman kicks more ass than his team, but I dunno.
-Radiege: “CURSE YOU, SCANRANGER! I shall not rest till I rip you all into pieces!!" said a deranged Radiege, thinking Blackorg as RedScanner.
Blackorg: "I don't know what game you are playing, Jetman, but your mirror tricks won't work on me! Die!!!"
Narration: The villains slug it out until Radiege decided to take the donybrook to outer space, back onto Birock, which leaves our heroic sentai teams to deal with the monsters.
*I could be wrong but I think he got the villains and the teams they hate backwards. I don’t know why Vince thinks Viram would take people they believe to be their mortal enemies back to their headquarters to fight it out. The episode where Ryu acts like he’s betraying Jetman and Grey kills him anyway would have one think they know better.
-Narration: The Jetmen take out the dimensional creature, yet it was not out.
*The first seven words kind of contradict that postulation. Anyway, the monsters are blown up and come back big.
-Narration: RedScanner was about to call on the Hollywood Vehicles, until YellowScanner stops him. "Roll ou-"
Kunio: "Wait, Red! If you will recall, we're stuck in the year 1991...we can't call the HV's!!"
Vin: “Good grief, you're right! How can we fight these Godzillas?"
*A dumb line from a world-class dummy. Duh, I’ve traveled into another dimension AND years back in time, my giant robot’ll still come if I call it. I’d hope Alex is seriously reconsidering her selection by this point, but she’s the head of the project and presumably college kids were her idea to begin with.
-Alex: “What can we do? Our main weapons are back into the future! We can't fight without them!"
Aileen: "There is a way..but I must activate the amulet piece from your dimension to call in your heavy artillery!" KuroJaguar tries to step on our heroes, while Dozer-Jigen tries to zap them. "It may work!" said Aileen. "..because the crystal in your future is activating the gate....just about now!"
*Immediately the time rip opens so the Scanrangers can call their robot after all. This is like reading the novel of Can’t Stop the Music.
-Chokan: “Jetmen! While they're doing that, call up the Jet Machines to buy them time!"
*Like they wouldn’t have already?
-Dr. Markby: “Takeshi! Look! The HV's are being activated on their own! What does it mean?”
Takeshi: “I don't know..Doc..I hope that they're able to find them…”
*Back at Scanranger’s home base the crew is at a loss to explain their robots suddenly taking off by themselves. What’s funny about the mystery of the self-launching mecha is, in Jetman of all sentai, once the exact same thing happened: the team lost all trace of Ryu, but when one of their robots blasted off for no apparent reason they put two and two together and followed it to find him. Let that illustrate just what you’re reading.
-Narration: Back in the past, the Jet Machines all fly over the enlarged monsters, blasting them with beams, boulders, and the like, but had no effect on them. Before the monsters were about to swat them, however, the Hollywood Vehicles enter through the portal like the rescuing calvary.
*Aren’t those Scanrangers great?
-Vin: “Sorry to kept you guys waiting...Got caught in rush hour traffic…”
*I take back everything nasty I ever said about Scanranger. Vince Jones is the funniest guy ever.
-Kaori: “Wow..." said White Swan in amazement.
*White Swan says upon the Scanranger mecha completing their combination. If the story were smarter I’d say picking Kaori to say this was kind of clever as every online profile of her you can find mentions her initial dislike of mecha, but even she’s amazed by Thunder Dolby.
-Narration: And for the first time in sentai history(according to the author here),two mighty giant robots from Japan and America join forces!
*Maybe, although this isn’t dated so who can say. On top of that, #1 we’re talking about a medium where just by saying so the Autobots (any of the three hundred versions), the starship Enterprise, the Greenbay Packers and Britney Spears would be involved too, and #2 creating these little dream teams is the very nature of fanfiction, isn’t it?
-Narration: Thunder Dolby poses and gives a thumbs up to Jet Icarus. The two robos then slap a high five.
*Not to blow it for you but the sentai win. Does winning require them to be such huge dorks, though?
-Narration: An hour later, with still only three hours until the crystal's power burns out, the Scanrangers and the Jetman team get to spend their final hours together.
*The text makes the countdown sound urgent, no? But of course they’ll wait until the last minute to go home, because how often do you get to socialize with Jetman??? Sort of like the overpowered plot device of the amulet, if the countdown ultimately doesn’t matter, why keep it the way it is?
-Narration: Kunio and Raita hang out in Raita's garden eating tomatoes. They vie in a tomato eating contest to see who ate the most. In a surprising finish, Kunio beats Raita by one tomato.
Raita: "Hey, Kunio! How were you able to eat all of those and still stay skinny? I don't understand..."
Kunio: "Ahhh..I can't tell you that..Ancient Japanese secret..." joked Kunio in a mock Chinese accent.
*Raita wonders how Kunio didn’t gain any weight from their eating contest. Uh, maybe because #1 you guys were eating tomatoes, and #2 you just got finished eating them. Vince of course caps it off with a joke, possibly the worst joke in Scanranger’s rich history of terrible jokes, but get this: it’s a running gag.
-Narration: Toni and Kaori take turns trying on outfits at Kaori's mansion.
Toni: "Girl, I've never seen my mom have that many clothes! Where do you shop at?"
Kaori: "Well, since my parents are away, they treated me to the Ginza, New York, and buy the best linen from Paris, I guess you can say all over.."
*Her parents treat her to the Ginza and New York while they’re away? He makes geographic locations sound like designer labels or something.
-Narration: They continue to compare outfits until the two women simultaenously wear the same dress that Kaori normally dresses up in. The two imitate each other like a mirror, making faces and the like.
*What could I possibly add?
-Nick and Gai have a motocross contest and Nick loses but he still gets the last laugh by flipping Gai into the mud. Vince, I have the number of a guy who can shorten your ego real cheap.
-Ryu: “Well, Vin...How did it feel?"
Vin: "I feel that I need to stay on terra firma, dude...The five of you can fly off into the wild blue yonder..." said Vin, feeling very queasy.
Ryu: "You mean you can't find an aerial action movie scene to use against the enemy? I thought you could summon up a great dogfight battle..."
*Vin and Ryu have a virtual duel in a flight simulator and Vin loses the match then loses his lunch. That takes some of the gall out of Redscanner’s earlier speech, I’ll admit. I don’t get Ryu’s last line from the quote though. If Vin can visualize a dogfight scene, he becomes a great fighter pilot? That’s a chintzy power.
-Nick: “Yeah, man! You're the only one in our little group that holds us all together! I know it's because of Ako, but remember, the space-time continum will be destroyed if we don't get back!"
B.C.: “Nice try, Nick..using the old sentimentality bit..but, come on, Professor..There are others who have great energy and a vivid imagination..I can still remember where I was in 1991..I can avoid seeing myself and it won't make a difference..."
*B.C.‘s thinking about staying in the past with Ako. I might point out Nick also used the “imminent collapse of the space-time continuum” bit which doesn’t seem to have gotten through B.C.’s thick skull. This is the main reason I hate Bluescanner: the idiot is prepared to let creation end so he can spend a bit more time with his new girlfriend. The others are almost as bad because if they can’t talk him out of it they seem prepared to let him go through with it.
This, by the way, is why they brought up the Star Trek comparison at the beginning of the “movie.” B.C.’s planning on staying behind for the sake of True Love with his high school paramour. Looking past them saying he’ll end creation by not going back, there isn’t much of a comparison to draw. In that episode by saving the woman he’d fallen for from dying, McCoy changed the outcome of World War II and thus the entire direction of the 20th century onward. In Scanranger vs. Jetman, it’s confusing what’s at risk of happening if B.C. stays with the girl he loves unless Nick meant what he said about the space-time continuum falling apart.
Of course, in the end B.C. goes back because Scanranger needs his criminally bad joke powers to keep the team together. I can only watch in wonder at the satanic team dynamic that has the Odious Comic Relief as the lynchpin.
-Narration: B.C. paraphrases a line from a famous Humphrey Bogart film. "Here's lookin' at you, kid..."
*See what I did there?!
-Kaori: “You're really gonna miss him, are you?"
Ako: "Yes..It's not every day that you get to meet the man of your dreams from the future.."
Chokan: "Man of your dreams? Are you kidding?"
*Wasn’t it your idea they go on a date, Miss Doubting Mustapha?
-Gai: “I'ts a little bit of something that Chokan needs herself..you know..a sense of humor.."
Chokan: "I HEARD THAT!" she replied. "WHAT DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SENSE OF HUMOR? BESIDES, YOU STILL OWE ME FROM MISSING OUT THE TRAINING SESSION YESTERDAY! DON'T THINK THAT I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN, GAI!" The second in command felt embarrassed, but didn't show it. He quietly curses himself.
Ryu: "What can we say? Same old Chokan.."
*And different Gai, because he wouldn’t care about this. He even quit the team once because he got huffy about them getting all up in his face. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 01/13/2008 09:57:30 AM |
|
|
|
hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2008 : 11:23:52 AM
|
Part 4-http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/5514/jmvssr4.html
-Narration: Meanwhile, Aileen guides Alex and the rangers back to the present time of 1999, exactly where the adventure had began, outside Cape Paramount Base…[Nick] finds a paper rack, and checks the date
*He finds a paper rack out in the woods?
-Vin: “Blast it, Blackorg! After all that the two of our teams had been through, you want to continue?!? Then let's go!! Let's go!" The other Scanrangers, with Alex and Aileen behind them, were poised to battle on.
*The Scanrangers prepare for another round with MAYHEM, but the villains concede to being too tired to slug it out with them and promise to destroy the Scanrangers another day. I just had a thought as I read this: the space-time continuum would’ve gotten really screwed up if B.C. had stayed in the past, but there’s no danger of that happening if Aileen doesn’t get home toot sweet?
-Narration: The four villains teleport back to their outer space home base Nebutopia.
*That’s a lot of words to describe such a simple thing.
-Alex: “Good bluff, Vin..Even if we did battle, we would be totally drained also.."
*Even though they spent three hours hanging out with Jetman before coming home.
-Takeshi: “Rangers! Rangers! You've made it! It's great to see you back!" shouted Takeshi, seeing the crew after searching for them for days.
*A little over twenty-eight hours is “days”?
-Kunio: “Takeshi! You won't believe this, but it was awesome! We went back in time, saw our favorite sentai heroes..It was awesome! We fought side by side with Chojin Sentai Jetman!"
Takeshi: "You're joking!"
Toni: "No, he's not..Crazy as it sounds, we went through another dimension and fought with one of your favorite TV heroes!"
Takeshi: "Sure...and I suppose you also met up with Kikaider and Kamen Rider V3.."
*The leader and primary field agents of an elite government task force go missing for “days,” and Takeshi brushes it all off as a joke. It’s a good thing such a loosely-run organization is pitted against enemies as inept as MAYHEM.
-B.C.: “I'm sorry, Toni..I know that it's only a TV show..but it felt like that Ako was real, and she was one of very few special friends I've ever known...I don't really know if the real Blue Swallow, Sayuri Uchida, ever really knows me.."
*Just a TV show? If felt like that Ako was real? They went someplace where Choujin Sentai Jetman and their battles with Viram are real, didn’t they, or did I completely miss the point? What really confuses me is the last part. Sayuri Uchida is the actress who played Ako on the show. How would going to another dimension and meeting the real Ako result in the actress knowing B.C.? Thank the lord this is almost over.
-Vin: “Buck up, B.C. Perhaps one day, you will find the girl of your dreams, and if you continue to be successful after your college years, the man above's gonna provide you with exactly what you need.."
Aileen: "Vin is correct, Ben..It provides a lot of hope and patience..It could be any day now.."
*Am I just getting tired or is the dialogue making even less sense?
-Aileen: “You have salvaged the amulet, and I can go on back to my time to bring my world back to its normal order...I shall return the favor at any moment when your Scanrangers are in need. Farewell, Scanrangers! Farewell!"
*And why can’t she exterminate all the unhappiness in this world first? Despite Aileen’s promise to come to their aid should they need it, she only shows up again when she needs their help. Maybe just leaving is the best contribution such a bass-ackward alien could make to piece and harmony.
-Narration: Three months later, at Central NJ University, B.C. was on its way to Acting II class, still depressed after the adventure.
*At Central NJ University, as opposed to where? It’s three months and B.C.’s still moping over a woman he was involved with for all of a day? He’s even more of an emotional runt than I thought.
-Kimiko: "Are you okay?"
B.C.: "I'm sorry.." said B.C. "When I saw you, I thought that you were someone else..a good friend whom I met briefly in Japan.."
Kimiko: "Cool! You're Japanese? So am I! Where are you from?"
B.C.: "Right outside Tokyo..Setagaya area.."
*B.C. meets a new student who happens to look just like Ako. Could this be his reward Vin and Aileen were talking about?
-Kimiko: “I was looking for someone in the class..There was a guy who I really wanted to meet..His name was Ben Shimamura.."
B.C.: "Wow! Your troubles are over, miss, because I am he!"
Kimiko: "Great! Because I need some help with this project for my final!"
*Why did she want to meet B.C. and get his help? Does he actually have a rep at the school for being competent at something? Of course not, any explanation would’ve done to bring the two soul mates together.
-Narration: As B.C talks to his new friend, Professor Alex notices the two. She was about to go over to them and introduce herself, but she decided not to..She smiles, and heads back to her office.
*Yeah she’ll be meddling in their budding romance soon enough.
-Kimiko: “I've seen something on the Cartoon Network you have her in America..Have you heard of an anime called Wacky Races?" B.C. just realized that that was the same question Ako asked him a few days ago.
*Wow, Kimiko looks just like Ako and is into the same things! It’s like he never had to give her up at all! Because the punk who tells horrible jokes all the time and almost willingly ended the universe deserves a happy ending for all his hard work. Plus, this says the adventure was days ago. Did I imagine the narration that said it’s been three months since then?
-Narration: Up above the campus, Aileen watches. Was it possible that she set things up to have B.C. meet this pretty Japanese woman? Was it possible that Kimmy may be somewhat related to Ako or even her alter-ego Sayuri Uchida, who played the Blue Swallow character? Good questions all.
*Since a second Jetman crossover came and went without answering any of them, it seems good questions is all they’ll ever be.
|
|
|
|
Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 01/13/2008 : 08:15:20 AM
|
So much pain.....
Maybe I shouldn't point the finger since my own writeing isn't the greatest, But there are a few things I don't get.
quote:
-B.C.: “"I know that this is going to be a pain, Ako-san,..But I couldn't help resist about that experience you had with that ramen monster..."
"...I couldn't help resist about......" Is that supposed to be a direct translation from Japanese, or is there a deffinition of "resist" that I don't know about? Maybe there's just some words missing from that sentence.
quote:
Narration: Raita cringes as he recalls being the victim of the Noodle-Jigen's corrupted ramen. Kunio, remembering that episode, starts to sing the 'Yoki no Ako-chan' song.
Which makes B.C. come off like an insensitive JERK.
quote:
"..I can still remember where I was in 1991..I can avoid seeing myself and it won't make a difference..."
Were they in their own past, or ANOTHER DEMENTION'S past? If the latter, then how could meeting himself make any diffrence to the future? He might not even exist in the Jetman demention.
As to the Star Trek episode, as far as I can remember, it was KIRK who fell for Edith, not McCoy. McCoy saved her from the traffic accident simply because he was on the scene, maybe in the changed reality, Bones had gone to the movies with her when before, she went alone.
(My Trekie-ness is showing)
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
|
|
|
hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 01/13/2008 : 10:05:35 AM
|
It appears you are correct, Greenhornet, about City on the Edge of Forever, but it proves my research skills still suck less than the guy who writes Scanranger.
And as to whether Jetman happens in an entirely different dimension, I honestly can't tell you. Here they mostly say it's in another dimension but in a later episode it turns out Alex used to be a member of their organization, and it's not said she's originally from another dimension. There's other indicators that it actually happened in the Scanranger universe as well in that later episode, but they also keep saying it was just a show. I think that explains why I decided to post the reviews at a place like Jabootu.
When a stranger calls, make friends with him. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 01/13/2008 10:23:48 AM |
|
|
|
Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 01/14/2008 : 3:36:27 PM
|
I figured out the problem sentence. It should have read:
-B.C.: “"I know that this is going to be a pain, Ako-san,..But I couldn't help resist [think] about that experience you had with that ramen monster..."
"...couldn't help think about..." OR "...couldn't resist thinking about..." would have worked. Vince may have changed the wording and messed it up, I have done that.
quote:
-Narration: They continue to compare outfits until the two women simultaenously wear the same dress that Kaori normally dresses up in. The two imitate each other like a mirror, making faces and the like.
I finnaly got it! It's a nod to Harpo and Groucho Marx in "Duck Soup"! And if the girls had been dressing in seperate rooms then coming out to model the outfits, it would work.
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
|
|
|
twitterpate
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Canada
1026 Posts |
Posted - 01/14/2008 : 7:09:44 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Greenhornet
quote:
-Narration: They continue to compare outfits until the two women simultaenously wear the same dress that Kaori normally dresses up in. The two imitate each other like a mirror, making faces and the like.
I finnaly got it! It's a nod to Harpo and Groucho Marx in "Duck Soup"! And if the girls had been dressing in seperate rooms then coming out to model the outfits, it would work.
I do believe you've hit the nail on the head! Although it illustrates the problems in the writing that the actual joke in the scene disappears completely. |
|
|
|
hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2008 : 3:39:59 PM
|
The joke might work if Scanranger didn't give off a force field that deadens any intentional humor trying to get out.
Greenhornet, I appreciate your observations and was wondering if you'd like to see some Scanranger stuff I've done that's perhaps even stupider. Drop me an email if so (hecklerking6909@yahoo.com)
When a stranger calls, make friends with him. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 01/16/2008 07:20:02 AM |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
Scanranger vs. Jetman
Forum Locked