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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
 Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:28:10 AM
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Episode 11-Arno Benedict-The Dimensional Wandering (Wandering Dimensional) Fiend(!)
Summary: Tiring of his generals’ incompetence and unable to do anything about Scanranger himself lest the story end before we’re twelve episodes in, Blackorg hires Arno Benedict and his boys to whack the Scanrangers. After a strange and pointless fight with Ug and KuroPirate, Benedict’s Brigade joins the fray just as the episode ends.
Monster: KuroPirate
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode11.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Narration: On a quiet Saturday afternoon, the Movie Task Force relax and take it easy in their dorm rooms. Some of them spend time out with family, while the others continue to study for their next test during the week.
*So all the Scanrangers are hanging out at their dorms, but some are out with their families. Wow, they are awesome.
-Blackorg: “This is a great opportunity to take care of Scanranger right here and now..I have summoned Arno Benedict and his cohorts from the Kagamirron sector to give us a hand..”
*There’s the plot of this arc, Blackorg’s calling another of his warriors from elsewhere in the galaxy to deal with the Scanrangers. A decision that shocks his officers, but they’d have to be REALLY dumb not to notice they’re batting 0.000 against the Scanrangers.
-Ug: “With all due respect, my Lord.. Why did you call them? And after he and his fellow warriors were responsible for causing dissension against two of our other armies.. In the process, they 'accidently' destroyed two of Kagamirron's moons without any remorse. And let us not forget his five so-called warriors who take joyrides in different starships, wasted a year's supply of Kuronium energy by warping into different sectors of the galaxy .." continued the general. "They have no respect for authority and enjoy fooling around with our Kumomech women..Such is why Benedict is called the dimensional wandering fiend!"
*That’s awfully articulate for the big dumb caveman, don’t you think? And am I supposed to know what “kumomech” people are? Kumo = spider, but we’ve never seen any of these things.
-Benedict: “My Lord Blackorg..Arno Benedict reporting for duty, sir!" speaking with a heavy British accent.
*I’m just gonna touch lightly on this then let it go, but isn’t a thick accent something Vince should’ve worked into the character’s lines if he really wanted one?
-Blackorg: “You have done splendid work of salvaging my former Riders of the Storm..upgraded with special powers to counterattack the Scanrangers.. What were mindless menials before, are now competent mighty warriors fighting for the sake of the MAYHEM corps.”
*Blackorg describes the origin of the monsters making up Benedict’s Brigade, referring to the robotic horsemen from the beginning of episode 5. If that’s so, though, when where they upgraded into the Brigade and when did they do all the insubordinate things Ug listed? It doesn’t feel like it’s been all that long since the fifth episode, but the thing is, months apparently go by between episodes a lot. Which is problematic when you consider that the Scanrangers are in school, or just in general. Why does it take MAYHEM that long to come up with a monster and attack New Jersey?
-Blackorg: “With KuroFrost, KuroBuzzer, KuroLectronn, KuroFire, and KuroGrappler leading your Brigade, no one can withstand you!”
*As far I can tell those monsters ARE the Brigade, not its leaders.
-Narration: As they wait, Benedict briefs his team about the movie task force.
Benedict: "These young children think they can protect their planet from the likes of MAYHEM..Well, they've got another think coming!" he said. We can defeat them as easily as we destroyed the 'Dark Fortress.."
*His rant segues into a replay of the mysterious intermission from last episode. This is Benedict’s idea of a briefing? It has nothing to do with the Scanrangers whatever other than an insult tossed the non-Scan villains’ way.
**I’ll say this about Vince Jones, though: he’s one of the few people I’ve seen who knows the correct saying is “you’ve got another think coming.”
-Kurograppler: “It seems like yesterday when we did away with that evil witch..They reflect back on their invasion. A few months ago, a certain space queen had came back to her mothership after being defeated by six ranger members. She discovers her crew members dead or its robotic servants decapitated..”
*I take the time flow critique back, it’s happening already. Anyway, remember the scene last episode I just mentioned where a bunch of mysterious warriors destroyed a satellite of other guys and it had nothing to do with anything? The mysterious warriors were the Brigade and the guys they killed were the villains from Power Rangers in Space. And it still has nothing to do with anything. Love that “ranger members.” Can Vince seriously not tell how awkward his choices of words often sound?
-Astronema: “Who dares to defeat my army so easily?" she demanded. As soon as she questions that, her right hand alien Elgar comes flying through the ship, being beaten to a pulp.
*If the question is “who defeated my army so easily,” I really don’t think the kind of self-assurance she tries to put on in her dialogue is all that effective. And Elgar’s being beaten to a pulp at the same time he comes flying through the ship? And Vince seriously thinks Elgar and not Ecliptor is her “right hand alien”? Wonder why we didn’t see the Brigade showing Ecliptor his own guts.
-Brigade member: A voice speaks,"You are such a fool, Zelmoda,(as everyone knows from Carranger that is his Japanese name) to join up with these losers...You had your chance to stay on Earth with your Japanese friends and keep out of our way..But I guess you want to die!" KuroLectron makes his appearance as he electrocutes Elgar, blowing him to pieces..
*I’ll try to explain this a little better than Vince does. Zelmoda was a villain from the self-parodying Sentai, Carranger. His stupider, more annoying counterpart in Power Rangers (the guy being killed here) was named Elgar. Can someone please tell me what in the world Vince was thinking when he has Benedict talk about the two characters like they’re the same? Especially when he usually draws such a clear distinction between Sentai and Power Rangers. And especially when one of the things most often pointed out about Elgar is how he was visibly different from his Sentai counterpart (Elgar looked dopey while Zelmoda looked mean).
-Benedict: “I've heard about you and your quest of trying to eliminate a group of former high school kids..Face it, honey, you failed..However, unless you want to join your banana- head shaped friend, I suggest that you yield all you possess on this ship, and we would be merciful.."
*Former high school kids? I love how when idiotic villains contemptuously describe their young enemies, all the villains ever seem to take into account is their age. Not that they have weapons/powers/technology on a par with the villains’ own. As well as something the villains usually don’t, which is the ability to work together.
**As for “your banana- head shaped friend,” speaks for itself.
-Narration: Seeing that she was no match for them, she tries to land a kick at Benedict, but he easily blocks it.
*Seeing that she’s no match for them, she tries to fight anyway. Sure, I remember saying I’d rather go down fighting than just letting the bad guys blow me away, but it doesn’t say Astronema has no means of escape. And one supposes the only reason she doesn’t is Vince’s characters are better than those he doesn’t like.
-Astronema: “My master, Dark Specter, will make you pay!"
Benedict: "You mean that gill-man type creature that looked like Malificent, Marygore, or something like that?"
Kurofire: "Sorry, sweetheart, but your master has been toasted to a crisp by our mightiest warrior, the Demolisher!"
*Vince probably knows better than I do but when the Demolisher is unveiled in a few episodes the impression I got was that it had just been completed.
**I’m not even going to touch the conceit of the Demolisher destroying a planet-sized monster, but ultimately falling to the Scanrangers’ dinky little starter mecha. Vince does know Dark Specter’s not just big, he’s reeeeeeally big, right? Size of a planet according to the guy who actually killed him.
-Benedict: “We could have been perfect together.. but you wanted all the glory for yourself.. Yet even the Scanrangers would have made mincemeat out of your so-called army.”
*Which Scanrangers are we talking about? I ask which because it’s implied later the Brigade have killed the Scanrangers of a parallel universe, but little is done with that.
-Narration/Brigade member: As Benedict's Brigade blast off into deep space, the Dark Fortress blows up. Benedict's last reply to the doomed ship was, "Farewell forever....Astronema! Heh Heh heh heh heh..We have new orders to report to our master, Lord Blackorg!" said KuroGrappler. "Center course for Nebultopia!"
*So wait, was Benedict talking or Kurograppler? “Center course?”
**This, by the way, is the first time Astronema’s name is actually mentioned. As if the odds of the name meaning anything to you are worth spit if Elgar and Dark Specter didn’t already give it away (which is why I went ahead and said who it was). I can think of things that epitomize Scanranger’s arrogance better than this scene, but not many that epitomize the contrast between how clever Scanranger seems to think it is and the reality.
-Kurograppler: “Well, now that that scheme was finished, we-" said KuroGrappler before he was interupted by Blackorg on the guest quarter's video screen.
Blackorg: "The plan will be simple, Arno Benedict.." said the overlord. We will send down one of our CyberCreatures to wreak havoc on the city, hoping to call out the Scanrangers.. After which your team can proceed to do what you will with them.. General Ug, proceed to send down your monster.."
*So it’s Blackorg who ends up briefing the Brigade. I have to ask, is there any reason the Scanrangers wouldn’t show up if the Brigade themselves beamed down and start raising havoc? The attack doesn’t seem intended to weaken the Scanrangers or give the Brigade a chance to take them by surprise.
-Ug: "Do you think that they will truly succeed?"
Vixen: "They know what will happen if they don't.."
*Based on experience, “what will happen if they don’t” is probably “get chewed out but get to keep their jobs.”
-Key: “And after all this time we had won Blackorg's favor, he calls up a team to do our work?"
*Yeah really, they’ve only lost nine battles + however many unwritten ones there are against a group of mere children. Where could Blackorg have gotten the idea they’re not up to the job?
-Key: “Personally, I, for one, am not going to sit idly by and let them get all the glory..We'll let the brigade go on with their plans, and if they do succeed, we'll make certain that we intercept their plans, and Blackorg will win us back over.."
*Y’know, if they’re going to backstab the Brigade, what’s to keep Vixen, Ug and Key from backstabbing each other? Sure Benedict’s Brigade are a bunch of megalomaniacs only out for themselves, but at least they’re a real team and loyal to each other. The MAYHEM lieutenants on the other hand usually operate alone and more than once have exhibited contempt for each other. Or am I thinking too much again?
-Narration: And back on Earth,(didn't think we'll get back to our heroes, huh?)
*Can’t blame a guy for hoping, can you?
-Narration: ‘Mr.Hayata’, recently released from the hospital, takes care of his number one priority- teaching college courses, and in the process,finishing graduate school,. The place-Central New Jersey University.
Takeshi: "At last, it feels great to be back in school.." he thought to himself. "All I need now is to get back to the dean, and I'll be set for the rest of the remaining semester.."
*Don’t the quotations imply that’s not his real name? Because he is “Mr. Hayata.” And for a guy who’s spent years in a coma he isn’t having any problems getting his life started again.
-Narration/Kunio: Kunio happens to be walking down the hall, when he notices 'Mr.Hayata'. He goes over to talk to him. "Another new student looking for class?"
*Takeshi’s several years older than the other Scanrangers and probably most CJU students (he’s 27). Kunio acts like he can’t see that.
-Takeshi: “I’m an adjunct professor, teaching Asian studies..
Kunio: "That's cool! You're Japanese?"
*Just like that he’s Japanese, eh?
-Kunio: “I couldn't also help myself, but seeing that Ultraman pin on your cap got my attention..I'm an artist.." Very few people remember the entire team, let alone the monsters they fought.."
*Is it surprising so few people remember the team or the monsters from Ultraman? I say this in the kindest way possible, but the Science Patrol is as generic a bunch of world-savers as you’ll ever see. Look, it’s the stern but caring commander (boy does that sound familiar)! The muscle-headed weapons expert! The goofy inventor, the obligatory girl, the obligatory kid!
**The monsters aren’t much better. Ask the average person on the street to name as many giant movie monsters as they can. Most everyone will probably say Godzilla and King Kong. A few might say Mothra or King Ghidorah. Nobody will say Manda or Gorosaurus.
**Ultraman had to fight some fine-looking kaiju, but a lot of them just weren’t that special. For every Woo or Red King there seemed to be five or six Antlars, Nerongas, Telesdons, Hydras, and Maguras. I daresay a lot of people wouldn’t even remember Zetton if he hadn’t been the one to kick Ultraman’s butt. You’d have to be a huge Ultraman fan boy to be able to name all the monsters he fought. Even I had to look them up to make a list of the forgettable ones.
-Takeshi: “I get these..hot flashes rarely..”
*Very rarely, I bet. Takeshi should be physically incapable of experiencing hot flashes. Look, go ahead and say I’m too nitpicky for harping on about such a little thing, but hot flashes are associated with something specific, something that only happens to women. Vince could’ve found another term.
-Takeshi: “I said I'll be fine.. said Takeshi. But it was nice meeting you, though, Kunio.."
Kunio: "Likewise..Things that make you go Hmmmm.." Kunio thought to himself.
*He thought all of that to himself? Even the “likewise”? And why does Kunio seem so suspicious of his new friend? Takeshi has headaches sometimes, don’t push the panic button yet Yellow dude.
-Narration: Back on the campus, Kunio returns to the gym and meets up with the rest of the team. Professor Alex is along with them. The emergency alarm sounds, and the crew responds, going to the video screen.
Kunio: "Geez, It seems like it's time to punch out the clock again.."
*Wait a minute, they have a secret base in the CJU gym? Is that what it’s saying? Or did Vince forget he established the location as on campus? And Vince knows “punching out the clock” would mean the job’s done and they’re going home, right? Unless maybe he’s trying to imply MAYHEM’s the clock?
-Somebody: “What's happening, dear teacher?"
Alex: "I'm not surprised.. Another one of Blackorg's CyberCreatures.."
*Wow, that sure was hard to guess, wasn’t it?
-Narration: As the rangers jet out to the amusement park on their Bijou Bikes, the park-goers rush out of the gates.
*You know, the reason tokusatsu heroes have those fancy cars and motorcycles is because they can’t push a button and zap themselves wherever they want to go. While the Scanrangers are riding to intercept MAYHEM, they’re giving the villains more time to attack Six Flags attendees and destroy property when they could be there in an instant thanks to their teleporters and immediately start fighting off the villains.
-Narration: KuroPirate looks up and sees a Buccaneer ride, the one that swings back and forth until it moves faster and faster.
Kuropirate: "Arrg! There be a ship we can use for our attack! Prepare to board, mates!"
*Vince was prepared to include pirate speech patterns in the dialogue, but not British ones. All right.
-Kuropirate (I guess): “We need water to float on this thing..No matter..Lord Blackorg will make it go.."
Narration: A pair of Kinks gather a pair of rocket boosters and install them on the pirate ride. Ug uses his remote control device to lift it off into the air.
*Lord Blackorg will make it go? Is that a reference to something? And MAYHEM sure is well-prepared to convert a swing ride into a flying battleship. Did they attack the park just to steal the gondola?
-Kuropirate: “Argg! Our maiden voyage has succeeded! Now we shall attack the city by land, by sea, and by air!"
*Or, air, anyway.
-Kunio: “Let's show them what for and forsooth!"
*Because people say things like that.
-Narration: Before our heroes begin to open fire, KuroPirate's hand transforms into a cannonball hand,and fires.
*Wait, does his hand turn into a cannonball, or the cannon? Would seem to only be useful once in the former case.
-Vin/Narration: “Another Redbeard wanna-be, eh? One side, guys! I'll take care of him!" Red leaps onto the ship, and duels with KuroPirate.
*Another one? Did they fight a previous pirate monster in one of those unwritten stories? And I feel a duty to point out that later on, when a new ranger joins the team (and I don’t mean Takeshi), she gets chewed out for not being a team player as a result of attacking a monster by herself. Vin’s doing the same thing here, except he’s attacking a ship carrying not only a monster, but Ug and a group of Kinks too, yet nobody minds. Despite him being, you know, the leader.
-Narration: They battle, and seem to be evenly matched. However, Ug, remembering the early defeat by Red before, uses his battle axe to blast Red in the back. As Red turns, KuroPirate slashes him. Red falls off the ship, landing in the parking lot of the amusement.
*When was this defeat? I can think of a likely instance (at the beginning of “With Maliss Towards All”), so I’m prepared to let that go, but again I have to contrast this with that future episode. There all that happens is the new ranger gets tripped and lets the monster get away, while here Vin attacked a whole group of MAYHEM fighters, seemingly forgot there was more than one and let himself be taken by surprise by the others. And he’s the leader.
**And just “the amusement”?
-Nick: “Hey, fearless leader! You all right? Are you hurt?"
Vin: "I'm okay, Green..That monster only hurt my pride..”
*I sure hope so, but I wouldn’t complain if Vin had more to show for his boneheaded attack than a bruised ego.
-Vin: “I should've anticipated Ug attacking from the rear.. These MAYHEM guys don't believe in playing fair."
*Were you honestly expecting the guys bent on taking over your planet and sucking it dry of its natural resources to fight fair for it? Is there even any such thing in armed conflict?
-Somebody other than B.C.: “Come on, guys, let's get going! We got a city to save!"
B.C.: "Again.."
*What’s the matter, unlikable comic relief? Getting to live like your TV heroes not fun anymore?
-Blackorg: “Now, Benedict! It's time to begin your first phase of your attack! You and your Brigade teleport down to the industrial area of town at once!"
*Again, what’s the plan? I wonder if Ug’s attack is supposed to keep the Scanrangers busy so the Brigade can teleport to the city undetected, but that doesn’t make any sense with what happens when they show up again.
-Vin: “We've got to stop them before they destroy the industrial area of Leewood Park! If anyone has a plan to stop Ug, I'm open to suggestions!"
Toni: "Why not call up Thunder Dolby to take the ship out?"
Kunio: "Or, better yet, ..send out one of the Hollywood Vehicles to deal with Ug and that monster.."
*Aren’t the ship and Kuropirate and Ug really the same problem? If you took out the ship, you’d probably take out the MAYHEM members with it, and if you took out the MAYHEM members the ship wouldn’t be a threat anymore.
-Vin: “Good idea, Yellow.." What we can do is this..Pink and I will use TS Pegasus and NS Peacock to slow the creature down. The rest of you can take on Ug and his cronies..Let's do it, guys!"
*You know, the monster’s not giant yet, and as I said it’s on the ship with Ug. Why are they bothering with their mecha to occupy the monster while the others deal with the villains on the ship? Anyway, that’s what they do: Vin and Toni call their Hollywood Vehicles while the others board the ship.
-Narration: KuroPirate uses the opportunity to leap out of the boat and grows into a giant, about to attack the town.
*Would he have done that if the Scanrangers didn’t use their mecha? Now there’s both a giant pirate and a flying pirate ship attacking the city. So the Scanrangers have not only multiplied the danger to the city, they’ve reduced their own ability to prevent it by splitting their forces. Not polishing their reputations at all today, are they?
-B.C.: “I..am the very model of a pirate individual.." sings Blue as he clips a Kink with his sword, then punching it in the chest.
*Oh how I loathe the unfunny comic relief. No chance of him being knocked off the ship and into a meat grinder, is there? Not even a garbage truck so he’ll stink as much as his jokes?
-Narration: Meanwhile, Green battles Ug, yet the general has the upper hand. As before, Ug knocks Green's FilmBlade out of his hand.
*As before when?
-Narration: A Kink attempts to attack Green from behind, but Nick pulls out his ScanLaser to take care of the robot grunt.
Nick: “Like BlueScanner said, you are not a chilvarous guy.."
*That was a Kink attacking from behind that time, not Ug.
-Ug: "Heh! Any last words, Scanranger?"
Nick: "Yes..Just one..SUCKER!!"
Ug/Narration: "What?" Ug sees Green disappear before his eyes.. "What happened? Is he gone?"
Nick: "Nope..Right here, General Ug-ly!"
Narration: The SPFX Powered Scanranger used one of his Holoclones to distract the general, while Green was behind him, invisible all along. Green lands a drop kick in Ug's face, knocking him out temporarily.
*So let me get this straight. The Scanrangers complain about MAYHEM being dishonorable for attacking from behind, but there’s nothing wrong if they do it.
-Ug: “This isn't over yet, Scanrangers! I'll be back! Count on it!"
B.C.: "As Seinfeld would say, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.."
*Literally one sentence before this it said Ug was knocked out. Either he’s a real tough guy or (more likely, what with this being the norm for unconsciousness in this story) Vince has no idea what being knocked out means.
**BTW, shut the hell up, B.C.
-Narration: Meanwhile, Pegasus and Peacock keep KuroPirate at bay. They fly around the CyberCreature, zapping them with missiles.
*Them? Who’s the other one?
-Narration: KuroPirate's hand transforms into an old fashioned gun, and wings Peacock, enabling her to make a rough landing.
*So it can turn its hand into both a cannon and (I assume) a musket? Kinda redundant. And you mean causing, not enabling, Vince.
-Narration: KuroPirate's hand now turns into a cannon, and makes a direct hit, winging Pegasus as well.
*It wasn’t a mistake, Kuropirate’s hand turns into two different projectile weapons. That would work better if normally it was a hook and he was screwing in replacements as needed. Anyhow, you don’t “wing” your target if you make a direct hit.
-Narration: The three HV's then rush after the CyberCreature, but as soon as they jump on it, KuroPirate disappears, making a quick retreat back into space.
B.C.: "Like they say, If you can't stand the heat, monster, stay out of the kitchen!"
*With the others joining the fight, Kuropirate retreats. Shut up, B.C.
-Narration: The rangers rendezvous back to downtown Leewood Park and assist the other Cape Paramount techs in repairing the amusement park.
Vin: "It's a good thing that our crew has enough dough to make repairs to this park.." said Vin. "But can you imagine how much it'll cost Tokyo every year to get their city back together after a monster nearly destroys it? No offense, B.C...."
*Why should he be offended? Is the destruction of Tokyo in some way his fault? Was Godzilla created by the Bad Joke Furies to punish the country that unleashed B.C. upon the world?
-B.C.: “None taken..The Tri-state area had it's equal share of disasters, especially being invaded by aliens and asteroids..definitely a deep impact, indeed.."
*Wait a second, has the stuff they’re talking about actually happened in their world, or it is just more movie nerd talk?
-Narration: As soon as B.C. finishes his sentence, an energy field surrounds the rangers.
*An energy field? From what? Anyway, enter Benedict’s Brigade. I thought Blackorg sent them to Earth a while ago, though. Is the energy field from them teleporting in?
-Benedict: “I guess after the attack on your city, you thought that MAYHEM was behind this..Well, you're half right.. We are here to help our Lord Blackorg finish the job...Permit me to introduce myself..My name is Benedict..Arno Benedict..And these five warriors are my Brigade.." Benedict presents KuroBuzzer, KuroGrappler, KuroFire, KuroLectronn, and KuroFrost. "Our mission is relatively simple.." he continues. "We are here to destroy the Scanrangers and to steal your lives!!"
*Remind me of the point of sending Ug to lure the Scanrangers out again. The first blow Benedict deals is this heaping info dump where he introduces himself and his comrades. I’m forced to assume they weren’t hoping to catch Scanranger by surprise.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:29:00 AM
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Episode 12-Back to Action! The Shining Silver Hero!(!!)
Summary: Benedict’s Brigade have a knock-down drag-out battle with the Scanrangers and lose, slightly tarnishing their image as the most fearsome warriors in the galaxy. Soon the rangers fight the pirate monster again and lose, but thankfully the hostage the monster took is the original Scanranger and he regains his memories and powers in time to solve the monster problem for them.
Monster: KuroPirate again, KuroParrot
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode12.html
Rating: JJ
Rants-
-Recap: An adjunct professor named Takeshi Hayata meets one of the Scanrangers.
*sigh* Why so vague?? Vince doesn’t even have to pick one this time, it was Kunio!
-Recap: He still has a very foggy memory about his past as he tries to remember who he really was.
*Who he really was how? He really is Takeshi Hayata, adjunct professor of Asian Studies at Central Jersey University. He’s trying to remember some secret buried in his past, so say that instead.
-Benedict: “My name is Benedict.Arno Benedict.. and these five warriors are my Brigade..Our mission is relatively simple..We are here to destroy you Scanrangers and to steal your lives!"
Vin: “Steal our lives? Destroy us?" replied Vin, preparing himself. "We've had monsters that attempted to do the same! You have no idea who you're messing with!"
*Actually Vin, he probably does, if he came here specifically to fight you.
**And what does “steal your lives” mean? Because they don’t attempt to take over the Scanrangers’ lives. Ever.
-Narration: They all pose in the usual super sentai fashion, ready for battle.
*Here comes another big fight. What about the repair workers? Won’t they be endangered, or are they done already?
-Toni: “What now, Vin?”
Vin: “Well, pick a partner and kick some rear end..We'll sort everything later..”
*Look out Sun Tzu, you’ve got company.
-Takeshi: “Those blasted headaches again! I know who I am, but who am I? It's still a vague memory.."
*Again, what a clunky way to describe Takeshi’s problem.
-Narration: As the headaches lessen, Takeshi was unaware of a bracelet that materialized on his left wrist. It fades in and out.
*So even if I hadn’t ruined the mystery of Takeshi’s true identity, Vince just did.
-Takeshi: “If only I can remember what my true purpose was, but something has to trigger it off..”
*He doesn’t know what he’s trying to remember but knows there needs to be an external trigger. That makes sense. To someone.
-Kurograppler: “I've been waiting for this match for a long time, GreenScanner!"
Nick: “Well, Mr.Stone Cold wanna-be, so have I!”
*I can buy Kurograppler itching to take a shot at Nick, since it’s not a real strain on one’s credulity that word of a team able to repeatedly fend off MAYHEM would probably make it back through their ranks. As for Nick, he didn’t even know these guys existed five minutes ago. Forgive me for balking.
-Narration: They both grip each others hands in a test of brute strength. Green powers himself up, and has the Brigade leader on his knees.
*Nick can “power himself up” and become stronger than the monster he’s fighting. The monster whose schtick is brute strength. Lame! It’s also funny Nick is able to do this and does it, yet the Scanrangers repeatedly rail against the villains for not fighting fair. It’s okay if the Scanrangers use stimulants or deceptive tactics to gain an edge though.
-Narration: He grabs something from his pocket and tosses it at Nick, blinding him and then kicks Green in the chest.
*SOMETHING. Does Vince have some kind of religious belief against specifics?
-Narration: Yellow protects himself with a force field as KuroFire ignites him with an intense ball of flame.
Kurofire: "I see you have the power to change into any type of armor.." said the flaming Brigade member.
*He has the power to CHANGE INTO any kind of armor? Huh? And the monster can tell that from him whipping up a force field?
-Narration: The saw handed brigade member doesn't speak, since he is a mute robot.
*Why can all the Brigade members except this guy talk? It’d be one thing if he didn’t have any dialogue, but why go the effort of making him completely mute? The only things differentiating the Brigade members are their powers anyway, so if it’s to make him unique, it ends up seeming unnecessary and possibly out of place.
-Narration: The Film Splicer shield flies back, and knocks KuroFrost out cold.. In the process, the shield smashes the ice that trapped Pink.
Kunio: "Pink! Are you all right?"
Toni: "Yeah, remind me not to drink any Diet Coke on the rocks anytime soon..."
*Coca Cola Corporation? You might want to talk to your product placement people…
-Narration: KuroGrappler was about to defeat Green and deliver a flying elbow smash from top of the roller coaster.Green awakens and dodges out of the way. The ranger recovers and delivers a drop kick to his face. As the evil wrestler gets, Yellow and Pink apply a double drop kick to him as well.
Nick: "Thanks for the double team-up, guys.."
*As the evil wrestler gets what? And while it makes perfect sense to me for the rangers to work together against one opponent, with all their “the bad guys aren’t fighting fair” whining lately it makes them look even more hypocritical.
-Narration: Green summons up his film energy. This time, Green sets the stage for a WCW/NWO ring and becomes 'Hollywood Hulk Hogan'(as Thunderlips from Rocky III), Becoming one with the Rocky movie, Green applies one of Hogan's classic moves. He jumps himself from the top rope and brings an elbow smash to KuroGrappler's chest.
*Wrestling counts as special effects, huh? Right, I knew it all along.
**This could be the most moronic thing in the story yet. Nick get his movie powers from special effects, which makes little sense as it is, yet he’s able to use them to tap into the Hulk Hogan scene from Rocky III in order to use wrestling moves on a monster. Even if you’re going to allow something that far outside his area, isn’t tapping a movie where Hulk Hogan makes a minor appearance a needless stretch? Was Vince unwilling or unable to come up with a movie actually about wrestling? They exist, you know.
**Why does he need to use his movie powers for this anyway? Nick’s basic fighting style is wrestling.
-Narration: Red duels it out with Benedict. As Vin attempts to slash him, Benedict uses his dimensional powers, teleporting away. Red tries again, and teleports behind him, slashing Red in the back.
*Who does what to who now?
**This reminds me, we didn’t see them beat KuroLectronn or Kurobuzzer, but as soon as the rangers gang up on Benedict the story acts like he’s the only one left.
-Vin: “Your Brigade has been beaten, Benedict!" said Red. "Give it up!"
Benedict: “You may have won, Scanrangers, but the war is far from finished..” said Benedict, gathering up the rest of his team. "Keep this in mind, heroes..I'd watch my back if I were you!"
Vin: "What are you taking about?" said Red.
Narration: The rangers were unaware that the Brigade was trying to distract them, enabling another CyberCreature, KuroParrot, to appear behind the rangers. The monster shoots feather darts laced with poison to knock out the Scanrangers in the back, one by one.
<stupid, pointless bantering>
Narration: The Brigade member applies a tiny piece of transparent tape on the back of the unconscious ranger's helmets. In the process, the rangers revert to their civilian identities.
*The Scanrangers beat the Brigade in a straight fight. Sort of tarnishes their image as a super-scary mercenary band, huh? So the point of Ug’s attack wasn’t to soften the rangers up to make sure the Brigade could beat them either, it was to let the rangers win two fights then have a monster knock them out and put tape on their helmets. I think there was at least one unnecessary step in reaching that goal…
-Kurofrost: “I don't understand, Lord Benedict..Did we win or lose this battle?"
Benedict: "The answer to that, Mr. KuroFrost is, Yes!"
*Now you’re trying to be annoying, Vince.
-Nick: "Cowards! This definitely proves that these guys couldn't engage themselves in a fair fight!"
*Because MAYHEM was so honorable before enlisting the Brigade. Besides, look who’s talking.
-Vin: “Maybe so, Nick..but I have a feeling that we're going to see Benedict and his team very, very soon.."
Narration: Speaking of Takeshi,…
*Did we skip a line somewhere?
-Takeshi: “Why am I being tortured like this? Why can't I remember anything?"
*Anything? He seems to remember an awful lot. And if he/they knew he had amnesia why was he released from the hospital?
-Narration: Takeshi was unaware that a trio of hoodlums was behind him listening to his conversation.
*Takeshi’s talking to himself. That’s considered a conversation, is it?
-Narration: One of the hoods leap at Takeshi, but he flips him over on his back. The other two try to grab him, but Takeshi grabs both of their wrist, breaking both of them, and then punch their faces using the palm of his hand, knocking them out. The other hoodlum recovers and pulls out a butterfly switchblade knife, lunges at Takeshi, and as before, breaks his wrist, dropping the knife.
Takeshi: "Listen, guys, I said I didn't want a fight!"
*For someone who didn’t want a fight Takeshi didn’t hold back. He broke three wrists in one paragraph!
-Narration: Barely conscious, he and the other two guys run for cover. "Now why did they want to start some type of trouble?" Takeshi wondered.
*Am I the only one who remembers one of the muggers saying “Yo, that's a pretty cool platinum watch you got there, man..”?
-Narration: Meanwhile, back at Cape Paramount base, the Scanrangers witness KuroPirate returning to Leewood Park, and is attacking in the same area where Takeshi was hanging out.
Alex: "He's back again, guys..I don't see Ug or any of the other henchmen with him..Stop him! And this time, watch your backs!" she says sarcasticly.
Vin: “Very funny, teach, very funny, ha-ha.."
*Sarcastically. S-a-r-c-a-s-t-i-c-a-l-l-y. Sarcastically. Not that I wouldn’t say something similar in her place, but Alex is generally civil and supportive of her team. What’s with the sarcasm?
**And Vin, let’s remember that while everybody was taken out by the parrot monster’s surprise attack, there’s that little incident involving a flying gondola ride, a pirate monster, and you forgetting the pirate monster brought his friends…
-Vin: “All right, Metalbeard! It's time for round two!" Red said. En Garde!
*Does Vin say en garde or is the narration trying to be cute?
-Narration: From the other side of the lake, Takeshi witnesses the other rangers trying to help Red out.."What the-..It's them! Could it be?" KuroPirate swiftly transforms his sword hand into the old-fashioned pirate musket gun and grabs Takeshi.
*Can the monster stretch his arms or something, or did Vince forget Takeshi’s on the other side of a lake?
-Kuropirate: “"Har! Scanrangers! Stand back! One more step forward, or the man shall sample a taste of my cutlets! Drop your weapons!"
*Vince does remember that Kuropirate’s hand is currently a musket, right? Because I don’t remember the pirate movie where “the man shall sample a taste of my cutlets” means “I’ll shoot him in the face.”
-Narration: The team drops their weapons, as KuroPirate releases Takeshi. In the process, the cybercreature begins blasting cannonball shots at the rangers one by one.
*Maybe Vince doesn’t remember what weapon the monster’s currently using. A musket shooting cannonballs?
-Narration: Takeshi remembers a similar explosion..in a lab! A dark armored being rises above him, giving a throaty laugh! Alex was there as well! She screams, 'TAKESHI! TAKESHI!' He remembers a bracelet, and a belt! He remembers most importantly the name..MAYHEM!
*The sight of the Scanrangers fighting a Cybercreature makes Takeshi remember the incident that cost him his memory. Just for the record, the name MAYHEM is the most important thing? Just imagine, if you will…
Takeshi: “Prepare to taste some righteous Kamen Rider-style butt-whooping, agent of MAYHEM!”
Monster: “I don’t work for MAYHEM, I work for Nejirejia!”
Takeshi: “Oh. Sorry. Never mind.”
-Takeshi: “I REMEMBER! HENSHIN! EIGACHANGER!"
Narration: Before his eyes, Takeshi transforms into a silver body suited warrior that looked like the Scanranger's uniforms. The only difference was that he had a chestplate that resembled strips of film with the Scanranger logo in the middle.
*So yeah, Takeshi’s the original Scanranger and finally remembers it. His cinema powers are so awesome he can transforms in front of his own eyes. Watch out, MAYHEM.
-Narration: Takeshi then transforms his laser gun with the trigger finger now becoming a sword handle.
*Vince, the trigger finger is part of Takeshi, not Takeshi’s gun…
-Narration: Takeshi uses the opportunity to power up. SilverScanner, like the other rangers, taps into a show, becoming one with it. It happens to be the celebrated Kamen Riders(natch)
*Calling the character by both his names so close to each other again. Okay.
**By the way, Takeshi’s movie genre is tokusatsu, a term applied to Japanese movies and TV shows involving superheroes and frequent special effects. Like Sentai. So basically he doesn’t have a movie genre.
-Vin: “DOLBY BEAM!"
Narration: The laser melts KuroPirate's arm, grafting it so it couldn't change.
*Silver beats the monster, but the others take over and beat it in the second round with Thunder Dolby. This battle will have great significance later. Or it would if Vince could make up his mind about anything. You’ll see what I mean.
-Kunio: “It had to be him.." thought Yellow, recalling the brief headaches that Takeshi had recent problems with.
*Kunio’s right, Takeshi’s Silverscanner, but how is Silverscanner’s identity proven by Takeshi suffering from headaches? Maybe he’s related to Rita Repulsa.
-Narration: The Scanrangers, after a long conversation about their new ally, return to the campus base.
*Yeah, don’t tell us.
-Toni: “We can't say although we did defeat the CyberCreature, that this person named..SilverScanner is either friend or foe..For all we know, ma'am, he could be the one to try to finish us instead of MAYHEM..”
*Pretty roundabout way to do it, killing the monster instead of them. Honestly, where does this train of thought come from? Let’s add up the facts:
1) His name is Silverscanner, just like their names but shinier, and he wears a uniform similar to theirs.
2) He announced himself as “THE PROTECTOR OF THE EARTH! THE DESTROYER OF EVIL!” and “THE SHINING SILVER HERO-SILVERSCANNER!" Positively dripping with malice, huh?
3) Once again, he defeated the monster for them.
**Besides basic caution, and this would be the only time I can think of the Scanrangers exercising that, they’ve got zero reason to assume Silverscanner’s gunning for them. It’s too bad, because if they had to deal with both the Brigade and a crazed Silverscanner before he was brought back to his senses it could’ve been interesting.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:29:37 AM
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Episode 13-Debut of the Demolisher!(!!)
Summary: The Brigade unleash their ultimate weapon, the Demolisher, on New York City. SilverScanner is able to save Thunder Dolby from annihilation at the Demolisher’s hands, but not the Scanrangers from capture by the Brigade.
Monster: Demolisher
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode13.html
Rating: JJ
Rants-
-Narration: In a hidden underground base somewhere off the Atlantic, the MAYHEM crew- Blackorg, Benedict's Brigade, the three lieutenants, and Byte look up at a shadowed hangar, with a crew of Kinks working up on top.
*Thanks for explaining “the MAYHEM crew,” I was confused there for a second.
-Benedict: “Behold, Lord Blackorg, my greatest mecahnical creation.." said Benedict. "to help give the MAYHEM corps a sharp edge in their next battle-Phase Three-The Demolisher! The Kinks shall be putting the finishing touches on this mean machine.."
*Benedict unveils his ultimate weapon, the evil war-bot, Demolisher. And the Kinks are “putting the finishing touches” on it just now. So how did the Brigade use it to kill Dark Specter before? Was it already complete and they mailed it piece-by-piece to Earth?
-Vixen: “Incredible.. I've never seen seen anything like it..”
*How is that possible? She’s talking about the Demolisher, a giant robot. Even though Scanranger fights their monsters all the time with…a giant robot.
-Benedict: “My goal.. ..is to do some damage..I stand corrected..major damage...then again..'DESTROY!' that meddlesome Scanranger robot: Thunder Dolby THX…”
*Yes, destroy Thunder Dolby. Why all the beating around the bush? It does make Benedict seem unbalanced, though, which is a plus.
-Narration: He suddenly gets a message on the IRC screen. "Kunio-san..Please meet me downstairs in the back of DeVito Hall..I must talk to you ASAP..Takeshi"
Kunio: "And he wrote it in Japanese.." thought Kunio to himself.
*What does that prove? Takeshi signed the message with his name, right? Was Kunio thinking it was someone trying to trick him until he saw it was written in Japanese?
-Narration: The yellow Scanranger didn't tell anyone about SilverScanner's secret identity, being he was the only one who spoke to him closer.
*Huh?? Why wouldn’t he tell the others if he thought he knew the mysterious new Scanranger’s true identity? Maybe realizing his belief’s based on nothing but gut instinct? Come on, he only met Takeshi once, for a little bit. Then again, perhaps as an envoy of truth and justice, Kunio doesn’t think he should be invading his friend’s privacy. But with that possibility in mind, consider…
-Kunio: “Why? Why did you run away like that? We just wanted to help.."
*Why doesn’t Kunio seem to think Silver had his reasons for disappearing without a word? I mean if they’re such kindred spirits, Kunio could act less betrayed. That’s generally the sentiment implied by “Why? Why did you do x?”
-Takeshi: “I-I'm sorry..but after the shock of remembering who I was and my purpose, I needed to gather my bearings.."
*Takeshi just needed a while to gather his thoughts after regaining his memories. That would be a shock to the old system, what’s he apologizing for?
-Kunio: "So, if you have the same type of uniform as with the other Scanrangers, then you must know Lt.Alexandria.."
Takeshi: “Daphne's alive?! Thank heavens! After all that has happened in the past three years, she'll be surprised to know that I'm alive as well..
*Despite what Takeshi says he waits until disaster strikes to have his reunion with Alex. Kunio doesn’t even pass along his discovery. Yeah there’s something to be said for not invading Takeshi’s privacy, but there’s also something to be said for his moral duties as a superhero. Doesn’t he have a responsibility to report what he knows about a possessor of potent powers? It’d be interesting to see Kunio conflicted between his loyalty as a friend and as a Scanranger, but that would’ve required their relationship to see more development, and Vince would have to imply there’s actually a reason for their silence. As it stands it seems like they’re only keeping what they know about Silverscanner to themselves to make it more dramatic when he officially joins the team.
**You know what Vince, Sentai might have a lot of things that happen “just because,” but that doesn’t mean there’s no sense of logic to them at all.
-Narration: Meanwhile, on the other side of campus, Professor Alex and Vin walk over to the TV lounge.
Alex: "Remember that picture you saw on my desk a few days ago? It's possible that you've saw your predecessor in battle.."
Vin: "Predecessor? What do you mean?"
*The TV lounge? Are they discussing sensitive information while strolling around campus? And why is she only telling Vin? Sure he’s the leader, but the existence of another Scanranger effects the whole team.
**What does “predecessor” mean, Vin? Does he not know? Is that what this is meant to say?
-Alex: “Three years ago, as you know, I was in charge of the top secret project you know now as Project: Paramount. My husband Roger, his assistant named Takeshi Hayata, another apprentice, Damien Borghum, and myself were part of this team.."
*Does he know that? It’s the first time we’re hearing this story. And again, where are they while discussing the self-proclaimed top secret project?
-Vin: “Kunio was mentioning to me about a guy he met named Takeshi.." thought Vin. "I wonder if he's connected with all this?"
*Now even the leader’s keeping his suspicions to himself! And with the last episode ending on them thinking Silver’s a potential enemy!
-Alex: “Roger stumbled onto some sort of glowing stone..possibly from a meteor shower that occured a few months before.. The scientists had tested the piece of rock, and once Roger held on to it one day, the next thing that I saw, he was clothed in 'Indiana Jones' garb; whip, gun and all. As you see, that was one of his favorite movies.”
*The rangers’ film energy comes from a glowing space rock. I presume by “as you see,” Alex is saying that Indiana Jones was one of her husband’s favorite movies as samurai movies are to Vin. How does that work, though? Does the energy read their mind and attune itself to their favorite cinema? And isn’t it just a little ridiculous this cosmic power source only seems to react to love of movies? If anything film energy suffers from a little too much explanation for a Sentai power source.
**And seriously, “film energy”? What a terribly boring name.
-Alex: “What made it all intriguing was that the rock enabled the bearer to make solid light objects come to life!"
Vin: "Something along the lines of Green Lantern, eh?"
Alex: “Precisely..Roger, Damien, Dr. Markby and myself used Takeshi in the next experiment..He imagined himself as a Japanese super hero, and used its super powers to disintergrate the wall..Needless to say, the test was a success..”
*Maybe it is along the lines of Green Lantern, but except for Nick’s cloning powers, when do they use their powers to make things from movies come to life? It seems like film energy is what’s used to power up what would otherwise an ordinary kick or sword slash.
-Takeshi: “The next few weeks, after completing the tests, and also getting government funding for Project:Paramount, our untrustworthy apprentice tried to use the rock's energy for himself..Grabbing the rock, he was then bitten on the hand by some strange alien insect. As the three of us confronted Damien,he was then engulfed by the energy, and he quoted;'
Blackorg: “Hear me, humans! The time for chaos and mayhem has arrived! By unleashing the power and freeing me on this planet, you have the thanks of your lord now and forever, BLACKORG!!!'
Alex’s husband: "Blackorg?" said Roger. "What the devil are you talking about, Damien? Why are you talking in riddles for? Release the stone!"
*Riddles? Maybe it’s easy for me to say this, looking at Scanranger from the outside in, but any fool could’ve told you Damien’s been taken over by the space bug. For a movie buff AND the guy who discovered energy that can be shaped by human thought, you might think he’d catch on quicker.
-The flashback ends with Blackorg 86ing Alex’s husband. It doesn’t explain how Takeshi lost his memory and disappeared. Which is especially problematic when you remember his memory loss was partial; Takeshi remembered everything except being the first Scanranger. All along he knew who he was, including being an adjunct professor at CJU. He was registered at the hospital under his real name and as soon as he was released he got back to teaching. Did Alex even look for her friend? How many Takeshi Hayatas could there be in New Jersey? It’s absurd that a group with facilities like Project Paramount’s didn’t find him recovering in a local hospital (admittedly, the flashback makes more sense than most detailed explanations in Scanranger).
-Alex: “The good news, despite my personal tragedy, was that we had discovered the meteorite was split in different parts of the world after the shower..and the other rocks were not contaminated. Only Damien was the sole victim..which led to the five of you, since my Roger was a big movie buff. He, as well as you guys, enjoyed movies.."
Takeshi: "Besides the five Scanrangers and myself, ..it is assumed that there are at least three or four others that possess Film energies.."
*They assume there are three or four other people with film energy. As in they don’t know who those people are. So while the space rocks that empower the rangers are safe, how do they know none of those three or four other film energy-enabled people are another Blackorg? One who might be staying out of sight while sizing up the competition.
-Blackorg: “Brigade! Your orders are as follows: instead of attacking the northwestern sector called New Jersey, terrorize the city called New York City!"
*The city called New York City?
-Narration: The evil robot's eyes light up, and then blasts off across the Atlantic Ocean. Once more, we cut back to CJU. The Scanranger crew are at their campus base. Most of the team are studying, looking over their homework assignments from their other classes, and the others were studying. Benedict's robot burrows underground to the middle of Central Park.
*So…why did we cut to CJU?
**And are you sure they were studying, Vince?
-Narration: Hundreds of citizens and tourists alike flee panicly for their lives as the demonic mecha tear through Fifth Avenue, smashing department stores and skyscrapers.
*That’s totally a real word. Panicly.
-Narration: The alarm goes off again at the campus base. The rangers witness the carnage in the Big Apple.
Kunio: "What the-?" said Kunio.
Vin: "What's happening to the city?"
*They see the Demolisher attacking NYC, and Vin needs the nature of the spectacle unfolding before his eyes explained to him. Who put this dunderhead in charge again?
-Narration: Meanwhile, Demolisher continues to stomp through downtown Manhattan, leaving scores of injured citizens in its wake.
*Injured, huh? To think I was actually proud of Vince for letting his villains kill people.
-Narration: Down in City Hall, the mayor(who for some strange reason looks like Roger Ebert)prepares to evacuate the town, again.. The mayor's aide(who for some reason looks like Gene Siskel) is by his side.
Mayor: “I don't believe this! We've just spent 200 million last summer to rebuild this town! First a tidal wave, then a big giant iguana, then a meteor, now a robot! I can't win!"
*OMG! Somebody’s actually making a reference to GINO!
-Mayoral Aide: “Perhaps we can call Reed Richards at the Baxter Building to keep these disasters happening in the future, sir!"
*If the Fantastic Four exists in Scanranger’s world, where are they when a giant robot starts tearing up the town?
-Narration: The Demolisher's right hand becomes a buzzsaw, similar to Kurobuzzer's appendage.
*Yeah, so? A buzzsaw’s a buzzsaw, Vince.
-Narration: Next, the Demolisher's hands elongate, pinning Dolby to a skyscraper.
*Its HANDS elongate? Not its arms?
-Narration: As the team struggles, YellowScanner thought about Takeshi. "Takeshi..If we need you, we need you now!!" Back in New Jersey, Takeshi awakens, as if he heard Kunio's voice in his head. He hears the TV reporter mention about a war zone in midtown Manhattan.
Reporter: "It's a war zone down here near Central Park South!"
*Kunio and Takeshi have a telepathic rapport. I’m not even going to ask how. Just notice how the puppet master of this demented world and the reporter are on the exact same wavelength.
-Narration: How in the world could I reach them in time? I have to try!" He runs out to the football field, and focuses his film energies. "IMA! HENSHIN! EIGACHANGER!!" Takeshi's belt charges up as he transforms into the 'Hikari no Senshi':SilverScanner! He barks out another chant, "SILVERSCANNER! J MODE!!"('J Mode' is short for jumbo). Silver enlarges himself to 225 feet, similar to the Ultra Heroes. He flies without hesitation to New York.
*He knew he could enlarge himself and fly. Why did he ask himself how he could get to NYC in time to save the other rangers?
**Now’s as good a time as any to explore the details of Takeshi’s powers. He wears the prototype Scanranger uniform, and as you can tell from him not only whipping Kuropirate by himself but this, he seems a lot more powerful than the other rangers. Why, exactly, is the original equipment so much better than the final product given to the rest of the team? In the few Sentai where that’s known to be the case, it’s explained why the design was changed. As only makes sense. Take Abarekiller from Abaranger: his original equipment is more powerful but if overused it’ll explode with enough force to level a city (and it does). Or more pertinently, Megasilver. While his prototype suit was superior to the others’, it ran out of power and shut down in under three minutes (admittedly he seemed to fix that pretty fast when he put his mind to it).
**I emphasize Megasilver because I’m sure he’s the inspiration for Takeshi’s costume (the color if nothing else), and the handling of this matter indicates all Vince noticed about him was silver would be a cool color for the sixth Scanranger.
-Nick: “This demon robot is powerful! How was MAYHEM able to counter us with this monster?!"
*What’s wrong, Nick? So used to being number one you’re not ready for actual competition? And where did “demon robot” come from?
-Benedict: “The answer is quite simple, Scanranger.. As I mentioned before, I come from the planet Kagamirron, a mirror Earth many light years from here.. We were able to study your plans and attacks when my Brigade destroyed a similar Thunder Dolby robot on our world..Now that we're here on Earth, your so-called invincible robot shall meet the same fate!
*He never mentioned that before. Is Benedict saying there’s a parallel Earth somewhere in our own universe? That’d be kind of weird, but if Kagamirron’s in another dimension (and if Benedict’s truly the Wandering Dimensional Fiend there’s no reason it couldn’t be), then how could it be “many light years away”?
**Oh, and last episode Benedict had said seeing Thunder Dolby fight Kuropirate gave him the information he needed to beat it. Now it’s the Brigade already beat an alternate Earth’s Thunder Dolby and knows its weaknesses from that. Let’s hear it for consistency.
-Nick: “Can't we utilize our energies to heal up Dolby?"
Vin: "I'm trying, guys! ..but there seems to be some electrical interference that keeps us from counter attacking..Every time that robot punches Thunder Dolby, it sends a shock up in my brain! I can't concentrate enough to even summon the Great Editor Sword!"
*Those are two separate points. Not sure how they’d use their power to “heal” a manmade robot, anyway. If this were one of those Sentai where the robots are actually living things, it would make sense.
-Toni: “Thunder Dolby's in Condition Critical! It's overloading!!"
Narration: Dolby is on critically low power.
*Which is it?
-Kurograppler: “Who the devil are you?!"
Takeshi: "Watashi wa hikari no senshi! I am the warrior of light! SilverScanner!"
Benedict: "Another ranger? This shall be interesting!"
*Guess Benedict wasn’t watching the fight with Kuropirate after all, otherwise how could he not have seen Silver already?
-Narration: The Demolisher shoots an energy blast at Silver, but using his 'Silver Aura', his force field blocks the beam. "SILVER BOOMERANG!" shouts Takeshi. The silver weapon knocks out the controls on the Demolisher.
Benedict: "Give me tactical!!"
Kurofrost: "Main turban engine hit! We're losing power!”
*Main WHAT hit?? Oh, you mean a “turbine”!
-Benedict: “We had the Scanrangers and Thunder Dolby within our grasp! I'm no fool to battle the both of you right now!!”
*Who’s “the both of you”? Thunder Dolby’s out of action. Silver’s their only opponent now.
-Narration: Back in Dolby's cockpit, the rangers, with the mighty robot in major damage, were about to abandon ship.
Vin: "B.C's right! We have no choice but to abandon Dolby! I'll try to call Dr. Markby to send his crew over!"
*B.C.’s right about what? And why the urgency? It didn’t say Thunder Dolby’s about to blow up or anything (and it doesn’t).
-Benedict: “Greetings again, Scanrangers..I take it my Demolisher has served its purpose in wrecking Thunder Dolby..My Brigade shall do the same after we're done with you!"
*They’ll wreck the Scanrangers AFTER they’re done with them?
-Narration: The Scanrangers run towards Benedict's Brigade until they are all stopped with a flow of electricity zapping their heads.
Benedict: “The electric transparent tape was a...pardon the expression..a stroke of genius, Mr. KuroLectronn.." said Benedict. "You weren't aware of my trap last time we met..It was child's play to apply the tape on the back of your helmets after the cybercreature distracted you...The electric shocks in your brains enabled us to keep you from utilizing your so-called film energies..”
*“So-called” film energies? Huh? And what do their movie powers have to do with controlling their robot? As Benedict’s plan proves that’s an overly risky state of affairs.
-Narration/Takeshi: “Takeshi runs into the escape exits and confronts the Brigade. "Benedict! How dare you show your face again! What have you done with the Scanrangers?"
Benedict/Narration: "Nothing yet...But I will tell you this..Your friends are under my power.." Each of the Brigade members gather up one of the now unconscious rangers and all teleport save Benedict. "And when I'm finished with them, we will steal their lives!!!HA HA HA HA HA HA!" The dimensional fiend teleports as well.
Takeshi: "SCANRANGERS! NOOO!!!" Takeshi cried, helpless to stop Benedict in time.
*He had plenty of time, but he just stood there and let the villain yak instead. Look ma, no sympathy! For Takeshi or the rangers.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:30:07 AM
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Episode 14-Marooned!(!!)
Summary: Benedict drains the rangers of their film energy before shooting them to a bug-infested asteroid in the middle of nowhere. However, SilverScanner returns to Project Paramount and they quickly (if improbably) mount a rescue operation and bring the dopes home.
Monster: None
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode14.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Narration: Back at Cape Paramount base, Alex, Dr. Markby,, and Rosewood ponder on the whereabouts of the Scanrangers.
Alex (I guess): "Vin! Toni! Nick! Anybody! Come in! Can anyone respond? Is anyone there?" she said.
Markby: "It's no use, Alex! We've lost all contact with the team! Either the frequencies are jammed or worse..They're way out of range for us to keep in touch with them!"
Sariata: "Wait!" said Sarita, a CPB techinican. "I'm getting a visual! It's clearing up, but I don't know how long it will last!"
*Why are they having such trouble getting a feed from the battlefield? I mean from both and in context and out of it standpoint. Did the Brigade’s interference with the rangers’ powers somehow scramble the remote cameras too? Did the battle do so much damage they can’t tune it in? Is NYC a little far for them to get good reception? Did Benedict anticipate Alex possibly figuring out how to save the team and set up some kind of jamming gizmo to keep her out of things? And why, pray tell, does Vince need Alex and the rest of the second unit to be in the dark about how the battle went anyway?
-Alex: “My gosh, what happened to you guys?" said Alex concerningly.
Takeshi: "They've been kidnapped.." replied a voice behind her. Alex looks, and sees SilverScanner.
*Oh, that’s why, so Takeshi’s entrance could be more dramatic. Boy, the effects drama has on their organizational efficiency…
**Let’s think about what it means that SilverScanner can get in here, though. I’m willing to accept Project Paramount hasn’t moved its headquarters in three years, which by itself isn’t too much to swallow. If he can get in, though, then they’ve never changed their locks or security codes either, which is a little more difficult. And more to the point if SilverScanner, a founding member, knows where the project’s headquarters is hidden and how to get in, Blackorg, also a founding member, should probably know too. And he should be launching an all-out attack on it now that the Scanrangers aren’t around to stop him.
-Narration: The CPB crew arm themselves at the ready to open fire, but Alex tells the to hold their fire.
Alex: "Wait! Stand your ground! He wants to talk.."
*Whoa, slow down Vince! I have no idea what’s going on!
-Takeshi: “Yes..the rangers have been abducted by Benedict..I tried to save them, but I was too late..
Alex: "That voice.." thought Alex. "Could it be?”
Takeshi: "But before we can help them, I think we need to talk..face to face.." said Silver as he transforms back to Takeshi Hayata in mid sentence.
Alex: "T-Takeshi! You are alive!!”
*Yeah, he was too late because he stood there while Benedict talked. And yeah, that’s something I might forgive in a less annoying story.
**Was Alex expecting somebody else to be in that shiny suit? Was she really? Since we were never told what happened to separate Takeshi and Alex during Blackorg’s first attack, it’s a mystery why Alex would think Silverscanner might be someone else.
-Alex: “How did you know about the project continuing to this day?”
*Takeshi’s the original Scanranger, right? He’d have to be living under a rock not to have heard of the rest of the team, and he’d have to have a brain the size of a pea not to recognize them as being based on him. Given this idiot universe, neither alternative is that implausible.
-Blackorg: “Live from Nebultopia..Welcome to our ship!" said Blackorg, with the rest of Benedict's Brigade aside him. "We would like to make your stay here as very uncomfortable as possible! HA HA HA HA!"
*The rest of Benedict’s Brigade? And Blackorg’s not just possessed of awesome infernal power and dumbfounding stupidity, he has a talent for lame humor to rival B.C.’s. Quiver in fear.
-Benedict: “As you see, Scanrangers, I've see that your powers are based upon movies and other different forms of media." While he rabbles on,…
*“Rabble” certainly describes Scanranger and MAYHEM, but I think you mean “rambles,” Vince.
-Benedict: “You have incredible power..Power that will soon belong to us! With your film energies drained into our bodies, and adding it with our own capabilities, Benedict's Brigade-Excuse me, MAYHEM will be invincible!!"
Key: "I told you, Vixen..He's not concerned about the honor of MAYHEM, he wants the glory for himself.. o matter, all I neen do is to connect these last couple of wires, and we shall have the power to capture Earth for Blackorg..
*Yeah, that is kinda obvious of the Brigade, isn’t it? Doesn’t help Blackorg’s rep any if he’s supposed to be in charge and his incompetent henchman are the ones who can see the Brigade for the snakes they are.
**What sort of verb is “neen,” anyway?
-Byte: “Yeah! Yeah! Go Go Power Mayhem!! Mighty Monstrous Powered Mayhem!!"
*Wow, two for one stupidity. Anti-humor and a stupid potshot at Power Rangers all in one.
-Nick: “As long as our minds exist, you have no idea who you're messing with! You have no idea on what is our true source of power! Even as we speak, once the professor finds out we're missing, our people shall retailate!!"
*Well, I have no idea what you’re talking about, if that helps. “As long as our minds exist, you have no idea who you're messing with”? And even if their people “retailate,” what good does Nick think that’ll do? Project Paramount threw everything they’ve got into supporting the five of them.
**Yeah, there’s still Silverscanner, but if they thought he was still a possible enemy after saving them once, how do they know he didn’t have an ulterior motive for coming to their rescue a second time? Duh, because Kunio didn’t tell them.
-Benedict: “Once we steal your lives, Scanrangers, you'll be just plain normal humans, helpless before our power!”
*Steal their lives? Are the Brigade going to become movie nerds to facilitate world conquest? No, all they seem to steal are the rangers’ special attacks, and if that’s truly their “lives,” then the Scanrangers have even more severe problems.
-Benedict: “Mr.KuroFire! Attack KuroGrappler!"
Kurofire: "What?"
Benedict: "You heard me! Get him!"
Narration/Kurofire: The fiery brigade member uses fireball attacks to strike KuroGrappler. He is knocked out by one of the blasts. "All too easy.." thought KuroFire. He goes to him and is about to strike the final blow, then..
Kurograppler/Narration: "You're right! It was too easy!" replied KuroGrappler, knocking KuroFire out. He used Green's Holoclone techinques to then gang up on him and beat him up.
Kurofire: “ENOUGH!" shouted KuroFire. He leaps away, and using Pink's Maniac Stomp, the ground shakes, and KuroGrappler and its clones lose their balance.
Benedict: "All right! Now that I've seen a sample of your new power, this means whomever you fought recently, those particular Scanranger's powers are yours...The transfer is indeed a success!"
*Except Kurofire, who uses Pinkscanner’s attacks, fought Yellowscanner. She fought Kurofrost. To be fair, this is fixed when they actually use the stolen attacks against the Scanrangers, although it’s not for a good long time.
**How are the attacks divided up, may I ask? They’re being leeched from five rangers, but distributed among six villains (Benedict gets Vin’s moves).
-Benedict: “Brigade! Proceed to board the Scanrangers in the space pod! And to insure they will never again interfere with the Brigade, I shall hereby sentence them to their final fate..the planet Kabutle!!"
Somebody: "What!? You don't mean the planet with..I mean, the one with the-"
*Great fearless mercenaries, Vince. Rather than gloating at the horrific fate awaiting the rangers at Kabutle, one hears the very name of the planet and chokes up.
-Narration: The pod lifts off, with the five rangers still unconscious, blasts out into deep space into a time warp-to the other side of the galaxy, landing on the planet Kabutle, albeit very roughly.
Toni: "What happened?!" Toni was the first to awaken. "Vin, guys..Wake up.. "
Vin: “What happened? The last thing I remembered was that Benedict blasted us into deep space..”
*He was unconscious when it happened, yet Vin can remember Benedict blasting them into space. Dang it Vince, pay attention! What kind of gift do you think you’re giving the world if you can’t even keep something like that straight?
-Vin: “Where are we?"
B.C.: "Let me put it this way, guys..we're definitely not in Tokyo anymore.."
*Has a slight rewording of a famous line ever been funny? No, it hasn’t. And as far as I can tell B.C.’s meant to be the lovable comic relief, not the “I wish I was there with you so I could pull out your eyeballs with my bare fingers, do you really think that’s funny you deluded ass” comic relief.
-Narration: Vin turns his head and sees the Earth from a far distance.
*No. Look, they went through a warp and landed on a planet on the other side of the GALAXY, right? The planets in the same solar system as Earth are only visible to the naked eye as especially bright points of light. Even if he’s supposed to have heightened eyesight, unless it’s of Silver Age Superman level of potency, there’s no way he could see Earth from across the galaxy. Vince didn’t even have to do this. He could’ve gone straight to giving the Scanrangers something else to worry about.
-Vin: “We're on some marooned planet!"
*No, idiot. Marooned means left behind somewhere. That describes you guys, not the planet.
-Kunio: “Not a problem, fearless leader.,I'll just whip up a handy dandy armored Veritech fighter, and...What's going on? My energies are depleted!"
Nick: "All our energies have been drained! Benedict was serious abou draining our power!”
*You thought maybe he was kidding?! Then again maybe Nick’s in disbelief MAYHEM actually made good on a threat.
-Narration: Back on Earth..Dr.Markby types away a design from Mikey's Illustrator II class.
*Why in the hell would Dr. Markby have Kunio’s art homework?
-Markby: “It'll take another hour for the design to become solid form.."
*Huh? Is it going to jump out of the computer and come to life? Incidentally, what he’s designing is a spaceship. Which leads us to…
-Narration/Takeshi: Takeshi feels a shock to his head, 'hearing' Kunio. "This may sound weird, Alex..but I believe I know where the Scanrangers are..All this time, our satelites been searching far and wide around the globe, even in the deepest hideout.."
Sarita: “That's it! It's a possibility that the rangers may be in another dimension..somewhere in outer space.."
Rosewood: "Which means.. They're not on the earth at all!”
*Why was Markby working on a spaceship, if they hadn’t even considered the possibility yet the rangers would need rescue from a distant planetoid? Hmmm?
**As if that’s not enough, they go straight from thinking it’s a possibility the rangers aren’t on Earth anymore to certainty with exclamation marks. And all that from Kunio merely thinking, “Takeshi-san..I don't know where the heck we are, but..Taskete...Help us..” to Takeshi (that being what he “heard”). That gives no indication what happened to them at all! Takeshi really must be psychic to pry “we’re trapped on another planet” out of the most nebulous statement ever.
**And if it’s a realistic possibility they’d have to search not just the entire universe, but every universe to find the Scanrangers, well, it’d make more sense to write them off and form a new team. Could we narrow the scope a little, please?
-Narration: Back at the base, the downloads are completed, as well as the rescue ship.
*What are you saying, Vince? That I was right, that the spaceship materialized out of Dr. Markby’s computer? Otherwise I’m at a loss to explain how even a Sentai’s parent organization would be able to build a spaceship from the ground up so quickly (even with how screwed up the flow of time is in this story I doubt Vince would have us believe the rangers have been on Kabutle more than a few hours, tops). Can they get any machine they need that way? Based on how quickly they can get new mecha when they need it in the future, I’m tempted to say yes.
-Alex: “Now it's all up to you, Takeshi..Somewhere in this universe, the Scanrangers are out there..This craft has a mega hyper-warp drive and all the trimmings in order to get to your destination..We're all counting on you!"
Takeshi: "Right away, ma'am I hereby christen this spaceship..Widescreener!" Widescreener has ignition! Hatsu Shin!! Set coordinates on following five lifeforms..”
*Guess we can’t narrow the scope: Takeshi’s new ship has a gizmo installed that can find the Scanrangers wherever in the universe they might be. Look, I get Sentai are about all kinds of fantastic things, but pulling an FTL ship with a homing system capable of tracking five specific people across dimensions out of their collective poop chute like this is just another indication that Vince seems to think his audience’s willing suspension of disbelief goes on forever.
**Not to mention probably going easier on his heroes than he should.
-Vin/Narration: “What's wrong, To- OH MY GOSH! GUYS! RUN!" shouted Vin, looking up at the giant insect. The planet Kabutle was actually an asteroid populated with giant insects(Editor's note:hence the mixed name Kabutle-Kabuto=beetle in Japanese).
*See what I did there?!
-Kunio: “Stuck on a distant planet with no film energies, and we've stumbled on the real set of 'Starship Troopers II'!"
*Why don’t you shut up and run if you want to be around to see the actual Starship Troopers II, dummy?
-Narration: The giant beetle reached out its arms to capture them. It then was about to use its flaming breath.
Toni: "My gosh! There's no way out! It's going to roast us!!"
Narration: The rangers cringe in a corner, awaiting the end.
*Great heroes, Vince! How quickly they give up the fight when they don’t have their moronic movie magic to save their butts!
-Narration: As the bug was about to emit its flame, it suddenly explodes!
B.C.: "Wh-what happened?!"
Narration/Takeshi: Takeshi makes his appearance, jumping out of the spaceship. "I happened!" he replied. Seeing the dead beetle, Takeshi's response: "I hated that movie,anyway.." (referring to 'Starship Troopers.') Takeshi said mockingingly like Tommy Davison on "In Living Color'. "You figure that with all that technology, the soldiers couldn't use lasers instead of bullets?!"
*Just as their fate seems sealed, Takeshi lands and blows up the bug. Didn’t we already have a lame Starship Troopers reference this episode?
-Kunio: “But how did you find us across the other side of the galaxy, and how will we get back to terra firma?"
*Gee, maybe in the SPACESHIP he jumped out of?
-Takeshi: “One..You called me, Mikey..when the Demolisher almost destroyed Dolby, and just recently here on this planet..Two, meet Dr.Markby's recent creation-I call it, the Widescreener!"
Kunio: “This..this is too much for me..Takeshi-san..You're telling me that I'm mindlinked with you?"
Vin: “Whoa..Professor X action or what?"
*Kunio finds out he has a telepathic link with his friend, which is “too much.” Vin’s also impressed to learn this. I wasn’t. Kunio and his friends all have super powers and fantastic movie mecha. For a while now they’ve been defending the Garden State against villains from beyond space. Finding out stuff like that’s real would change the way you look at the world. I’d be anything but blown away to find out telepathy existed after finding out Sentai were real. At least if I was in one.
-Narration: But the question remains, how will the Movie Task Force battle Benedict's Brigade without their film energies?
*The question remains how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop, but “how will the Movie Task Force battle Benedict's Brigade without their film energies?” That was answered not once, but twice. “Alex will just refuel the lot of you..It's that simple..." and “Once the Professor rejuvenates you guys, I've a score to settle with MAYHEM!" The second one was literally one sentence before the question!
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:30:50 AM
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Episode 15-The Widescreen Presentation!
Summary: After a confusing little incident gets the rangers juiced up again, they head out for round two with Demolisher. Although they get their brains handed to them again, Silver’s new spaceship also turns into a robot, allowing them to turn the tables on Benedict’s Brigade.
Monster: Demolisher again, KuroParrot again
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode15.html
Rating:
Rants-
-Benedict: “Lord Blackorg.. Mission accomplished!"
Narration/Blackorg: Blackorg turns and blasts the two with an Oblivion Beam from his eyes. "MISSION UNACCOMPLISHED, YOU UNMITIGATED FOOLS!"
*It doesn’t matter how loud you yell, some things just never sound threatening.
-Blackorg: “While you fools were celebrating pre-haste, I received a report from Anark Key that the SilverScanner saved them and have returned to Earth!" continued Blackorg. Even now, word also came to me that their accursed Professor is still alive as well!(Blackorg presumed Professor Alex dead way back in Episode 5-v.j.)”
*Where did Key get this intelligence? Especially the part about Alex still being alive. It’s probably just an excuse to let Vince write Alex back onto campus, but if Alex spent all this time pretending she was still dead Vince should’ve at least had the revelation of her survival play to the rangers’ advantage. Again, though, how did Key gather this information? Because starting next episode, Alex is back on campus as if she knows MAYHEM knows she’s not dead and gave up her charade.
-Blackorg: “If your team wants to live after the dawn, I suggest you find those Scanrangers! They're powerless now! Search the city! Level them all if you have to! Unleash the Demolisher again aand finish them off! NOW!!"
Benedict/Narration: "Y-Yes, my Lord.." replied Benedict in fear, with KuroGrappler bowing to the enigmatic being also.
*Search the city, level all the who? The buildings? Why not just say level the city if you have to?
-Narration: Back at Cape Paramount Base, Professor Alex has the power-depleted rangers inside a containment room.
*Why do they have to be contained? Their powers are drained because they were sucked out by the Brigade, not because the Scanrangers caught some kind of space germ.
-Alex: “Keep in mind, Takeshi, that after all the tests we went through, the rangers actually didn't lose their powers, but the fact that the recent attacks they've used against MAYHEM are no more..."
Takeshi: "You mean, their most powerful attacks have ceased to exist?!"
Alex: "Prescisely…”
*That’s not it at all. When the Brigade stole the rangers’ energy what they mainly stole was their existing special attacks. So their most powerful attacks haven’t ceased to exist, they exist in the Brigade instead of the Scanrangers. We already saw proof of this.
-Alex: “According to what you've told me, the film energies are within the other five villains…”
*Again, there’s six villains in the Brigade, and how would Takeshi know the Brigade have the Scanrangers’ film energies? Probably from the rangers telling him, but then why couldn’t she say “from what the rangers told us about what happened to them…”
-Alex: “I can't tell them right away that the Brigade has their stolen energy, but with their restored movie knowledge, the Scanrangers can create new attacks! For example, suppose one of the MAYHEM members have RedScanner's Abarenbo Attack..it means he needs another action movie scene to counter it..Once a movie scene ceases to exist, the storer of that film energy can create another, depending on his or her willpower..."
*Why can’t Alex tell the rangers the Brigade has their old powers? That leads to quite a bit of trouble next episode because she feels the need to keep them in the dark. They already know Benedict drained their powers anyway.
**Alex also seems to be saying that the Scanrangers needed to wipe out or lose their old attacks before they could create new ones, a rule which doesn’t appear to come into play ever--there’s no apparent limits to how many attacks they can have. If the Scanrangers don’t create new attacks all the time it seems to be a result of Vince not wanting to overwhelm the reader or because they’re getting by with what they already had.
-Alex: “In order to shock them back in full power again, I have to do what I really regret doing..but to revive the Scanrangers again, I have no choice..Rosewood, go into the film vault and retrieve 'Tape X!!'"
*Note to science fiction writers: stop using the letter X to make something sound high-tech/cool/because you’re too lazy to think of something else. It’s lame and overdone, and worse, it’s obvious you don’t know that or don’t care.
-Narration: Rosewood does so, and puts it into play. The five hear rock music basting into their ears as they wake up, then watch in horror the worst possible TV show that they tried to escape from. Instinctively, they all let out a blood curdling scream and destroy the consoles. Without delay, the five repowered Scanrangers run out of the containment room in a panic.
Kunio: "Professor Alex!! Help us! It was terrible!”
*Wow you guys suck. Being afraid when a giant fire-breathing bug’s got you cornered I can admittedly understand, but of a TV show? What kind of superheroes are you guys, anyway?
-Alex: “What happened?" said Alex, pretended not to know.
Nick: "The last thing I remembered was that we were on this deserted planet full of giant bugs, and I tried to save Vin, then I wake up, and hear this corny music and that dreaded TV show..it w-was..it was..."
Alex: "Don't hold back, I can handle it, guys..."
Scanrangers: Said the five members together, "POWER RANGERS!!!"
Alex: "The only show that the entire team despises...I told you, Takeshi..that was the only show/movie that shocked your film energies back into their systems...
*They have to watch Power Rangers if their film energies run low? It can only be restored by something they hate? You know what, forget it. Vince isn’t even trying to make sense, it’s just the lamest excuse yet for him to have his characters reproach Power Rangers. All I’ll ask is how does Vince think his heroes can do something about the harm Power Rangers has caused the world if they’re terrified of it?
-B.C.: “I don't get it.."
Alex: "You don't have to, B.C...the way you destroyed that console, the first thing that came to mind was a huge cartoon-type mallet, and you smashed the set two..
*I think they have to get it, judging by what happens next episode thanks to the rangers not understanding what’s become of their old attacks. And it could’ve been averted if all Alex said was “Guys, you can’t use your old attacks anymore. Make new ones.”
-Narration: Meanwhile, back in New York City, the Demolisher materializes and attacks Manhattan again.
Benedict: "Where are you, Scanrangers?" said Benedict in a panic. "We're calling you out! Show yourself, or we'll destroy what's left of New York!!"
*Um, yeah. Couple problems. First and foremost, if the idea is to finish off the Scanrangers, maybe attacking the city where they actually live would get quicker results. I also don’t get the panic. If you remember Benedict’s slip of the tongue last episode you probably got the idea he has plans of seizing power for himself (and he tries, anyway). Earlier in when he got zapped you could argue he was putting on a façade for Blackorg, but why now that he’s on Earth?
**Lastly, they’ll destroy what’s left of New York if the rangers don’t show up. Except Alex sent her people to repair the damage from the last battle…
-Kunio: “Do me a favor, Takeshi-san.." said Mikey. "In my dorm room, up on top of the computer, there's a CD-ROM there...Bring it back to the professor as soon as possible! The CD will read 'EMERGENCY!!!' In case Thunder Dolby is in danger again, load it in your battle cruiser! Make sure that it doesn't fall into the wrong hands!
*Just before they rush out for round two with the Demolisher, Kunio passes on this info about a CD that will unlock new powers in Takeshi’s spaceship. Though he doesn’t say so, the main one being transforming into a robot.
**Why did Kunio create a CD that would enable Widescreener to transform into a robot? Did he know his art homework would be used to build an actual spaceship? And why in the hell would Dr. Markby and the others have locked its ability to change when they were building the thing?
-Takeshi/Narration: “You got it, Kunio!" Mikey runs to join the rest of the team in Thunder Dolby.
*Kunio’s real name and his nickname back to back. Rolls off the tongue all crookedy.
-Narration/Takeshi: Takeshi teleports in Kunio's dorm, and dashes in to retrieve the CD. "Where is it?"
*Kunio told him where the CD was. I know college students aren’t known for keeping their living quarters clean, but it’s hard to imagine Takeshi not being able to find the computer. With the Scanrangers being such angels it’s perhaps just as hard to imagine them having messy rooms.
-Narration: As soon as runs around the corner, he is intercepted by a pair of Kink soldiers.
Key: “What's the rush, mate? Looks like you've got something important in your hand there..Top secret info, right? Well, we can't have that CD fall into the wrong hands, can't we? I'll take that CD, if you please.."
*Two things. One, having found the CD, why wouldn’t Takeshi teleport right back to base, with his friends fighting a robot they only survived fighting before with his help? Two, how did MAYHEM know to intercept him there and demand the CD from him?
-Takeshi: “"Over my dead body!"
Key/Narration: “We can arrange that! Hold him, Kinks!" The Kinks grab Takeshi from behind as Key swipes the CD from him.
Takeshi: "Stop! Don't do it! Don't destroy it! In fact, that's not the real CD! It's here in the bookbag!"
Key/Narration: : "Ha! Some hero! You were willing to sell out your allies in order to permit MAYHEM to rule supreme!”
*To refresh your memory, Key’s the one who reported to Blackorg that this guy flew to the other side of the universe to save the rest of the Scanrangers. That’s a heck of a show of loyalty, and Key’s awfully willing to accept Takeshi’s apparent willingness to sell them out in spite of it.
-Key: “Thank you, fool..and for the record, I'll destroy the fake one! Ha ha!" Takeshi glances in shock as Key smashes the CD-Rom. "Thank you, now that you've helped us seal the Scanranger's doom! Ha Ha Hah!" As Key and the Kinks release Takeshi, they teleport, and he falls on his knees, feeling very disillusioned.
<break>
Narration: Takeshi, with his head hanging, lifts it up. He runs back to Kunio's room, and grabs the real 'EMERGENCY!!! CD..
*Takeshi left the real CD in the room all along. My question is why does he act all disillusioned after the MAYHEM flunkies leave?
-Takeshi: “Ha! Who's the fool now, Anark Key? I figured that you anticipated myself having two discs, I never took the real one.. even if he did, it was set to be teleported to base anyway."
*If the real CD was going to be teleported to the base anyway why did Takeshi go back for it?
-Takeshi: “Sorry about that, Dr. Markby, I was caught in traffic."
*Don’t ever use that line again, Vince. There’s your usual brand of anti-humor, then there’s I showed up late for the fight because I was stuck in traffic.
-Takeshi: "They still might need a hand just in case..I'd better get over there just in case.."
*Yeah, just in case.
-Narration: Silver was slashed from behind by KuroParrot, then falls to the ground. Swiftly, KuroParrot zooms in rapidly to slash Silver with its wings back to back.
*En route to help his buddies against Demolisher, giant Takeshi runs into the parrot monster. It slashes with its wings back to back?
-Takeshi/Narration: “Get out of my way! I don't have time for you!" said Silver. The cybercreature responds by attacking.
*Don’t think any of us were expecting the monster to apologize and leave him alone, Vince, but thanks anyway.
-Narration/Alex: The next thing Takeshi saw was that he was about to be crushed underfoot by the cybercreature. Suddenly, he was teleported in the cockpit of his space cruiser. "SilverScanner, listen!"
Takeshi: "Hey, Professor! What happened? I seem to have lost my giant power!"
Alex: "Don't worry! I'll explain later!"Sorry to get you out in the heat of battle, but I've made a new adjustment to your cruiser...You're back in the cockpit again..Load the disc that you retrieved earlier today and shout out 'Presentation! Widescreener!' and take that metal bird out! Dolby's in trouble! And one more thing..Good luck!"
*Takeshi finds out that just like Ultraman, his size only lasts for a few minutes. Anyway what’s Alex apologizing for? If she hadn’t gotten him out of the heat of battle Kuroparrot would’ve crushed him like a bug. He’s probably grateful.
**By the way, I could understand Takeshi being in a hurry to come to his friends’ aid (in fact, I’d be annoyed with him if he wasn’t), but if he agreed to go get the CD, wouldn’t he at least have asked what it did before rushing out the door? Especially with the team fighting their most powerful enemy yet and Takeshi knowing at least it activates a new weapon.
-Takeshi: “PRESENTATION! WIDESCREENER!"
Narration: The wings of the WideScreener releases itself during the transformation. The booster rockets become the feet and legs, and the middle engines become the arms. The nose flips forward and the head rises out from inside. The WideScreener is ready for the first time in robot mode!
*Widescreener’s not just a spaceship, it can turn into a robot too. Takeshi became a Scanranger three episodes ago, and already Vince is giving him a power-up? Sure, normally a giant robot would be part of his regular gear, but Takeshi can do what class? That’s right, enlarge himself to fight giant enemies. We just found out his J Mode has a time limit, but is that the case for any other reason than to justify Takeshi also owning a giant robot?
**The description of the transformation isn’t especially helpful either, as all we know is Widescreener’s a spaceship. As any sci-fi nerd can tell you, spaceships literally come in all shapes and sizes.
-Narration: Silver shouts as he uses his giant tomahwk to slash KuroParrot, and in the process, slashes its right arm so it wouldn't fly.
*Except he already took out the other wing so it already couldn’t fly (Silver grabs his wings and applies a 'SILVER CHOP!' on KuroParrot's left wing, disabling it,..).
-Narration: Focusing all its might in its fists, WideScreener unleashes the finishing blow. "SCREENER CROSS NOVA!" The aforementioned attack with SilverScanner crossing his hands, and releasing a powerful laser blast, is based on the great Ultraman's Spacium Beam, blasts a clean hole through the cybercreature.
*Just a quick gripe, but every reference I’ve ever seen spells Ultraman’s signature attack as the Specium Beam with an E.
-Benedict: “KuroBuzzer! Release the side saws!"
Narration: From the Demolisher's knees, a flying buzzsaw ejects and clips the heroic robot.
*The “side saws” are shot from its knees?
-Narration: Demolisher then shoots a missile underneath Dolby's foot to trap it beneath the ground.
*What happens? Does it blow out the ground, creating a hole Thunder Dolby falls into?
-Alex: “Hang on, team!" said Alex from the cockpit console. "Silver's going to give you a hand!"
Vin: "We need more than that, Prof! We need help!!"
*And someone who can write actual jokes!
-Takeshi/Narration: “Step up, Dolby!" said Silver as WideScreener lifts Dolby from the ground. "Swing your partner, and do-si-do! Jump up, Dolby! Time to go!" WideScrenner swings Dolby in the air towards the Demolisher and delivers the... "DOLBY SONIC SMASH!"
*Jesus tap-dancing Christ, square dance mecha fighting! Something you’d see on Robot Chicken! For a story meant to show how Sentai’s so much better, Scanranger does anything but!
-Benedict: “The engine rooms damaged! KuroBuzzer! Fix the problem immediately!!"
*Yeah, send the guy with saws for hands to make emergency repairs.
-Alex: “Scanrangers! SilverScanner! Wait!" said Alex from their consoles. "This is an opportunity to use Dolby and WideScreener in a combination attack! I'll download the info and take out that evil robot before it recovers!"
*Huh? It’s like they’re implying Silver’s not a ranger too, which makes no sense on any level. Alex also makes it sound like she’ll be the one to take out Demolisher.
-Narration/Kurograppler: Thunder Dolby and WideScreener line up back to back of each other, locking themselves arm to arm, then both blast off in the air. "What are those fools doing?" thought KuroGrappler. "They're leaving themselves open for us to destroy them!" Suddenly, the Demolisher was being dragged along with them.
Vin: "Remember the tests, guys!”
*What tests? Their G-Force tests? If they can take the strain they can take it. What’s to remember?
-Vin: “Can you take this, Silver?"
Takeshi: "No problem.. Let's go!"
Narration: The two robots make a freefall, and began to spin like a tornado towards the Brigade robot.
*The robots are usinga tornado attack against Demolisher. Got nothing wrong with tornado attacks, but if they only start spinning now, what dragged Demolisher into the air with them when they took off?
-Narration: Like a spinning Class 9 hurricane(times ten), Dolby and WideScreener smashes through the Demolisher.
*Which sounds like a great thing for the guys trying to save the city to do in the middle of downtown New York. Incidentally, are there other kinds of hurricanes than the spinning kind?
-Narration: Demolsher falls toward the ground, and explodes!!
*But what about the Demolisher?
-Benedict: “BLAST YOU, SCANRANGERS!" shouted Benedict. "YOU DESTROYED OUR PRECIOUS DEMOLISHER! YOU DESTROYED KUROBUZZER! WE ARE BEATEN FOR NOW, BUT ITS ONLY A SMALL SETBACK! INDEED, MY BRIGADE SHALL BE AVENGED! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF US! YOU WILL PAY, SCANRANGERS! I SWEAR YOU SHALL PAY MOST DEARLY!!" Benedict's voice echoes along the surface of the moon.
*Defeated but not destroyed, the remnants of the Brigade limp back to the moon. Where there’s a vacuum. So sound would totally carry there.
-Narration: Back on terra firma, the Scanranger crew meet up with Takeshi and Professor Alex on the CJU campus.
*Takeshi help them beat the Demolisher, wouldn’t he be with the rangers?
-Vin: “Takeshi, mere words can't describe how much we appreciate your help.."
Takeshi: "Just say, thank you, Vin..I'm honored to help you guys out in any way, now that my full memory has returned..I think you should thank Kunio-san..He's actually the one who helped give MAYHEM a punishing defeat."
Alex: "Everyone had a role to play in this victory.. It was all a team effort, in the same way on how a feature film, or a TV sitcom is made. The stars of the movie didn't do it by themselves. The director, or the writer, or the producer didn't do it by themselves..All of them made the movie possible.In the same way, the CPB 'Second Unit',you guys,and Takeshi all have their part."
*Feeling a little left out, maybe, Alex?
-Alex; “However, I think it's high time to get back to campus life.." said Alex. "A lot of your instructors are probably worried sick about your disappearance from classes..”
*Because at CJU, our professors are intimately involved in their students’ private lives. I’m not kidding either, read the episode after next.
-Up in Nebutopia Key loads the stolen CD and learns he’s been had the hard way when it contains a computer virus. A big one. I know it’s not always easy to strike an effective balance between your heroes and villains, but it’s crap like this makes me wonder if Vince even tries. The most vicious mercenaries on MAYHEM’s call list only seemed able to gain the upper hand against Scanranger by fighting dirty, for crying out loud.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:31:45 AM
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(Reviewer’s note: Scanranger vs. Jetman happens around this point in the story. You might want to stop and read that review before moving on)
Episode 16-O, What a Tangled Worldwide Web We Weave!
Summary: A spider monster insidiously (and inconsistently) spreads a computer virus that turns people into maddened zombies. The Scanrangers speed to the rescue but mysteriously lose their powers in mid-battle. Not that it’s cause for alarm, apparently.
Monster: KuroSpider
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode16.html
Rating: JJJ
Rants-
-Opening sentence: Up above the Earth, MAYHEM once again ponders a plot to terrorize the Earth, but what means this time do they plan to execute said plot to succeed?
*The first sentence in the story after the Scanrangers’ epic battle with Benedict’s Brigade, and my heart’s filled with joy. How could the story from this point forward not be even more disjointed with an introduction like that?
-Key: “Mercy...Lord Blackorg for once, decided to 'grant' me mercy.." said Anark Key, talking to Ug and Byte. “This plan has to come through..”
*I grant you Blackorg never specifically says why he called Benedict, but we have to assume it’s because the guys he has on hand can’t do their job. Why then, should he hand the reins back over to Vixen, Ug and Key when Benedict is defeated, rather than calling the next most feared warrior in his army? Why aren’t his best guys his immediate subordinates anyway?
-Narration: He watches on the monitor a late night informercial with a salesperson hawking classic CD's and cassettes.
Key/Narration: "Everyone's doing it, why couldn't I?" Ug and Byte look at each other puzzingly, trying to figure out what Key was talking about.
Byte: "I think our favorite punker's decided to go Hollywood like those Scanrangers.."
*Because infomercials are SO Hollywood.
-Narration/Student: A Central New Jersey University student is surfing the Internet, searching for his favorite web site. "I've heard so much about that new supermodel page that Joe told me about, I've gotta check it out!"
*Is this happening right after Key saw a late night infomercial?
**And he’s looking for his favorite web site he’s apparently never been to himself.
-Narration: Another student, female, also is surfing the net on the other side of the campus. She finds her favorite page, on the recent super hot artist Ricky Martin. "Oh my gosh! I'm in ! I'm in!" she giggled with glee. "Where's his pictures? Where's his pictures?" She gets them, and like the others, download them on the discs. The woman also gets a shock, and looks at the screen as well. She too, lets out a blood-curdling scream.
*Like the others? The guy from the above quote was the only other student shown screaming after finding desired pictures on the internet. What kind of pictures are they looking at anyway, and is this another half-assed parable?
-Narration: And back with our favorite campus heroes,
*By definition I guess they are. It’s not like CJU’s swarming with superhuman protectors.
-Narration/Kunio: Kunio himself surfs the Internet after his English class, checking out one of his favorite pages. "Alright!" he said. "Now I can check out the new photo that "Mr.Rick Hikaru" sent me in my e-mail." Mikey was unaware of the happening danger that was about to occur. He was about to download the photo. Before he clicked, he heard a knock on the door, and answered it.
*Whoa, what happened to those other students almost happened to Kunio! That…was too close!
-Key: “It's very simple, Vixen.. I buy advertising time on their cable access channel, and during the commercial break, I come on and hawk MAYHEM's product..Plus, when they surf the Internet with my web site, the users shall be contaminated with our virus with a click of the mouse, once they access the page to buy my product!"
*Basically, as soon as people log onto the website where Key’s selling some phony miracle product they’ll be infected with a virus. I think.
**In case you’re wondering if the story will make up its mind about how the virus is spread, either through Key’s site or any site, I’m sorry but consistency’s not home right now. If you’d like to leave your name and number I’ll have him call you when he gets back. People get infected from whatever kind of media they were subjecting themselves to when Vince wrote about it.
-Sales Pitch: “Hello, I'm Eric Mehyam..President of Meyham Software, Inc.!Campus people! Have you been having problems accessing the Net lately? Are you tired of booting and rebooting your system again because of slow graphics? Well, for a limited time only, I have the student's answer to the Norton Anti-Virus system! Much cheaper than Norton, this software will wipe clean all those nasty viruses!" The CJU students and staff watch on TV. "I'll even give you free Internet access!”
*Forget all the rest of the marketing hoopla. How’s he going to give his subscriber’s free internet access? And apparently this is being broadcast on the campus cable channel. Let me tell you buddy, nobody watched that when I was in college.
-Narration: Alex and Rosewood also watch the commercial in her faculty office. "Or you can go online at www.meyham.com..for more details.."
Alex: "Where did this come from?"
Rosewood: “Probably another one of those boring to death infomercials...Life was much simpler when K-tel used to sell products like that..”
*I know. Things were so much better in the good old days. Before the dark times. Before the internet allowed Vince Jones to inflict Scanranger on the world.
-Narration/Kunio: Kunio and his friend came back to his dorm. He turns the computer back on. "Whoops..forgot my hospitality..Can you do me a favor, Kevin? I had my picture ready to be downloaded..Click o the page for me..I'll get some soda for us!"
*If he thinks his picture’s still going to be there waiting to be downloaded after he turned his computer off, he must not know much about internet downloads. Sure, maybe he’s using a file-sharing service, but surely the paragons of morality that are the Scanrangers would never do such a thing!
**And what kind of hospitality is that where he has his friend download stuff for him? Can’t it wait?
-RA: “You sure that your friend was here? He wasn't drinking or anything?"
Kunio: "Kevin wouldn't do anything like that.”
*The real reason Kunio asked his friend to finish the download for him was so the friend could catch Key’s virus in his place. It still makes no sense. In regards to the drinking question, it looks like the morality of this universe hasn’t evolved any. Either you’re a complete goody two shoes or evil incarnate.
-Narration: He notices the window was open, and saw Kevin run across the campus.
*If Kunio’s friend jumped out the window, what floor does he live on anyway?
-Narration: At the same time, other students at the computer lab who had listened to the commercial, also went online at Eric's/Key's website, with the same result. The websurfers all screamed from shock for a few seconds, and with pale skins, all ran out of the lab.
*If they’re downloading Key’s supposed antivirus, why would they be doing it on campus computers?
-Narration: Back at Alex's faculty office, Rosewood types in the Mehyam web site, unaware of Anark Key's evil plot. Rosewood sees the page, and gets shocked, screaming at the same time, and falls face front on the keyboard.
*Continuing the proud tradition of walking blindly into traps, I see. This guy works for the same people the Scanrangers do, and he didn’t put any high-tech safety measures into play before investigating a website he was suspicious about? (“I'm gonna check up on that dude..For some reason, he doesn't look too cool..")
-Narration/Alex: The possessed Rosewood shoves Alex aside and runs away. "Rosewood! Wait!" shouted Alex. He loses Alex around the corner. "He disappeared!" Later, the rest of the rangers meet with Alex.
*Wait, who in that scene was a ranger, if the rest of them meet with Alex?
-Kunio: “My friend Kevin was just only checking out this new web site..He told me after he saw the commercial he was trying to upgrade his system..I think that he started acting funny after he got in.."
*Our plucky Yellowscanner explains the strange experience he had with his friend. Although my understanding was Kevin went bananas and jumped out a window after downloading a picture on Kunio’s computer, not after downloading Key’s program onto his own computer.
-Alex: “So did Rosewood..He was curious about the web site himself and wanted to see it..The question remains..where did he and the other students go?"
*Gee, maybe they went to the website advertised in the commercial? Or does she mean where they went after freaking out and running away? If the latter, the story doesn’t bother to answer it.
-Nick: “Look at the address very carefully..www.mehyam.com."
B.C.: "Whoa! We've all missed it! Meyham happens to be MAYHEM spelled backwards! No wonder your friend Kevin and Rosewood was acting so strange, Kunio!"
*Actually that’s not “MAYHEM” spelled backwards. What did they think was responsible for people downloading from the internet then going insane anyway? Especially since, once again, we have Sentai fans on the team who should know when weird things start happening the villains are to blame 99.9999% of the time.
-Toni: “A computer virus..hypnosis used to contanimte the campus?"
B.C.: "Then the entire city, the country, and the world.."
*Do they know the virus carriers can transmit it to other people? Because it’s hard to imagine how they would, not having any significant encounters with the infected students.
-Narration: The answer to that, was in a classroom not far away from the theater. Key and the cybercreature was about to release the other victims.
*He was about to WHAT?? What’s going on in there?
-Key: “Now, the last part of my plan shall come into play..I shall make another campus commercial, but this time, via satelitte on the college information screens, thus completing my revenge!"
*What will that do? Despite the confusion over how the virus is contracted it’s at least always happened when the victim was using the internet. Will Key be spreading it via his commercial this time?
-Narration/Sarita: “Alex calls up Sarita back at base. "Yes, ma'am?" Sarita replies.
Alex: "Listen, Sarita..I need a favor from you..I must find out when will the next time the Mehyam commercial will appear on campus..We've tumbled on Anark key's plan, and we've got to stop the commercial from playing, or it'll be a major crisis on campus!"
*A favor. Yeah, it’s not like this kind of thing is her job. So I guess yeah, the implication is the next time Key broadcasts his commercial he’ll be spreading his virus that way. Once again though, how would they know it’s spread that way? It hasn’t been before.
-Narration: The Indian born tech immediately gets the information from the TV campus station.
Sarita: "At exactly 3:36 pm..Three minutes from now!"
Alex: “No time to lose, gang! Stop that broadcast immediately!"
*The TV campus station. Sure, whatever you say, Vince. How does Sarita get that information anyway? Does she hack into the station’s schedule? Gee, that’s kind of invasive of our heroes. Considering they have no basis to assume Key’s commercial will contaminate the viewers when it didn’t before. Maybe they’re just afraid of more students seeing the commercial and going to Key’s site, but I dunno. We never hear about Key’s victims actually doing anything under his control. What exactly’s at stake if more people fall under his sway that would make the Scanrangers want to hurry? Is the commercial going to send out a signal to make the people he’s already converted rampage? Please explain, Mr. Jones. And do it in a way that the Scanrangers could reasonably have determined, if it’s not too much trouble.
-Narration/Vin: The Scanrangers teleport to the station, but was suddenly stopped by an electrical force field. "What's going on?"
Key: Anark Key enters the room. "You're too late, Scanrangers! I anticipated that you were to find out about my little web site/anti-virus commercial! Thus, I set this little box trap to keep you all from interfering with our plans! Even as I speak, my virus carriers are in full force contaminating any and all on your precious school! KuroSpider! Proceed with the broadcast!"
*So if the virus carriers are already infecting everyone on campus, why is Key going ahead with broadcasting his commercial again? I just want to know what’s happening!
-Narration: The cybercreature proceeds to turn on the taped commercial, and it injects the electronic virus all over CJU. At the same time, while Alex waits, she notices the students attacking each other and proceed to corrupt other bystanders with Key's virus. Alex plots to make a quick getaway, but was stopped by a group of students, including Kunio's friend Kevin,and Rosewood; both contanimated and was about to do the same to the professor!
*All right, they’re using the commercial to spread the virus. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, though, if the people already infected are running wild contaminating everyone else around them.
-Alex: “Wherever you are, Scanrangers..Hurry!"
*She knows where they are. She sent them to stop Key’s broadcast.
-Narration: Back at the studio, the Scanrangers tried to find a way out of Key's trap, but they saw the squared force field slowly getting smaller!
Toni: "It's getting a little cramped in here, guys! Any suggestions for escape?"
Vin/Narration: "Let me try.." said Red. Using his FilmBlade, he attempted to slash the field, but it melts the sword. "Good thing it wasn't my Swashbuckler..But now the field's getting smaller!"
*It was already shrinking before he tried to slash his way out. How did Vin become leader, again?
-Key: “While my revenge is being completed, your friends shall lay dying at my hands!”
*Dying? How’s that? Does the virus eventually kill its carrier? The carriers don’t seem to be attacking each other, and if they get near someone, that someone becomes another rage zombie, not a corpse. How will anybody be dying?
-Key: “And while the five of you shall soon be toast, no one's around this time to save you now! Heh Heh Heh!"
*Except that silver guy who continually saved their butts over the last couple episodes…
-Narration: As soon as Key finished his boast, a laser blast hit the force field, and then ricocheted towards the power source on the ceiling. The energy pack explodes, the force field disperses, and Key tumbles over.
Key: “Who dares?"
Takeshi: "I dare!" The response came from SilverScanner, coming to the rescue.
*What’d I tell you? Anyway, glad you could make it to the freaking party, Silver! What, we not cool enough to hang with you anymore? This is the first time Takeshi was mentioned at all this episode, where the heck’s he been?
**Why am I so worked up, I can hear you say, isn’t that what the sixth guy does in these shows? Well, yes, he does, but the thing is him not being around is something the show usually bothers to explain. Maybe he’s got another job with the organization, like Megasilver, and isn’t supposed to be chasing monsters in the first place, or there could be a supernatural explanation, like in Zyuranger (which incidentally was the first Sentai to have a sixth member on a regular basis. So it’s been normal to explain the sixth guy’s absence since the beginning) or Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue. Maybe he’s not even part of the team, and they only happen to work together because they both oppose the villains, like in Carranger or Timeranger. They didn’t explain where Boukensilver was all the time, but at least they bothered to portray him as a loner by nature. Even in Power Rangers where they usually didn’t distance the sixth guy from his teammates, they would at least come up with a reason for his tardiness on a case by case basis .
**I can even think of a reason why Takeshi was late off the top of my head: he was off-campus when he got the call and stopped to save Alex from the zombie students on the way over. It would undermine the tension of Alex’s peril, but the way Vince handles that is pretty silly anyway. And as I said back in “With Maliss Towards All,” that’s not how Alex would meet an untimely demise if she ever does.
**You may think I’m making much ado about nothing (but if you are why are you still reading?), but Takeshi’s a person we’re supposed to care about, not just fodder for another action figure, right? Why treat him like a handy plot device to keep the other rangers alive?
-Takeshi: “Rule No.1 in the villain's playbook.."Never quote the saying, 'No one can save you now' after revealing your diabolical plan!"
*Look, if you’re going to have the rangers make moronic jokes, at least leave it to B.C. so we don’t start hating his friends for it too.
-B.C.: “Thanks a lot, Silverscanner!"
Key: "Curse you, SilverScanner!"
*My, how noticeable.
-Narration: SilverScanner lands a kick at Key, knocking him out of the open window.
*How am I supposed to get wrapped up in the conflict with such lame villains? If they were goofy but a clear threat in spite of it, that’d be fine.
-Vin/Narration: "ABARENBO-" Suddenly, RedScanner's power reached its limit, then his sword and energy disappears. He falls six feet in front of the monster. "What the-?" said a puzzled Vin. KuroSpider uses that to its advantage and sprays Red with its web, entangling him.
Kunio/Narration: "Red!" cried Yellow. "I'll get him, don't worry!" Kunio charges up himself and blasts off to finish KuroSpider. "WARP SPEED SMA-" Yellow falls with his Film Energy gone as well. KuroSpider spins its web, and now the Anime-based Scanranger was also captured!
Nick/Narration: Green shouts, "I'm not that easy to take out, Spidey! HOLO-" Nick's energy was gone, and he was snagged in the web. There was Pink, who tried to kick Kuro Spider from behind, but her energy was depleted. She falls down, and is entangled, leaving only Blue and SilverScanner.
*The Scanrangers suddenly lose their powers and become trapped. The story kind of tries to make a mystery out of this then forgets to, so I’ll just tell you what happened: they tried to use special attacks Benedict’s Brigade stole from them. I’d be enraged that tard-boy B.C. is the only exception, but the only reason he has a new special attack is he created it out of pure instinct.
-Key: “Who's next to be trapped in MAYHEM's web, huh?" said Key. "Should it be you, SilverScanner, since you interfered with our plans once too often? Or you, BlueScanner? You want me so badly, gotta wait your turn! Heh heh heh heh!"
Takeshi: "That remains to be seen!"
*Uh…yeah.
-Narration/Key: The monster spits its web again, snagging on the end of Blue's Speed-Bo Staff. "Look out, you fool!" shouted Key. Blue rips the web out of its mouth, and tosses it, which lands on Key. The web was still fresh, and it immediately binds the MAYHEM captain.
*This is pathetic! How am I supposed to take MAYHEM seriously, huh? Someone please explain that to me.
-B.C.: “You're a tad too slow, Ta-rann-tula!"
Narration: Calling up his Comedy Film Energy, he uses a comedy prop, becoming one with the classic Warner Bros. Cartoons. Up above KuroSpider's head, was an anvil!
B.C.: "Hey, Spidey! What's the magic word?"
Narration: The monster hesitated and then grunted.
B.C.: "Is that your final answer? Oh, I'm sorry..The answer was incorrect..You have to pay the penalty! The answer for today is..'May I have an anvil on my head??'"
Narration: Blue drops the anvil, pounding it on the head. He follows with a few more, clobbering the cybercreature. The anvils smash him in the melody of 'The Anvil Chorus'. KuroSpider was groggy, barely able to stand.
*You know what, screw you Vince Jones. B.C.’s an ass. This isn’t funny, it completely wrecks your villains’ sense of menace and they only look more pitiful because they’re being pwned by the dipcrap comedy relief who almost ended creation himself.
**If you think about it, the villains are the most important characters in the story. If they’re not a believable threat, then the rangers aren’t believable heroes. And despite what you may think Vince, you’re not writing for children. Anyone I can think of who’d read a Sentai fanfic is in their teens on up. You need to do better than this if you want your story to resonate. And I know you do.
-Key/Narration: KuroSpider! Finish them off!" said Key as he and the robo-spider teleport. The giant cybercreature was prepared to squash the rangers.
Vin: Red then shouts, "THUNDER DOLBY!"
*Red shouts? Their powers are back already?
-Narration: The mighty robot began to throw a kick at KuroSpider, but it catches Dolby in mid air, tackling it on the ground. KuroSpider knocks the Scanranger robot down again and spits its web in the robot's face.
*It caught Dolby in mid air, then tackled it? When did Dolby get up so it could be knocked down again?
-Nick: “What happened? Can't see a thing!" said Green. We need to get this silly string off of us!"
*I’ll give a little praise. When there’s a spider monster in a Sentai, generally something very much like Silly String is used to represent its webbing.
-Narration: As KuroSpider steps up to finish the job, it was stopped by an laser blast, courtesy of WideScreener!
*AN laser, huh? Geez, if they harnessed their awful grammar instead of their love of movies MAYHEM would’ve been wiped out ten episodes ago.
-Narration: The Scanrangers began to end the battle. "Now! GREAT EDITOR-"
Takeshi: "Wait, Red! I'll take care of him this time! You've helped me before! Let me return the favor!"
*With all the rescues he performed over the last four episodes, if anybody owes anybody it’s the main team owing Takeshi.
-Narration: Meanwhile, back on campus, with the destruction of KuroSpider, the electronic virus that had plagued the school was no more. The diseased civilians on campus were cured, clean as driven snow. Back in Alex's office, the virus disappeared just in time before the contaminated Rosewood and Kunio's friend Kevin was to touch her.
*I know zombies are slow but geez. In the time it took them to walk to the other side of a room, the Scanrangers:
1) got trapped in a shrinking force field
2) were saved in the nick of time by Silver
3) had a normal-size fight that was lengthened by 66% of the rangers’ powers inexplicably fizzling out
4) had a giant-size fight that was also lengthened (a little) by Silver interrupting the others and asking to have the honor of finishing off Kurospider
**Did Alex insist on an office where she could work on her time for the 100 yard dash or what?
-Alex: “With all of you here in one piece, that would mean you've defeated Anark Key…”
Kunio: "And the cybercreature with it, also.." Kunio whispers to Alex, lest anyone else in the room finds out about their true identities.
*That was worth risking their security to say.
-Narration: As the students and some of the rangers departed, Vin looked very perplexed.
Toni: “You all right, Vin?”
Vin: "I..I'm fine.." Vin reflects back on how he was easily beaten by the cybercreature when his Film Energy depleted so quickly. He then forgets about it and shrugs it off. "It's nothing..."
*They almost got whacked because their powers conked out in the middle of a fight! That’s “nothing”? Evidently. Vin doesn’t say a word to Toni, let alone Alex, about what happened, and neither do any of the other Scanrangers judging by how the only time this comes up again is when they figure out what was wrong episode after next, which negates it.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 11/07/2009 12:39:13 PM |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:32:16 AM
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Episode 17-There’s Something About Toni
Summary: And it’s nothing good. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, Vixen attacks with a monster that invokes hate. The Scanrangers quickly find the cure, but she attacks the holiday dance with the same monster anyway. The bad guys are fought off with help from guest heroes Danger Woman and Phantom Highlander, and Toni’s new boyfriend.
Monster: KuroCupid
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode17.html
Rating: JJJJJ
Rants-
-Narration: Under the tutelage of Professor Lydia Allen, a professional dancer on Broadway, the students practice for the upcoming recital at the end of the semester.
*Broadway. And I suppose the physics professors all studied under Stephen Hawking. Vince, give it up.
-Toni: “This isn't exactly the School of Performing Arts, but she expects excellence from everyone, including the novice dancer who never set foot out on the dance floor.."
*Her dance instructor expects excellence from someone who’s never set foot on a dance floor. I can see why CJU is one of the finest academic institutions in the country. Then again the same people hired Alex, and we’re going to see just what a mistake that was.
-Narration: Toni then notices one of the students in the Modern Dance class, near the corner of the room. His name was Dean Rayborn, a Dance Arts major himself. Dean was a very quiet guy. To most people on the outside, he looked like a typical Gen X 'slacker'..doesn't get involved, watch a lot of TV and Extreme mountain sports.
*Looks like he doesn’t get involved, just watches TV. And yet he has a physical major like Dance Arts. Is Toni the one having these preconceived notions about Dean, or is it supposed to be the things we’d think if we saw Dean? It’s probably Vince describing a stupid stereotype rather than, you know, what the character looks like and how they act and talk. Like a real writer might.
-Narration: The female goes over to follow him, slowly showing a sly smile on lips.
*“The female”…Seriously.
-Bulletin: VALENTINE'S DANCE AT STEPHEN J. CANNELL HALL-FEB.14
Entertainment by DANGER WOMAN-The Sentai Songbird of Justice!
*I don’t see anything Sentai-ish about Danger Woman. She knows “Sentai” means basically “team,” right?
-Shady Woman: “Mmmmm...How about letting me assist you in getting what you want, fanboy?"
*She’s talking about Dean getting the nerve to ask Toni to the dance, I guess, but she never does anything to ensure that. Also is he a “fanboy” if he has a crush on someone? If it was Jessica Alba, but someone he goes to school with? Maybe if he stole Toni’s gym towels out of the laundry cart and rubbed them all over himself when he was alone.
-Shady Woman: “Toni is a very lovely lady.”
*If you’re into that whole “raging idiot” thing.
-Dean: “AAGGHH! What are you doing?! DON'T! STOP! HELP! YEARRGHHHH!"
*Shady Woman attacks Dean. Nobody hears him screaming his lungs out?
-Vixen: “I thank you, Mr. Rayburn..for revealing to me your lovely notion.. "You want this classmate for yourself...And you shall get your wish, but on my terms..Ohhh, yes!"
*Who else could Shady Woman have been? Anyway, well, no. She doesn’t do anything to make sure Dean and Toni hook up. It’s pretty darn unclear what she needs Dean for in any case. Plus earlier his last name was Rayborn with an ‘O’.
-Narration: The cyberguards load the unconscious Dean onto a table.
*Where are they performing their dastardly experiment? Somewhere on campus? Is this wise with the six Scanrangers, their leader, and who knows how many agents and other personnel around? No, but when has that stopped MAYHEM before?
-Vixen: “All I want from you, my sweet, is your hormones...My machine shall drain them into my newest cybercreature..Then, I shall transfer those hormones back into your feeble body, and I shall increase your adrenaline system to its maximum peak..Once that's done, you will burn out, and so shall your life force once you've served your purpose!! Andy! Turn on the machine!"
*Despite my constant ranting I love Scanranger. I feel the same way reading it Ken Begg must watching an awful movie. You can’t stand to watch yet you can’t look away, and I wish I knew what to do to so the writer would work on it more often. The exception is the exposition, if you will. Vince, if you’re actually reading this, skip the techno babble unless you’re going to make the effort to make sense. I don’t need these parts to sound believable, but I’d like to know what the monster’s connection is to Dean if you’re going to spend this much effort on it.
-Andy Roy: “According to the humans customs here, Lady Vixen, I understand that they indulge in a ritual called Valentine's Day, and they utilize that day to show their appreciation for their loved one by giving flowers, candy, and the like.."
P.B. Floyd: "It was also on that date where most humans are in a depressed state because they have been spurned by someone they loved as well..."
Vixen: “And I can use that day to spread another epidemic, not like what that foolish teammate Key, tried to do..But this time, I shall use KuroCupid to spread not love, but all-consuming hatred in this city!”
*Yeah, “unleash monster that makes people riot with hate arrows” is so different from “unleash monster that makes people riot with computer virus.”
-Narration: The next day, at Professor Alex's faculty office, the rangers all gather together for an important announcement.
Toni: “A date for the Valentine's dance? Professor! I know that you're concerned about me, but do I have to pick between these four guys here?”
*This is what I was talking about at the top about hiring Alex. She’s trying set Toni up for the big Valentine’s Day dance with one of the guys on the team. What makes that any of Alex’s business? Hell, how is this not harassment? If it was a cover for a mission, it’d be fine, but that’s not the case at all. This is nothing but extremely clumsy set-up so Toni can accidentally end up going with Dean, but I wonder if it ever occurred to Vince he was having Alex do something that would get her fired on the spot, if not brought up on charges.
-Alex: “What's wrong with that, Toni? Personally, I think it's beautiful..Four handsome guys to be your escort, and one of them will be your date for that night..
Takeshi: “HEY! What am I, chopped tofu?"
*Ha ha! Takeshi’s Asian so he said chopped tofu instead of chopped liver. See how clever that is?
-Alex: “Don't worry, Takeshi.. I've already got someone in mind for you already..”
Takeshi: “And now you're playing matchmaker for one night? Who gave you permission to be the host of 'Love Connection'? I'm outta here! I'll find my own date for that night!”
*You go girl! Stick it to The wo-Man!
-Alex: “Don't worry, Mikey.. Let him go..I think to an extent that I may have pressured him…”
*Ya think? Of course she’s not putting any pressure on Toni…oh wait, she is.
-Nick: “One question, Profess! Since you're playing matchmaker,suppose Toni picks one of us, what's to happen to the other three that doesn't have a date?"
*Why are any of you going along with this? Don’t you realize what your teacher’s doing?
-Alex: “Good question..That's a really good question.." Alex pretends to be clueless about the whole thing, but she did have a surprise for all of them.
*One too good to share, apparently, since we never find out what she’s talking about.
-Narration: B.C. sings a catchy tune from 'Fiddler on the Roof'. "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match! Find me a find! Catch me a catch-"
*If by “catchy” you mean like “I hope he catches a fatal disease.”
-Rosewood: “Scanrangers! MAYHEM's on the attack again! They're in the Crosby Hall area!"
Vin: “Right! Let's get going!"
Narration: "Right!" said the other four. The five campus heroes then teleport to the Crosby Hall area per Rosewood's instructions.
*Takeshi was just there, he couldn’t have gotten far. Why doesn’t he come? He’s as much a part of that misbegotten excuse for a team as any of the other five.
-Narration: As they arrive, they are greeted by a band of Kinks.
Nick: "So, the cannon fodder's come to greet us, huh?"
Toni: "Take care, Nick..They're not as easy to beat as before…”
*When and how did the Kinks get tougher? And why does Toni seem to know about this rather than the smart guy on the team? Because it’s her episode, duh.
-Vixen: “I believe my plan is somewhat too much for you children to comprehend.”
*That’s not so hard to believe.
-Narration: The three villains attack the Scanrangers, with the goal to allow KuroCupid to carry out his sinister plan.
*Then maybe sending down Kinks to attack everything in sight, thereby demanding the Scanrangers come out and fight them, wasn’t the best idea.
-Narration: Vixen slashes through Red, Green and Pink, stopping them temporarily, while the cyberguards take out Green and Blue.
*Nice quality checking.
-Narration: The cybercreature shot one of his arrows at the guy. He falls over, with the arrow grafting on his arm, and transforming into a MAYHEM mark, with a broken heart shape.
*I thought the MAYHEM symbol was a spider. Here it’s a broken heart?
-Kurocupid: “I'm in the mood for hate..Simply because you're not near me!!"
*Have I mentioned lately that MAYHEM is so lame the Legion of Doom makes fun of them?
-Narration: The various arrows he shot brainwashed the victim, and enabled them to turn against each other. Instead of the legend where the arrows represented love, the cybercreature's arrows were filled with bias and hate!
*Vixen already said that, and we just saw a couple shot by the arrows start to fight, but thanks for going that extra mile to insult our intelligence. And again that’s not what “enable” means.
-Vixen: “Your friends will eventually begin a riot all over the city! You have a choice, rangers! Stop us now, or save those helpless humans!"
*Stop them now? Vixen was trying to distract the Scanrangers so the monster could get away. How would they “stop” her?
-Vin: “Shoot! We have a chance to take them out now! We must-"
B.C.: "Don't do it, Red! First priority needs to be the students! There's gotta be a way to stop them fighting each other!"
*As if Scanranger vs. Jetman didn’t make Vin look like enough of a jackass, here the great leader is being reminded of his priorities by B.C. Shimamura, who I wouldn’t trust to scrub toilets at Project Paramount.
-Kurocupid: "Not so fast, Scanrangers!" said KuroCupid. "Before I continue, I want you to meet your fan club!" He gives instructions to the victims to stop fighting. "Now, these heroes have caused enough trouble in your school! They are not welcome here! Attack them! Get them out of here!"
*He can control the people he shoots? That kinda defeats the purpose of making them go mad with hate.
-Narration: The six students then attack the rangers as they chant, "Smash the rangers! Smash the rangers!" Green was about to retaliate, but RedScanner stops him.
Vin: "No, Green! BlueScanner's right! Don't attack them! You'll provoke them even more!" The students then began to beat on them, although they were no match for them.
*Vin kind of redeems himself when he stops Nick from pulverizing a student, but notice I say kind of. His reason for not retaliating is he’s afraid of riling the maddened students up even more. Not that they’re innocent victims who probably don’t deserve to get beat up by the Scanrangers. And no, you wouldn’t think a bunch of college kids would be a match for an almost equal number of martial artists in high-tech power suits.
-Alex: “Rangers! Pull back! Pull back for now!" They teleported back out of harms way.
*Thanks Alex! Surrounded by people we can’t fight, what were we gonna do without that kind of tactical brilliance?
-Narration: Meanwhile, Dean woke up after being held captive. "W-What happened? What's going on?" He stumbles, feeling very weak. Dean sees the cybercreature from a distance, attacking the CJU students. "That monster..it came from my imagination? I-I must do something..but I..I must rest..rest a bit.." He stumbles back to his dorm room.
*Dean subconsciously created the monster? Is a little clarity too much to ask??
-Narration: Later, back at Cape Paramount base after classes were done, the worn out movie task force plan a counterattack in the IMAX briefing room.
*After classes! That’s ridiculous for not one but two reasons! First, classes during rioting? Are you kidding me? “One of the safest scholls in this country” indeed! Second, and more obviously, the rioting isn’t something the local superheroes are in any hurry to stop, apparently. That Malcolm guy who led a protest against the Scanrangers had the right idea, and you know you’re reading a bad story when the villains are the sympathetic characters.
-Reporter: “We have a breaking news report on the CJU campus.." began the NewsCenter 4 anchorwoman. "Scores of students nearly trashed the campus cafeteria soon after the mysterious Scanranger team failed to stop a monster wreaking havoc at the school. Windows and doors have been smashed for no clear motive as of yet... So far, no injuries have been reported, but Newscenter 4 will update you for further details..."
*See? And there’s been destruction but no deaths or injuries. And yet Vince will throw a rather grim plot at us later in the episode.
-Nick: “Blast it!" shouted Nick, slamming his fist on the table. "What can we do? It's my fault that I didn't stop that cybercreature when I had the chance!"
*Who the what where? Nick didn’t have a shot at Kurocupid he didn’t take.
-Alex: “Don't blame yourself, Nick..Vixen had put all of you in a serious position, and with B.C.'s help, you made the right choice..”
*Actually that was Vin stopping him from maiming a student, but one idiot’s as good as another.
-Toni: “Something did happen when I tried to stop one of those possessed students. He stopped fighting after I unintentionally embraced him for just a second..”
*Good thing the odds of accidentally hugging someone in a fight are so high.
-Toni: “That KuroCupid character was speaking in riddles, talking about spreading the message of hate..”
*Uh, no. Vixen talked about that, but not Kurocupid.
-Toni: “And how does one combat hate?"
The guys: "Oh no!! Another no-brainer..Love!!"
*Again, I’m warning you this episode you’re reading now is going to try to be dark and scary later, yet know they’re using a goofy kid-oriented solution to their problem. Sound like a feasible combination?
-Alex: “The young kids would've gotten the answer even before you thought about it..He-Man used it on one episode, and even I dare say, the Smurfs even used that as a weapon.."
*If Alex knew this all along, why did she wait for her team to figure it out? Guess she’s in no hurry to save campus property either. I don’t remember He-Man ever beating Skeletor by hugging him. Of course, He-Man and the Smurfs probably used love because in 80’s cartoons, you couldn’t inflict bodily harm on anything except robots. What could the Smurfs possibly beat with brute force anyway? Gargamel’s freaking cat was like Godzilla to them.
-Nick: “So how are we to cure all of those riot-induced campus people?"
Alex: "That's where you come in, Nick..Your Holo-clones should be enough to bring them back to their state of mind.."
*As you may recall from the previous episode the Scanrangers’ powers suddenly shut down when they tried to use their special attacks that had been stolen by the villains. For Nick, it was using his Holo-clones. Yet in this episode he’s able to use them with no problem at all. And a couple episodes down the line Nick gets his movie powers upgraded and then gets the ability to make his holograms solid. In this episode his hologram clones can hug people to break Kurocupid’s spell, but how could they do that without being solid? I might not care if Scanranger was just another idiotic fanfiction, but it’s an idiotic fanfiction the writer’s been plugging away at for years. How can you care so much and so little at the same time?
-Somebody: “We'll do it, Profess, When do we start?"
Alex: "Immediately, without them causing enough further damage as it is..Go!"
*It’s bad enough you guys waited until classes ended, now you’re still dragging your feet!
-Narration: As Dean walked on his way to chat with Toni, Vin then put her arm on her shoulder. Dean was under the impression that Vin was her boyfriend.
*Why would Vin do that to his platonic friend? You’d think Toni would be weirded out already by her teacher trying to set her up. And Alex doesn’t give up because of a little thing like a monster attack followed by riots, oh no…
-Narration: Nick then listens on his headphones, noticing the hypnosis has worn off on the CJU students.
*Which he can tell on his headphones.
-Vixen: “My plan was foolproof! How could've they figured out the antidote?"
*Maybe if you made it something a little less obvious? Like playing Menudo songs?
-Key: “You forget, lady, that these people are the future leaders of the world.."
*Good God I hope not.
-Key: “The humans figured out that even a crazy little thing called love can conquer all. I even remember a time where I had a little girlfriend, until she turned me down because of my views of how the government was corrupt..”
*An opportunity for a little character depth, wow. Let’s walk right on by like it didn’t happen.
-Vixen: “Quit babbling, you idiot! The fact that those blasted Scumrangers stopped the ongoing riot means that I have to step up in the next phase of my plan, where that wimpy human male will be celebrating at that school dance later this week.”
*If the “wimpy human male” being at the dance is part of Vixen’s plan, maybe she should’ve made sure he got that date with Toni so he’d have a reason to go. It’s a good thing for Vixen the forces of insane coincidence are on her side tonight. I’d like to know how she’s going to step up her plan if it can only be carried out on a certain date, though.
-Vixen: “As he and those humans dance the night away, we shall cause absolute mayhem and terror to that town! Andy! Explain to Key about our operation, the 'Central Jersey Culling!'" The cyberguard shows Key a history book, which had a section on infamous gangsters of the 1920's. Key looks at the article, and slowly smiles, which turns in a chuckle, then a hearty diabolical laugh. Vixen and Ug look over his shoulder and laugh as well.
*It’s Vixen’s plan, isn’t it? Why is she looking over Key’s shoulder and laughing like she’s just gotten the joke?
-It might be worth pointing out the Scanrangers already figured out how to counter the monster’s power. Unless Vixen takes steps to make sure they don’t (and with all the missed opportunities in this episode alone, why should we assume that?), this would seem to render Kurocupid’s usefulness a tad suspect.
-Alex: “Well, did you make a pick just yet?"
Toni: "Well, uh..I..uh..You know what, Professor? I..I've decided to surprise you..You know, wait until the first dance got started..."
*Yuck. I’m sure Vince thought he was making Alex sympathetic and concerned for the rangers’ happiness, but good gravy! How could anyone not realize how slimy this is?
-Toni: “In fact.." Toni continued. "I choose...you!?" She pointed to Dean, who beat the other four to the punch.
*This farce reaches its climax as Dean happens to be in just the right place at just the right time for Toni to accidentally pick him as her date. For all my ranting on the subplot about Toni’s date, I’m glad Vince is unable to learn from his mistakes. That’s exactly what makes Scanranger rip-roaringly hilarious.
-Vin: “Disappointed, Profess?"
Alex: "What do you think?”
*If I had some idea what motivated you to interfere in the first place…
-Nick: “But I wanted to date her!!" He acts like he was going through a temper tantrum. "I'll probably never get married! Whaahh!!"
*Good to see B.C. doesn’t have the monopoly on awful humor. *shudder*
-Narration: Toni and Dean entered in, with the lady stunning the males, including the male rangers, with a lovely strapless pink dress, something similar to the gown Marilyn Monroe wore in the movie 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.'
Assorted idiocy: "Whoa! Hey, B.C.," said Vin, stunned at Toni's appearance. "How do you say, 'Helloooo, Nurse' in Japanese?" B.C. couldn't answer as he was going ga-ga over how beautiful Toni looked. "Chikyu(Earth) calling B.C.." said Kunio. Are you there? Are you there?" He waved his hand in front of his face, All he could say was, "Utsukushi.." Beautiful..."
*Vince, for the sake of your story’s ability to be something anyone but the demented like me will want to read, skip the bad comedy and uncontrolled reveling in your characters’ awesomeness. At least the bad comedy. There’s no fondness of your story’s badness in my complaints about that.
-Master of Ceremonies: “Welcome to the 3rd annual Valentine's Day dance at CJU! This year, the theme of this dance will be dedicated to the 'Big 80's!’”
*Only the third one?
-Narration: The cyberguards had earlier knocked out, then bound and gagged the private security firm who were to oversee the ball for safety reasons. The real guards were locked up or unconscious outside the campus.
*Huh. So MAYHEM did take some preventative measures. Too bad they forgot to do anything about the other superhero who’s making an appearance at the dance.
-Master of Ceremonies: “Ladies and Gentlemen, in keeping with the theme of the dance tonight, I would like to introduce to you our entertainment for the night...Danger Woman!"
*That’s pretty much all the introduction Danger Woman gets. Then again I should probably be happy this is all there is knowing what a confusing and misdirected mess her backstory is when it’s given. What I would like explained is what she has to do with the 80’s.
-Vin: “What's up, Takeshi? I see that you didn't have a problem with finding that special someone tonight.."
Takeshi: "Nope..In fact, she's also an Asian Studies professor like myself. Professor Lin, these are my friends..And not only that, I've got some other friends to introduce to you too, guys. This is Angel, Terry, Lisa, and B.C., I believe you know this woman..Kimiko.."
*So after telling Alex off for trying to be matchmaker, Takeshi ends up being one himself. I have to say I’m disappointed.
-Vixen: “I come to give greetings and salutations from the MAYHEM Corps! We're here to make your Valentine's dance a very bloody valentine tonight!"
*After all the cartooniness before, this is where the darkness starts to cut loose with Vixen calling her plans “bloody.” No, it really doesn’t mix.
-Narration: The rest of the party-goers attempt to leave the building, but was stopped by security. Or was they really security?
*Nice wrongful use of “was” there. Of course, Vixen’s flunkies already told her (and therefore us) about all the security guards being substituted with their boys. Why does Vince say that like we don’t already know?
-Toni: “Only you can spoil a special night like this in order to achieve you goals for world domination!”
*Is MAYHEM seriously the only thing that can ruin Valentine’s Day? No.
-Narration: The five male rangers go after the cybercreature.
*But Toni hangs back. Battling evil is so unladylike.
-Narration: KuroCupid shoots one of his special arrows in front of the five. It was a smoke arrow with a chemical which altered everyone's minds, forcing the guys to gag and cough, then was compelled to fight each other.
Kunio: "What's wrong with me? I..I feel compelled to attack SilverScanner
*Oh yeah, that’s why Toni hung back, because she’s the star of the episode and needs to be unaffected so she can save the day (Actually that’s wrong, since she doesn’t do anything except tell them to fight it until the spell is broken. Since the Scanrangers can protest while killing each other it’s not that big a difference). Wouldn’t a contextual explanation be nice for once? Love how the exact same verb to describe being controlled comes to mind for both Kunio and the narrator, too.
-Hey, the story’s chopped into sections again! But look! There’s a link to the second one! Was that so hard Vinny?
Part 2-http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode17b.html
-Danger Woman: “HEY, EVIL MONSTER DEMON!”
*Speaks for itself, I think.
-Danger Woman: “I am Danger Woman! Heroic Karaoke Sentai ally to those in need! On behalf of the zoo-going children of the world,I will right wrongs and punish evil monster demon robots! And that means you!!"
*Now it’s evil monster demon robots. Holy crud. That’s like something you’d hear in the comically long title of a parody. That’s not half as goofy as Heroic Karaoke Sentai ally, though. Wonder if she made that up herself or if Vince offered help. In any case, Danger Woman isn’t the next Sailor Moon and never will be, and needs to stop trying.
-Narration: At the same time, unaware of the ongoing battle, Dean comes out of the men's room.
*Dean hasn’t heard any of the battling or the panicked students fleeing because he was in the men’s room? Not unless he was sitting in a stall with this hands over his ears saying “Don’t screw up don’t screw up don’t screw up” the entire time.
-Vixen: “Yes! Ohhh, yes! What a surprise! The same weak-minded human who's responsible for our creature creation! and now with his increased hormones at his peak, he shall destroy the Scanrangers with that extra energy!! Glorious!!"
Narration: Dean fights off the effects of the hate arrow. He struggles and is on his knees for a few moments. Yet, somehow, he gets back on his feet, remembering the command KuroCupid gave him. "Yes..Kill..Kill!" He blasts off his energy, but not at Pinkscanner and DW, but right back at the cybercreature! Dean collapses again. KuroCupid was stunned and temporarily out. In the process, the Scanrangers ceased fighting each other.
*Just before this Dean took one of Kurocupid’s arrows meant for Toni. Was Vixen planning on Dean doing that? Why was she counting on him to use the energy he built up to blow up the Scanrangers? Vixen doesn’t seem to believe in checking for errors any more than her creator.
-Vixen: “What? That's impossible! No one can't resist the effects of the hate arrow!!"
Toni: "Except for a pure heart, villainess! You should know that any one with a strong will and an innocent heart can fight off any type of hate and bias!"
*Nice grammar there, Vix. Also, an “innocent” heart can throw off any hate and bias? Vince should’ve looked for another adjective since unless we’re talking about “innocent of all charges” the I-word typically means “naïve and gullible” which I’m sure isn’t what he meant.
**There’s another thing. Despite the holiday when this takes place and the theme of the monster, I’m getting very little “love vs. hate” off the battles in this episode. The closest we really come is this, where Dean’s able to fight off Kurocupid’s hate arrow because he has a pure heart. It could’ve, no, should’ve been because of his admiration of Toni, who’s not only hawt but also, it turns out, the graceful and selfless Pinkscanner. Granted that would’ve required Dean to learn or at least suspect Toni and Pinkscanner are the same person, but the thing is Vince does something anyway that could’ve been done to resolve the matter. Dean points out the similarity between Toni and Pink’s voices when he comes around, but they play it off as a result the night he’s had.
-Danger Woman: “Prepare to get another serious headache,demon monster robot!”
*That still sounds stupid.
-Danger Woman: “Wait! I've picked up something from my Danger Sense! I heard Vixen's sinister plot! The doors are locked, and security has the guests trapped!"
Toni: "What's wrong?”
*Whaddaya mean “what’s wrong”?!
-Danger Woman: “That's it! That's what she meant by making a bloody valentine! That evil woman's about to murder everyone at the dance, like in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre!!”
*This is what I kept whining about. Vixen’s gonna have her boys gun down everyone who came to the dance. How the hell do you expect something like this to mesh with having the heroes run around hugging everyone?
-Narration: The warrior woman charges at the rangers, but was stopped by a stray shot in the arm coming out of nowhere.
*Think about what “stray” means. That’s right, a stray shot is a shot that hits something it wasn’t meant to. The person who fired the shot is Danger Woman’s “sworn protector.” How likely is it he meant to hit someone attacking her?
-Phantom Highlander: “Friends call me the Phantom Highlander.. the leader of Clan MacVal, and the sworn protector of DangerWoman, whom you are threatening..”
*What kind of superhero needs a “sworn protector”?
-Narration: She shoots a blast from her sword. PH somersaults over and kicks her in the chest. With his special mind control powers, he retrieves his sword and duels with Vixen.
Kunio: “I don't believe this! It feels like we're stuck in the middle of a 'Sailor Moon' episode!”
*Because of what? A sword fight? Oh yeah, they had those all the time in Sailor Moon (they didn’t). When you come right down to it why doesn’t Kunio think things are like that all the time? It’s not like it’s any secret what one of the major influences was on Sailor Moon…
-Toni: “How about a 'Highlander' episode?" The duel came to a close as the Phantom Highlander delivers another kick to Vixen's chest, knocking her aside.
*Because only Sailor Moon and Highlander had sword fights, apparently. No, this would be like a Highlander episode if the loser of the duel ended up decapitated.
-Nick: “Darn it! Vixen got away again!"
Phantom Highlander: "It's all right, Scanranger.."You'll defeat her as always..”
*If she didn’t keep getting away to menace them again that might be meaningful.
-Pink: “We can finish him together..The guys gave me the OK.."
*Why do the girls need the guys’ okay to finish off the monster if they can? Besides, they don’t finish it off.
-Narration: The wave pummels the cybercreature, drowning it, and sets him on its way to a giant iceberg! KuroCupid collides head first through the iceberg, outside of Cannell Hall and lands back on the ground, almost out. The new attack was similar to Sailor Neptune's deadly attack called 'Deep Submerge.
*Toni creates a new attack based on Titanic (which I don’t remember being a musical, but I guess it counts as long as there’s one song connected to the movie). However, Deep Submerge is an attack where water is gathered into a ball, as you can plainly see. It’s similar if you count “it involves water.”
-Vin: “All right! It's the guy's turn to rock!”
*The one guy, even though all the Scanrangers use the Camzooka to finish off Kurocupid.
-Narration: As the rangers celebrate their triumph, Danger Woman looks away, seeing PH disappearing once again.
*Once again? Should we know that’s common? Then gee, maybe some background or a link to a place where we could find background on Danger Woman would’ve been nice.
-Narration: Danger Woman and the rest of the band play a rocking club version of 'The Gatchaman Song'(by special request) in the background.
*Whose, I wonder.
**And after nearly being massacred by cyborgs, everyone’s partying again like nothing happened. Sure. I bet. Then again maybe the students are jaded to MAYHEM’s threats by now.
-Dean: “So you still want something to drink?"
Toni: “Yeah, but I'm not thirsty..”
*Uh…what??
-Almost a full two pages is spent on an epilogue where the Scanrangers open their valentines from an assortment of various celebrities. You know a lot of people don’t think it’s cool when the writer strokes his ego this blatantly, Vince.
-Vin: (Vin opens his cards)I got one from..Tyra? HOW DID SHE KNOW WHO I AM?
*How do any of these famous people know who a couple college kids in the middle of freaking New Jersey are?
-Vin: “…and from Amy Jo, and Katherine…”
*He’s talking about the first two actresses to be the pink ranger on Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. First off, one of the main reasons Scanranger exists is to let the writer tell anyone who’ll listen that he hates the show. What’s the thinking behind the first two pink rangers giving Vin valentines? Realizing where the real men are? Second, the second one’s name was Catherine Sutherland with a C, her character was Katherine with a K. Maybe Vince was just being cute, but probably he wasn’t willing to use the very internet that allows him to share his dumb story with the world to find out her real name.
-B.C.: “Oh my Gosh! Sayuri! She's still thinks of me!”
*And in Scanranger vs. Jetman he wondered if she even knew he existed.
-Nick: (smiling in a sinister fashion)Oh oh..Let's check it out..what do you think is in the tape?
Kunio: Baka! Idiot! This is a kids show! The one who created us would not even permit it!
*Yet he permitted the almost-mass murder of the CJU student body…
-Tamlyn Tomita: (In the tune of Happy Birthday)Happy Valentine's Day, Kunio-kun, you're the only one who makes me swoon, You're a man who peachy-keen and OK, Come back to Japan and let's play..Tamlyn
Nick: I hope we're talking about video games..(B.C., for once smacks Nick in the back of the head) What?!
B.C.: She WAS talking Playstation video games, genius!(shows Nick a pair of Dragonball Z Playstation cassettes)
Nick: (embarrassed) Uhh..My bad?!
*I feel like I’m reading something badly translated from another language. And again Vince was unable to work up the energy to do any research, because as even my mother knows, Playstation games came on discs, not cassettes.
-Here I am, exhausted but triumphant after another epically disastrous episode of Movie Task Force Scanranger. Can the story get stupid enough to top the one-two punch of Scanranger vs. Jetman and There’s Something About Toni? Let the disturbed quest to find the answer begin.
Episode 18-Hit the Beach! The Super Sentai Spring Break
Summary: The Scanrangers travel to Hawaii for spring break, only to have their precious off-time interrupted by the discovery that MAYHEM is up to no good nearby.
Monster: KuroShark
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode18.html
Rating: JJJ
Rants-
-Narration: MAYHEM chose the opportunity to attack the earth in broad daylight!
*Which they do most of the time anyway.
-Narration: The Scanrangers had the upper hand, but suddenly, as our heroes began to call upon their film energy attacks, they dissipate and return back to their civilian identities!
*If the handling of that issue hadn’t been so idiotic (if reading this before my dissection of ep. 16, the Scanrangers’ powers suddenly conked out in the middle of a fight for no discernible reason, but they didn’t bother to tell anybody, thinking it was no big deal. I’m serious), not to mention completely ignored in the previous episode, this could’ve been really effective.
-Narration: Ug was about to split Vin's head in two like a ripe fruit! Vin screams, and...wakes up! Fortunately, it was only a dream, but it startled the Scanranger leader. In a cold sweat, he again recalls the time he lost his special film energy attacks fighting KuroSpider.
Vin: "That was some serious nightmare! What if MAYHEM actually had the same power as we did?"
*Fortunately (?), it was all a dream. Vin had a nightmare about his team losing their powers and MAYHEM having film energy of their own. Despite almost a page and a quarter of the episode being given over to Vin’s nightmare, nothing is done with the anxiety. Never. The Scanrangers are talking casually later in the episode and figure out what’s wrong with their powers so that issue goes away, and though Vin is reminded of his dream the first time MAYHEM uses movie powers of its own, that’s pretty much it. MAYHEM having film energy doesn’t feel like it tips the balance of power at all. Of course when you look at the titles of the next four episodes you’ll probably be able to figure out why.
-Takeshi: “What do you think, Kunio-san?"
Kunio: "It's all right...For one thing, it beats being on those crowded beaches in Florida, you know, Ft.Lauderdale, Miami Beach..It was all right until those beach parties made Spring Break so decadent..in my humble opinion..
Vin: "That's what I like about you, Mikey..Always thinking with a pure heart.."
*Me too. I love hearing Vince Jones’s thoughts on issues like the decadence of spring break. Humble, indeed.
-Nick: “I ask you, What's the catch?" said Nick, questioning the round trip plane tickets that Alex sent them.
*A catch? Like what? In spite of her creepy escapade last episode the Scanrangers think of Alex as not just their superior officer but as a friend, and she’s hardly made a habit of doing nice things for them only for it to turn out to be an excuse to send them on a mission. In fact Alex has never done that. Why the suspicion?
-Kunio: “Sorry to spoil your plan, but for me, myself, and I..this is a great opportunity to meet girls!" Kunio sighs, shaking his head.
Vin: "Why am I'm not surprised?"
*Nice grammar, fearless leader. Despite what Kunio says, it’s Nick who goes on a disastrous babe hunt when they get to the islands.
-Vin: “Toni..How were you able to create that attack a few days ago?”
*I should probably be glad Vin’s trying to find out how their powers are different from how they used to be at all, even if it’s way after the fact and from the wrong person.
-Toni: “Well, fortunately, with our new ally Danger Woman, I was merely inspired and thought about that movie..The 'Titanic Attack was something I've been working on since we first lost our intital film energies from Benedict and his henchmen..I still can't utilize my original attacks, like the 'Charisse Kick', for instance..”
Vin: “That's it! That's why I couldn't use the 'Abarenbo Slash' on that cybercreature..
*And that solves the mystery of the vanishing film energy, just like that. Drama’s not drama if problems only arise because the characters are too stupid to talk to each other about important issues.
-Vin: “But I guess it won't matter for the time being..Number one, we do indeed have an entire film vault where we can summon our special movie genre fighting techinques..Number two, Arno Benedict and his Brigade were destroyed with their robot..We don't have to worry about those villains anymore…”
*Why won’t it matter for a while if the Scanrangers don’t have special attacks? Yes they probably do have a huge film vault from which to draw attacks, which is mentioned in a few other episodes, but it’s never made clear what that has to do with them creating attacks (and I shouldn’t have to read Vince’s mind on things like that). In any case, Benedict is an odd thing to bring up. True Benedict was defeated, but while MAYHEM isn’t as great a threat they obviously haven’t given up as the Scanrangers have fought them a couple times since Benedict went down.
-Benedict: “It'll be a matter of time until I recover from my wounds..And once we provide you with our special surprise, Then I, at that moment, shall finish you forever!!!"
*It’s nice the closest things Scanranger’s had to proper villains are coming back, but on the other hand, so blatantly announcing their imminent return undercuts the drama of the Scanrangers’ upcoming battle with MAYHEM in this episode. You have my permission to be mysterious on this one, Vince.
-Blackorg: “Key! Report to me at once!" said the overlord. "Key, Ug..I have a very special mission for the two of you..I am in the process of experimenting certain humans on your planet..Blackorg notices the TV show which Key was watching..
Key: “The earth villain was somewhat nervous. "Uhhh, nothing my lord, uhh, just watching and viewing how females enjoy themselves on the beach."
*Blackorg tells Key to report to him, then immediately goes to where Key’s goofing off watching spring break specials. Huh? I wonder why Key’s nervous, too. I highly doubt Blackorg drills his subordinates into a state of constant alertness. If anything seeing Key ogling a bunch of scantily clad females should only help to secure his place in this self-professed evil army. After all, if the Scanrangers think this kind of thing is debauched, then it’s debauched. Case closed.
-Blackorg: “As I was saying..I am experimenting on certain humans and I want you and Ug to bring me two humans..male and female..The right human may prove worthy for possible future subjects from our army to be..”
*Uh, yeah. Wonder why we never hear about this again.
-Narration: Hawaii..a tropical paradise..(if not a very expensive paradise)
*Uh, yeah, once again.
-Narration: Takeshi and B.C. ride the wild surf. Takeshi(the pro) showing B.C.(the novice) how to hang ten.
*Because as we all know, everyone from Hawaii is an expert surfer. Everyone.
-B.C.: “YEEEHAAAA! COWABUNGA, BABY!!" shouted B.C. as he adjusts to riding a surfboard. He then starts singing the 'Hawaii-Five-0' theme song.
*What a nerd. Plus you technically can’t “sing” the Hawaii-Five-0 theme song because…it has no words (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AepyGm9Me6w)
-Takeshi: “My dad taught me when I was only 12..He claimed to be the best hotdogger this side of the Pacific!”
*Of course he was. He’s related to a Scanranger, so he must be awesome. You know what Vince, I’m sick of the Scanrangers being “the best” or in any kind of proximity to anything that’s “the best.” I don’t care if Takeshi’s dad’s claim is true or not. Your story is a wreck thanks in no small part to that tendency to overdo it. If you want to start salvaging it, try some humility. Leave out that second sentence. If you want to add some flavor, fine, but control yourself. Say Takeshi’s dad tried to go pro, but wasn’t quite good enough.
-B.C. and Takeshi are able to hold a conversation while both surf, evidently on separate boards. And amateur B.C. doesn’t wipe out until a 25-foot wave sneaks up on him. I’m not buying it.
-Narration: He gets swallowed by the wave, causing a wipe out! He then flies to a couple relaxing in the sun, unaware of the inpending danger.
*So B.C. falls off his board into the wave, which spits him back out? Sure. At least the second part of the second sentence is accurate. Being within a hundred feet of that guy is hazardous to anyone’s health. I think I got cancer just reading about him.
-Narration: Suddenly, a flying body was about to crash on their parade.
*Thanks Vince, but we probably remember reading about that forty-five seconds again.
-B.C.: “Forgive me! I'm sorry..Are you all right?" B.C. looks at Kotaro for a brief second. "Sorry..You looked like someone I met very briefly.." He runs back to the water.
*B.C. apologizes after almost creaming two beachgoers who happen to be the actors who played Red Hawk and White Swan. Anyway, B.C. meets two people who looks (and presumably sound) just like two members of his favorite superhero team, who he got the chance to actually meet and make friends with, and he runs away? And doesn’t tell anyone. Alrighty then.
-Rika: “Are you all right, Kotaro-kun?"
Kotaro: "I guess so..For some reason, I thought I'd seen that face before myself.."
*How would they recognize him? B.C. met the real Jetman in an alternate dimension, but as far as I can tell he’s back in his own where it’s only a TV show.
-Interruption: (Editor's note for you super sentai experts: Can you guess the alter egos of this one time future task force couple? E-mail me! Hint: She broke up with the biker; he was mourning his lover who fought on the bad guy's side! V.J.)
*See what I did there?! It’s not bad enough Vince has to make such an awkward insider reference, he has to kick you in the head and make sure you know that’s what it was.
-Key: “I don't get it.. Where are the bikini babes? I thought I'd set the coordinates for Daytona Beach..It looks like we're on some deserted island..”
Byte: “Excuse me, Mr.Key..but did you ask the general to set the controls?”
Key: “Yeah, why?”
Byte: “Didn't Lord Blackorg tell you that Ug can't r-e-a-d?”
*By a shocking coincidence, MAYHEM winds up on the same island where the rangers are vacationing to conduct their evil experiments. So the only reason the Scanrangers and MAYHEM will be seeing each other at all this episode is the villains’ blinding incompetence. Good to know.
-Byte: “According to my calculations, we're on one of the Hawaiian Islands.." Byte points to a dormant volcano.
*That’s how he tells? From a dormant volcano nearby?
-Key: “I'm surrounded by idiots..”
*Wait til “Carmen’s Baptism of Fire” and say that again, Anark. And if he’s so smart, why don’t they go back to Nebutopia and go where they meant to in the first place?
-Narration: Attempting to meet someone, the unlucky lover sets his sight on another college student soaking up some rays. She was wearing a Stanford University T-shirt.
Nick: “She looks like she has a very 'quiet' type personality like myself..”
*He can tell she has a quiet personality from her wearing a “Stanford” shirt. I bet.
-Nick: “I could think of nineteen different ways of removing that guys hand off my wrist...but 'out of respect..' I'll cut them a break..for now.." Of course, the bodyguards wouldn't have been aware of Nick being GreenScanner.
*Thinks Nick after realizing secret service agents are keeping him from hitting on Chelsea Clinton. No the agents probably wouldn’t have known Nick was GreenScanner, but think about how much more trouble he’d be in after they found out. Project Paramount gets government funding, he works for the same people they do whether he realizes it or not. Before worrying about that, ask yourself the obvious question, Nick: are you that desperate?
-Nick: “Aquaintance with a new friend from another campus was firmly within my grasp.."
B.C.: "And then the girls ran for their lives.."
Nick: "You wouldn't have done any better!"
*I hate to break this to you Nick, but B.C.’s the one who has a girlfriend.
-Takeshi: “Think he's a little steamed after not being picked to go out with Toni recently, Vin?"
Vin: "Probably so..but let that be our little secret, okay?"
*You couldn’t tell after Nick’s hilarious temper tantrum last episode?
-Kunio: “Hey! Hey! Down in front! I'm trying to sketch here!" said Kunio. He brushes Toni out of the way.
Toni: "What's wrong with you, Mikey?" she replied, snatching Mikey's pad and pencil. "Ever since you've set foot on this tropical paradise, y0ou haven't let go of that pencil! Come on, man! Put the sketch pad aside! Lighten up and play! This is a vacation, you know! Relax and have fun!"
*Didn’t we just get done with an episode where a supposedly sympathetic character tried to force what they thought was a good idea on one of their friends?
-Nick: "You know what? The pretty lady has a point..Like the old saying, 'All work and no play makes Mikey a dull boy..'
*Vin sure likes the words “pretty lady” in sequence, because that’s how the narration described Nick’s would-be paramour too. In any case, the “dull” thing is a lost cause no matter what Kunio does.
-Kunio: “Hey, Takeshi-san! Do something! Help me! Call me a lifeguard!”
Takeshi: “Okay.. You're a lifeguard!”
*Oof! The misses keep on coming!
-Anark Key: “Ug! You know what to do! All you have to do is to press that button, and we'll have two captives for Lord Blackorg!”
*You know what to do, but I’ll tell you anyway!
-Narration: Key hands Ug a remote control device of some sort.
*Good to see Vince is working on clarity.
-Narration: The general was also dressed up in some native witch doctor type outfit(Key's idea to scare the victims).
*Because Hawaii’s famous for evil witch doctors who prey on tourists. I love this because I remember an episode of Power Rangers where they were throwing a luau, the two comic relief characters were hired to dress up like “authentic” servers and got it wrong with war paint and tomahawks. There at least it was the joke.
-Tourist: “Joe told me about this getaway island when he and his wife went away here..No one else knows about this piece of beach, but us!"
*Other than Joe and his wife, one presumes, but how likely is that? Hawaii’s not a huge place and not at all unexplored. And is where they’re going an island or a “piece of beach”?
-Narration: At once, Ug jumped out of nowhere, surprising the two lovers. They make a 160 degree turn to escape his clutches. Soon thereafter, something else jumped in their way.
*Oddly specific about the number of degrees. I don’t know about you, but “soon” belays the feeling of urgency. How about “immediately”?
-Narration: The woman then screamed.
*The attack ends and Ug never used the remote control. Why bring it up?
-Narration: Back at the hotel, Kunio finishes his e-mail back to Cape Paramount Base. 'Having a blast here in Hawail, Profess! Thanks again! Signed, The Scanranger crew'
*Glad they’re enjoying their vacation in Hawail. On top of that, identifying themselves as the Scanrangers seems unnecessarily risky and stupid. Would there really be a danger of Alex reading the e-mail then saying “Vin? Toni? Takeshi? Who the hell sent this?” In regards to secret identities, at this point in the story their secrecy wasn’t played as much of a concern, but in the latest episodes the Scanrangers act like they’d rather bite off their own tongues than betray their secrets, stupid as it is since MAYHEM knows who they are.
-Newspaper: “'COUPLE SLAIN NEAR REMOTE BEACH AREA..Possible Shark Attack'..”
*Remember this. Possible shark attack. And add whoever found the bodies to the people besides Joe and his wife who know about that stretch of beach, plus the police, the paper that ran the story and everyone who reads it.
-Takeshi: “That's very sad for those tourists, considering the north part of the island was infested with deadly sea creatures..”
*If Takeshi’s known that since before he left the islands, that means people have known about the “deadly sea creatures” in the area where the tourists were killed for a long time. I can’t say I have much sympathy for anyone who’d go there and end up dying. Besides, we know MAYHEM killed the couple and in a minute the rangers read something that compels them to investigate, so Takeshi saying this serves no purpose whatever.
-Newspaper: “No sign of foul play,the dead bodies seemed to be mummified…”
*The victims appear to be mummified. How does that suggest a shark attack and not foul play?!!
-Takeshi: “This requires checking out..Come on, Mikey.." The two run down to the scene of the crime.
*But not getting the other rangers or even reporting it in.
-Narration: The general, Key, and Byte were getting very impatient as they stack up two more bodies intended for Blackorg.
Key: "They're not the ones we're looking for, either! These victims' will seem to be weaker than what Lord Blackorg wanted!"
*So the bodies are just piling up. Do they even know what they’re looking for in a victim? And they’re still doing this after being reported in the local media. *le sigh*
-Key: “Just collecting a few samples of weak-minded humans for the next phase of world domination..Any objections? KuroShark!" Key orders the cybercreature to attack.
*You mean Key wasn’t calling the monster to settle things with a friendly game of checkers?
-Kuroshark: “You can't hurt me! Not as long as Master Key protects me with his Scanner-Proof cartilage formula! You can throw an A-bomb at me and still can't scratch this body!"
*Yeah right. That’s too powerful a weapon to only use once without an explanation.
-Narration: Out of nowhere, a DVD disc lands and explodes in KuroShark's mouth. This signaled the appearance of GreenScanner and the other remaining Scanrangers.
*Just like that they know how to get around the monster’s invincibility. I’m sorry Vince, but unless it’s a multi-episode story, you make things too easy on your heroes.
-Key: “The Scanrangers? Here in Hawaii!? But how?”
*Mind you, Key says this only after the whole team shows up, even though Kunio and Takeshi had been fighting them for a while already.
-Key: “We're got to stop them before they find out about our diabolical plot!”
*Key, buddy, they’re here because they read about the killings in the newspaper, and you yourself told them what you were doing. (“Just collecting a few samples of weak-minded humans for the next phase of world domination..”) It’s too late. Besides, if this is part of any diabolical plot, I’m still waiting to hear what with episode 39 as the most recent installment.
-Narration: He remembered watching Key's satelitte TV and saw a war scene, not knowing what it was all about.. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ug remembers seeing a high-tech 'Maser Cannon' from a Japanese movie.
*Which movie? This is how it is when MAYHEM uses film energy: some generic effect just happens. I can think of one or two times where Vince identifies the movie used as a source. Strangely this is exactly the opposite for Scanranger, where the movie they’re using is almost always identified, even when it’s silly.
-Vin: “If the three MAYHEM captains possess the same film energies as we do, the project would be doomed!”
*Just like that, huh? I’m sorry dude but your own team has admitted MAYHEM is no Viram.
-Blackorg: “Key! Ug! I have the human specimens necessary! Return to base!"
*So they did find somebody who had what the were looking for after all. What was it again?
-Key: “My lord! The Scanrangers are down! Now is the opportunity for you to finish them off! They're defeated!
Blackorg: "Do not question me, Key! We can destroy those accursed Scanrangers at our leisure, when I will it! Return to Nebultopia! I shall not ask you again!!!" Blackorg's hologram fades out.
Key: "Blast it! Rather I feel his wrath than these beaten fools! Come on, Ug!" Key said, replying to the rangers. "But we're not yet finished..I shall leave all of you a parting gift to remember us by! Byte!"
*Wow. I love it when inanity comes together. MAYHEM’s winning a fight and Blackorg calls his men off because it’s another case of “If it didn’t happen that way, the story would be over.” Vince is way too dependent on that. And yet he thinks Blackorg gets to rant and rave about how useless his men are yet he tells them to retreat from a battle they’re actually winning. No.
**Key goes on to say he’d rather feel Blackorg’s wrath than the Scanrangers’…so why doesn’t he stay and finish the job? If he did he wouldn’t be feeling their wrath ever again.
**Finally, Blackorg said leave the Scanrangers alone, yet Key leaves Kuroshark behind to keep the fight going. What the fug?
-Narration: Using its Film Reel Whip, it continues to strike KuroShark's most vulnerable spot: Its mouth!
*Yeah we remember. Are you telling me the monster can’t simply close its mouth to stop the Scanrangers from doing that? It’s a shark monster. It should be pretty hard for them to force its jaws open so they can attack. But if it did that, then they couldn’t win.
-Narration: He kicks KuroShark on the chin nearby an active Hawaiian volcano, knocking the monster to the ground.
*I was so confused there for a second, I thought they were on an Icelandic volcano while they were on vacation in Hawaii. Thanks for caring so much about your readers, Vince.
-Vin: “Make sure you don't get in the way of the blade!"
*Vin says this to the giant Takeshi who’s holding the monster to they can land a sword blow in the mouth. Thanks a lot for that piece of advice, Vin, I was gonna just stand here and let you saw my head off to get rid of one generic monster.
-Kunio: “I was looking for rest and relaxation, and what happens? We barely escaped with our lives near an active volcano!"
*Did the volcano erupt or something? You’d think it would since Vince established it as being active, but he never said it did.
-Narration: To encourage the two, B.C. decided to lighten them up a tad.
*No, oh God no…
-B.C.: “Hey! Mina! Guys! Theres always summertime! We've only got about a month to go!”
*Because the evil aliens hell-bent on world domination will probably take June-August off too. The stupid thing is they pretty much do.
-Narration: B.C. breaks out a ukelele, doing an impression of Bugs Bunny's Hawaiian song(Think of the end of 'Acrobatty Bunny') He sings, "Honolulumelakimimakakimkimmonotikitiaaaa, pineapple shag, withtommagnum p.i, Ukulelebobbybradyhuladiamondheadrealworldwereasinging some Don Ho, aloha poi, k-i-k-utveeee!"
*Please kill this man, for the sake of our children.
-Narration: Seeing that B.C.tried to lift up their spirits, the other five gave in to his humor, and sang along. He concluded.."Also available for comic cons, lodge meetings, children's parties, and smokers.." The rangers sing to the camera, "Good evening, friendsss!"
*And his friends too, since they find this cute and endearing.
-Next episode teaser: Benedict's Brigade is back with a vengeance! In the meantime, KuroGrappler focuses on one target: GreenScanner! Can the Scanrangers help Nick in this drag down, one fall, steel cage, Texas Death Match?
*Vince do you want the deathmatch between Nick and KuroGrappler to be heart-rending or comical? I think the former but with so many damn descriptors he sure acts like he’s angling toward the latter.
-Scanranger is such a mess when something I find respectable pops up, I feel I should point it out. This episode is like that. I’d like to extend my congratulations to Vince Jones for using up his episode with a shark monster and not taking the occasion to make any stupid Jaws references.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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Movie Task Force Scanranger last time, 11-18
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