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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
 Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:18:25 AM
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I know I keep posting these, but it's kind of a need I have to warn the world about this awful story, yet help the people who can appreciate such things learn about it. And it seems a few people here at Jabootu enjoy them, so here I go posting remastered reviews of Movie Task Force Scanranger.
Our heroes, such as they are:
Vin Furamatsu Henderson aka Vin Harlock (RedScanner): Athlete of Action. The Hero. Empowered by action films, though in practice it’s more like movies with sword fighting. Not to be confused with Vince Jones, the writer.
Nick Simonds (GreenScanner): SPFX Soldier. The Smart Guy and The Leisure Suit Larry. Empowered by special effects.
B.C. Shimamura (BlueScanner): King of Comedy. Meant to be the Plucky Comic Relief and The Heart, but often ends up being The Load and The Scrappy. Empowered by clean comedy.
Kunio “Mikey” Mikimoto (YellowScanner): Animemaniac (after trying out a few other nicknames). Kind of a Butt Monkey. Empowered by anime.
Toni Montanez (PinkScanner): Musical Mistress. The Chick, although a decidedly self-dependent one. Empowered by musicals.
Takeshi Hayata (SilverScanner): Gin Hikari no Senshi. The Sixth Ranger. Adjunct professor of Asian Studies. Empowered by tokusatsu (live-action Japanese superhero shows/movies).
Carmen Diaz (YellowScanner II): Kunio’s crush who goes from a stuck-up bitch to a born-again superhero after he’s crippled in battle and her own anime powers surface.
Lieutenant Commander Professor Daphne Alexandria: “Professor Alex” for short. Head of Mission Control and Team Mom.
Their vile opponents are MAYHEM, Mechanical Androids Yoked Hither to Eliminate Mankind.
Blackorg: The all-powerful leader with the lamest name ever, possessing a former colleague of Alex's.
General Ug: A caveman. The strong/dumb guy.
Commander Vixen: The standard vain female villain. Assisted by her "cyberbodyguards," Pretty Borg Floyd and Andy Roy, one of whom later changes his name to Cyrus Borg (get it?).
Anark Key: A punk and "psychological terrorist."
Here’s the basic format of an analysis:
-This indicates a new point I’m analyzing, usually a quote or bit of narration. I may only summarize what happens if what I’m about to analyze is too big to be copy and pasted.
*This is where my analysis of the dialogue or event starts.
**This is another paragraph of an analysis too big to fit in one block.
Episode 1-World Broadcast Premiere! (The) Soldiers of the Silver Screen (are Born!)
Summary: What’s to say about the debut episode?
Monster: KuroOctopus
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode1a.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Title: “Episode one-the extended version of…”
*Why is this “the extended version”? There used to be a capsule version of the first episode on the main page, but it was taken down a long time ago.
-Narration: Dateline:Somerset County-New Jersey
*New Jersey? No joke, the Scanrangers defend New Jersey from alien terrorists. Isn’t New Jersey on the same list as Iowa and Alabama, of parts of the US of A that everyone except the people who live there treat as a joke? I’m pretty sure that’s what the point of setting Megas XLR there was…
-Narration: Well known for its mix of academic excellence as well as its athletics, like Princeton, the college focuses strictly on the academics.
*Wow. The second sentence into our story proper and there’s the first contradiction. That has to be some kind of record.
-Narration: This area is well known for its blendings of different cultures (not like a certain Columbus University which totally made the writer very angry.”
*And the third sentence into the story proper and there’s the first indication of how much the writer’s doing this for himself. This’ll be fun.
-Alex gives a long schpiel about the deeper meanings in Casablanca but it isn’t until it’s over until we even hear her name. So soon into things we get the idea Vince may not be that concerned with establishing his world or the people in it. I’m sure people will think I’m picking nits, but yes I thought it was weird to sit through her whole lecture with no idea who was talking.
-Alex: “Next week..We'll jump to the genre of independent films and its explosion in the 1990's.."
*Seems a jump from Casablanca to the explosion of indie movies in the 90’s, but ok.
-Narration: As the class breaks, on the bulletin board, most of the students check their scores on their recent term paper.
*It’s the fifth paragraph and already we see Vince Jones might not exactly be up on the times. It could be where I went to school, but I was of the understanding that nowadays grades are confidential information. Seems kinda unlikely test scores would be up on a bulletin board for the whole world to see.
-Narration: The following students are to meet after class for further details on their test scores: Vin Harlock, Kunio Mikimoto, Toni Montanez, Ben Shimamura, Nick Simonds…
*And there’s our protagonists, called to meet with Alex because of their exemplary film test scores. You might be thinking the same thing I was: “You’re not telling me this is why they become superheroes, are you?” We’ll tackle that a little lower down.
-Narration: Meanwhile, high above the Earth, a U.S. satelitte is floating in space.
*Why yes, that’s probably where a satelitte high above Earth would be. Thanks for pointing that out.
-Narration: The two astronauts on their mission is returning collecting different asteroids, checking for radiation.
*We’re barely off the first page and we can see Vince won’t be giving two dingo’s kidneys about basic grammar.
-Astronaut 1: “How's the weather outside, Akira?" asked Nick.
Astronaut 2: “Beautiful blue skies.." said Akira.
*Double-wow. As maybe you noticed, one of the main characters is named Nick, and so is a disposable character appearing in the very next scene (it won’t be the last time that happens, either). And a guy in space is reporting on the blue skies. We’re in for it.
-Astronaut 1: “Wait! I see some kind of dark fortress, right above us!"
Astronaut 2: "It looks like some kind of mechanical spider or something..”
*We’re barely off the first page and we can see Vince Jones isn’t afraid of repackaging things he likes from other shows to use in his own. We’ve got an insect-like space fortress, like in Kamen Rider Black RX, and the villains’ first evil act is to destroy a manned satellite, like Choujin Sentai Jetman, the two tokusatsu loves of his life. Of course in Jetman it mattered for a couple reasons.
1) Three major characters were aboard the satellite at the time. Commander Odagiri, Ryu, and his fiancee Aoi Rie.
2) Its destruction resulted in the rest of the team getting their powers when the Birdonic reactor exploded and its energy was blasted into four civilians.
And 3) Rie was sucked into space as they made their escape, kicking off the subplot of Ryu’s broken heart.
**Here it’s just something mean for the bad guys to do. So we’re also seeing that when Vince borrows a favorite element, he’s not necessarily taking or adding anything to make it relevant to the plot. Impressive that almost all the tenants of the story are established in such short order.
-Narration: A plasma bolt from the floating fortress hits the satellite.
Astronaut: "I don't like this, Nick.."
*If a giant spider was shooting plasma bolts at me, I doubt I would either. Yeah, I’m weird.
-Astronaut: "Moonbase Beta to Earth control! Moonbase Beta to Earth control!”
*It’s on the moon? Didn’t get that from “floating in space.”
-Astronaut: “We need reinforcements!”
*Scramble the shuttles! We’ll have reinforcements there in a couple hours!
-Darkness-Shrouded Villain 1: “I thought you said that our ship couldn't be detected, Commander!”
Darkness-Shrouded Villain 2: "Forgive me, my lord.. It was an oversight on the general's part, I assure you.. The defense team in charge of lowering the shields will be disciplined..."
Darkness-Shrouded Villain 1: "See that he is, Commander!"
*So was it one guy’s fault or a bunch of guys’ fault?
-Narration: Back on Earth, the five students asked each other about what's going on.
Vin: "What's this all about? Are we in trouble or something? This is college.. There'e no such thing as staying after school here.."
B.C.: “Hey, chill out, Vin..I don't think it's all that bad.."
Nick: "I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to bolt out of here.."
*Here’s the first time we see the rangers and the inspiring leader and second-in-command are a pair of nervous nellies while the comic relief’s the calm, serious one trying to reassure them. I love this story.
-Alex: “But the real reason why I have you here is for me to get to know you better.. I need a few minutes from you to complete the information on this survey I'm giving you." The five complete it minutes later, and then Alex downloads the survey on her computer
*What information is Alex asking for? An answer might have prevented one of my rants to be noted below.
-Narration: Alex presses a button which cuffs everyone in their chairs, It closes up and they all fall into an escape hatch.
*What closes up?
-Vin: “Hey! What're you doing?"
Alex: "Well, first thing, Vin..Do you know who I really am?"
*It wouldn’t say much for her security if he did. Then again, there isn’t much to be said for her security anyway.
-Kunio: “I know that you're trying to kidnap us, Professor Alex!"
Alex: "Yes, I am Professor Alex..but my true name is Lt. Commander Daphne Alexandria. I represent a special operation called Project Paramount..”
*Did she even hear what he said? And perhaps she should’ve said “my true title/job is” instead of “name,” because she’s Daphne Alexandria in both identities.
**Building on that, her rank is “lieutenant commander.” Lieutenant would mean there’s somebody above her. Yet Alex appears to be the leader of the organization. Strange then that there’s a “commander” among the villain officers who is in fact subordinate to the real leader.
-Alex: “I chose you five gifted and talented students from this class..For example, Vin..I chose you for your love of action-adventure movies plus your athlethic ability. I know that Toni enjoys classic musicals, Ben..Can I call you B.C.? You enjoy comedy..Kunio loves sci-fi and Japanese animation. Nick, you love classic horror movies and films with special effects. All in all, I would like very much for the five of you to be our defenders of the Earth."
B.C.: "Defenders of the Earth? The comic strip team?"
*The kids learn it’s their destiny to wield superhuman powers and protect their planet from invaders. I love that part at the end where they make an insider reference, but Vince has to make sure you get how smart he was by having a character point it out. For him, that’s actually subtle. What strikes me most, and this is what I was talking about when Alex had them take a quick test, is she’s chosen these kids to save the world because of their high marks in her film class. I admit that’s a big plus if it’s a movie superhero team (if the most moronic reason for selecting people to save the world ever), but what about bravery, moral character, combat fitness, that kind of thing? Alex briefly mentions their “skills” and Vin’s athletic ability, but that’s about it. They have a deep love of movies, great. They can handle the power, but can they handle the responsibility? That would be item number one on my list, above even a thorough knowledge of cinema.
**This is also where we’re confronted with the fact that the Scanrangers draw their powers from the different genres of cinematic entertainment. Let me stress that I enjoy tokusatsu, and I can take almost all of it seriously (unless I’m obviously not meant to), but…movie genres? Seriously? Forget this would be a licensing nightmare, movie genres? Elements of nature, animal spirits, movie genres. No, that still sounds goofy. And “films with special effects,” which represents Nick’s real source of power, is even more broad as a genre than anime, and, obviously, not a real genre at all. Where did Vince get these ideas?
-Alex: “Your job is to defend the Earth from this terrorist group called MAYHEM(Mechanized Androids Yoked Hither to Eliminate Mankind).”
*How does Alex know MAYHEM’s coming now, and how does she know what the acronym stands for?
-Nick: “The Commander wants us to do a play based on some kids' show.. In fact, it reminds me of the Powe-..”
Alex: “Don't say that!! That name is an insult!”
*There’s the real reason Scanranger exists. Need I say more?
**Well, there’s one thing. If just mentioning the name Power Rangers is an insult, one wonders how Vince would react to learning they air dubbed Sentai on Korean TV…under the name Power Rangers.
-Alex: “You five are to be the Soldiers of the Silver Screen..You will be the Movie Task Force: SCANRANGER!"
B.C.: "Scanranger? Sounds like a corny name to me.."
*Vince probably didn’t decide it would be the case until then, but in Scanranger vs. Jetman the Japanese members (B.C. and Kunio) are revealed to be big fans of the shows Scanranger is based on (which is obviously too big an issue to be treated like an afterthought, yet that’s what happens). It’s hard to believe someone who’s into those would have trouble with “Scanranger” unless he means corny in a good way. Even I don’t think it’s that bad as a name.
**Ironically, years later Power Rangers Mystic Force took on pretty much the same issue in a somewhat more intelligent fashion.
-Narration: Vin looks at the professor, yet doesn't take her seriously about this 'Project Paramount or this 'Scanranger thing.
*What does he think of her in general? Is she usually serious?
-Vin: “Okay, Professor..we understand... Thanks a lot...We'll take on this assignment to save the Earth." As they take the bracelets, still thinking it's all a joke. the five recruits leave the warehouse.
*Pretty elaborate joke. Having told them all about the superpowers and high-tech weapons they’re getting not to mention her SECRET organization, Alex just lets the kids leave.
-Vin: “That was funny.. us being superheroes..You buy all this,B.C.?”
-B.C.: “Not for a second, ..I can't take this seriously, either.. I expect Candid Camera or TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes to pop up any moment now..”
*For once, I agree. This is coming from a time thirty-eight episodes and two specials in the future, and I don’t buy them as superheroes either.
-Narration: From a distance, however, the jokes were over, as an explosion rocked the campus. The MAYHEM corps sent down the Kinks to terrorize the school.
*After not believing their soon-to-be mentor, getting their powers and leaving, the rangers have to accept what’s going on when a group of the villains’ foot soldiers attack. That’s exactly how it went down in Day of the Dumpster. Despite his hatred for Power Rangers, maybe Vince thought he knew enough to go with the same situation in his own story, but if so, he was wrong (in any case, it’s the first instance showing Vince possibly taking cues from the show he claims to despise). Typically the story establishes the villains’ presence before the heroes have a chance to disbelieve it: in Jetman, which Vince admires so and has no qualms about adapting parts into his own series, Count Radiege announced Viram’s arrival by appearing in every reflective surface in Japan if not the world. Try ignoring that. Even in Power Rangers, the kids were at least put in a situation where fighting back was their only choice. It was either that or be chased through the desert all the way back to civilization. The only reason the Scanrangers don’t run away and call the cops is they’re the heroes. The heroes would rush in and do battle, so that’s what the Scanrangers do.
-Kunio: “What's going on?”
Toni: "I don't know, but it looks like out of control robots trying to destroy the school!" said Toni. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm not letting any cotton-picking machine mess up my campus!" Toni runs to the battle.
B.C.: “Hey! Are you going to let that pretty lady battle those robots alone?" said B.C. The other four run after her. "I didn't think so! Chivalry is not dead!" he cried.
*I’m sure I’m thinking too much about it but Toni’s single trait is she’s an Independent Womyn who doesn’t need the boys to look out for her, as indicated by episodes such as “Revenge of the CyberCreature” and “One Shall Stand-One Shall Fall.” Bit of a weird thing for Vince to have the other rangers say before rushing to help her.
-Narration: All of the five students defend themselves with the best of their abilities, just as "Alex" had hoped.
*She was hoping she’d made the right choice. What great leadership.
-Narration: Vin uses his aikido abilities, breaking a few limbs off a Kink. B.C. uses judo to throw a couple of the robots over his head. Kunio himself applies his Shotokan karate skills, punching a Kink out as well. Nick, the non-martial artist of the five, applies wrestling techinques to two more Kinks. He applies a suplex move on top of another robot. Toni, uses kung fu, and applies a few kicks in the head.
*Vince sure likes the word “applies.”
-Narration: The Kinks run back to the satellite
*How do you expect to take over New Jersey, let alone the world, with soldiers a couple unarmed college kids can beat? Yeah the Scanrangers are martial artists, but they never expected to have to fight ROBOTS, and Alex hasn’t given them special training yet. Admittedly, this is one of those things I’d probably ignore if the story didn’t work so hard at annoying me.
-Vin: “Man! That was a serious workout!"
B.C.: "You said it! So what happens next?"
Narration: MAYHEM sent down their first deadly monster to terrorize the Earth: Kuro-Octopus!
*Once again, we find out later the guy’s a tokusatsu fan, and he doesn’t know what comes next? Anyway, I bet everyone out there who’s ever seen an episode of one of these shows knows. Happily, Vince is establishing the tradition of his villains having lame/clunky names. Two O’s in a row is weird enough, but why does its name start with a Japanese word (black, as in, presumably, Blackorg)? I wouldn’t bat an eye if the story were set in, I don’t know, Japan, but again these guys are bent on taking over New Jersey. I admit it sounds a little alien-y, but since Scanranger’s geared toward fans of Japanese action shows, I don’t find it totally unreasonable to think a lot of potential readers might know what “kuro” means. And since Vince comes up with names for nearly anything extraterrestrial by splicing an English word and its Japanese translation together…
**On the other hand, having suffered through many (worse) attempts by Vince to be clever, perhaps I’m overreacting to him sneaking in Japanese words.
-Nick: “What the heck is that?" said Nick. Before Nick could finish his sentence,…
*Oh yeah, Nick totally didn’t finish his sentence. Shut DOWN.
-Showing quality is Scanranger’s benchmark “tentacles” is spelled without a second “t” five times during the battle. Three of them are in one paragraph!
-Narration: …the CyberCreature attacks again, its tenacles swinging, knocking the five out again.
*Knocking them out again?
-Vin: “I..I think its time for some action, g-guys.." said Vin. "On my mark,let's call up those bodysuits.." They struggle to reach their special mini-cassettes in their left brace, then load it in the FilmBrace..
*Forced to confront the possibility that maybe it’s not all an elaborate joke, Vin takes a chance on the supposed superhero changers Alex gave them. A lot like the Power Rangers did that fateful day in 1993 (except the Scanrangers are better because they were winning until the villains sent in a monster. Take that, Haim Saban!).
-Narration: The creature then spits out a goo of poisonous black ink, but Pink dodges out of the way in time as the stuff disintegrates the wall.
*A goo of poisonous black ink?
-Toni: "If I only had some gum.." Toni thought. At once, a giant-size piece of bubble gum materializes in PinkScanner's hand. "You've got a serious case of halitosis..I've got something for that.." She throws it at Kuro-Octopus and it is stuck in its mouth, unable to spit its ink out.
*What musical had a giant stick of gum? Most of the time Vince deigns to explain what movie a Scanranger is adapting, which makes it annoying that something so basic is one of the few good habits he picks up. And nice job cutting off the one thing the monster can do.
-Nick: “I get it!" said Nick/GreenScanner. Since our powers are based on our will, that's how we were able to create a favorite scene and make it into pure energy!”
*Pure energy? What?
-Narration: B.C/BlueScanner is next as he summons up an image of the Three Stooges, his favorite comedy stars. He begins to act like a hyperactive Curly, slaps his face,running into place, and proceeds to punch the monster out, like Moe, poking its eyes, and sending a hammer blow to its head while saying, 'See this?'
*Good thing the story’s establishing right off the bat it doesn’t care if the villains become a joke…
-Narration: With Red's weapon, the 'Swashbuckler' sword, it could be used as a fencing rapier or a bushido sword.
*I’m surprised a guy like Vince Jones apparently hasn’t heard the word “katana.” Bushido sword…
-Shadowy Villain Leader: “My CyberCreature! Destroyed! Who's responsible for all this?"
*He knows it’s destroyed, but is somehow confused by who did it. Okay then.
-Shadowy Female Villain: “Some earthlings in multi-colored suits.. They knew about our attack, and..”
*They knew about it because they were right there when it happened. That goes back to how Alex knew MAYHEM was coming.
-Shadowy Villain Leader: “Whoever those earthlings are, I must know!”
*Well, since we later find out he was a member of the same organization that created the Scanrangers and the first Scanranger existed before he became evil…
-Shadowy Villain Leader: “How can a bunch of weak and pathetic humans get the best of you, General Ug?!? Know this also, my lovely Commander Vixen…”
*General Ug? Whenever he issued orders it was to a Commander. And hey, there’s another officer called Commander Vixen. Good thing clarity’s so important to this story…
-Shadowy Villain Leader: “You too, Anark Key, the only human brave enough to join our evil band..”
*Blackorg’s been away from Earth for years, when did a local join up?
-Shadowy Villain Leader: “Failure is something that I, Blackorg, do not tolerate!”
*And yet he’s still employing the same villains after years of nothing but failure later. Also, congrats on giving your evil overlord the worst name ever, Vince.
**Okay, second, after Count Dooku.
-Blackorg: “These humans are a seeming obstacle to our conquest of the Earth..and the universe!”
*Seeming? You aren’t sure after they whooped your foot soldiers and killed your monster?
-Kunio: “Well, after that terrific battle, ..this definitely isn't a joke!"
*Depends on what you’re talking about. This story’s certainly a joke, but probably not intended that way.
-Alex: “I chose you five to use your movie-enhanced powers to protect the universe.”
*You already said that, and they already did.
-Kunio: “Question, Professor.. Do we get paid?"
Alex: "Do you want to graduate?"
*Is that a threat?
-Narration: As the five pupils put their hands together in agreement, the newly formed Eiga Sentai-Movie Task Force Scanranger prepare for new challenges and new adventures far beyond than what they can imagine!
*But not beyond what a fifth grader writing their first story can imagine.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 07/11/2009 10:25:14 AM
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:20:00 AM
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Episode 2-Crocodile Rocked
Summary: Despite the title MAYHEM sends an alligator monster to mutate the people of New Jersey into more of same with its bite. Including Toni.
Monster: KuroGator
URL: www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episodetwo.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Narration: High above the Earth, floating undetected from any satellite, lies the floating fortress stronghold of MAYHEM-Nebutopia.
*Yeah, I got the idea it was floating. Thanks. Btw, isn’t “fortress stronghold” redundant?
-Blackorg yells at Ug like he was running the attack in the last story. He wasn’t. Sure didn’t seem like it to me, anyway, since he kept barking orders to a “Commander” rather than a “General,” and Vixen’s a “Commander.” Until later, anyway, when she’s a “Lady.”
-Blackorg: “How can you allow a group of five weak and pathetic humans get the best of you, Ug?"
*Yeah, five weak and pathetic humans…with super powers. I wouldn’t mind his anger so much if 1) he wasn’t like this all the time and yet told his flunkies to back off when they’re about to win a fight, and 2) Blackorg wasn’t later revealed to have been a member of Project Paramount, and the prototype Scanranger uniform was ready then before he left the planet. He shouldn’t be going, “How could you guys have lost,” but rather “So I didn’t destroy them after all.”
-Blackorg: (to Ug) “Remember, I'm the one who enhanced your thinking ability, otherwise, you're nothing but a slobbering, savage neanderthal hiding behind that mask!"
*He didn’t improve it much, then. I’m not just saying that to be nasty, even the story knows Ug’s the dumb guy. Why raise his intellect but leave him with the brains of a slug if the reason you’re giving him brains in the first place is to take over the world for you? Yeah you might not want him so smart he starts thinking he should be in charge, but if the Scanrangers can beat Ug and Blackorg can beat the Scanrangers, I don’t know that the dark overlord’s position would be in danger anyway.
-Blackorg: “I offer power beyond imagination.. Wealth that goes beyond the dreams of avarice.. And when it comes down to destroying the only obstacle in the way of world domination, you blow it.."
*All this after one failure. We get glimpses later that Earth isn’t the first planet MAYHEM’s targeted, and while it wouldn’t really surprise me in such a stupid story, it’s silly that nobody on any of those planets has ever been able to hold them off. If only for a little while. But of course there hasn’t. MAYHEM’s the real deal, baby! The Scanrangers are the only hombres in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE tuff enuff to survive a round with these mean mothers!
-Vixen: “Lord Blackorg.. Perhaps if Anark Key and I can put our heads together, we can devise a plan to get rid of those meddling Scanranger kids.." said Commander Vixen. "It's so simple that even Ug can do it." Ug responds in an angry grunt.
*So then why didn’t Ug? What are they talking about?
-Key: “You see those giant lizards down above? On Earth, they're called alligators..In different parts of the world, they are crocodiles.”
*Firstly, down above? Huh? Secondly, alligators and crocodiles aren’t only differentiated by where they live. (http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/cnhc/cbd-faq-q1.htm) Is that why the title is “Crocodile Rocked” even though the monster’s based on an alligator?
-Narration: Back on terra firma, the Scanranger team take a drive through a secluded area of Stokes State Forest, per Professor Alex's directions, where they were to rendezvous with her. They proceed to a dirt road to an empty cavern by a lake.
Vin: "I believe this is it, people. We go down this basement here and wait for further instructions.. The next thing is for us to turn on the light switch on the left hand side.”
*So you go into the cave, and that’s it, you’re in Scanranger’s secret base. I’m sure it’s not that easy, but doesn’t it sound like it is?
-Vin: “Flick the switch, Nick." He does, and everyone jumps as Alex cries "Boo!"
*Does Alex act like this a lot? If she’s something of a joker, I can understand none of the rangers initially believing her last episode, and that’s something she might have wanted to take into account.
-Alex: “Even as we speak, we are working on your personal Scanranger vehicles. Right now, these are your motorcycles-the Bijou Bikes. They have heavy plated armor solely for personal use or in battle when needed."
* “Right now”? They’re working on heavy duty vehicles we won’t hear about for a couple episodes yet. Is that what she means? Anyway, the third sentence has always mystified me. The armor on their motorcycles is solely for personal use? What does that even mean? I love how she sounds like battle is the secondary function for armor on their vehicles. If only all the exposition was as amusingly stupid.
-Toni: “Speaking of needs, Professor, I have to get back to campus, and I've got a class in ten minutes."
Alex: "Not a problem, Toni. In dire emergencies in case you can't ride back in time, you can teleport."
*Why didn’t you ask Alex to reschedule this? I also don’t see how missing a class is a “dire emergency.” After all, Alex is asking them to risk their lives whenever MAYHEM gets off its collective ass to attack.
-Alex: “Press it, and it will teleport you back to your dorm room..After all, I want my favorite students to graduate soon, you know.."
*What if they graduate and don’t stay in the area? What then? Will Alex be left without a team?
-Narration: Toni disappears in a quick flash, resembling Star Trek's style of beaming up.
*But not, NOT, like how the Power Rangers used to be able to do. After all, the name’s an insult.
-Narration: Vin, Kunio, B.C.,and Nick continue the Cape Paramount Base tour.
*Do they learn anything important? Probably not, the only reason for them to come out was to establish their motorcycles and teleporters.
-Moni: “Yo,girlfriend! You won't belive the steal I've got on this pocketbook!"
Toni: "How much did it cost you?"
Moni: "Fitty-five dollars."said Monisha in the Spike Lee Brooklyness style.
*In the Spike Lee what?
-Toni: “Girl, you've been using that American Express card again? I'm telling you, after applying for all those credit cards over at Crosby Hall, you're gonna be in some serious debt."
*Because the Scanrangers aren’t just heroes, they’re role models.
-Moni: “Oh snap,Tone.. What is that?"
Toni: "Don't know, Moni, but it ain't Burlington State's mascot.."
Kurogator: "Wrong,fools!"
*He is Burlington State’s mascot?
-Narration: Toni fakes a pulled muscle strain in order to get Monisha running for help."Go, Moni, get me some help! Call the animal control shelter or something!" As Monisha runs around the corner,Toni used the opportunity to transform.
*I’m sure glad I’m not friends with Monisha.
-Narration: Toni/PinkScanner then shouts "ScanLaser!" in an attempt to wound Kuro-gator, but his thick leather skin reflects the shot off him.
*This is the first of many times a Scanranger uses their gun, but it sounds as if all they do is yell the name. It’s not unusual at all for Sentai members to say their gun’s name when they use it, but Vince should’ve gotten in the habit of making it sound like that’s what they were doing, because it just sounds goofy the way he does it.
**Also, I’m pretty sure that’s leather-y skin.
-Narration/Kurogator: Kuro-gator makes a hasty retreat. "You've won this round for now, Scumrangers, but I don't think your pretty friend is feeling too hot.."
*The monster manages to bite Toni, but can do no more because her friends show up and send him packing. My complaint is against his “you’ve won this round for now” comment. In every contest I’m aware of that has rounds, when a winner’s declared, the round ends.
-Narration: The team teleports back to Cape Paramount base and gets Toni into the containment room. Kunio notices that her skin begins to turn into a darkish green color.
*Just Kunio? The Scanrangers as a team aren’t too swift, but that’s just sad. Anyway, the monster’s bite is mutating Toni, just so you know.
-Markby: “The way this virus is spreading over Toni, we've no choice but to keep her in this chamber until we grab hold of the antidote.”
*Grab hold of it? That’s an odd choice of words. Are they taking any steps to come up with an antidote, or subtly hinting the rangers need to find out if MAYHEM has an antidote and steal it?
-B.C.: “Key is calling us out indeed, guys. So let's get out there and pick up the phone!"
*For B.C., the joke’s not that bad. BUT HOW DOES HE KNOW ABOUT KEY? They’ve never met major MAYHEM members at this point.
-Somebody: “MAYHEM wants us next on their outbreak list, and scores of people are already being affected by the virus. I'ts like trying to fight in a smoke-filled room!"
Nick: “A smoke-filled room, you say? That gives me an idea!"
*This is one of those random things somebody says or does that gives one of their teammates a brilliant idea that saves the day, but not only is it not brilliant, as I’ll get into below it relies on things ranging from what the Scanrangers couldn’t have predicted to downright shouldn’t know.
-Narration: Kuro-gator and Anark Key continue to attack the city, hoping to flush out Scanranger. Vin, B.C., and Kunio race toward the two on their Bijou Bikes.
B.C.: "I saw someone do this in an old war picture."
Vin: "You've got the smoke bomb ready?”
B.C.: "Ready, Will Smith, and Abel Ferrara, dude! Hey, buddy!" as B.C. throws the smoke bomb at Anark Key."Got any smokes?" The bomb explodes in front of Key.
*Good thing he saw that movie, otherwise he would never would’ve known how to throw something at someone while riding a motorcycle. In any case, the villains are on foot. Is this even a situation where using the bikes is a good idea? Would get them to raise their guard, one would think.
-Vin, I guess: “We're here, Anark Key. What do you want from us?"
Key: "Just one thing, fool, Dead!"
*Again, how do they know he exists? Did Alex tell them who the members of MAYHEM are offscreen?
-Key: “Just a second! You need another jolt of fluid before you finish the job.." said Key as he gives him a shot of Kuronium.
*Another shot of what?
--Nick: “It was only a matter of time after discovering that Anark had the antidote to your poison. While he was eating smoke, I punched his lights out, took the antidote and his Kuronium fluid."
*Only a matter of time until they discovered Key had the antidote. Huh? Unless Nick was employing the same logic that helped the Tick defeat El Seed (“Villains always have antidotes. They’re funny that way.”), this is just plain confusing. Especially since, once again, this is their first encounter with a MAYHEM officer. It’s bad when internal logic is this weak, worse when it’s this early in the series.
**Also, I doubt Vince even gave this a thought, but this is the first time we’ve seen one of MAYHEM’s officers in the field, and Nick easily knocks him out and takes his place. Why no, that doesn’t help me take MAYHEM seriously. Quite the opposite, in fact.
-Kurogator: “No matter, for your girl has probably turned into one of my crocodile-skinned freaks now.."
*In the last scene the doctors said Toni had six hours before she completed her mutation. The flow of time is royally screwed up in Scanranger anyway, but even if I’m going to buy it’s been six hours since the last scene, that means the so-called heroes let a monster run around their city terrorizing people and breaking stuff all that time.
-Narration: Suddenly, a flying shield intercepts Key and Kuro-gator, knocking them both down. It meant that Toni had returned, cured, clean, and ready for battle!
Toni: "I don't think so! Didn't your mother tell you that you're not supposed to hit a lady? Ready, guys?"
*Toni is cured and makes her triumphant return. Along with the Sentai fan issue, I’m getting the feeling that Toni being an independent woman is something else Vince didn’t settle on until later. Yes, as a matter of fact it’s weird how she’ll play a “you’re not supposed to hit a lady” card now, then later on ream bad guys for having sexist notions as to her competence. And how *Vixen* will play a “you’re not supposed to hit a lady” card and Kunio will ream her from an equal rights standpoint in the next episode. Get with it, Vince.
-Team/Narration: “Cut! That's a wrap!" Scanranger shouts as they claim another victory with thumbs up (Siskel & Ebert, of course).
*Because if you’ve never heard of Siskel and Ebert you’d have no conception of what a thumbs up means.
-Kunio: “You know. Toni, I still don't understand how you were able to recover from that virus so quickly.."
*Didn’t Nick already explain how and why he impersonated Key? Yes, he did. I gave that quote a double hyphen so if you’d like to scroll up and read it again, be my guest. I’m sure any reasonably intelligent person could guess that after that, Nick sent the antidote back to base, allowing Toni to return all fixed up, but apparently Vince Jones doesn’t think anyone of reasonable intelligence is reading his story.
-B.C.: “Have you applied any lotion today? Your skin looks a little dry, especially your face."
Narration: Kunio looks at the mirror and sees his face half covered with alligator skin. "AAAGGGHH!" he screamed.
Nick: "Hey, Mikey, Chill out.. I'ts only an optical illusion.." Nick used his handy hologram projector to make it look like if Kunio had scaly skin.
*There’s the obligatory end of episode joke. Boy I can’t wait for more of these.
-There’s a link to the previous episode at the end, but instead of a link to the next episode, there’s one that goes to the fourth. What gives?
Episode 3-Model Misbehavior
Summary: Vixen and a beguiling monster hypnotize Vin and Kunio into doing their nefarious bidding. If all goes to plan, they’ll be the first to help breed an army of loyal monsters!
Monster: KuroSiren
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episodethree.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Narration: It's Fashion Week at Central New Jersey University, and while the entire campus dream of expecting a guest appearance from one of the supermodels, the rest of the Scanranger crew couldn't really be less interested. Vin and Kunio are no exception to this...
*When a single color dominates your wardrobe fashion probably wouldn’t be a concern of yours, no.
-Vin: “You know, what kind of fashion sense is there when you're wearing an oversized pair of Tommy Hilfigers that almost go down to your knees?
Kunio: "If you ask me, I can't see it. You've got people who like wearing all black, You've got people who like to wear clothes that go back to the Disco era,"
*Testify, brutha! Here we see how hard Vince is working to make sure we don’t confuse his characters with Power Rangers, because they’re critical of things they don’t like. Eh, but look who’s talking.
-Vin: “Excuse me, Kunio,I resent that..I happen to be a big fan of the Village People and the Bee Gees.."Burn, Baby, Burn! Disco Inferno! Burn, Baby, Burn!"
*This is in response to Kunio’s “disco era” crack. Sorry Vin, all charisma and machismo you might ever have had just went out the window.
-Kunio: “I feel for you, bud."
Vin: "Big talk for a guy whose favorite musical group only lasted 5 or 6 shows on a major network."
Kunio: "Don't even go there, Vin! I still say Pink Lady was the hottest group back in the day! And besides, they're soooo cute!"
*I actually wasn’t having trouble following the conversation until this.
**Know what I suddenly wish I was doing besides reading Scanranger? Listening to Pink Lady.
-Model: “Can the both of you do us a favor and take our pictures?"
Vin/Kunio: "SURE WE CAN!"
*See it’s funny because earlier they didn’t care about the fashion-palooza, but now that a pretty girl’s asking the two of them a favor, they can’t fall over each other fast enough. That joke was old when I was young.
-Toni: “How about hanging out at the campus pub and watching the game tonight?"
Kunio: "We have to study tonight.. Vin and I are getting ready for our first shot at stardom. Just think..my face adorning the cover of GQ, Esquire, and probably People..We might just become the sexiest hunks alive!"
*What are they studying, then? You have to know some things, obviously, but being a fashion model’s never struck me, or the rest of the general populace, as a job requiring a lot of mental discipline.
**Plus, the two models Vin and Kunio met didn’t offer to help them break into the business, which is something they probably should’ve made sure to do.
-B.C. and Toni?: “How about, the sexiest chunk alive?" giggled B.C. and Toni."
*Just so you know, I didn’t add the quotation mark at the end. Who said this, and why? Is Kunio overweight or something?
-Vin: “Snicker all you want, but just remember this.. Don't expect us to help you guys out when we're famous and travelling the world."
B.C.: "Besides, Kunio, you're an art major.. What good will it do to throw away your education just to go to some fake talent scout?"
*Fake talent scout? You’re an art major? I beg your pardon? Anyway, let’s assume the models in fact offered to get them jobs, or we’ll be here forever.
-Narration: They both leave out as Toni notices that one of the model's arms look somewhat shinier.
Toni: "That girl must've put on too much makeup.."
*The two models from before come to get Vin and Kunio for their audition. I know what the model’s arm shining means, that the two of them are not what they seem, but what a clunky way to say it.
-Narration: At Astaire Auditorium, the two rangers seem somewhat tense about the clothes they're wearing for the show.
*So begins the practice of Scanranger saying something “seems” a certain way when it’s supposed to be exactly that.
-Narration: The model plants another kiss on Kunio as the blonde-haired one does the same to Vin. They still see the two models, but it gives the two men the illusion as they were seeing a lookalike of Cindy Crawford and Tyra Banks.
*Is there any point in the models making the rangers see them as celebrity models? If anything this seems like something that’d increase the chances of arousing the other rangers’ suspicions. “What are you talking about guys? Sure that girl you were with was pretty, but she was no Tyra Banks.”
-Narration: She strips off her clothes, and reveals herself as Vixen, while the dark-haired pretty reveals herself as MAYHEM's newest Cyber-creature, Kuro-siren.
*The models are Vixen and her new monster. Vince might have wanted to choose a different verb at the beginning of the sentence, because that conjures up a more risqué image than I’m betting he was going for.
-Narration: The two women has the two powerful rangers under her spell! Vin and Kunio, unaware of the treachery of the MAYHEM commander, still stand in a trance.
*Could you be a little more specific, please?
-Vixen: “You two are devastatingly handsome.. But you'll be the first to bear our children-the future warriors of the MAYHEM corps!" As soon as we get enough men on campus to follow my lead, and with our high technology, we'll be able to produce children, then they'll grow into adults at a rapid age..What would take you humans nine months to see newborn babies, it will take only nine hours for them to go from newborn to full-grown adults! All this with two powerful Scanrangers commanding the army of the future! Be proud, men.. You will become kings of our empire! Ohhh, yes!!"
*There’s the evil plan for the episode laid out for us. This makes me wonder who Vince thinks his target audience is. Later the Scanrangers bill this as a kids show and he censors all gratuitous language and anything more sexual than fondling a girl’s shoulder, but the plan involves breeding monsters with the CJU students. No, Vixen doesn’t give much in the way of specifics, but that very vagueness combined with her needing the warm bodies of the students to do it implies it’s not all that different from how people breed people.
-Narration: Vixen then answers from her wrist video communicator. Lord Blackorg asks about her progress.
Blackorg: "You have the two men?"
Vixen: "It was easy.. Like a bee led to syrupy honey.”
*So they planned to include the Scanrangers in the warm bodies that would be breeding their army. That makes sense. Kill two birds with one stone. What doesn’t is why only half the men on the team.
-Vixen: "Kinks, ATTACK!"
Toni: "Trouble, B.C.?"
*Don’t worry Toni, I’m sure she’s just kidding about having her henchmen attack us.
-Narration: Meanwhile, Blue has to deal with Red as B.C. tries to reason with Vin.
B.C.: "Hey, Red! What're you doing? It's us!"
*As expected, in addition to attacking the other Scanrangers, Vixen thinks it’s a good idea to show off her new pets. The first sentence makes it sound like Red and Blue are different people from Vin and B.C. Anyhow, I’ve never understood why the heroes in poorly-written fiction always say “What are you doing?! It’s me!” when they’re attacked by one of their friends. Yes, you’re you, and if he’s ignoring that there’s probably a good reason for it. I feel the need to point it out in Scanranger’s case because the five of them were chosen for the team because they know a lot about movies and TV, so it’s not at all unreasonable to think they should be able to come up with a list of the usual causes for friend vs. friend.
-Narration: Pink dodges and backflips out of the way, using her gymnastic abilities.
*Of course she has gymnastic abilities. She’s a girl.
-Vixen: “The two of your strongest rangers now belong to me .." said Vixen. "I could have them kill the both of you outright if I willed it.. However, I have a better plan in store for you..”
*What makes them the strongest? Vin’s the red guy, I get that, but what about Kunio? And what’s this plan she’s talking about that‘s more important than killing the Scanrangers? I’ll tell you what: it’s the first example of the story’s unfortunate over reliance on completely transparent “if it didn’t happen that way, the story would be over” devices to keep the Scanrangers alive. At least it’s not as bad as when Vince uses the same device in the next episode.
-Narration: Kuro-siren launches a barrage of lipstick missiles towards PinkScanner and BlueScanner, hitting them both on impact.
*Hitting them on impact? Seriously???
-Toni: “Blast it! I should have known that something was up when I noticed that cybercreature's arms last night!"
*You did, just not what it was.
-Vin: “Yeah! Yeah! I got them running for their lives! That proves they shouldn't mess with me!" said a still entralled Vin.
Kunio: "What're you talking about, man? You're trying to gain points just to impress my sweetheart! I got them going home to mother! Susie likes me best and you know it!"
Vin: "You're just jealous because I'm the leader, I'm the man, and I've got the skills!”
*Vin and Kunio are starting to enjoy being the boy toys of a pair of villains. Their minds are so warped Vin doesn’t even realize he’s on a new team where he’s probably not the leader.
-Vixen: “And I know that you'll do anything for me,hmmmm?"
Vin: "I'll do anything for you.."
Kunio: "Anything you want us to.."
*I don’t know where that’s taken from, but it’s not funny.
-Narration: Nick makes his appearance as he had been searching for the two missing rangers.
*While that’s probably true too, it’s not the main reason he’s there.
-Nick: “I understand that you're looking for a future supermodel.. Perhaps I can be of service.."
Vixen: "Ohh, yes, we can.. The more, the merrier.."
*What kind of recruitment did the villains set up for this? I didn’t see anything about them holding an open call, and if there wasn’t one they should be suspicious. They should be suspicious anyway, since Nick’s a Scanranger and the villains know that. Is he disguised? Doesn’t say.
-Narration: She approaches Nick and then kisses him as well. Nick is also under the spell of Kuro-siren.
*This will turn out to be about the only time in the story where it would be appropriate to have said “seems,” but no, this time Vince is being definite.
-Nick: “You know, the two of you women are so awesome.. I have to get the rest of my clothes back at the apartment, so I'll be back to give you guys a hand.." As soon as Nick leaves the auditorium, he dashes back to B.C.'s dorm room.
*Yeah right. Did it occur to Vince his villains didn’t actually care about Nick’s rad moves on the catwalk? They want him for his body and the soldiers it can breed, not his walk. What reason could they possibly have for letting him leave? Even if the fashion show was real, the people running it would have their own clothes for the models to wear.
-Nick: “The plastic lips always keep me from catching something. Can't take any chances being poisoned from Black Widow back there."
*Plastic lip covers so he wouldn’t be affected by kiss-delivered poison. It was clever when it happened on Get Smart, anyway. I’m not entirely sure how they’d know kissing’s what did it, but whatever.
-Narration: Obviously, Nick was not affected by the poison kiss from Kuro-siren,…
*Obviously not, because he just told us how. Thanks for going that extra mile to insult our intelligence.
-Dr. Markby: “If you noticed, when the creature kissed the two, their adrenaline reached far higher levels when they fought you, and it gave an illusion of the type of woman they desired. In this case, for Vin, it was someone dark-haired.. For Kunio, it was a brunette..To the naked eye, you saw them for what they really were-the enemy..”
*Heck yeah, that was the first thing I noticed when the villains kissed Vin and Kunio! Or, when they fought the other Scanrangers! What exactly is Markby saying? That being kissed or fighting caused the hexed Scanrangers’ adrenaline to go up--because those are circumstances where that probably would’ve happened whether they were bewitched by a cyborg’s poison or not--or that it went a lot higher than normal and it should’ve been obvious from watching?
**I don’t get where Markby describes what Vin and Kunio saw the models as after being poisoned, either how he can tell what Vin and Kunio’s ideal women are like or what the point was of including that detail in the story at all, since the villains were obviously disguised as people the guys would let kiss them already.
-Nick: “How dare she! Vixen stole my ideas!”
*?!?! This is what Nick says after Markby finishes his explanation. What’s he talking about?
-Nick: “The coating I'm spraying on you two will only last for an hour..We have to snap them out of that spell and get them back to their good side.."
*Generally you introduce a time element when you’re going to play it up. And if you’re going to include a time element, you might want to include it intelligently, like give a reason why they have to use the coating right away as opposed to waiting til they get to where they’re going to fight MAYHEM. Also, by “you two” Nick must mean B.C. and Toni. Scanranger seems to try to be family friendly, so I have a hard time seeing Toni being kissed by a female monster.
-Narration: It was eight o'clock, and the fashion show went in full swing.For the record, the sign outside conspicously read, "For Men's Eyes Only".
*And we know why, so what’s so “conspicous” about it?
-Narration: There is a mist of fragrant fog that spreads across the entire auditorium. All the men breathe deep and is entralled by the beauty of the two MAYHEM women.
*It’s “enthralled,” with an H. This is the second time. And it should be “are enthralled.”
-Narration: The entire auditorium of men, about 12,000 to be exact, all disappear. Another illusion made by Nick's holograms.
*12,000 holograms all created by one guy’s powers? Kinda pushing it for a Sentai, methinks. Those guys aren’t galactic badasses like the Silver Surfer or Green Lantern. Despite the comparisons Vince makes between GL and the Scanrangers.
-Nick: “One good turn deserves another, villain.. You gave the illusion that you were a well known supermodel bent on taking over the campus, now we gave you the illusion that you succeeded..Not!"
*Yeah you did.
**Also, Vixen gave the illusion that she was a model…bent on taking over the campus? Isn’t the second part true?
-Vin: “What're we doing here?"
Nick: "Do you always have to say that after you wake up from a trance?"
*Ha, fourth wall humor.
-Vixen: “You would'nt hit a woman, would you?"
Kunio: "Two words,precious.."Equal Rights!" Noboby messes up my head! My mind is my own!”
*Before I start taking this apart, Kunio’s line isn’t closed with quotations. Good work. Moving on, as Kunio points out, it’s not the fifties anymore, and it seems to me very few people who are likely to read a Sentai fanfiction are likely to think there’s anything unchivalrous about a male superhero hitting a female villain. At least a villainess who’s obviously prepared to join the fight and does. Like Vixen. This sounds totally fake.
-Narration: She wails her seductive song in order to hypnotize the male Scanrangers again. With the Anti-mist applied to the five, it has no effect.
*The “anti-mist” the Scanrangers came up with protects them from audio-based control too? Ooooookay.
-Narration: Now it's YellowScanner's turn to go for the final blow. He become s one with his favorite anime shows and his suit becomes a heavy-armored mecha. He goes in full thrust with his FilmBlade in hand while shouting, "WARP-SPEED SMASH!" Kunio runs through Kuro-siren as he poses out of the way. The cybercreature falls and explodes.
*Basically Kunio finishes off the monster. Kunio.
-B.C.: "Beauty is more than skin deep, but in MAYHEM's case we'll make an exception."
*What?
-Nick: "It's better to have love lost than to have not been loved at all.."
Toni: “You mean that you actually had feelings for that machine?"
Nick: “I admit that I did, but what can I say? I could've used an escort for that ballroom dance tomorrow night.. Now it's too late to find someone else..”
*Since Nick didn’t show up at all until the second act, this is out of left field. Besides being a super-genius Nick’s singlur unique trait is that he can never get a date, so this does fit, but it’s in Scanranger, so any attempts at humor are automatically doomed to failure.
-Narration: And as if on cue(shades of the ending of Dumb and Dumber),…
*A more apt comparison than Vince probably intended.
-Narration: …a bus full of pretty models open the window, looking for directions, but this time the women are Miss America contestants.
Potential Miss America: “Excuse me, but this may sound awkward, but I'm looking for a date to this.. ballroom dance tomorrow night, and I'm running out of options.. Are you available?"
*Here’s the punch line to Nick’s remark, such as it is. Anyway, I thought the gang was in the cafeteria (“A couple of days later, the five take a break in between classes at the caferteria.” Yep). So what window gets opened, the one on the bus? And they can talk to people inside a building that way? That’s not that much of a stretch, but that a bunch of Miss America contestants is having trouble getting dates on a college campus is. What did they try before now? Is CJU some kind of Ivy League school only nerds who’ve never had a date in their lives get into? Looking at the Scanrangers I don’t find that hard to believe, but Vince sure doesn’t seem to be intending it that way.
-Nick: “Just what we needed.. A sentimental(if not sappy) nice ending to a serious sentai episode..Raita Oishi was only so lucky.(See Chojin Sentai Jetman Episode 8 to understand this) I'll let you guys on TV ,video, and the novel to figure out how this ends.."
*I assume he’s talking about the episode where Raita’s childhood friend visits, but that’s actually the ninth episode. The eighth is the one with the diamond monster. Where Ako goes crazy and they tie her up in a broom closet while they try to restore her to normal until Kaori finally gets pissed and slaps her, which does the trick. Anyway, that’s probably the least grievous Jetman research error in the story. Just wait til they actually meet Jetman.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:21:18 AM
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Episode 4-The Confrontation! Future Master of the World
Summary: Blackorg takes matters into his own hands and challenges the Scanrangers personally, beating them easily so that Key and Ug can steal something on campus that will allow them to beat the rangers easily.
Monster: None
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode4.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Blackorg: “The humans..have a very trite saying that I can apply to..They say,'If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself..' It is time that I deal with these children personally..to see them eliminated from the face of this earth.."
*Blackorg is deciding to take matters into his own hands. I bitched plenty before and I’ll bitch plenty after, but this is about where I realized Vince Jones thought he could get away with anything.
-Blackorg: “Key, I need you also to go undercover to steal this piece of metal.."
Narration: Blackorg shows Anark Key the description of the metal. On MAYHEM's sensors, Key detects it in an engineering class down at Central NJ University.
*A piece of metal? If it was just a piece of metal they were after, they probably could’ve gotten it somewhere that’s not right next door to where their enemies live and skipped this episode’s main problem. In any case, Blackorg himself will battle the Scanrangers so Ug and Key can steal something to tip the scales in MAYHEM’s favor without the Scanrangers stopping them.
-Blackorg: “I remember how we totally destroyed that so-called Alliance of Evil.. how Vixen had easily slain the space pirate Divatox.. how Ug and yourself clipped Goldar's wings and sent his queen and her cohorts.. I believe that the witch's name was Rita something..sealed them into a bottle and sent into another dimension... and how I zapped that Zedd character into dust..Some so-called Alliance of Evil indeed..Let the entire planet know that MAYHEM is evil!!!”
*That’s how you know MAYHEM’s big time, because the writer says they can cream the Power Ranger villains. Or how you know the writer’s stroking his ego. I should be grateful, though. I’d never know MAYHEM’s supposed to be a major threat if Vince didn’t tell me.
-Student: “If the movie's intentions was to make the audience depressed, why did the ending leave us hanging?"
Alex: "Remember, It was up to you to figure out if the story continued after the last reel.. For all we know, the father and his son may have found the bike, or they had caught the thief and sent him to the proper authorities. That was all up to you if you wanted to give a little hope for a better world."
Narration/Toni: “Toni looked at the classmate and said to herself, "Yadda yadda yadda.."
*Why did Toni say that? Does she think the other student’s some kind of dope for having to ask? Look, just because he isn’t doing well enough in this class to be a Scanranger doesn’t make the guy an idiot. Really, why did she say that?
-Vin: “You know, when I was 13, I never realized that sometimes the good guys always loses or things don't go out the way they planned.."
*What clever foreshadowing! If only it wasn’t foreshadowing something so demonically stupid. Yes, yes, I’m getting there.
-Alex: “That.. was the whole point. Some film directors intended to make movies to help other people think. Some moviegoers want to escape reality, while others want to see some gritty realism solely to shock people.."
*And so do some fanfic writers, but fewer of them have any idea how to do it.
-Narration: What the movie task force witnessed was a giant Cyber-creature destrying everything in sight.
B.C.: "I wasn't anticipating them attacking so soon.. I think we need to get to the bottom of this.."
*Yes, getting to the bottom of this might be advisable, what with a giant monster “destrying everything in sight” and you being the superheroes assembled to stop this kind of behavior. In fact, why are they even standing there talking about it? Is the right person even talking? That doesn’t sound like something the wisecracking B.C. would say.
-Alex: “Neither was I..Transform into Scanranger while I try to get the others to safety.."
Scanrangers: "Right!"
*Thanks for the brilliant directions, Alex. Also, it seems like in the early episodes the Scanrangers say “Right!” an awful lot. I almost want to say they’re spoofing the Power Rangers for doing that a lot back in the early days. Unfortunately the premise of this episode makes me doubt the wisdom of thinking Vince knows what he’s doing.
-Narration: They transform into their battle gear, and using their Bijou Bikes, they race to the burning dorm.
*They just got out of class and were talking to Alex when the attack came. How far away is this burning dorm if they could see it and it still warrants calling their motorcycles to get over there?
-Narration: The Cyber-creature suddenly disappears, as does the flames on the dorm. The apartment complex did not show any evidence of fire or any attack.
Nick: "Another illusion? Looks like Vixen still has an attitude about my missing audience.."
*The destruction was only an illusion? What happened to all that bragging about how MAYHEM could teach the Power Ranger villains the true meaning of evil?
-Vin: “Blackorg, at last we all meet..”
*Vin? It’s only the fourth time you’ve met MAYHEM (maybe. That’ll be explained next episode).
-Blackorg: “I want two things..I want this mudball for myself, and I want you to die!!"
Vin: "Sorry to disappoint you, tin man..but unless we have a say you can't have either!"
*That’s right! If we could get you to agree to a few terms, we’d let you kill us!
-Narration: YellowScanner goes after him next, hoping to take Blackorg by surprise. "Warp Speed Smash!" YellowScanner shouts.
*Then maybe he shouldn’t be shouting.
-Narration: But at the last possible second, Blackorg teleports Kunio into a temporal portal, making Yellow materialize in front of a brick wall. Unable to stop in time, he hits the side of the dorm building and is down for the count.
*He can fly through monsters with Warp Speed Smash, but hitting a brick wall knocks him out.
-Nick: “You won't feel anything after we take you out, villain! It's Movie Time!"
Narration: Green taps into his movie logo as he summons his special effects power. He creates a bunch of snare traps in order to bind Blackorg. The MAYHEM commmander breaks out of it easily.
*Oh, WOW! It’s MOVIE TIME! Good thing I’m wearing clean underpants! Guess it wasn’t movie time when Kunio tried to use his anime attack on Blackorg. At least Vince realized how lame that sounded too, since nobody says that eve again. And since when do they have to tap a logo to use their powers? Never happens again either.
**And before we move on, what do snare traps have to do with special effects?
-Narration: Meanwhile, Anark Key and Ug materialize in one of the technology labs on campus as the battle rages on. The two were to distract the movie task force as they fight Blackorg.
*No, Vince, they’re not. The diversion’s already in full swing.
-Key: “My scanners detect the thing we're looking for.. But which one is it?"
Narration: What Key and Ug witnessed was an exhibit on mini-robotics. The one that actually stood out resembled a robot spider, which coincentally represented MAYHEM's symbol
*Sounds like you have lame scanners, then (I’m not making a joke about the lame scanners the other side has). What does that mean, stands out? Do their scanners start reacting to the robo-spider? And the word is “coincidentally.” Repeat after me: co-inc-i-dent-ally. Did mommy slap you? Then you said it right!
-Ug: “I don't understand, Key.. Why did our lord send us to get this robo-bug?"
Key: "I don't know either, Ug, but at this time, we really need a competitve edge to eliminate the Scanrangers..I'm pretty sure that he's handling it very well.."
*Yes he is, so what do they need an edge for?
-B.C.: “He-He changed into some mix of that creature from 'The Relic..' only it has tenacles.."
Narration: The overlord strikes the Rangers swiftly, tossing Blue and Green into each other, and another tenacle tosses Pink and Yellow as well.
*Tenacles again!
-Narration: Scanranger uses its combined weapon attack in order to stop Blackorg. As they launch it towards him, Blackorg freezes it in its tracks before it touched him. He then telekinetically turns it around and heads for the rangers, hitting all five on impact. The impact of the Cinemasher transforms all of the Scanrangers back to their civilian forms.
*Hitting them on impact. Yes, you’d think so. Anyway, Blackorg wins.
-Narration: Before the overlord could finish them, he is interuptted by Key.
Key: "We've got what you wanted, my Lord. Mission accomplished!"
Blackorg: "Excellent, Key.. Ug..I may reward you for this!" Blackorg out!" "HA HA HA HA! I could finish you all with just a fraction of my Oblivion beam, but I have other matters to tend to, so I leave you to your fate.. For now, I will permit you to dwell on your embarrassing defeat at my hands, for I have much on my agenda before I deliver an unimaginable fate worse than death..Farewell for now, Scanrangers..We shall not meet again!"
*What was the plan, again? Near as I could tell, for Blackorg to distract the Scanrangers while Ug and Anark Key stole a new gizmo to give them an edge over the Scanrangers. Who he was about to kill until his flunkies called and told him they got what they were after. Huh?!
**This is the biggest problem this episode has, and a big indication the writer’s in over his head. The story’s ultimate villain takes on the rangers and defeats them with relative ease, but then hands the job back over to his incompetent henchmen. Why? Because if he didn’t the Scanrangers would die. I’m perfectly willing to suspend disbelief when I’m reading fantasy, but that good will isn’t unlimited. Not towards something where the framework’s as obvious as it is in Sentai, anyway. Sure, a lot of cool things happened because a writer decided to add a little to the formula, but do you think there’s a reason Vince Jones is the first to try “send omnipotent villain leader to totally bulldoze heroes before fifth episode”? Could it be because that raises the question why does he spend the whole story sitting on his armored butt yelling at his worthless flunkies when he’s both stronger than the heroes and proves it so early in?
**Other people probably don’t care, but this bugs me because it kills the sense of struggle, and really, what’s a superhero story without that? The only reason Blackorg doesn’t go out and end the story in two seconds, despite an obvious willingness to take matters into his own hands, is Vince won’t let him. Honestly, all Vince had to do to avoid this was keep Blackorg in reserve and restructure the story a little so some other MAYHEM warrior kept Scanranger busy. It’s not as if Blackorg stealing the rangers’ confidence had any point. As it stands, every time Blackorg chews out his henchmen, I’m going to think of this episode.
-Narration: As the Scanrangers lay defeated, someone else had witnessed the struggle. The stranger thought to himself, "Excellent! I shall personally see to it that Scanranger's reputation is destroyed!"
*Do they have a reputation? Forgive me for having my doubts.
-Vixen: “Can I at least have a taste of one of the males, while they're still alive?"
Blackorg: "I told you, This is not the time to mix business with your pleasure!”
*When was that again?
-Blackorg: “Piece by piece, I plan to throw a little bit of despair into their lives.. Once it spreads, it influences the next person close to them, and the next, and the next... I don't want to destroy Scanranger..yet..I want them to suffer!"
*Blackorg wants the Scanrangers to suffer before they die. Wonder why he isn’t mad when the opposite happens. Oops, did I spoil the Scanrangers’ miraculous recovery?
**Also, sounds like Blackorg’s mixing business with pleasure to me. Otherwise, why not just kill the Scanrangers and get on with taking over the world?
-Ug: “Yes my lord.."
Blackorg: "To make sure that you finish the job you started, take this with you.. If any human dares to get in your way, finish them! It will enhance your war-like powers."
*What job he started? “War-like powers”? Anyway yes, slay anyone who stands in your way! Unless they’re a major character, in which case they must suffer first so they can survive to interfere in our plans again!
-Narration: Blackorg gives Ug a can of what looked like a can of spinach.This can was similiar to Popeye's source of strength, but it was tailored for General Ug.
*A can of what looked like a can of spinach. Glad that’s cleared up. And yeah, the stuff probably would be tailored to Ug seeing as spinach doesn’t really give you super powers. If it did, why don’t the Scanrangers eat any? They’d get extra power AND set a good example.
-Narration: KuroKhan was an exact android version of Genghis, Kublai, and Shiwan Khan blended together.
*How in the world could there be an “exact” copy of three guys “blended together”?
-Narration: Back at CJU, the team was still trying to shake off the psychological effects of Blackorg. Profseeor Alex joins the rest of the crew in the gym. She thinks to herself that if the team doesn't break out of the shell, the whole Earth will be at MAYHEM's mercy.
*The Scanrangers have lost their nerve because of their humbling defeat, compounded by Blackorg implanting subliminal messages of worthlessness in their minds. That’s the situation.
-Toni: “He's been through a lot recently..We all have.."
Alex: "If that's the case, girlfriend, how come you're still up on your feet?”
*…wtf?
-Alex: “You're the macho man, the 'player' of this group, Mr. Harlock.. You can't even play dead.."
*According to answers.com, the modern definition given to “player” is “One who actively seeks out sexual partners and carries on a number of sexual affairs at the same time.” You can’t really say that in a story that considers itself appropriate for all ages, and the lame joke sure doesn’t justify the line’s existence.
-Alex: “You're always trying to rush things instead of thinking ahead.."
Vin: "I don't aim to try!"
*Are these two even in the same room as each other?
-Alex attacks the mopey rangers in order to make them mad enough to regain their fighting spirit (don’t ask how she knows about Blackorg’s messages. She’s just fantastic like that). There are some iffy plots in the story, and this is one of them. If Alex can make the Scanrangers’ survival instincts work again by engaging them in non-lethal combat, what was supposed to happen when Blackorg sent his boys to attack their city? Because he does, and nothing can stop them until the Scanrangers reenter the fray.
**Blackorg wants the Scanrangers to suffer before he kills them, I can kind of go along with that, but they break free of Blackorg’s spell so easily and Blackorg doesn’t seem to care, it not only makes the ultimate villain seem less than ultimate, it makes the story look even stupider than it does already. It makes it look like Vince expects us to swallow whatever explanation he gives for things and not bat an eye if he decides not to follow through. And yeah, I’d probably be willing to give this a pass if everything else about the story didn’t fail.
-Alex: “I had to test all of you.. I was aware of the subliminal messages that Blackorg planted in your minds after the battle.. By you working off that negativity, you in the process were all able to build up your fighting abilities... It was your self-confidence that was responsible for shaking off his influence.. And since the whole team was able to overcome, you're ready to take out anything that resembles a MAYHEM android."
*Vince, get someone to read your stories who isn’t afraid to tell you you’re not making sense.
-Alex: “You all know that I'm concerned about all of you, otherwise,Scanranger wouldn't be in existence today..”
*How does that work?
-Narration: As if on cue, MAYHEM begins the attack on the city.
Alex: "MAYHEM didn't waste any time set on conquering the Earth.”
*How do they know MAYHEM’s attacking?
-Narration: With a renewed confidence, and of course with Professor Alex's help,…
*Of course. In fact, they (and the story in general) rely on her help a little too much.
-Next episode teaser: In our next Scanranger adventure, sparks fly as an off-campus activist stirs up the entire campus, turning the college against Scanranger. Of course, we all know that MAYHEM is behind all this.. but what is the secret weapon that they will use to finish our heroes?
*Of course MAYHEM’s behind it, the Scanrangers can do no wrong. But I’ll tackle this for real when we get to the actual protest.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:22:41 AM
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Episode 5-With Maliss Towards All
Summary: With their renewed confidence the Scanrangers fight off MAYHEM, only to find a protest against the being led by Vin’s old rival. Because anyone speaking out against the Scanrangers must be evil incarnate, he kidnaps Alex, frames the rangers then turns into MAYHEM’s first giant monster!
Monster: KuroKhan, KuroDragon
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode5.html
Rating: JJ (for the protest scene)
Rants-
-Recap: After Blackorg single-handedly defeated Scanranger, the team had to overcome a major obstacle in order to regain their fighting spirit: their self-doubts.
*Self-doubts nothing. Blackorg put them there.
-Narration: Even the national guard couldn't faze the heavy armor of MAYHEM's metallic steeds. Cannon shells bounce off them as if it was nothing. One of the robosteeds fires a grenade at the tanks.
*Without the Scanrangers around to stop them, MAYHEM’s rolled into town with an army of robotic horsemen. Have the national guard tried shooting the riders, instead? Do the riders even do anything, come to think of it? It sounds like the horses are doing the attacking.
-Narration: It explodes, and as the dust clears, five angry and determined college students walk towards the troops.
*Do the Scanrangers care about their secret identities at this point? It seems like it, and they’re militant about maintaining them later in the story (despite MAYHEM knowing who they are), yet here they are, showing up in their normal identities. How’d they even get this close to the fight without guardsmen stopping them? Let’s be generous and assume Alex called ahead and said her crack squad of movie lovers were coming to take over, but what in the hell did she tell the Guard to watch for?
Guardsman: “Sir, we’re getting pummeled by those robot horses!”
CO: “Don’t worry, son! Help’s on the way! Keep an eye out for five college kids!”
Guardsman: “WHAA-AT?!”
-Vin: “Ready to do a Triple Feature, guys?”
Narration: RedScanner, GreenScanner, and Yellow call up their individual film energies, and then become one with the epic movie,"Braveheart". Green adds an army of his Holo-clones with swords and spears to even the odds.
*What did the triple feature do? It sounds cool but I can’t tell what happened. Was it giving Green enough power to whip up an army of clones? I shouldn’t need to ask questions like that.
-Kunio: “Blackorg may have taken away our confidence for a moment, but he'll never take away our freedom!"
*And that’s how it’ll be from now on. When a Scanranger attempts to make a dramatic-sounding statement, it’ll almost always be slightly modified from a movie or TV show far better than this one. It really doesn’t help Scanranger seem any less crappy and derivative, no.
-Narration: Seeing the battle lost, the remaining Riders of the Storm make a hasty retreat, leaving just Ug and KuroKhan.
*This is after Yellow “tears through some of the Riders,” Pink kicks one off his horse, and they perform the triple feature which doesn’t do anything. Lame.
-Ug: “That's it, Scanranger! That's all I can stand, because I can't stand no more!"
B.C.: "Awww, so what're gonna do, eat your spinach?"
Blackorg: Blackorg calls to Ug, "Now, Ug! The can I told you about! Open it and eat it
Narration: As Ug crushes open the can, which was indeed MAYHEM spinach,he gulps it down, giving him enhanced strength. Then, he merges with KuroKhan to form a two-headed 10-foot giant. Ug/KuroKhan's fist comes down hard, shaking the ground. Then they swat Blue and Yellow aside.
Kunio: "Sometimes, Blue, you need to keep your big mouth shut!"
*I’ll say. B.C. mouths off to an angry General Ug, who uses the spinach Blackorg gave him to power up and combine with KuroKahn. It’s annoying enough there’s an unfunny comic relief guy with a big mouth, but it’s even worse that the story for some reason considers this dipcrap one of the team’s most valuable assets. The nicest thing I can say about B.C. is this is the least aggravating offense on his record.
-Narration: Pink calls up her film energies, as Yellow inspires her with music(Heavy metal music, of course)
*Why of course? And where is the anime guy conjuring up music to assist his teammate powered by musicals? That should be her area.
-Narration: Toni goes back to her "Flashdance Maniac Stomp"(last used back in Episode 2)
*Who cares? When you point out the last time something happened, that’s so people know where to look so they can put what’s happening in context without bogging down the current story. The story goes on to explain what effect Pink’s attack has, as it should, so there’s even less point in saying when that attack was last used.
-Narration: Red moves in next, summoning his Swashbuckler sword and engages them in battle. However, the combined might gains the upper hand as they knock Red's weapon out of his hand. They charge towards Red,…
*They charge him, after being close enough to knock his sword out of his hand.
-Narration: Remembering the judo move that Alex applied to him earlier, Vin falls back, grabbing Ug/KuroKhan's hand, and throws him over.
*Because that’s the way to master a move: be the victim of it on one occasion. No, Sentai aren’t exactly known for realism, but if he wants me to be impressed with his heroes Vince needs to do something a little more. Like announce this was all a joke and the real heroes are coming.
-Ug: “Please, please forgive me, my Lord."
Blackorg: "Congratulations, Ug!" said Blackorg.
Ug: "Huh? What for?" said the befuddled general.
Blackorg: "For once, you did something right! Not only that you and Anark Key gave me the opportunity to distract Scanranger, for I knew that the Riders were going to fail me anyway. The fact remains that you got me the metal which is installed within this robot spider. This will be the key to finish off Scanranger once and for all! This will be the beginning, which will lead to MAYHEM domination forevermore!"
*Not to shock you but the Scanrangers won. Again, Blackorg had a perfect chance to kill the Scanrangers already, and must know from his minions’ defeat that his attempt to make the rangers suffer didn’t work. And despite what he tells Ug, Blackorg was the one was distracting Scanranger last episode, and needed no help from his flunkies.
**Finally, he says the metal they stole from the CJU campus enables them to activate a spider robot that will change everything in their fight against the Scanrangers. However, pretty soon the story changes so what they stole was the robot spider itself, but at least Vince sticks with it after that.
-Narration: As Blackorg laughs, sinister cackles comes from the robotic spider, somewhat like an annoying evil Steve Urkel laugh.
*Because if anything says “menace,” it’s Steve Urkel’s laugh.
-Narration: Back at the IMAX briefing room at Cape Paramount Base,…
*Using an IMAX screen to perform mission briefings seems like overkill. In any case, this is where the Scanrangers find out they’re getting movie mecha.
-Alex: “You know how the astronauts have to be solely trained for space flight, and the same applies for pilots in the military."
*Yes, military pilots have to trained solely for space flight. No combat piloting or anything extraneous like that.
-Alex: “Also, Nick..I want to congratulate you on getting your driver's license. This is important because I need you to ride this machine to pass the test."
Narration: Each Scanranger goes into the room as they each ride the gravity machine. The G-forces are strong as they take the test.
*Would someone please explain to me what being a licensed driver has to do with sitting in a centrifuge?
-B.C.: “Nyahh-haahh!!" like Curly from the Stooges.
*Goes B.C. as he takes his G-force testing. I am filled with confidence in our cinematic protectors.
-Narration: Kunio doesn't say anything, but covers his eyes.
*The reason he’s taking this test is he’s expected to pilot a futuristic vehicle and use it to fight aliens. It’s not a warning sign that he closes his eyes while going at mach speed, evidently.
-Narration: “Even though the tests were lower than I expected, you've all passed! Congratulations!”
*You know, Alex already formed her team and doled out the super powers. What was she going to do if one of the kids failed G-force testing?
-Alex: “Toni, you will command NS Peacock.. Swift, beautiful, and proud as the NBC studio.”
*NBC’s a TV network, not a movie studio, but I guess that’s close enough for Alex. Not sure how you can apply those adjectives to a studio anyway, but let’s move on to something REALLY stupid.
-Alex: “There is extra credit, and it is a take home test for later.”
*Extra credit? On training necessary to defend the planet? We’ll find out what Alex is talking about next episode, and it doesn’t get much clearer then.
-Anark Key: “It's done, my Lord.. I just have to go over a few more tests and it will be ready. It should take approximately two days to square everything away.“
Blackorg: “Good, Key.. but not good enough.. I'll give you until tomorrow!”
*Not to ruin your day with spoilers, but they’re talking about a gizmo to make their monsters big. What kind of tests would that require? Use it on a monster. If the monster gets big, it works.
-Narration: Vin, Kunio, and B.C. are back on campus when they notice a group of people gather around hearing some off-campus student speaking. It wasn't good for he was speaking on the condition of the school.
*Here it comes…
-Malcolm: “Already it's been the first month of classes, and already this school is in bad shape!" said the speaker. "Look around you! Central Jersey University is supposed to be one of the safest scholls in this country! But this is not the case! Since this group called Scanranger has come to town, they've been destroying untold thousands of dollars in school property! What's the board of trustees doing about all this? Nothing! What's the adminstration doing about all this? Nothing! What about us? We're the ones who are paying for all this! Since these so-called heroes have been here, they are responsible for sending at least 100 people to the hospital! No consideration for those who came to get a great education! I say, we deal with these interlopers at once!"
B.C.: “What's he talking about? The professor got everyone to safety.. And even if they were at the hospital, no one was seriously injured.."
*In short, the speaker--one Malcolm Lord--is protesting the Scanrangers for trashing the school and acting like the damage is no fault of theirs, and the Scanrangers think he’s exaggerating. I have to ask, though, why would someone be in the hospital if they weren’t seriously injured? What incident is B.C. even talking about, come to that? And even if everyone did get to safety whenever we’re talking about, the fact that the school has come under attack multiple times remains.
**I want to address something I’m not sure Vince was aware of at this point in his story. Namely, one of the key differences between Super Sentai and its sanitized Western counterpart is, thanks to radically different national perceptions of what’s okay for children, the violence is a lot more real in Sentai. Characters, even the heroes, can get hurt and die. Vince tries to work so many elements of Jetman into his story I assume he knows this (seeing as Jetman had numerous character deaths and an episode where they had to fight their way out of HELL. No fooling). That’s what’s confusing about this part: you usually only hear consequence-free violence like what B.C. says in kid-friendly Western shows where “death” is a forbidden concept. I’m not saying the death and destruction is rubbed in the viewer’s face at every opportunity in a “real” Sentai, but off the top of my head I can’t remember any instances in a comparable Japanese show of a building exploding or some such and the show denying there was anyone inside as a matter of course.
**To be fair Vince seems to have had a change of heart immediately after writing this scene. In a string of episodes soon afterward and some later on, minor characters are semi-frequently killed by the villains, often horribly. It makes the argument that there’s nothing for the locals to complain about hard to swallow, though, if Vince does indeed know he’s not writing for G.I. Joe.
**I assure you I’m not siding against the Scanrangers simply because I dislike them, but if Vince wanted to bring up realistic effects of hero-monster battles in the story and have the Scanrangers come out ahead, he should actually lent some weight to their defense.
**One last thing I found confusing about Malcolm’s speech is he almost seems to be saying the Scanrangers are deliberately attacking people and destroying property, yet the Scanrangers themselves react as if he’s bringing up the unfortunate side effects of their clashes with MAYHEM.
-Vin: “Wait a minute, man!" said Vin. "You've got these Scanrangers all wrong! Have you forgotten about how they saved the town from those rampaging horsemen? Or how they saved the college president after he was kidnapped?(Note: The story he mentioned will be told for another time) I think you should look at the good stuff instead of focusing on the problem!"
*I mentioned last episode that was possibly their fourth run-in with MAYHEM, and here you see why I wasn’t 100% sure. Since we’re waiting on the 40th episode to hit the web as I write this, I feel safe saying Vince doesn’t plan to tell that story another time, and most likely doesn’t even remember mentioning it.
**The draw here is Vin’s reaction to the speaker’s claims. Yes Vin, I suppose the Scanrangers do some good, but like I just said, this is supposed to be a Sentai, and not every life can be saved. If your creator didn’t want us to take realistic views on the events of the story, he might not have wanted to bring up the realistic ramifications of super-battles. Or he could’ve come up with an actual defense for his heroes.
**Speaking of their defense, what about the people who can’t just look at the good stuff? Like the students? I had to pay for part of it when idiots would trash my dorm and nobody knew who to bill for it, which was most of the time. And that was just idiot college kids, not cyborgs with death ray eyes sent to eliminate/enslave mankind. I can only imagine what the bills the students of CJU are getting must look like. And let me tell you, the stereotype of college students being forever broke isn’t much of an exaggeration. We’re never told CJU is a school only rich kids get into. Guess it doesn’t matter to Vin if a lot of people never get their degree because the starving students can’t afford all the repairs regular hero-villain battles would require. Nice hero.
**Granted, a couple episodes later it’s said Project Paramount fixes all the damage from the battles, but then why couldn’t Vin have mentioned the students aren’t paying damage fees in the “you could’ve bought a sports car for this” range because of that? And even if they’re not being forced to pay for the damage, the fact remains space monsters are attacking the campus and if the story has any kind of realistic violence it’s hard to believe everyone’s making it out unscathed.
-Malcolm: “Wait a minute.. I know you.."
Vin: "So do I, Malcolm Lord."
Malcolm: "Vin Henderson.. I heard you changed your name.. Still savoring the defeat I gave you at the fencing tournament three years ago?"
Vin: "I.. don't recall.." Vin said coldly. "I didn't come here to open old wounds, man..”
*Vin and Malcolm are old enemies. Kindly forget about it after this scene.
-Vin: “What have you got against these vigilante type heroes?"
Malcolm: “What's up? You're a fan of these "heroes", or you yourself happen to be one of them in the flesh?"
Vin: "I didn't say that, Malcolm.
*No you didn’t say that, but not only are you a Scanranger, you’re their leader. And it sounds like you’re trying to head the protestors’ stories off before Alex hears about them or something.
-Vin: "Who's paying you to say all this?"
*Because Malcolm can’t be an honest person who thinks the Scanrangers are a problem. I’m sorry, but this is idiotic. The Scanrangers are the heroes, so obviously Malcolm’s nothing but a double-dealing hatemonger. That’s the totality of the issue.
-Malcolm: "It's my job for the Crusader Chronicle. It's my duty to write the facts..”
Kunio: "Yeah, like the National Enquirer.." whispered Kunio to B.C.
*Thaaaat’s a good way to get us on the rangers’ side, Vince. Reeeeeeal mature.
-Malcolm: “Besides, the campus has enabled to share my freedom of speech..”
*Uh huh. Vince helpfully set this story in America, home of the brave and land of the freedom of the press. Malcolm doesn’t need anybody to “enable” his freedom of speech. Having unpopular opinions is perfectly legal here. For now.
-B.C.: “Don't woory about him, Vin.. You did what you could in stopping him in spreading negativity against us.."
Vin: "Yeah, but that's not the Malcolm I knew..To this day I'm trying to prove that he cheated me at the sabre match. An underhanded move cost me the state title."
*Yeah, you made a fool of yourself and tried to skirt around your culpability in the damage he was protesting. Also sounds to me like Vin hasn’t gotten over losing to Malcolm a long time ago, so I remain unconvinced not even a little of his defiance of Malcolm’s protest was fueled by spite. Vin, you’re supposed to be setting a good example, you know? Striving for fair play’s a commendable thing, but clinging to the past isn’t.
-We never hear about the protest again, so I’m forced to assume the only reason Vince wrote it in was to introduce Malcolm. Who gets so little development he didn’t merit an introduction half that elaborate.
-Narration: Later that afternoon, heading back to Professor Alex's office, the three noticed campus police outside her office as they go in. It looked like a struggle had taken place.
*Which would make this a crime scene, which would mean the police wouldn’t let the kids in unless said police knew they had clearance, which doesn’t seem to be the case.
-Some Scanranger: “What happened? Where's the professor?”
Sgt. Exposition: “That's what we're trying to find out.." said one of the cops. "About two hours ago, there was a band of students marching through Professor Alexandria's office. They said that the teacher were Ranger-lovers.. some group called Scanranger.. Witnesses said there was a struggle, and before I could get backup, the leader escaped with the professor, while the other protesters scattered. In short, Professor Alexandria has been kidnapped!”
*……………………………You’re a credit to the force, officer.
-Sgt. Exposition: “In fact, one of the suspects fit your description, young man.. I'm sorry, but all of you have to come down to the station with me for questioning.."
*Why all three of them if only one’s a suspect?
-Three rangers: “First, an anti-Scanranger rally begins, then we're called in for questioning? What's going on here? the three thought.
Alex: "What's going on here?" said a chair bounded Alex.
*Oooh, brilliant transition.
-Malcolm: “Who am I? The name is Malcolm Lord..but you can call me Lord Maliss! What's going on? I am plotting the downfall of your precious Scanranger group!"
*The guy protesting the Scanrangers is a villain. What an incredible shock.
-Alex: “Who sent you, Blackorg? And how did you know about the project? It was supposed to be top secret!"
*Alex seems to be considering the possibility somebody besides Blackorg might have sent Maliss. Why? Unless she’s making an effort to be open-minded, does it make sense to think he doesn’t work for the army of aliens with superhuman powers they’ve been fighting? And how does he know about the project? I’ll spoil the plot and tell you Blackorg is some kind of evil entity possessing a former member of Project Paramount, which Alex knows because she tells Vin how Blackorg came to be a couple episodes down the line. Not that MAYHEM doesn’t constantly dazzle with their incompetence, but what the villains know about their enemies seems like info they’d pass on to someone they’re sending to sabotage the good guys.
**As for the project being top secret, whose agents showed up for a battle at the beginning of this episode in their regular identities? “Hey Vin, coming to study group later?” “You bet Eric, just gotta pummel some marauding robots now!”
-Maliss: “Some Darth Vader like character came up to me and offered me a full amount of cash, and 'power beyond imagination..' I was able to mimic one of your friends and had one of my Kinks knock you out for awhile.. Blackorg gave me the ability to morph into any face at will.. That's why I was able to witness your defeat at the hands of my master..”
*He can turn himself into anyone he wants. That’d be cool, but it doesn’t represent “power beyond imagination” by any stretch. If nobody could imagine it, not only nobody give him the power, nobody could write about him being given the power.
-Narration: At the police station, the five all gather together, as the three suspects explain to Toni and Nick what happened.
Vin: "I have no idea who kidnapped the professor, but priority number one right is to find her! Toni, Nick, and B.C., Search for any clues and let me know if you find anything..Kunio and I have to wait here.."
*The THREE suspects. As in Vin, Kunio and B.C. Yet who does Vin send to look into Alex’s disappearance? Nick, Toni, AND B.C. And when Alex came to she remembered seeing Vin and Toni in her office right before she was knocked out, so why isn’t Toni a suspect if Vin is?
**And even more hilarious is Vin is having the same train of thought Alex did. “I have no idea who kidnapped the professor…” Gee, do you think it might have been...MAYHEM? What is with these guys??? And B.C. and Kunio, who will turn out to be Sentai fans, are there, and they ought to know there’s almost never more than one group of bad guys, especially this early in their adventures. Because you know what? When Scanranger does break from Sentai tradition, there’s a good reason they’re the first ones to do whatever it is they do.
-B.C.: “Malcolm! I figured you were behind all this!"
Maliss: "Well, I figured that it'll be good to return to the scene of the crime. I see just three of you, but no matter, I'll eventually deal with them.."
*Again showing what mental giants the villains are. It never occurred to this guy that by appearing as the rangers while he kidnapped their leader he might cause the rangers to get arrested. Anyway Maliss demands the rangers’ changer bracelets in exchange for Alex’s release.
Narration: Maliss cuts Alex's bonds as she then walks towards the three rangers. But without warning.. Maliss shoots her twice in the back!
Toni: "NOOOO!" Toni screamed as Alex collapses in front of them. "YOU BASTION! YOU SAID YOU'LL LET HER GO FREE!!"
Maliss: "I lied..." said said Maliss calmly.
A Scanranger: "Professor! Professor! She's been hit point blank! Got to get her out of here!"
*Oh no! Alex has been shot in the back by Lord Maliss! I am filled with tension as to her fate!
**Of course major good guys in Sentai don’t just *die*, cut down like wheat before the scythe. They die in a way that makes sure we remember them as a hero. It’s often overlooked but even Black Condor was helping a purse snatcher’s victim when he got knifed. If Alex took a bullet as she hit the button that sent out the Hollywood Vehicles, just as the Scanrangers were cornered by a giant monster, then we might’ve had something to worry about. She was shot in the back like an animal, so I’m not overly worried about Alex’s survival as Toni gives her teleporter to Alex to send the professor back to base.
-Narration: The FilmBraces they surrendered earlier were decoys.
*The Scanrangers didn’t fall for the old “give me what I want and I’ll set the hostage free…NOT!” trick. Good for them. Still, it’s disappointing when moments of average competence are what I find to be happy about.
-Narration: The MAYHEM spy then transforms into a blended image of Blue, Pink, and GreenScanner as he uses their weapons against them.
*What am I seeing? A three-headed, multi-armed Scanranger? One of them with splotches of three colors?
-Maliss: “Fools! I've studied all of your skills! And my power is one you cannot defeat!”
*He’s able to mimic their abilities because he’s STUDIED them. This puts the lie to Nick’s idea that he can’t copy their powers if he can’t see them. Being invisible in a fight would of course work to your advantage, but I fail to see how it would work in that way.
-Bye: “Hi-de-ho, Mr. Maliss! Having problems, big guy?" Byte speaks in an annoying Steve Urkel type voice.
*Enter Byte, the robot spider who makes monsters big. I recall already hearing that he sounds like Steve Urkel, but thanks anyway.
-Maliss: “"NOW! WHO'S THE ONE WHO'S THROUGH, SCANRANGER? PREPARE FOR YOUR DOOM! cried the now transformed KuroDragon.
Narration: He then breathes fire at the three rangers as they dodge out of the way. They couldn't teleport to safety because Toni loaned her VCP to Alex, and Green and Blue can't leave her behind.
Nick: “We have a serious crisis on our hands, guys.. Somehow we've got to fight back.. The big question is, could it get any worse than this?"
*They can’t teleport away. So they just stand there and take it as the huge monster attacks them? What about their Bijou Bikes? Maybe they can’t call them while in the field. Sounds doubtful, but I’ll be generous for once and assume that’s the case.
**But what about fighting back, LIKE NICK SAYS? They don’t use their lasers or their discs launchers or anything. Maybe that wouldn’t work on such a big monster, but the Scanrangers don’t even try. I don’t know about them but I’d rather go to hell with a shred of dignity intact.
**And what about their Hollywood Vehicles? No indication’s been given those aren’t ready in case the Scanrangers need them. Once again, B.C., who will be revealed to be a Sentai fan, is there fighting the monster! If you know anything about either version of these shows, you know what the heroes do when the monster gets big!
-Narration: And not far away, while Vin and Kunio wait, the campus police captain checked out the abducted Alex case, as he is on the phone with someone.
Cop: "What's this? Are you sure? I'll look into it right away.." He hangs up the phone..
Vin: "What's the matter, officer?" said a worried Vin.
Cop: "Mr. Harlock..Mr. Mikimoto, as of right now I have no choice but to detain you.."
Kunio: "Detain us? For what?"
Cop: "You two are under arrest.." said the captain ..for the murder of Professor Alexandria.."
*Who was this mysterious “someone”? How are Vin and Kunio being implicated in Alex’s murder? Do the police have a body? Of course not! It was teleported to the Scanrangers’ base! And the only people there when it happened were Maliss and the three Scanrangers! What’s going on?!!
-Teaser: The other rangers are held at bay against MAYHEM'S giant cyber-creature.. How can the movie task force overcome these obstacles?
*Um, with the mecha that was handily established in the middle of the episode?
-Teaser: Their only hope lies in their secret weapons-The Hollywood Vehicles! Can these super machines turn the tide for our heroes un time?
*It answers its own stupid question! And wow, can they save the rangers un time?? That’s like ten times as urgent as “in time”!
Episode 6: Hooray for Hollywood Vehicles! Enter: Thunder Dolby THX!
Summary: It’s time for Scanranger to tackle their first giant monster and avenge Professor Alex! Unfortunately for the Scanrangers their new mecha pretty much sucks and they’re soon at the monster’s mercy. In the nick of time they realize they’re meant to believe in their favorite movies, and unlock the ability to form Thunder Dolby THX.
Monster: KuroDragon
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode6.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Recap: Previously, the Scanranger crew found themselves the main protest of an anti-rally against them.. MAYHEM had sent a spy named Malcolm Lord, who was one of Vin's high school rivals, to influence the crowd.
*The main protest of a rally against them. Yeah, so you might be forgiven for thinking. And which had no bearing on anything.
-Vin: “The professor can't be dead! I'd break my back to risk my life for her!"
*Oh. Man. My favorite quote. Right there.
-Kunio: “At this point, my man, We can't do anything, and we don't have any proof to show our innocence!"
*I’m more interested in proof of their guilt. Innocent until proven guilty, remember? If not, why would they want to risk their lives to maintain a justice system where a phone call is as good as a judge’s verdict?
-Rosewood: “Well, guys," said the lawyer. "I'll make it simple for you.. I'ts an open and shut case..You've been framed!"
Kunio: "Well, Duh!!"
Rosewood: 'Listen up, fellows!" said the lawyer. "Dr.Markby sent me..My name's Inspector Axel Rosewood..(Note to readers: If you can figure what cops this character's based on, e-mail me!)
*And there Vince goes, a parenthetical comment pointing out an insider reference. Vince, if you really want people to think your references are clever, you let the audience figure it out for themselves. Here you’re almost daring someone to email you and say the kinds of things I do about your supposed cleverness.
-Narration: Inspector Rosewood secretly hands Vin and Kunio their VCP players and FilmBraces and teleport out of the cell. The captain in charge saw the empty shell,and said
Cop: "They're gone! But how? There's no evidence of a break out!"
*Why yes, it is a bit suspicious how they just disappeared from the SHELL.
-Rosewood: “Your friends are in danger.. Check out the video screen.."
Narration: They see the other rangers fighting a losing battle against KuroDragon.
*Fighting how? If instead of that second line he said something as simple as “They see the other rangers firing their Scanlasers to no effect,” then I wouldn’t be asking. And I’d think a little less lowly of these idiots. For all he tells me the others are just letting themselves be blown around.
-Narration: Meanwhile, back at Nebutopia, Blackorg, Vixen, and Ug gloat at their victory, seeing the movie task force on the run.
*But the psychotic punk rocker is apparently too mature to gloat.
-B.C. possibly: “Where's Vin and Kunio?"
*Uh, in jail where you left them?
-Narration: At that moment, a portal opened up as Red and Yellow call out the three Scanrangers.
Toni: "Red! Yellow! You're all right!"
Vin: "Narrow Escapes, Retreats, and Counter-attack plans for later- This way, watch yor step!"
*A portal? When the rangers got their teleporter things it was described as being like Star Trek, and everyone knows that didn’t involve portals. Of course if they’d just been snatched up by a ray of light and taken to the base we wouldn’t have gotten Vin’s hysterical elevator operator impression.
-Blackorg: “No! They've escaped me! But KuroDragon is still under my control! Find Scanranger! Level the city until you find them and stop them!"
*If they’re even in the city anymore. He makes it sound like Maliss was being mind-controlled, but at every point the guy seemed to be serving the aliens of his own free will, and didn’t scream “Doublecross!” when Byte turned him into a huge dragon.
-Dr. Markby: “TS Pegasus.. HP Sphinx.. NS Peacock..MGUA Lion..and TP Seahorse..Your Hollywood Vehicles are almost ready.. We are 3 hours ahead of schedule.. and they're in post-production.. This should give us a couple of hours to get the bugs out..”
*Doc, a giant monster’s busting up the city RIGHT NOW, and you’re talking about HOURS of prep time? Could Vince have implied the Hollywood Vehicles weren’t quite done when Alex showed them to their pilots last episode? And give us a good reason why he, the writer, is delaying the fight right now?
-Markby: “We are extremely sorry abou Commander Alexandria.. She gave her life for this entire project. Yet, we must move on, and we shall dedicate the next battle to her.."
*Boy I wish I could’ve seen the looks on the Scanrangers’ faces at the end of this fiasco of an episode.
-Narration: The siren goes off as the Cape Paramount crew look at the video screen.
Ug: "Attention, Earthlings! Soon we will claim this planet in the name of the MAYHEM Corps!" Ug's voice is broadcast all over the world. Even now, our giant cyber-creature is wreaking havoc in your cities! Unless you surrender Scanranger to us, your entire world will be destroyed by our monster cyber-creatures and this Earth shall become a living tomb! You have 12 hours..Do choose wisely! Have a nice day!"
*Was ANY of that ANYTHING the Scanrangers needed to know they didn’t already?
-B.C.: “Blackorg's calling us out again, guys, so let's pick-”
Nick: “Don't say it, B.C. We got the joke..’ ”
*That’s nice. You don’t make it completely obvious it’s a joke if it’s something nobody will understand. It interrupts the flow of a story.
-Rosewood: “Wait, rangers! There is still one more thing that needs to be added to your Hollywood Vehicles.."
Narration: KuroDragon terrorizes the city. Scores of people run for the nearest shelter, as the National Guard attempt to slow the monster down. Cannons, missle launchers, even fighter jets couldn't slow it down. KuroDragon swats the fighters out of the sky, and ignites the tankers with his fiery breath. Dr. Markby and Rosewood finish downloading the coordinates for the Hollywood Vehicles.
Rosewood: "It's completed! Now, get your butts out there and save the world!"
*Let me offer a polite suggestion of what could’ve been done with this: Vince could’ve included the part about conventional military failing to stop KuroDragon right after Ug’s ultimatum, instead of slapping it on here. It’s nice Vince is trying to show us how only the Scanrangers stand a chance against MAYHEM’s monster, but we know that already. This is nothing but dead space dragging out the wait for the Scanrangers to take their crack at KuroDragon.
-Narration: Suddenly, the base was interrupted by heavy gunfire. It was Red in Pegasus slicing the bases' engines with his Wing Cutters. Nebutopia ascends back into the stratosphere back into space.
*The BASE was INTERRUPTED? And the Scanrangers don’t pursue them for the same reason Blackorg didn’t two episodes ago.
-Vin: “We have met the enemy and he is big! Target: KuroDragon!”
*That’s what makes me think of a rip-snortin’ robot fight: Pogo comics.
-Narration: KuroDragon then flies- Top Gun style,chasing after Peacock, hitting her with his fire, as she goes in for a landing.
*“Top Gun style”?
-Vin: “Just a second! The power came within us all this time! Guys! Concentrate all you've got on your favorite films! You know that's where our film energies come from! Focus on your favorite movie sequence!"
*Urgh. With their Hollywood Vehicles down and helpless, Vin spontaneously realizes that by believing in their favorite movies the Scanrangers will get more power. Believing in yourself is a powerful thing, don’t get me wrong, but believing in your favorite movies? That’s dumb.
-Narration: The five load up the first DVD, and get a video message- Professor Alex- from the grave!
Recorded Alex: "Congratulations, Scanranger! You've just passed the extra credit course! I knew you'll all find the power source, all within your favorite movies.. It may sound very corny, but this is why I chose you as my pupils...The final step requires you to now load the second DVD into the console..Your Hollywood Vehicles will then transform and merge into the invincible Thunder Dolby THX! To activate the robot, as you load, shout out, 'SuperImpose! Thunder Dolby THX! Good luck, Scanranger, and Godspeed!"
*This is what believing in the power of Hollywood brings the Scanrangers, the ability to combine their Hollywood Vehicles into a big robot. Good Lord…you know how Vince could’ve made this work? If the Scanrangers insisted on leaving before KuroDragon destroyed the whole city and the second unit didn’t have time to finish programming the computer system that oversaw the combination of the Hollywood Vehicles, but sent it just as the Scanrangers were about to be crushed. Not great, but at least it would’ve made a little sense, the rangers would look self-sacrificing and their salvation wouldn’t be completely idiotic.
**Here’s the really moronic part: this is apparently the take-home extra credit exam Alex mentioned in the previous episode. WTF?! How was that a take-home test? How was unlocking their vehicles’ strongest power extra credit? They’d be dead if they hadn’t figured it out.
-Blackorg: “It can't be! How? How can they be ready for my attack?"
*Blackorg says upon witnessing the completion of Thunder Dolby. Um, he was a previous member, so he should know the project has resources nobody else does, and they’ve had years to prepare for this day besides.
-Narration: KuroDragon retaliates by breathing fire. The next fire shot, Dolby throws up its Dolby Shield.
Toni: "That creature raelly burns me up!"
*Not that I want him around anyway, you understand, but if everyone makes bad jokes it defeats the purpose of B.C.’s existence.
-Narration: The sword materializes as Thunder Dolby wields it, then zooms in at hyper-speed, then spins like an old movie reel rewinding, in a buzzsaw style.
*What vivid description. The sword appears as Dolby wields it, and its spins like a movie reel in a buzz saw style. It’s like I’m there!
-Blackorg: “Even with their commander dead, these humans find a way to defeat us!”
*So yeah, the Scanrangers win. And while a good mentor does help a Sentai a lot, I think Scanranger overemphasizes Alex’s importance a tad. Not just here, but all over the story.
-Blackorg: “The war is far from over, Scanrangers! I'll see you all suffer at my hands! The next time you won't be so lucky!”
*Dude, shut up, okay? If not for your retarded mind games the Scanrangers would be dead and your phone would be ringing off the hook with world leaders begging you not to send Kurodragon where they live.
-Narration: Later, back at the base, the Scanrangers, Dr. Markby, and Rosewood are excited about their victory, but still lingering over their advisor's death.
Vin: "This has been a great victory, but unfortunately, it won't bring Professor Alex back.."
B.C.: "True.." said B.C. as he comforts a grieving Toni. "but we must remember that nevetheless, we have to carry on...to fight on..dedicate this victory to her..She'll always be with us in spirit.."
Narration: As the rangers console each other, a figure slowly walks inside the IMAX briefing room. "Would you settle for me in the flesh?" a voice spoke.
*No, I wouldn’t. You get right back to the grave, Alex.
-Alex: “In the military, you can't take any chances..Why else would I invest in a bulletproof vest?"
*Which is how she survived being shot by Maliss. That worked in Back to the Future because the Libyans didn’t KIDNAP Doc first. Maliss didn’t frisk her?
**Why did Alex hide her survival from the Scanrangers until now? “Drama” isn’t an acceptable answer. Especially not for the most caring commanding officer the tokusatsu world’s ever seen. Was it part of her insane experiment to get the Scanrangers to believe in the true power of movies? Did she hope her apparent death would motivate the Scanrangers through their toughest battle yet? Give me something, anything.
-Alex: “That was part of the test for you in order for myself to lay low.. to give you the last instructions to activate Thunder Dolby THX..Blackorg thinks I'm dead, but I'm not concerned about that right now..
*Why isn’t she concerned about that? She’s leader of the organization dedicated to stopping MAYHEM.
Alex: “I will stay away from teaching Film Appreciation class for a couple of weeks, however.."
*Alex isn’t going to reveal she’s alive yet, so shouldn’t that mean Vin and Kunio are still wanted for her murder? They should at least be in trouble for escaping police custody, which I’m pretty sure is a crime in and of itself. Even if we assume Project Paramount did some hacking to clear their records, unless they shipped the campus cops off to Ice Station Zebra to keep them quiet, are we to believe not one cop wonders how they literally got away with murder? And the hell of it is a campus cop tailing the suspicious students and trying to find out how they got off a murder rap could have made for an interesting secondary character and possibly even the sixth Scanranger. It’s not as if the sixth ranger Vince actually gave them has a more interesting (or sensible) back story.
-Kunio: “We were all worried.. But now that you're alive, I feel stronger than ever.."
*Yeah, definitely overemphasizing how fantastic their mentor is.
B.C.: "Better, stronger, faster..Steve Austin.."
*Don’t ruin the moment, you stupid prick.
-Narration: And shortly afterward..Alex, the Scanrangers, Dr. Markby, and Rosewood celerate with sparkling apple juice.
*Because death and destruction are permissible, but you better not even imply the heroes are drinking liquor.
-Alex: “To Movie Task Force Scanranger and Thunder Dolby THX.. for an awesome victory! They all raise their glasses.
Vin: "And there's more where that came from!"
*Unfortunately, yes.
-Kunio: “Here's to you..Mrs. Alexandria!"
*What did I say about the other rangers making stupid jokes?
-Narration: Being with all this excitement going on, with five college students tested beyond what they could bear..
*Yeah, the Scanrangers were totally pushed to the breaking point back there. At least, in the alternate universe where Vince Jones is a good writer. Have I discovered informed attribute plot events?
-Preview: In our next Scanranger adventure, the rangers trip to the zoo end up more than unusual, with MAYHEM stalking in the wild, anything goes! Vixen sends in her new pet KuroAnaconda to take the rangers' breaths away..What will be the outcome?
*What in the blue horns hell are you talking about, Vince?
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:23:47 AM
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Episode 7-Kunio’s Excellent Adventure in Babysitting
Summary: Kunio, hopeless schlemiel that he is, gets shanghaied into babysitting his niece on the day of the big anime festival. It’s probably for the best since it allows him to be right there when a monster attacks.
Monster: KuroAnaconda
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode7.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Kunio: “Trip to see 'Bring in the Noise, Bring on the Funk'..'The Music Man' is playing in town..and the 'Awesome Anime Festival' today..TODAY?!! Omigosh! I almost forgot about that!"
*Sounds like he did forget. And he’s the one who loves anime so much it became the basis of his powers. Great name for the festival, by the way.
-Kunio: “AIIEEE! I forgot that I was supposed to baby-sit my sister's niece today!”
*According to the rest of the episode, the kid is *his* niece. Whatever her relation, Kunio needs to invest in this futuristic innovation called a “wall calendar.”
-Kunio: “I can't take her to the festival, and I can't break a promise to her either!”
*Why can’t he take her? In America anime has a following because it’s all exotic and foreign, but to the Japanese, it’s just their cartoons. And in case I actually need to point it out, Kunio’s family is Japanese. Okay, he WAS born in America, so maybe the Mikimotos are trying to adapt to American culture, which is ironic because it seems to be the other way around for the person who created them.
-Narration: After the sentence, the doorbell rings, and it was Kunio's older sister Mari with her 5 year old daughter, Kay.
*Talk about service.
-Kunio: “Oh, great.." Kunio thought to himself. "It's bad enough that she's spoiling the girl, now she's starting to dress like her mother.."
*Am I supposed to have any idea what he’s talking about?
-Kunio’s sister: “I'm going to be at the hair salon for a couple of hours.”
*Sure, I buy that. At the hair salon for a couple of hours. At the spa, sure, at the hair salon?
-Kunio: “Not only that.." Kunio continued to mumble. "I've got to spend my entire weekend cash flow to take her to the zoo..In addition to souvenirs, candy, popcorn, etc. I'm going to be broke at day's end.."
*Where does Kunio’s cash flow come from? Is he starving his way through college like most of us, or is his family well-off? If the former, it seems his family isn’t thoughtful or simply doesn’t think much of him, handing a cash-intensive job like this to a broke-ass student.
-Narration: Kunio points to his five year old niece.
Nick: "What? You're a daddy, and you didn't tell us? What else have you been hiding?" joked Nick.
*Vince, once again, B.C.’s single trait is that he tells bad jokes (and he’s an ignoramus with no conception of how his actions impact others, but that’s for later), and he seems to be one of your favorite characters. Do you really want the other rangers horning in on his turf?
-Toni: “So why not bring her to the film festival with us?"
Somebody: "Think about it, Toni..Cartoons in our day and age plus hyperactive child..plus the 'Pokemon' incident a few months back..Not a good combination."
*And that’s why they can’t take Kay to the anime festival. Because lots of cartoons cause widespread epilepsy and the people running the festival are a bunch of mindless jerks who’d show the stuff they have whether it’s known to produce reactions like that or not. They’re not really expecting a repeat of the Pokemon seizure at this thing, are they? If not, what are they getting at? (If they are, why in the hell is anyone going?!) And despite what overprotective parents say violent TV alone don’t turn kids into psychos. That’s just playing the blame game.
-B.C.: “Sorry that you can't hang with us today.. but we'll give you the highlights later..Take it easy, and don't throw out the baby with the bathwater..HA!"
Narration: As the four leave, Nick smacks B.C. on the back of the head.
*Thank you Nick. That’s one of the reasons I dislike you least.
-Kunio: “I'm stuck with a five year old spoiled princess, and I have only enough money for the weekend.." Kunio mumbled to himself. "..and its all going to be blown in two or three hours...Unless I can save my money and go someplace else cheap here in Leewood Park..or even watch some videos here to keep her occupied.Then again, I'll be neglecting a child..can't do that.."
*Kunio already mentioned his money woes, remember? Unless something’s going to come of it, like in the end Kunio gets to go to the anime festival but can’t pay admission because of his day with Kay (which would still be lame), it’s probably time to move on.
**This has the potential to be an interesting conflict, too, but doesn’t go anywhere unexpected. Kunio’s torn between emptying his wallet and neglecting a hyperactive child. Just how heroic does he feel today?
-Narration: Meanwhile, high above the Earth on the fortress stronghold satellite Nebultopia, MAYHEM once again plots a plan to take over the planet.
*Yeah, you’d think so. Even Vince Jones wouldn’t make an episode about nothing but Kunio and his niece at the zoo.
-Vixen: “My Lord.." said Commander Vixen. "I assure you... the Earth's zoo is a perfect breeding ground to wreak havoc on the humans..With these pills, I can induce any deadly predator to do our bidding, and with our MAYHEM science, we can alter them with our cybernetics and robotic technology, spreading panic in those cities.”
*This is the seventh episode, and not the first planet MAYHEM’s tried to lay waste. Wouldn’t this be something Blackorg would already know? And if he doesn’t by now, does he care?
-Vixen: “I've sent my cyberbodyguards to plant those pills in the zoo down in that city above us.. The first mammal or creature that eats it will be used for the next attack."
*Wait, Nebutopia is MAYHEM’s stronghold “floating high above space.” How is New Jersey above them? Besides, what else would these guys do with a new monster? Of course it’ll be used in the next attack.
-Blackorg: Blackorg looks at her passively and replied, "For your sake, my lovely Vixen, it'd better work!"
*Otherwise I’ll piss and moan about your incompetence but let you keep working for me.
-Kay: “I wanna see the snakes! I wanna see the snakes!"
Kunio: "Snakes..sure..for once I can see the real ones instead of MAYHEM for at least one day.."
*Good one. For once for at least one day, anyway.
-Narration: Inside Reptile World, however, one of Vixen's cyberbodyguards, PB Floyd, was posing as a zookeeper. The cyborg model plants one of the MAYHEM growth pills into the snake pit.
*Cyborg model? What does that mean? He doesn’t model clothes, he’s the personal flunky of a villainess from outer space. Or does that mean he’s a model Vixen bought at a hobby shop?
**And I never been to no zoo that kept snakes in an open pit. Especially not ones as big as anacondas.
-Floyd: "Miss Vixen... One of the snakes have eaten the pill.."
Vixen: "Ohhh,yes! Which one was it?"
Floyd: "I believe it was an anaconda or python.. one of the bigger snakes, ma'am.."
*And I never been to no zoo that didn’t have a little plaque next to an animals’ space telling you what they were called, if not a little bit about their behavior and suchlike. Floyd has to guess?
-Narration/Kunio: Floyd bumps rudely into Kunio, knocking him on the ground. As Floyd walks away, not stopping, Kunio cried, "You're excused! See, Kay, see how rude that man was? He didn't even say "Excuse me!"
*Great concealment. Is Floyd in a hurry to get away from his own team’s monster for some reason? Is he just a jerk taking the opportunity to hit a Scanranger when the Scanranger won’t hit back?
-Guard: “An anaconda's on the loose! I'm trying to call the authorities to take care of it right now!"
*Okay, I’ve never been to no zoo when an animal escaped, but the zoo’s totally unprepared for this? There’s nothing they can do? Is that what I’m hearing?
-Kunio: “Hey! Do me a favor! I'm a specialist on snakes! Watch my niece for a second! I'm going to investigate!"
Guard: "But, sir! You can't-"
*This goes back to what I was just saying. What’s he thinking? Sure, Kunio’s a superhero and there’s a crisis so he wants to help. Good for him. What’s he thinking, though? All Kunio knows is an anaconda’s loose. Not that it turned into anthropomorphic snake monster and broke loose. Is he really a “specialist on snakes” (whatever that means) who thinks he can wrap this up by himself? Is he hating his day with Kay so much he hopes the snake will eat him and grant him sweet release? Has he been granted magical insight that tells him the escaped snake is now a MAYHEM warrior making it his business? Or does Vince not realize he didn’t have the guard say “an anaconda MUTATED and went on the loose”? What?
-Narration: Kunio looks around the displays and sees the floor covered with snakes.
*WHY is it covered with snakes? Other than atmosphere.
-Kunio: “Another CyberCreature?! Geez..I can't catch a break!”
*So he wasn’t expecting a monster.
-Narration: Yes, it was another MAYHEM monster. Vixen used her bodyguards to plant the pills in different animals. The first pill that came in contact was an anaconda..the pill was fused in with MAYHEM cybernetics, making the creature part reptile and part machine..Hence, Kunio meets KuroAnaconda!
*Vixen explained that already. And if all kinds of animals took the pills, why do the Scanrangers only have to deal with one Cybercreature? It could’ve been a way better episode if there was a monster for each Scanranger so they had to split up to contain the chaos. Hopefully without the unnecessary subplot about Kay.
-Narration: KuroAnaconda strikes by stretching its snake arms and binds Kunio. The monster throws him out of Reptile World. The CyberCreature grabs him again, throwing Kunio into a bear pit. In mid air, he transforms shouting, "CAMERA! ACTION! YELLOWSCANNER!" YellowScanner leaps out of the pit charges at the monster. KuroAnaconda then uses its snake hands again to spit out more poisonous snakes. With his FilmBlade, Kunio slices them before they reach him.
Vixen: "All wrapped up in your work there, honey?"
*No, he isn’t, you imbecile. The monster let him go. No wonder you guys can never win.
-Vixen: “The pills my MAYHEM cyberbodyguards planted willenable me to control and to create more CyberCreatures to take over your city.,”
*Except, once again, they never do.
-Vixen: “I know that you want to stop me, but since you've entered the serpent's lair, all I can say is 'Anaconda to my parlor, said the spider to the fly'..Ha! Ha! Ha!"
*What are you on, lady?
-Narration: "Valkyrie Vancher!" Yellow cried as he launches his missiles at KuroAnaconda. However, the monster swallows the missile and launches it back at him, hitting him on impact.
*Hitting him on impact…you’re serious, aren’t you?
-Narration: Yellow transforms back into Kunio after the hit. The monster snake runs away,…
*Having incapacitated his enemy, the monster runs away. Look, this time I won’t ask why he doesn’t kill the Scanranger, but couldn’t he at least tie the guy up with robo-snakes and haul him off to the MAYHEM hideout? He’s not going to just give up and leave.
-Narration: …as the security guard watching Kay is knocked out,sprays a knockout mist at Kay, putting her to sleep, and kidnapping her.
*This disjointed bit of wording is the rest of the sentence above. Why would the monster kidnap the little girl? He doesn’t know she’s Kunio’s niece, does he? Is he afraid he’ll get fat if he eats the guard instead of a little girl?
-Kunio: “What am I going to tell the guys?”
*Why would he tell them anything? Kunio’s answerable to his sister for losing Kay, but the other Scanrangers? Don’t get me wrong, I want Kunio to be extra worried for Kay and I want his friends to sympathize (see how I react when B.C. takes the opportunity to make one of his dumbass jokes), but let’s be sensible about this. The Scanrangers are superheroes; everyone’s life is their responsibility, not just the people they personally care about most and maybe sometimes people they don’t like. Will his superiors look more harshly on Kunio’s failure to save his niece than they would his failure to save someone he’d never met?
-B.C.: “Hey, Mikey! Are you all right?" called B.C. as the rest of the Scanrangers join their teammate.
Kunio: “I'm okay, but my niece isn't.. Another CyberCreature attacked and kidnapped her…”
*What are the rest of them doing there, asking if he’s all right if they don’t know there’s a new monster in town?
-Vin: “Mikey, backtrack your steps over at Reptile World again.. Toni,search near the exotic bird section..Nick, Look through the African Animal section..B.C.,check out the Asian animal section, the Bengal Tigers-"
B.C.: "And bears! Oh my!”
*B.C. you’re officially the worst friend ever. I notice he holds in the humor next episode when someone near and dear to *him* is in trouble.
-Vin: “If you see the monster, give a holler.."
*Oh yeah, check in if you see anything. Good thing this guy’s in charge.
-Narration: Down below in the zoo sewers, KuroAnaconda grabs one of its many victims hanging upside down, and squeezes one of the guards to death. Then it slowly opens its mouth to swallow him whole.
*I’ll buy MAYHEM set up a lair when they came up with the plant to turn zoo animals into monsters, but when did Kuroanaconda have time to collect “many victims”? **Witness the monster squeezing a guard to death and swallowing him whole. Who cares, right? It’s not like it’s someone we know.
-Narration: Kunio notices some shedded snakeskin near the scene of the kidnapping.
Kunio: "Of course, Kunio thought. "Snakes hate cold weather, and since the temperature dropped an hour ago, they need warm air, and that means it had to go underground!"
*Not that I know anything about sewers, but doesn’t heat rise? Sewers are down. Besides, Kuroanaconda is a cyborg snake monster. They can give him arms, legs and all kinds of weapons but not cope with his cold blood?
-Narration: He finds more snakeskin in the sewer, and to his horror he finds the other victims of the cybercreature, either strangled to death, or was swallowed and regurgitated. Kunio: "Please, God..Don't let Kay die.."
*There you go, easily one of the most horrific images in Scanranger history. And just a little bit before this episode Vince was saying nobody got hurt thanks to the clashes between Scanranger and MAYHEM. I’m glad, though. I just wish it was something Vince could keep up.
-Kunio: “I'm sorry that I didn't want to babysit her in the first place..She just wanted to have a good time with her uncle.”
*All she wanted was to spend time with Uncle Mikey. Which is why she insisted on the zoo.
-Narration: At once, a giant anaconda attacks and grabs Kunio by its coils, attempting to crush him to death!
*A giant anaconda? Not Kuroanaconda, some other one by the sound of things.
-Vin: “Are you all right?"
Kunio: "I'm almost crushed to death by a giant serpent, and you ask I'm all right?!" said Kunio sarcasticly. "Figure it out for yourself!"
*Hmm, there may be hope for YellowScanner yet.
-Vin: “Enough talk, guys! Mikey, transform!"
*And he does. In front of Kay and Kuroanaconda’s other surviving victims. After Vin tells him to by name. And yet it’s supposed to be a secret.
-Kunio: “Pink! Green! Get Kay and the others to safety!”
*Any reason the GIRL has to be in charge of crowd control? Not cut out for fighting snake monsters, is she?
-Five Scanrangers: “PAN-SCAN-SHOCKER!"
*The Scanrangers form whips of film energy and then channel all their power into Kuroanaconda to blow him up. Doesn’t pan-and-scan format suck? Are they harnessing its awfulness to destroy their enemy or what?
-Vixen: "Curse those Scumrangers! I need to start something big..BYTE!"
Narration: Byte, the cybernetic spider jumps through the portal to the remains of the cybercreature.."Never fear, my slimy sweet..Help is here!" Byte cackles and pours his Kuronium energy into the monster, and enlarges it to a giant KuroAnaconda!
*I need to start something big…how did we get from villains who eat people alive to villains who make retarded puns?
**And Byte was going to enlarge Kuroanaconda into a giant Kuropigeon, maybe?
-Vin: “Let's play connect five! SUPERIMPOSE! THUNDER DOLBY THX!"
*That’s my favorite game! Oh, you mean form the big robot. I’m sorry, the pseudo-comical banter and the gruesome carnage of the monster’s rampage don’t gel at all.
-Narration: Yellow gives the call to activate the 'Sphinx Knuckle'. "SPHINX KNUCKLE!!!”
*What happened? Could you say that again?
-Narration: The creature proceeds to crush Dolby and swallows it whole, and succeeds!
*Yeah? Really? It doesn’t say the Scanrangers managed to escape (not yet, anyway). Can’t we take it as given the monster succeeded?
-Narration: Seconds later, using its Sea Cutters on Dolby's left leg, it rips its leg on KuroAnaconda's side and forcing the monster to regurgitate the robot
*Using its what? I don’t know what Sea Cutters are.
-Narration: Thunder Dolby THX once again wins the day.
*Once again for the second time ever.
-Kay’s mom: “So, how was my little angel today?"
Kunio: "Uhhh..very quiet... I took Kay to the zoo, as promised..and as you can see, she's all tuckered out.."
*And that’s the end of that. Kay’s mom never hears about a monster that ran wild in the zoo swallowing people, and Kunio isn’t disowned for trying to cover up what happened. Nothing even comes of it when Kay tells her mom how the Power Rangers saved her in a little bit. Is a snake monster’s rampage resulting in the death of multiple people not newsworthy in this town? Was everyone looking the other way when the giant robot showed up?
-Narration: Kay wakes up, and runs to her mother.
*She just fell asleep four and a half sentences ago.
-Narration: The five Scanrangers cringed and gagged as Vin replied, "The Power Rangers?!?"
Narration: "I tell you, we just get no respect!" said B.C. doing his Rodney Dangerfield impression, pulling his collar.
*Respect is something you earn, dude. You guys haven’t earned any. You make Power Rangers Turbo look like a lost work of Shakespeare. At least that was supposed to be comedic.
-Kay’s mom: “We're going to see Sailor Moon on campus today!"
Kay: "Yay!"
Kunio: "You mean the 'Awesome Anime Festival' didn't start yet?"
Nick: "No, man.. The Campus Cinema Club said that the films didn't arrive until an hour or so ago.."
Kunio: “EXCELLENT! I didn't miss it after all! Well, guys, c'mon! What are we waiting for? Let's go!!!"
Narration: Kunio, this time with Kay in tow, runs with his niece to the campus movie theatre with the other four rangers and his sister behind them.
*Kunio didn’t miss the anime festival after all! And because there’s no more evil afoot the Scanrangers aren’t trying to talk Kay’s mom out of taking her! How poorly planned is this event, though? They weren’t expecting the stuff they were going to show until the day of? How was it supposed to work?
-Narration: Things had worked out for the better, Kunio thought. The entire day wasn't wasn't a total loss, and in the process, Mr. Mikimoto had gotten closer to his little niece.
*No, the day wasn’t wasn’t a total loss. Not for HIS family, anyway. I liked how Vince was willing to show MAYHEM doesn’t mess around, but this ruins it, and come to think of it makes Kunio look like a selfish prick. He was worried about Kay, but did he display concern for anyone else? Noooo. He immediately started going “Please, God..Don't let Kay die..” Now that she’s safe he’s skipping into the sunset to watch anime like nothing happened. Big fat jerk.
**I still hate him less than B.C., though.
-Preview: In our next Scanranger adventure, B.C. has to clear another student's name after being accused of theft on the campus.
*Who’s accused of theft? B.C. or the other student?
-Preview: The newest monster discovers a flaw in BlueScanner that can possibly finish him! What is it?
*Pretty lame, that’s what.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:24:31 AM
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Episode 8-Gangsta’s Paradise Lost
Summary: One of B.C.’s friends is framed for a crime he didn’t commit, but the blue idiot can’t help clear the friend’s name because it turns out bad words short-circuit his powers, and MAYHEM’s new monster wields the power of gangasta rap! Until, that is, a handy V-Chip is added to B.C.’s suit and the Scanrangers get a brand-new and unnecessary weapon.
Monster: KuroGangsta
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode8.html
Rating: JJ
Rants-
-Scanranger as a series has legions of problems, but this episode commits the story’s cardinal sin: it gives attention to B.C.
**Not only that, it tries to convey IMPORTANT SOCIAL MESSAGES. You know this is gonna be a mess after hearing that, don’t you?
-Narration: On campus as usual,…
*This episode’s dumb right out of the gate. If it’s usual, why frame it like that? He oughta just say where on campus they are. And he does, but why not just say that in the first place?
-Toni: “Everything's okay, Mikey? Why the long face?"
Kunio: "I'm sorry, Toni, but I'm really ticked off.. My professor flunked my class project! I left my project in the lab in order to pick it up the next day, since it was too heavy for me to carry…It was a robot spider.."
*That’s why people have long faces, because they’re ticked off. So his missing project was a robot spider. Like a certain one that enlarges monsters?
-Kunio: “I'd called him Kooky Kumo(Japanese word for spider)..”
*Does Kunio actually say that or is it for the benefit of readers who don’t know Japanese?
-Kunio: “…and the professor accused me of not turning in the project..I couldn't get another one made in time.."
*Kunio knows he didn’t turn in his project, doesn’t he? With the professor’s accusing him he makes it sound like he remembers turning it in but the professor says he never got it. You might think Kunio would be talking about how his spider just disappeared into thin air between classes.
-Narration: Kunio and Toni paused for a moment, and flashed back to the times when the Scanrangers fought their last two cybercreatures-KuroDragon and KuroAnaconda. They put two and two together, and..
Kunio: “My Gosh! I don't believe this! MAYHEM stole my robotic experiment! No wonder Blackorg tried to distract us when we fought him!"
Toni: “I'm sorry, Mikey..but had it not been for that incident, Thunder Dolby wouldn't be in existence today..”
*The rangers twig to the resemblance between Kunio’s stolen experiment and the robot that enlarges MAYHEM monsters, and it’s not just dumb because they’re only figuring it out now. They could tell Blackorg was trying to distract them when he fought them himself? It sure sounds like it wasn’t just now they came to that realization.
**Toni’s suggestion about Thunder Dolby not existing if Byte didn’t is also moronic. There was no indication whatsoever Project Paramount knew MAYHEM stole Kunio’s robot, let alone figured out what MAYHEM was going to do with it and whipped up a giant robot as a counterbalance. Wouldn’t they have told Kunio? (Future HK: No they wouldn’t. Everyone in Project Paramount treats anything reasonably important as a secret nobody else must know) Plus why would they need Thunder Dolby if the monsters couldn’t grow? Being stuck at human size would cut the damage they could do dramatically, and you’d think superheroes would want it that way. No it isn’t what we as people trying to enjoy a Sentai want, but we’re not the ones with million of lives riding on our actions, are we?
**Do a lot of colleges have robotics courses, anyway?
-Toni: “Let's go downtown and check out that new sci-fi flick at the Leewood Park Superplex..”
*I get they’re the movie Sentai, but do they have any other interests?
-Toni: “Anything else I can get you, buddy?"
Kunio: "A chin.." said Kunio meekly.
Toni: "How about some hot milk?"
*Okay then.
-Narration: Later, outside the outskirts of Leewood Park, a cable TV van drives through the neighborhgood, with three suspicious characters plotting a break-in.
*Later as in when? What time is it?
-Narration: They proceed to climb upon the roof of the house, enter in and cut the wires of the security system, then begin to load up the valuables.
*They enter through the roof? I mean, no, you wouldn’t expect burglars to come in that way, but that’s because roofs aren’t usually built with openings.
-Omar Johnson: “That's Lisa's house.. She didn't say anything about having the cable guys coming over to her place.”
*Because friends tell each other everything going on in their lives, even when the cable guys are coming over. Look, I know I make a habit of attacking the Scanrangers for not communicating, but the stuff they’re not sharing is info effecting their ability to save the world.
-Narration: “HEY!" shouted Omar. The two thieves run out of the house, making their getaway, with Omar hot on their heels. A police car zooms by and the chase begins. A shootout occurs on the highway as one of the cops shoot one of the van's tires. It skids and crashes in a tree, with two of the crooks hurt. The driver injured by the crash, attempts to make a getaway, but passes out after the crash. The cops continue its pursuit of the other guys, and eventually catch them.
*That’s how it went down after Omar stumbled upon the crime. It’s like we’re really there!
--Cop: “I need an ambulance fast!" said one of the cops, calling up one on his radio. The driver, named Gee, is critically injured. The ambulance comes quickly, and takes 'Gee' to the local hospital. However, the first aid truck doesn't go to the hospital, and the EMS personnel is not who they seem...
*So the ambulance takes the getaway driver to the hospital, but it doesn’t. Glad that’s cleared up. Seriously, how does writing like that happen? Cuz if they ain’t going to a hospital (and they’re not), it shouldn’t say they do! And you shouldn’t have to be told stuff like that!
-Narration: As the tech gives Gee a shot from a hypodermic needle, Gee loses consciousness and falls asleep. At that point, the EMS tech takes off his mask, and reveals himself as Anark Key, while the other techs in the ambulance turn into Kinks!
*Considering how much longer this guy is “Gee” (what, it’s a surprise after hearing the EMTs are MAYHEM flunkies?) and how much impact it has on the rest of the episode, wonder why Vince bothered to give him a name.
-Narration: The next day, Omar runs into B.C. at the library, sorting out books back on the shelves.
*Who’s sorting books? It sounds like B.C., but apparently Omar’s the one with a job there.
-Omar: “Somebody tried to break in my girlfriend's place last night.. I thought that area was supposed to be safe.."
*Safe? Dude, you guys live in a city where (giant) cyborg monsters are running amok, and the burglars are what’s ruining it for you?
-Omar: “It's the boss, B.C.. I hope its for that raise I asked about...I remember you saying, 'I want a raise..' to Mrs. Marion, and she replied ,'How much do you weigh?' That was funny.."
*No wonder this guy’s friends with B.C. Is that honestly what passes for humor in this universe?
-Cop: “Mr. Johnson..I need to speak to you about a break-in last night.."
Omar: "That's right, officer.. I was the one who reported it.."
Cop: “Well, there was three suspects, and possibly a fourth..Two are in custody, and one is in the hospital..The fourth person fits your description.."
*No, there isn’t one in the hospital! He never made it there because it was a MAYHEM ambulance, remember? And how, pray tell, is Omar being implicated of being in on the robbery?
-Cop: “This gun that was found in the house has your fingerprints, does it? Is it yours?"
*That’s how? There’s a gun with Omar’s fingerprints? When he did he pick up a gun? Why didn’t the story mention it at all? How did the cops get it? What’s going on?
-B.C.: “Omar was with me last night..We had finished studying for our mid-terms…”
*Proving what? Omar WAS at the house when the robbery took place. He wasn’t helping rob it, but he was totally there when it happened.
-Narration: The policeman takes Omar and drives away. B.C. ponders on what's going on here, seeing his friend arrested..
*Maybe B.C. didn’t get there in time to hear everything between Omar and the cop, but Omar being a robbery suspect would be pretty hard to miss from that conversation. And B.C. was trying to explain Omar had been with him when the crime was committed, so if he doesn’t know Omar’s accused of a crime, what was up with providing an alibi?
-Key: “Soon enough, my brother...I'm giving you an extra formula.. Your face was also messed up after the chase. So I'm giving you some mechanical and electronic parts to help ease the pain.. And, I'm giving you a face lift..you can't see it just yet..I'll tell you when at the right moment..
*Says Key to the burglar they picked up, who isn’t the least bit freaked out by what’s going on. I’m curious as to why Key’s explaining what’s happening to the guy, rather than his MAYHEM cohorts. Isn’t he reprogramming the burglar’s brain to carry out MAYHEM’s agenda while rebuilding his body for that same purpose?
-Key: “The police won't even recognize you.."
*Yeah, being transformed into a RAPPING CYBORG MONSTER is distracting that way…
-Key: “Just the fact that your face, body, and soul now belong to MAYHEM..Heh Heh Heh Heh.."
*Okay, maybe he’s explaining it to the burglar because he’s a sick mofo.
-Narration: Back on campus, B.C. sees Omar at the 2nd precinct.
*There’s multiple precincts on a college campus?
-Omar: “I didn't steal nothing!”
*So he was an accomplice!
-Omar: “I can't even call my aunt out in California, and she won't talk to me until I'd proved that I've gotten my life straight.."
*That’s pretty much all we hear about this. This is another reason this episode fails: it doesn’t give enough time or attention to these dramatic elements. Omar was arrested before we were given a reason to care about him. The fact he’s friends with B.C. works more against him.
-Narration: A figure crashes in through the wall, knocking down a few cops. When the dust cleared,another CyberCreature came within their midst-KuroGangsta! Using his hood, he zaps an eye beam towards another wall.
*The monster uses his hood to fire eye beams?
-Kurogangasta: “My homies! Where are my homies?!"
*Aren’t your homies, like, your friends? When he was being reconstructed by Key, this guy was talking about getting revenge on them. And, well, you’ll see.
-Cop 1: “What the heck is that thing?"
Cop 2: "I don't know, but we need to stop it right away!"
*So neither of these cops knows about the monsters terrorizing their city?
-B.C.: “You all right, officers? Who did this?"
Cop: "Some monster! Keep away from the area! I'ts too dangerous!"
B.C.: "Don't worry, sir.. I'm a trained professional!"
*That’s a good way to keep a secret identity.
-Burglar: “Gee! Is that you, man? Where did you get the Halloween costume?"
*So people CAN still recognize the monster. Nice one, Key.
-Narration: KuroGangsta pauses, and then slays his two accomplices in cold blood.
*How? Why all the skimping on details?
-Kurogangsta: “Homies sold me out now /Won't be hanging bout now, You better run, Charlie Chan/you know that I'm the man!"
B.C.: “Ex-squeeze me, homeboy, but I'm Japanese.. You should be the one running!"
*Why? Japanese = Badass? That’s probably not what Vince meant, and it’s true everyone should stay as far away from B.C. as possible for their own safety.
-Narration: The second in command leaps and throws a flying kick to the CyberCreature.
*Funny, according to the main page that’s Nick (although when I started reading Scanranger, according to the main page it was B.C.). Why would you incidentally refer to someone by their position on the chain of command?
-Narration: In mid-air, KuroGangsta spits out a beam that resembled curse words(abbrieviated like Taz's words when he speaks).
*What am I seeing? A laser with “GNYAGH!! HBLAGH!!! SPIT!!!” in it? A laser with “&%(^@” in it?
-Narration: BlueScanner leaps into the air again,as KuroGangsta brings our ranger down again with his curse word beam. "BLAGGAHHHHBLAAA!" it screamed. In the process, Blue turns back to B.C.!
B.C.: "What happened? I'm back in my civilian form!"
*Nothing gets past you, King of Comedy. Anyway, looks like my first guess about the monster’s attack was right, and it really makes me want to hang my head and cry. Who in the heck would write a story with themes like racial bias, wrongful imprisonment and the raunchiness of modern comedy, and do it with such a freaking STUPID antagonist? Vince Jones.
-Kurogangsta: “Ranger, ranger, can't you see?
The gangsta says that you can't stop me!
You'll be smoked, think ahead..
You'll get choked and you will be dead!"
(sung to the chorus of "Hypnotize" by Biggie Smalls)
*It’s a pity Vince thinks gangsta rap is evil, because, assuming he didn’t have any help, he’s a much better rap lyricist than a storyteller.
-Kurogangsta: “See ya,and I wouldn't wanna be ya!”
*You and me both, pal.
-B.C.: “Now I've seen everything! Dancing robots and a Coolio wannabe!
*Those are pretty lame sights, dude.
-B.C.: “My willpower was at full peak when I fought this guy, but with those curse word beams, it left me powerless.”
*His willpower was at full peak. How do you tell something like that?
-Nick: “Your film energies involve comedies, right?"
B.C.: "Not all comedies..I prefer classic slapstick.."
Kunio: "Like the Stooges, the Marx Bros.,Martin & Lewis, etc."
*“Slapstick” isn’t exactly the word that comes to mind when I think Marx Brothers. I admit it’s been a while since I sat down for one of their movies but I seem to remember most of the gags involved situation comedy and wordplay rather than people getting smacked around.
-Nick: “Now in society today, what can totally mess up a good, clean, fun-filled gag?”
*Bad delivery?
-Nick: “Rosewood, do you still have that old Eddie Murphy-Raw tape?"
Rosewood: "Yep, I do, Nick.."
Narration: He plays the tape, and as it runs, "Now, B.C. transform into BlueScanner.. Try to absorb those film energies.."
*Huh? There’s dormant energy in every movie? Is that how the Scanrangers’ powers work? I assumed the power was in them.
-Narration: He does so, but he struggles mightily and is in pain. "AArrghh! I-I can't!!" B.C. cried. He reverts back to his civilian form once again.
Nick: “Sorry, B.C., but I needed that just to prove that my theory was correct.. Anything with strong language will weaken you.. That was why that CyberCreature defeated you so easily..”
*Curse words are B.C.’s kryptonite. That’s the dumbest, most exploitable superhero weakness ever. I’ve heard weaknesses make a character stronger, but that’s only if they’re not downright laughable. How does “BLAGGAHHHHBLAAA!" count anyway? That’s not even language, let alone strong language.
**And think about it: Kurogangsta weakened B.C. by talking like Taz. Vince isn’t putting old Warner Bros. cartoons in the same basket as modern standup, is he?
-Narration: The emergency siren goes off as the Scanrangers witness KuroGangsta and a few Kinks terrorizing downtown Leewood Park.
Rosewood: "The CyberCreature wreaking havoc on the city! I need you guys to scramble out and stop him!"
Scanrangers: "Right!"
Rosewood: “Except you, B.C. You're still too weak from the last battle.. I need for you to stay behind..."
B.C.: "But, they need me! I still need to find out what happened to Omar! You can't-"
Rosewood: “I'm sorry, guy.. This takes priority..”
*You know, not just in this episode but whenever one revolves around him, B.C. demonstrates he has no sense of restraint or common sense. He whines he needs to go help even though it’s been established as soon as the monster used his swear attack on B.C. he’d become just another bystander for the other rangers to save.
**Besides, he expresses desire to find his friend, which doesn’t sound likely to involve fighting Kurogangsta. Not that I trust B.C. to squeeze toothpaste, but couldn’t he look for Omar while the others take on the monster? I guess so, because that’s pretty much what ends up happening.
-Rosewood: “Special earplugs will be planted in your helmet. It can shut off the coarse language and its words will come out as if you were watching a feature film edited for network TV.."
*This is literally right after when they figured out was the flaw was in B.C.’s powers. As in immediately. When would development have started on these earplugs?
-Narration: As B.C. walk with Rosewood, Dr. Markby tackles B.C. to the ground. "LOOK OUT!!" Markby cried.
B.C.: "W-what was that?!? B.C. notices that his hair was barely singed by a heat ray.
Markby: "Our newest weapon system-the 'CamZooka'! I've been testing it for the past two weeks, and it's almost finished."
*Somebody can be blown away during a weapon test while walking around the base?! Maybe they learn safety measures from Men in Black (Explanation: The super ball from hell? Sitting out in the open waiting for some rube to give it a nudge?)
-B.C.: “Cool!" said B.C. "but I still need to find my friend!”
*Well, no, a big laser gun wouldn’t help you find your missing friend. At least I don’t see how.
-Let me stop the dissection here and address a point. The Scanrangers get a new super-duper weapon to kill regular-sized monsters in this episode. Isn’t it a tad…soon? It’s only the eighth freaking story. For all the time Vince has apparently spent watching Sentai, he failed to learn much of anything about the element of “pacing.”
**When a Sentai gets a new weapon, it’s almost always because there’s a clear need for an upgrade, or it’s filling a void. When Jetman got the Fire Bazooka, it was because their members were being captured one by one and the ones still free didn’t have enough firepower to overcome the monster. When Maskman got the Jet Cannon they needed a better weapon both because the villains got tougher and said tougher villains had eradicated their old one. When Carranger got the Giga Booster, the two sides had at least been fighting long enough for the change-up to a new weapon not to be awkward.
**Scanranger aspires to be none of those. There’s no reason to introduce the Camzooka now: they already had a weapon like that, the Cinemasher, and nothing really indicates KuroGangsta’s so tough they need to introduce something better. Why is this happening? If the monster had freed his friends instead of killing them and they became cybercreatures too and/or were all merged into one mega-Kurogangsta, a new weapon would at least be justified, if still crowding out the Cinemasher way too soon.
-Narration: B.C. teleports back to the scene of the crime, and finds a mini tape recorder, which Omar had dropped when he chased the crooks. "A clue!" he said. "This is it! This should prove Omar's innocence! But where is he?"
*How would B.C. know where the recorder came from or what’s on it? He’s already convinced it clears Omar.
-Omar: “Right here.." said Omar as he comes out from hiding in the closet.
*Why in God’s name would Omar be hiding in a closet in the house that was robbed? Is he looking to go back to jail? Does he have some kind arrangement with the unseen Lisa that she’ll let him hide out?
-B.C.: “But you've got to turn yourself in," said B.C. "..even if you didn't steal anything..You don't realize how much more trouble you're in now that you broke out.."
*Not if “Hooray for Hollywood Vehicles” is any indication. Seriously, it was one episode ago two of B.C.’s other friends broke out of a jail for a crime they didn’t commit, and we’ll never hear about that again.
-Omar: “What do you know about the law here? At least your country doesn't have a gun problem! My friends have been oppressed for years, and to this day it's no different! Because of the way I dress, a lot of people around campus and on the job get the impression that I'm a thief! I'm surprised that you made that suggestion to go back! You're no different than the others, looking down on me!"
*So we’re throwing some racial tension in now? I’m not objecting to that, but if you do it, you treat it as the big deal it is, not something you throw in like an afterthought.
-Narration: “GRAFFTTI GUN!" KuroGangsta shouted, shooting Green with a multi-colored AK-47 that sprayed a high pressure paint, knocking him to the wall. Red tries to get the jump on the CyberCreature, but he gets hooked on his leg and gets thrown to the side.
Kurogangsta: "My brother, you're totally off the hook!"
*Good one!
-Narration: It gets out an AK-47 machine gun with an extra grenade launcher
*The story already established this weapon, yet it sounds as if we’ve never heard of this before.
-Omar: “I recognize those clothes! It looks like that guy who framed me!"
B.C.: "Just as I figured..”
*What? B.C. figured out the monster was one of the robbers? Rather than making him look smart, this makes him look stupid the next time he talks to Omar.
-Narration: As B.C. transforms into BlueScanner once again, the others strike a pose with Blue leading the way. "SOLDIERS OF THE SILVER SCREEN! MOVIE TASK FORCE-SCANRANGER!"
*Do they know he’s safe from the swear attack now? They weren’t even around to hear Rosewood say anything was being done about it. You might think Vin would tell him off for coming even though he hasn’t got a hope of helping.
-Narration: Green pulls out his Disc-Launcher. "Disc Launcher!" and hits KuroGangsta's face.
*Once again, yes, Sentai members have to say their weapon’s name when they use it, but I’m getting the image of Nick running up and clubbing Kurogangsta with the thing rather than shooting him with it.
-Narration: Red calls up his Bijou Bike, and with Blue on top of the bike, they go full speed(do not try this at home),and like from a scene from the movie where Mel runs way ahead of Danny in his squad car, stopping the criminal. Blue Runs full speed past Red, about 200 mph, and lands an energized punch at KuroGangsta. Red follows by running the CyberCreature over.
*Talk about unnecessary equipment. Why do the Scanrangers have motorcycles if they can do 200 on foot? At least Vince evidently realized how stupid that was too, because this is the first and last time they have that kind of foot speed.
-Vin: “Phew.."said Red, ready to quote Danny Glover. "I'm getting too old for this-"
B.C.: "Don't say it!!
*So B.C.’s aware of the problem of other Scanrangers stealing his schtick like I am. Suddenly I feel so very cold.
-Narration: Later, B.C. visits Omar at the city hospital. "Yo,B.C...what hit me?" Omar awakens seeing him.
B.C.: "You mean you don't remember? You don't remember saving my life from that monster you fought? I almost got killed! The guy who framed you got arrested, and was taken into police custody awaiting trial.”
*What a prick. Does he really have to take credit for saving Omar’s life? Anyway, this is what I meant by making B.C. look stupid when he talks to Omar again. All the robbers are dead. Kurogangsta killed the ones who ditched him to make their own escape, and he, quote, “falls and explodes into smithereens!” He’s not awaiting trial, there isn’t enough of him left to fill a bucket. If Omar checked on this at all he’d see B.C.’s feeding him BS (I’m soooo funny).
-B.C.: “It's a good thing that I found your tape player, after you mistakenly recorded the crook's voices, it matched his voice, not yours..In short, you're free! The guards have dropped all charges against you!"
*And that proves Omar’s innocence how?
-Omar: “But what am I going to do about work? They've fired me, you know!"
B.C.: "Not a problem, man.. I know one of the professors who can hook you up with a job." Professor Alex enters in.
Alex: "Word came around the campus that you have some serious culinary skills.." said the professor. "I have an opening in the cafeteria up in North Jersey, if you're willing to travel..As soon as you're released from the hospital, call me.. Here's my card.. tell them "Alex" sent you."
*Is there anything Alex can’t do? I honestly don’t think so.
-B.C.: “Not everyone has a one dimensional view of you..especially pertaining to your background, or the way you dress, or how much money you make.."
*Oh yeah, the bias issue that got one paragraph’s worth of attention. That strikes a chord, doesn’t it. Besides, like a Scanranger should be talking about three-dimensional personalities.
-Omar: “Your friends are all that, and a bag of chips.."
B.C.: "No.. Nacho Cheese tortillas, actually.."
*Oh God how I’d like to imagine Omar doesn’t appreciate the help B.C. gave him enough not to smack him so hard his head does a 360. How could anyone go forward with like a joke like that? How?? How??!! It sucks so hard it’s impossible the entire hospital didn’t vanish off the face of the earth within minutes of B.C. telling it.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:26:05 AM
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Episode 9-Good Morrow! The Joker is Riled
Summary: The haunted campus theater is being reopened by a brave director to put on…some kind of production. Unfortunately, there’s something to those ghostly rumors.
Monster: KuroJoker
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode9.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Narration: A drama student runs for his life after he is knocked down by an unseen stalker. Sweating nervously, he throws chairs and other theatre props in the stalkers way to make his escape. The student then runs up the stairs of Astaire Auditorium to the top of the walkway stage.
*Up to a place where he can fall to his death while being chased. As opposed to something stupid like out the back door.
-Unseen Stalker: “Thinkst thou, good man, my evil master's will to thwart?" the stranger spoke in broken Old English. "Thou fate shalt be sealed, with your own blood!"
*The frightening figure is chasing the student because the student is somehow in danger of thwarting his master’s plans. Remember that. Don’t worry about anything else, it won’t be addressed. Remember the bad guy’s after him for trying to thwart the evil plans.
-Narration: Three years later-present day at Astaire Auditorium A director walks on the stage, near the very spot of the murdering, looking back as he holds the three year old article in his hand. 'CJU STUDENT FALLS TO DEATH ON STAGE'. He then looks at a recent issue of the Crusader Chronicle and reads, 'STAGE MURDER STILL UNRESOLVED'..
*That’d be a clunky establishing device in a bad TV movie, never mind an online fanfic. What’s “unresolved” about the murder? Probably meant “unsolved,” but heck if I know how you’d get those two words mixed up when you’re writing about a mystery.
-Vin: “Despite brother's death, director will visit campus to prepare for Shakespeare Festival." read Vin as the Scanranger crew sit around the cafeteria.
*So we go from a director reading an old newspaper story to Vin reading a newspaper story about the director. Either Vince is a subversive genius or has no clue what he’s doing.
-Kunio: "This is interesting.. I've even heard that many theatre group had declined to come touring on campus because of that incident..as if there was some curse on that stage..
BC: "Well.. In spite of all that has happened in the past, at least this guy has decided to go against what people think..We're talking about a bold guy here.."
*Or touring performers are a bunch of pussies in this world. Come on. Someone dies in the theater, and years later it takes a “bold guy” to go anywhere near the place. Have there been other deaths? B.C.’s mention of “all that has happened in the past” implies there’s been more than the one. How do they know it was a murder, anyway, and not just an unfortunate accident? It’s not like they caught the killer. And if the theater gets so little use, why hasn’t it been torn down or something? A little clarification (well, a lot) would be nice here.
-Toni: “Check it out, guys.. They've got auditions for actors, dancers and other volunteers for the festival!"
BC: "Coolness! This will finally give me a chance to practice my acting skills and my endless jocularity.."
Nick: "Jocul- what?"
Vin: "He meant sense of humor, Nick.."
*Nick’s the smart guy and he doesn’t know what “jocularity” means. It’s not like it would’ve been that hard to figure out. B.C.’s only trait is his supposed sense of humor.
-Vin: “I say, we should all give it a shot.. It can help us to get a little taste of culture, class, comedy, and romance.."
*What a nerd. And before you say anything, yes, I’m a nerd too.
-Blackorg: “Enough, fool! I want this planet! I do not want your excuses!" continued Blackorg. "I'll give you another chance to redeem yourself, otherwise, I shall get in the way and truly mess things up, more than you can expect!”
*Says the evil overlord as he punishes Key for failing again. What’s he saying he’ll do if Key fails this time?
-Key: “More than I can expect?" mumbled Key to himself. "Someday, Blackorg..someday you're going to push yourself too far..”
*And yet when he thinks Blackorg’s gone for good, Key’s despondent.
-Vixen: “Making more excuses again, sweetheart?"
Key: "I don't need to hear anything from you, woman! You've never fared any better against those meddling Scanrangers!"
Vixen: "Ah, but like Lord Blackorg, as a woman, there are ways to get into their minds..”
*Um…what’s Vixen getting at?
-Vixen: “For all their bravado, except for the lone female, they still have a weakness for the opposite sex..like myself..”
*If Vince had used any terminology for women other than “the opposite sex,” this line would sound a whole lot less squicky. Obviously, “the opposite sex” has two different meanings, and we’re talking about both the guy and girl members of Scanranger in the same sentence. Besides, how often does Vixen actually use her charms on the male rangers? There was “Model Misbehavior,” but it’s gonna a long time before we see anything remotely like that again.
-Key: “There's an android that was missing while we prepared for the invasion years ago. It's probably wandering about right now.."
*Here we go already with another place where some reworking of the dialogue would’ve helped out a lot. Why’s an android missing? Did it desert? Why would it be on Earth? After finding out how he came to be a couple episodes down the line, I always assumed Blackorg skipped the planet before building his forces. Otherwise, if he wants to take over Earth and founded MAYHEM before he left for outer space (and gave a monster the chance to go missing), why didn’t he make Earth the first planet he conquered? Instead he gave Alex years to prepare for his return.
**Then again, no matter how often he bitches at his underlings for losing, Blackorg acts like a guy who’s enjoying the fight with the Scanrangers too much to let it end.
-Director: “What I require for you to be part of this festival is to do your favorite Shakespearean scene..You can go ahead and start..."
Narration: Various students one by one quote from different plays. One student performs, "To be, or not to be.. That is the question.."
Director: "Forget it..Everyone knows that one.. Next!"
*The auditions begin. You know, Mr. Director, you told them to do their favorite scene, not ones everybody knows. To make things really retarded, B.C.’s not only allowed to do the same soliloquy that got this guy kicked off the stage, he gets the part for it. I have not the words.
-Narration: B.C., the accurate theatre major he was…
*Because he sure as hell isn’t an accurate comedian.
-Director: “You're in! And so are the rest of your friends…”
*B.C. was so good his friends don’t even have to try out? In the immortal words of Charles Brown, “Good grief.”
-Director: “Meet with me in about another half hour for your assignments.."
*What kinds of assignments are we talking about for people who didn’t even audition?
-Narration: Later, the five soon to be stars get their positions and compare to each other. "Looks like you and I are going after the main part, Nick.." said B.C.
*Which is? What production’s being put on? We never find out. This is just some kind of vague dramatic production. Vince doesn’t even say what the “main part” is. Come on Vince, you can pick a play. Nobody’s going to hassle you for royalties or licensing fees or using the name without permission. If you were worried about that, you wouldn’t have chosen the theme for your heroes you did in the first place.
-Nick: “Why are you making this such a big deal, B.C.? It's only going to be for a few hours this weekend.."
B.C.: "I'm the theatre major, you're just a computer major.."
Nick: "And your point? Are you insinuating that you're the better star?”
*If he is feel free to smack him with my blessing, but I think B.C.’s insinuating that, this being related to the field he wants to get into, he’s got more reason to care about being accepted than a computer major like Nick.
-Vin: “Come on guys.. The fact that we all was successful is enough to get more exposure on campus.. besides saving the world and all that, but think how great it'll look on our resumes.."
*More exposure on campus? That sounds exactly like something the members of a superhero team wouldn’t want. And like I just got finished saying, this would only seem to look good on the resume of a theater major like BC. Would a drama festival really matter to many prospective employers? I can see it now…
Boss: “Mr. Nerdlinger, I see you’ve applied to our IT department. All your qualifications appear to be in order…What?? You weren’t in a drama festival in college!”
Applicant: “But I…”
Boss: “Get out! Never blacken this business with your presence again!”
-Kunio: “So what part are you playing, fearless leader?"
Vin: "Yes..my part..I play a dashing debonair role.. a role that provides intensity and a lot of action.."
Toni: "You're playing a mere palace guard?" laughed Toni, looking at Vin's card
BC: “Ex-squeeze me, Vin Man, but does that episode from The Brady Bunch ring a bell? You know,'Halt! Who goes there?'"
Vin, presumably: "Perhaps to you it's a very small part, how do you think Harrison Ford got his big break?"
*Look, Vin’s a film major with a physical education minor. What’s he planning to do that he thinks playing a bit part will help him with? The film courses I read about have you studying things that would put you behind the camera. Vin’s playing a part, albeit a minor one, but he’ll still be on stage in costume.
**And the writer isn’t seriously expecting Sentai fans to be Brady Bunch aficionados too, is he?
-Narration: The director gets B.C. and Nick prepared for their parts.
*Wait a second, it said they’re going after the same part. What happened?
-Director: “I just want to let you know that I appreciate you helping me out on this project. As you may or may not know,everytime the main star tires out for these performances, someone gets injured, or worse, my brother killed.. One guy, who performed as Romeo the year before, started babbling about some fool stalking the Romeo and Juilet performance.."
*The main star tires out? Is he talking about this particular theater, or other places he’s put on productions? I’m starting to see why nothing’s been put on in the campus theater for years, if the only director bold enough to keep trying tells his stars about all the weird crap that happens every time he tries and how they could be next.
-Nick: “MAYHEM perhaps,B.C.?"
BC: "It's a possibility.. but let's listen on.."
*The Scanrangers immediately suspect MAYHEM’s behind the foul play in the campus theater. I just think that’s funny because a couple episodes down the line, when the students start turning into rage zombies, the Scanrangers have to decode a TV pitchman’s name before they realize MAYHEM’s responsible.
-B.C.: “Tell us what we need to do, and we'll make sure that there isn't any trouble.”
*Who’s B.C. talking to? The director? How would he know? The Scanrangers are the trained professionals when it comes to Weird Ass crap. Did the director skip the rangers’ auditions because B.C. promised they’d do security?
-Narration: Back up at MAYHEM's flying fortress, the mysterious being reports back to Anark Key.
KuroJoker: "Mine Lord..what is thy bidding?"
Key: "Continue to terrorize the future actors as you have done so before three years ago..The so-called curse of the campus will never be resolved, and not even those vaunted Scanrangers will even solve this mystery!"
*Actually they kinda already have, Key. This is why I said remember the stuff about the unseen stalker’s loyalty to his master. If he was so loyal, why did he go missing until now? I assume even MAYHEM has better things to do than start urban legends about haunted theaters. Did he desert for some reason? Or maybe Vince is admitting how incompetent his villains are when they just left the monster there without noticing.
-Kunio: "What happened to Nick? He's 30 minutes late.."
Vin: "Well, the director had a brief meeting, so he told us that we can go over our assignments for the festival..B.C., take Nick's part for now.. I'm going to check his dorm room to see if he overslept.."
Time passes…
Vin: “Hey, Nick! Wake up!" shouted Vin as he bangs on Nick's door. Noticing that it was open, he goes in and suddenly discovers the fourth in command rendered unconscious. “NICK!"
*Again, according to the front page, Nick’s the SECOND in command (which is admittedly what I’d do if this absolutely couldn’t be one of those Sentai where the red guy isn’t the leader). Anyway I bring all this up because this is yet another place where the story could do a much better job explaining things for us. All we’re told is Nick’s unconscious. What’s the difference, really, between unconscious and asleep? Tell me why Vin immediately acts like something happened. Is Nick bleeding from the head? Is his room trashed despite Nick being a neat freak? I refuse to fill in the blanks for you on something like this, Vince Jones. You’re the storyteller, tell the damn story.
-Nick: "So! It was you all along! Trying to kill me, you cybercreature, you! I'm going to get you! I'll kill you! Kill you!!" cried Nick franticly. He then pins Vin down on the ground and attempts to strangle him.
Vin: “Nick! Stop it! Right now!" Vin cried, trying not to hurt his friend, but he goes to his last resort. "I really don't want to do this, but like they say, it's for your own good!" Vin punches Nick in the stomach, rendering him out cold for a few moments.
*Vin’s so awesome even when someone’s strangling him, he can still talk! A lot.
-Narration: B.C., Toni, and Kunio rush up to the dorm room.
*Why, after letting Vin go off by himself with no protest, do the others come running in? Alertness isn’t a bad trait in their line of work, but so is trusting your teammates to do what they say. Did the writer think Vin needed an audience to say “Better get you to base, buddy”?
-B.C.: “Hey, Vin Man! Are you all right?"
Vin: "I am, ..but Nick isn't..let's get him back to Cape Paramount before he comes to..”
Narration: The Scanranger team then all teleport back to headquarters.
*They can teleport with passengers, clearly. So why did they send Alex back to base and stick around to get blasted by KuroDragon a couple episodes ago?
-Alex: “"It seems as if Nick's been drugged..”
*What do you mean “seems as if”? You guys don’t have the means to tell for sure? By the way, despite knowing Nick was drugged, this is never addressed before they go looking for MAYHEM. Nobody tells Nick he freaked out and attacked Vin. Why wouldn’t you try to get to the bottom of that? They know MAYHEM’s to blame (who else would it be?), so why don’t they seem the least bit worried they might find out the monster they whacked was in fact one of their own guys thanks to Kurojoker’s magic LSD powder? It gets even stupider when they find the monster.
-Toni: “Wait!" said Toni. Keep in mind that in order to flush out this bad guy, we have to go back to the scene of the crime. And the only way we can stop this villain is to return to rehearsal.”
*It is? They can’t flush out the monster by, for instance, using Nick’s holograms to make it seem as if the auditorium’s on fire?
-Director: “There you are!" said the director, turning around but not noticing them behind him.
*Huh? Not noticing who?
-Narration: The skull begins to glow and attempted to bite Nick.
*Oh come on, surely it can do more than bite him.
-Kurojoker: “Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend me your doom!”
*Huh? What was the intent with this line? It makes no sense, robbing it of any menace that might have been intended.
-Narration: The gang summon their Film Braces and VCP's. LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION! SCANRANGER!" They all transform into the Movie Task Force once more for battle.
*And what else would they be getting ready for by changing to superhero form when a villain’s around, hmmm?
-Narration: GreenScanner gets the jump on the monster, but it tosses some type of gold dust in Nick's face.
*Usually the story calls the Scanrangers by their superhero names when in costume. What’s up with referring to Nick by both of his names in the same sentence?
-Narration: It was a hallucinating dust that made Green see the other Scanrangers as skull-faced minions. He then attacks them.
Nick: "What? More skull faces? You can't escape me! Out of my way!"
*So not only does the monster use his hallucinogen again, he uses it on the same guy as before! A little talking might have prevented this, guys. Then again it’s almost immediately dealt with when Vin blows the dust off him. Makes you wonder why Vince bothered in the first place.
-Scanrangers & Narration: “SUPERIMPOSE! THUNDER DOLBY THX!" The mecha merge, and the invincible robot goes into battle mode.
*Not to shock you but the Scanrangers beat the monster and it gets big. Again, we assume they might do something else with their robot and a monster around?
-Narration: The titans grapple each other, as KuroJoker pummels Dolby back with its skull staff. "Dolby Beam!" shouted Yellow. However, the monster's staff puts up a force field, reflecting the beam back at Dolby. KuroJoker laughs, "HAHAHAHA! Cry havoc! And let slip the dogs of war!!"
B.C.: "Are we going to let Mr, Bones get the best of us? It seems that he has a counterattack move for everything we throw at him."
*You mean the one thing you threw at him? The generic laser, the weakest weapon any giant robot has, yet.
-Toni: “That monster relies so much on that staff. Once we find a way to destroy that staff.."
Vin: "..Then it will be without any type of defense.."
*Yeah, it’s really not so strange for this kind of show, but tying all of the monster’s abilities into one very obvious and destructible focus…that’s lame. At least the monster can usually put up a semi-respectable fight even if he loses his main weapon.
-Kunio: “One distraction, coming up! Sphinx Knuckle!"
Narration: The flying fists rocket towards KuroJoker, and as the monster puts up its force field again, they zoom over its head. As the cybercreature lowers its shield,…
*Why would the monster lower its shield with Thunder Dolby on the attack? Is it about to retaliate? Can it only project a shield in one direction at a time? What?
-Narration: The next day, with the Shakespeare festival out in full force, the students and faculty read an article about '3 YEAR MURDER SOLVED-KILLER DESTROYED IN FREAK ACCIDENT'..
Alex: “Hmmm..I wonder how that happened?"
Vin: "Search me, teach.." said Vin jokingly.
*Freak accident??? It was destroyed, quite deliberately, by a giant robot! Who wrote this piece and what’s the story they published, if, as the banter implies, it didn’t become public knowledge the killer was a cybercreature who was destroyed by the Scanrangers?
-Director: “Well, it actually worked out that B.C. decided to give Nick the main part.."
*Ah yes, that subplot that went nowhere. How fondly I remember it.
-Narration: As the play begins, the director decided to add a twist to the performance. He added a chorus to get things started. There were B.C.,trying to hide his embarrassment, with three other men dancing on the stage, singing.."Oh, we are the chorus/We hope you like our play/We know you're rooting for us/But we must now go awaaaay!"(Think of the final scene of Bugs Bunny's classic cartoon,'What's Up, Doc?')
*I don’t know what’s worse, Vince’s jokes, or the ones he steals and hopes will still be funny in his story, where for some reason he himself tells you they’re stolen.
-Alex: "Like they say," said Alex. "All the world's a stage.."
Vin: "As you like it.. Professor.." replied Vin, laughing along with the audience.
*Yeah, what they said. Anything for this stupid episode to be over.
-Preview: Meanwhile, Vixen plots a deadly revenge, namely on Nick after he thwarted her evil plot long ago What sinister plan does the evil villainess have?
*None whatsoever, it turns out.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2009 : 10:27:02 AM
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Episode 10-Revenge of the CyberCreature!
Summary: KuroSiren’s boyfriend is reactivated to settle the score with the Scanrangers, and at the same time move on by seducing Toni.
Monster: KuroModel
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode10.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Nurse: "I'm very impressed by your fast recovery after last week, Mr..Uh.." The nurse looks at his record on the bed. "Mr. Hayata..I'ts a miracle, and you've improved 85% last time I've examined you.. Your friends and family will be excited about this.."
Mr. Hayata: "I..I..I'm sorry, miss, but I have no friends, nor any family..”
Nurse: “Try not to talk too much.."
*Why? Will saying more than a sentence every ten minutes put the life of a newly-awakened coma patient in jeopardy? Since we’re going to find out this guy is the sixth Scanranger (oh come on! He’s named after Ultraman’s human form! How am I spoiling the surprise?), I rather doubt his health is that precarious. Even the nurse was just commenting on his excellent recovery (whatever “improved 85%” means).
-Narration: As he watches the local news,he catches on to a news flash. "Here I am at Central NJ University, where the buzz of the semester is this new vigilant crime fighting group.."
*Do you perhaps mean “vigilante,” Vince?
**And as you’d probably expect by the tenth episode, a story about the existence of the Scanrangers is hardly breaking news. That’s not just my snarkiness talking, the report itself talks about things that happened weeks ago.
-Reporter: “Recently, they have helped the Leewood Park Police in arresting suspects in a brief robbery weeks ago. At the exact moment, through this file video, these five heroes has battled weird monsters and creatures straight from a Star Wars movie..."
*What’d I tell you? Describing an event weeks old as “recent” doesn’t sound right, though. While we’re on the subject, what’s “at the exact moment” supposed to mean?
**As for monsters right out of Star Wars, are we talking about the rapping one or the Shakesperian one? Give me a break, Vince.
-Reporter: “These Power Ranger wanna be's have already saved the city from total destruction with their weapon arsenal and their giant robot.”
*Who wrote this report? And wouldn’t the Scanrangers be steamed if they were watching it.
-Reporter: “The only problem is that once they accomplish their goal, which to this day is unknown, they disappear into the night.”
*Their goal couldn’t possibly be eliminating dangers to the city, could it? If the media doesn’t even know what Scanranger’s goal is, what makes them so sure the Scanrangers accomplish it?
-Reporter: “Reports from reliable sources call this commando squad:Scanranger.."
*Reliable sources, huh? Like their yelling “SOLDIERS OF THE SILVER SCREEN! MOVIE TASK FORCE: SCANRANGER!” before a fight?
-Mr. Hayata: “C-Could it be? Could it be..them?"
*Small problem here. As I said, Mr. Hayata is the sixth Scanranger. Or more precisely, he’s the first Scanranger. He owns the original suit and was a founding member of Project Paramount. Problem being he has partial amnesia and the only stuff he doesn’t remember is working with the project. The Scanrangers shouldn’t seem familiar to him.
-Reporter: “Again, they have saved the town countless times, but what is their true motive?”
*Does Scanranger take place in a Marvel Comics-esque universe where no matter how much good they do, superheroes are never fully trusted by the common man? This news story kind of implies that to be the case, but nothing is done with the idea.
-Reporter: “We will see everything revealed in the many days to come..”
*The many days to come?
-Narration: To his left, he witnesses a child by the other hospital bed playing with some action figures. The seven year old boy was playing with an Ultraman type doll against some monster action figure, replying, 'Take that, Skull monster!', making the hero figure kick the bad guy.
Mr. Hayata: "That looks so familiar.." Hayata said to himself, since he remembered watching super hero shows back in his country. He lays back down and watches the rest of the news.
*Great way to hint at his past, a kid playing with action figures. If this story had any idea what it was doing, anyway.
-Vixen: “KuroModel?! What are you doing here?"
Kuromodle: "Master Key has reprogrammed me.. Mistress Vixen, where is my mate? You promised me a mate.."
Narration: Vixen tried to cover up the fate of KuroSiren(episode 3). After the botched effort of controlling the males on campus, she didn't deactivate KuroModel.
*Cut to Nebultopia where MAYHEM prepares another nasty surprise for our heroes. What did Key reprogram the monster for? If you look at the indicated episode 3 Kuromodel’s original function is kind of given: he’s the male counterpart of Kurosiren, his indicated mate, and presumably meant to enthrall women the way she enthralled the guys. Which he does in this episode, so what was he reprogrammed for? And if Vixen never had him deactivated, why didn’t she expect to meet Kuromodel again?
**Ya know, between how MAYHEM went looking for Kurojoker, who’d been missing for years, to have a monster to use last episode, and now they’ve resorted to a monster meant for a plan the Scanrangers already foiled, it feels like the villains are scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with cybercreatures. If the story were smarter I’d say that sets up what happens next episode, but it damages my ability to accept MAYHEM as a threat whatever the case.
-Narration: The warrior woman decided to lie about the incident.
Vixen: “I'm so sorry, but your fiancee` had been destroyed in battle weeks ago."
Kuromodel: "What? Who's responsible for all this?"
Vixen: "Our mortal enemies..Scanranger...They killed her while she tried to save me.."
Kuromodel: "AAAAGGGHHH! MURDERERS! HOW DARE THEY!!"
Vixen: "Yes.. I know.. But you must avenge us! If they are not destroyed, they will surely take over this planet, and the universe! They have special powers beyond imagination…”
*Let me get this straight: the MAYHEM generals are pretending they’re the good guys and Kurosiren gave her life protecting Vixen, instead of being abandoned when the battle turned against them. Why? Are they afraid Kuromodel might attack them in his fury? Cybercreatures are the cornerstone of their every attack strategy, they don’t have any way to shut one down if something goes wrong? And can’t three badass warriors like the villain generals take one monster if the need arises?
**And this may just show how misinformed I am, but what with how MAYHEM’s portraying themselves as the benevolent presence and how the monster (barely) entices the female Scanranger into a relationship, I kept waiting for Vince to redeem Kuromodel. Think about it: Kuromodel’s bosses manipulate because he’s just a tool to them, and he seduces a Scanranger, someone with pure motivations to fight. You’d think contact with the honest affections of a heroic person would help awaken Kuromodel to his superiors’ true intentions, but such is not the case. He lives as scum and dies as scum. Then again, the Scanrangers exploit Kuromodel’s desire to avenge his lover to make him lower his guard, so maybe they’re not that great either.
-Narration: Vixen then shows him a picture of one of the Scanrangers.
*Are you kidding me? Just a Scanranger? You can’t pick one? I can guess based on who Kuromodel picks as his primary target, but I shouldn’t have to.
-Vixen: "This is your target..You must destroy him, avenge your fallen lover, and salvage the honor of the MAYHEM Corps..Now, I shall prepare you for the journey, but you must disguise yourself as a regular human.."
*Why does he need to disguise himself? Granted, the way Kuromodel goes about his revenge is by making friends with the Scanrangers by posing as a fellow student, but Vixen doesn’t give any particulars.
-Narration: Vixen puts the cybercreature inside a syntazoid machine, where it covers KuroModel with artifical skin to cover ite face and arms.
*It says that like I should have any idea what “syntazoid” means.
-Vixen (to Floyd and Andy Roy): “I've already sent my cybercreature to attack one of those accursed Scumrangers.."
*Again, why so bloody vague? It is kind of a surprise who the one Scanranger is, but I’ll get to that.
-Narration: KuroModel teleports in his disguise near a corner of one of the campus buildings. He looks around and seeing the students walking to class. He then suddenly bumps into Toni and her classmate Monisha..
Kuromodel: "Oh! Excuse me! I'm sorry about that! Can I get your books?"
Toni: "It's all right..I figured that you're a freshman on campus looking for the bookstore." The disguised android picks up her books. "Thank you..uh.. I'm sorry..I didn't get your name..
Kuromodel: "Ku-" the android hesitated. "Kirk..My name is Kirk.. I'm still trying to get familiar with this here school.."
*Nice prep work, MAYHEM. You gave him a face but didn’t bother to give him a name or background. I half want to say MAYHEM doesn’t care if this plan succeeds or fails, but Vixen sent her bodyguards to keep an eye on Kuromodel and (presumably) make sure things come off right.
**And freshman looking for the bookstore?? Where did that come from?
-Kuromodel: “I know that being on campus and all, I really haven't made any friends here.. Being from another..planet."
Toni: "You're pretty funny..you remind me of my friend B.C."
*How can the Marx Brothers and Abbott and Costello even exist in a world where people like this guy and B.C. are considered humorous?
-Narration: Kirk looks at Toni, as she goes into a trance, making her irresistable to her charms.
*Who irresistible to whose charms?
-Kuromodel: “I heard that there's a game on campus later this afternoon.."
Toni: "Really? That's a coincedence! Moni, myself and a friend of mine are supposed to be out there this afternoon.. I'll probably see you up there!"
*So he was sent with a knowledge of campus events but not a name.
-Moni: “Ain't that too soon, Toni? You just met the guy.."
Toni: "Being around the rest of the crew on campus, I figured it'll be cool to get to meet someone new .." sighed Toni. "..so why not? If he shows up, it's cool.. If not, we move on.. Besides, he's cute!"
Moni: "That new kid looks like he wants you, and he had that look like he wants to get hitched, and start a family..You sure he's not steering you wrong, girlfriend?"
*All this from a kiss on the cheek. I understand CJU’s a college in fantasyland where nobody takes advantage of the fact their parents aren’t around, if you know what I mean, but isn’t this a little extreme? And this wariness doesn’t end with Monisha, oh no.
-Toni: “I'm positive.. I'm also looking for an excuse to go out on a date.."
*Was she looking for an excuse or a partner?
-Narration/Nick: On the way to the ball game, Toni and Nick walk to meet Kirk. "You met this freshman about three hours ago, and already you've set a date?" said Nick.
*Inviting someone to watch the game is automatically a date? Wouldn’t that mean Toni’s dating Nick and Monisha too?
-Toni: “And what's so wrong about that?"
Nick: "I don't know.. When you have a guy who already want to go out with you, the first thing comes to mind is being picked up at a bar, not love at first sight.."
*Toni’s surrounded by overprotective friends. Nick kind of has an excuse with him being on a superhero team with her, but all I can say is I’ve never known anyone who behaved like this to this degree toward their female friends, and I’ve never been entertained by it in books, on TV or the movies. If his overprotective attitude led into a relationship, not even a romantic one but just the way two main characters interact with each other on a regular basis, it wouldn’t be so bad. Scanranger doesn’t roll that way, though. They all treat each other the same way. The only unique treatment I can think of any Scanranger giving another is Nick smacking B.C. upside the head for making bad jokes. This is the only episode where he acts like Toni’s babysitter.
-Toni: “What's the matter, Nick?" Do I sense some type of jealousy in your system? You guys get to hang out with different women in your class..
*Hanging out with girls in your classes isn’t the same as going out with them. You don’t exchange kisses after you get a good grade on a group project. At least not where I went to school.
-Nick: “That's beside the point, Toni..What I'm trying to say is to be careful..It's a good thing I get the opportunity to keep an eye on you anyway.."
Toni: “Sure, that's all I need, a Kevin Costner-Whitney Houston mindset..”
*Thinks Toni about Nick’s overprotective attitude. You know Vince, they didn’t name that movie The Bodyguard for the hell of it. Toni’s going for more of an Al Pacino-Mary Mastrantonio mindset.
-Narration: Later, at the game, Toni, Nick, and 'Kirk' all sit together getting to know each other better.
Nick: "So, Kirk.. What's your major?"
Kuromodel: “Major?" replied Kirk. "I..I.."
Nick: " Oh,I get it.. Still undecided..Well, you still have some time to declare a major, but I would suggest computers, the wave of the future!"
Kuromodel: "Well, I know some..programs that you don't know about yet..In fact, I've heard about the new CAD software that hasn't been released.. It's back at my dorm.. Wanna check it out after the game?"
Nick: “Why not? I've got nothing planned after my class.."
*Funny how Nick is automatically suspicious of Kirk’s intentions for Toni, but not when Kirk announces he has software that hasn’t even been released yet. According to the news report the Scanrangers concern themselves with mundane criminals too. Like maybe software pirates?
-Kuromodel: “Here's the disc.. Load it and read the instructions. The terminal reads. "TIME TO DIE, NICK SIMONDS!"
Nick: "What the-" said Nick. He is then struck by Kirk, flying to the other side of the room.
*They set up an apartment for “Kirk” and a computer program that just says “TIME TO DIE, NICK SIMONDS!” Even for Sentai, that’s ridiculous.
-Nick: “Who are you, really?"
Kuromodel: "Yes, fool!"
*I don’t have to say anything, do I?
-Kuromodel: “It's your fault! All your fault! You destroyed my mate! We were to be together forever! And now I shall destroy you!"
*Kuromodel thinks Nick’s responsible for ridding the world of his cybernetic girlfriend. Unless he’s angry with all the Scanrangers and Nick’s just the first one who became a viable target, I’m obligated to point out that Nick was not the instrument of Kurosiren’s destruction. He helped come up with the stuff that immunized the Scanrangers against her powers, but it was Kunio who took her out with a Warp Speed Smash. In point of fact when it came to attacking Kurosiren Nick did nothing more than save himself from her prehensile hair by chopping it with his sword (I had to look back to check that).
**On a lesser point, I feel obligated to point out Kuromodel never elaborates on “my mate” to the rangers. No we haven’t seen any female cybercreatures besides Kurosiren, but remember the episode where the Scanrangers confront a guy leading a protest against them, and it mentions a story that was never written? How do we know there were no other female monsters before now if Vince admits there’s stories he hasn’t included?
-Nick: “I don't think so! I don't need my bracelet to take on the likes of you!"
Narration: Nick tries to stall for time as he grapples with the cybercreature.
*Yeah, sure. This monster would be even lamer if a normal, unarmed college kid could beat him.
**What, pray tell, is Nick hoping will happen if he can stall Kuromodel?
-Nick: “I was defending my friends!”
*If Nick means that, and wasn’t at all interested in saving the people who would’ve been menaced by the army Kurosiren was intending to breed, he’s as bad a superhero as MAYHEM is a threat to world peace.
-Narration: KuroModel flips Nick over his head, and uses one strand of his long hair to bind him, and the other to strangle him.
*He only has two strands of hair?
-Kuromodel: “I won't kill you..yet! I'm preparing your ultimate demise.. Then, after I take care of your other Scanranger mates, you shall suffer an unimaginable fate!"
Narration: KuroModel then electrocutes Nick with his hair. Nick screams in agony as he passes out by the jolt.
*With the way Kuromodel has used the word “mate” up to now Vince really should’ve chosen another word for that bit of dialogue. Who in America calls their friends their mates, anyway?
**By the way, can we stop with the hyperbolic threats? If Nick’s fate were unimaginable, no villain could subject him to it.
-Interlude: Somewhere in deep outer space, we cut to a space cruiser called the Dark Fortress. Inside, a slew of decapiated robot body parts are lying all over the ship.
*You can decapitate any part of a robot, I guess.
-Interlude: A quintet of warriors shown unseen surround a certain warrior queen who is cornered by the five fighters and a sharp dressed leader shown only from the chest down.
*Love how he describes this like it’s actually a TV show. Vince, what works in one medium doesn’t necessarily work in another.
**Sorry, but this whole scene is repeated in greater detail next episode. I’ll take it on then.
-Narration: Back on campus, Toni was trying to find Nick.
Toni: "Where's Nick? I haven't seen him all day."
*You’d think she’d be ducking him after that crap before the game.
-Alex: “What's up, guys?"
Toni: "Nick's missing, ..and I haven't seen him since he went over Kirk's dorm last night. The last thing I remembered was that Kirk would call me for another date.. He said to meet him at the gym, but he stood me up.."
*Why would he stand her up? He could’ve had TWO Scanrangers to torture and TWO less Scanrangers to fight when the others inevitably came looking for them.
-Kunio: "Was that the actual last time you saw him? because I need to detect the last time the two was on campus."
Alex: "Well, if you have to, Find him as soon as possible..I don't want anyone to suspect us being here together, otherwise, your identities will be exposed.."
Vin: “Come on, guys! Let's go!"
*…what the hell was that? Kunio mentions something about checking the last time Kirk and Nick (I think) were on campus, Alex mentions preserving their secret identities (despite MAYHEM obviously having that information), then they run off, presumably to where Kirk and Nick have disappeared. Addressing Kunio’s line, do the Scanrangers keep tabs on everyone’s movements on campus? That sounds a little…invasive of them.
**As for Alex’s dialogue, what exactly is the situation that makes Alex worried their secrecy might be compromised? Specifically where’s the “here” as they have this conversation? Kunio’s lines imply they’re in their base as that’s where they’d be most likely to have equipment to detect people’s movements. Problem with that theory is not only would that be about the safest place to discuss their Scanranger activities, the establishing text we’re given is the rangers meeting Toni outside Film Appreciation class. If they’re discussing superhero stuff right in the hallway where anybody could hear them, they got no one to blame but themselves.
**Isn’t it kind of late to worry about secrecy anyway since, as I said, MAYHEM obviously knows the rangers’ true identities already?
-Narration: Meanwhile, off campus, Nick slowly wakes from consciousness, and is hanging upside down over a vat of chemicals. In addition, he is blindfolded.
*Nick wakes up from being awake? And if he’s blindfolded, how does he know he’s over a vat of chemicals?
-Nick: “Where am I?"
Kuromodel: "You're in my secret hideout, Mr. Simonds.." said KuroModel, dressed up as Kirk again. "How are things hanging about up there? Ha Ha Ha!"
*Good one. You know, Nick being blindfolded doesn’t really have a point, and it makes describing his surroundings weird if it’s all stuff he shouldn’t be able to see. For instance, Kuromodel having resumed his disguise.
-Nick: “I'm gonna hang your metal faced puss after I get out of this!”
Kuromodel: “But you can't..and your pretty face is going to be so disfigured not even your mother can tell you apart..”
*Tell him apart from what?
-Kuromodel: “I want you to die slowly just as you caused my lover to die slowly..”
*KuroSiren actually died fast, and once again, this isn’t really the guy he should be seeking revenge on.
-Nick: “Geez!" thought Nick. "How Batman cliffhanger can you get?" "Even though I can't see you, creature, I can still hear your voice.." he continued to himself.
*I think he knows you can hear him, Nick, what with the way you two exchanged banter just now. I think we the readers know it too for the same reason. Maybe you’d be better off explaining to yourself what good you think that’ll do.
-Narration: Nick squirms and grabs his projector from his left pants pocket, landing in the back of his hand.
*Kuromodel didn’t take Nick’s Scanranger stuff when he tied him up?
-Narration: Meanwhile, the rest of the Scanrangers arrive at Kuromodel's hideout.
*How did they know to come to this place? Know what, forget it. There’s no sense to be made from that scene where they tracked Nick’s whereabouts. They’re here, the final battle’s coming up, and that’s all I care about right now. Maybe it’ll make up for how idiotic their being here is.
-Kuromodel: “Help me someone! I saw you coming! For pity's sake, help!”
*Says “Kirk” to the Scanrangers as they show up outside. “I saw you coming”?
-Narration: Suddenly, out of nowhere, KuroSiren appears. The other Scanrangers appear in shock, as does KuroModel.
Kuromodel: "KuroSiren! You're alive!" cried the cybercreature.
“Kurosiren”: "Yes, my honey..I want to help you finish off those do-gooders.." said the female.
Kunio: “I don't believe this! I thought we destroyed her! I'll take her!"
B.C.: "Wait, Mikey!"
Kunio: "Not so fast!" "Huh? What gives?"
B.C.: "Nothing, just wait one moment.."
Narration/Vixen: At the same time, Vixen and her two cyberbodyguards witness the trapped rangers from a distance. "Excellent! KuroModel has trapped them all! It's only a matter of time till they themselves are destroyed! What's this? KuroSiren's alive? Ohhh, yes! Now those accursed Scanrangers are as good as dead!"
*This is why Nick being able to hear things was established and why Kuromodel didn’t take away his hologram projector, so Nick could distract the villains by making them think Kurosiren survived. Why is B.C. telling his teammate to wait if, as one assumes, he can tell this is a diversion? As soon as Kuromodel touches his girlfriend the jig’ll be up. I for one would rather complete the task that involves getting really close to him (getting Nick’s changer bracelet, which he did take) before he realizes he’s been had and is even angrier.
-Kuromodel: “You..YOU TRICKED ME AGAIN!"
*Again? When was the first time?
-Narration: The cybercreature releases the rope as Nick falls. However, BlueScanner catches him in the (pun intended) Nick of time..
*Wonder if Vince would’ve stooped to that pun if anyone but B.C. had been making the save.
-Narration: Blue unbinds Nick, and cuts off his shackles with his FilmBlade.
*He still has to cut off his shackles after unbinding him? I don’t know how Nick was tied up, but why not just slice through both? These guys could learn a thing or two about efficiency, even for a Sentai.
-Narration: Meamwhile, Red, using his Swashbuckler sword, is able to hold his own against Andy Roy, as the two fighters engage in a sword duel.
*Yeah you might think it was a sword duel with Vin using his sword to hold his own against Andy Roy.
-Narration: As Pink smashes his face in triple sequence, Green once again uses his favorite weapon. "DISC LAUNCHER!" striking KuroModel in the face.
*His favorite weapon by which you mean his only unique weapon. And again I get the image of him smacking the monster in the face with it.
-Narration: Red gives the call to the finishing weapon. "CAMZOOKA!" The rangers target the cybercreature in its crosshairs. "Set the focus! Fast Forward! FIRE!" Kuromodel is blown to pieces via the mighty plasma blast.
Vixen: "You won't get away with this, Scanranger!" shouted Vixen. "Byte! You know what to do!"
Byte: "Indubitally, my sweet!" replied the robot spider. Byte is thrown towards the destroyed CyberCreature, and pumps it up with its energy. "Need a big face lift, big guy?" Byte jokes. KuroModel grows into a giant.
*So the Scanrangers blow up Kuromodel. Time for the giant fight. You know, I understand Byte’s supposed to be annoying and unfunny, but it says a lot about this story’s humor that his jokes are pretty much indistinguishable from the comedic Scanranger’s own.
-Somebody: "Okay!GREAT EDITOR SWORD! The sword materializes as Dolby rushes to cut Kuromodel's hair so it wouldn't bind the robot.
B.C.: "I'm the Barber of Seville! Figaro! Figaro!" joked Blue.
Vin: "Why did I get a feeling he was gonna say that?" thought Red.
*See what I mean?
-Narration: The next day, back at Cape Paramount Base, Vin, B.C., Mikey, and Rosewood all get in a hot game of 2 on 2 basketball.
*A hot game? I ask you, is there any other kind of game in movieland when it isn’t being played by senior citizens?
-Toni: “Say no more, Nick..I really don't feel like talking right now..
Nick: "Come on, sis.. We were all fooled.. The same way how Vin and Kunio were used not too long ago..not to mention my bad times in finding romance..Unlucky in cards, unlucky in love..That's the story of my life.."
*It’s true, Nick’s only character trait besides being the smart guy is supposed to be he’s scientifically incapable of getting a date, but what does that have to do with anything that happened?
-Toni: “The point, Nick, that I never even said thank you for finding out and saving me in the process.."
*If that’s what you want to call being paranoid about a guy who’d done nothing more than express an interest in Toni, then yeah, thanks a lot Nick.
-Nick: “You're a smart woman and you can lick this..And may I remind about the countless number of times that you've saved all of our skins?”
*Probably not, since she never has. Not before, not during this episode and not after.
-Nick: “I've got an extra ticket to that WCW/NWO match at the Meadowlands this weekend-"
Toni: "I love to.."
Nick: "Just a second! You've supposed to let me finish asking you! We've got a few hours, so let's join the game over here..
*Got a few hours ‘til what? Not the wrestling match, he just said that was this weekend.
-Narration: As Nick and Toni walk over to the court with the other four, Professor Alex looks out the window, encouraged about Nick encouraging the lone female Scanranger. She smiles, hoping that things can and will get better.
*Better than what? Kuromodel’s nefarious intentions for Toni never went anywhere.
-Preview: In our next Scanranger adventure, a team from another dimension ally themselves with MAYHEM, plotting to do in our heroes. Meanwhile, who is 'Mr.Hayata', and what role this human has in saving the Movie Task force from grave danger?
*This human? My, what awkward phrasing you have, grandma.
-Preview: Next-Movie Task Force Scanranger-Episode 11 Arno Benedict-The Wandering Dimensional Fiend!
*Actually it proves to be “The Dimensional Wandering Fiend.” Not that it makes much sense either way.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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Movie Task Force Scanranger, last time
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