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The Conkeroo
Altar Boy of Jabootu
USA
3 Posts |
 Posted - 02/23/2006 : 10:47:42 AM
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Here's a new Category for Very Bad Movies:THe "Left Behind"Movies on TBN on Weekends.About Ten Years Ago,Conspiracy Theorist Turned Christian Writer Tim LaHaye Started Writing A Series of Books Based on The Rapture Titled "Left Behind".In The Subsequent Decade,Theyv'e Almost Outsold John Grisham and Tom Clancy.The Plot Is About The Rapture and The Antichrist.Seems Nicolae Carpathia Has Taken Over The U.N. And Turned The US Into A "Vassal State"of "The New World Order"*(*Which In All Fairness,I Wouldn't Know 'The New World Order'From An Order of Chinese Take Out!!)And It's Up To(Among Others)Former "Growing Pains"and Late 80's Teen Idol(My Neice Had A Poster of Him In Her Bedroom)Kirk Cameron;Mr.T(Who Had To Pawn all His BlingBling After "The A Team"Went Off The Air and Was Reduced To Holding A Sign That Says "I Pity The Fool Who Won't Let Me Act for food!!"By The Hollywood Freeway!!);"LA Law"Star Corbin Bernsen*(*OK.In All Fairness,He Has Done A Couple of "Law&Order"Episodes.);Charles Martin Smith*(*In "American Graffiti",He was A Nerd in A TBird.In "The Untouchables",He Was A Nerd With A Tommy Gun.in "Larry McMurtry's'Streets of Laredo'",He Was A 19th Century Nerd On The West Texas Frontier in The 1880's.Smart Career Move!!);Paul Rodriguez*(*Well,He Did An Episode of King of the Hill in '97.);Former Supermodel Carol Alt(Hey!!Tyra Banks Got Her Own TV Show!!Your'e Doing Bad Christian Movies!!You need A New Agent!!);Some Guy Who Looks The Guy who Played "Al Borland "on "Home Improvement";Eric"Yes,I'm Julia's Big Brother!!"Roberts Plus Oscar Winners Gary(A)Busey and Louis"Don't call Me Lou Anymore!!"Gossett,Junior!!The Whole Plot Involves Around The Antichrist Taking Over The US And Everybody's Gotta Wear The Mark of the Beast!!Except For All The Above Mentioned Actors!!They'd Be Almost Hilarious If Certain People Wouldn't Take Them So Serious!!One Of Them Featured Oliver Reed as the Antichrist Who Turns Himself Into A Dragon and Flies Away Right As The Righteous Armies Of The Allied Nations(USA;Canada;Mexico;England;France and Israel)Close On Him Then Some Chinese Warlord Who Looks A Lot Like The Guy Who Played "Wo Fat"on 'Hawaii FiveO'Joinms In The Fray!!Okay,Now Let Old John D.Revelator Explain It All For You.First of All,"The Rapture"Is When God Calls The Righteous Home and Everybody Else Has To Live Through The Trials and Tribulatuiions Until His Glorious Second Coming!!Ok,Not Arguing Here or There!!The Antichrist Is The Mucho Mal Hombre Numero Uno All Around Supervillian and All Around Bad Guy/Big Butter And Egg Man Supreme!!At Various Times It's Ranged From The Pharoah of Eygpt to Saddam Hussein to Martha Stewart to Ray Romano!!The "New World Order".Varies Upon Who or Whatchoo Talkin'Bout Willis!!Basically,The NWO is How The World Has Changed Militarillary and Industrially Since The Collapse of The Soviet Union Fifteen Years Ago.However,There Are Some Out There Who Think That The NWO is Boris Baenov;,Elmerr Fudd;C.Montgomery Burns;Simon Bar Sinister;Oil Can Harry and Mama Harper All Sitting Around In Some Big Office And They Gather Around Deciding How To Take Over The World!!See Also The Illuminati;The Gnomes of Bildeberg;The Masonic Lodge and Bohemian Grove.And Don't Forget About The U.N.!!Now In All Fairness,Even If The Antichrist Took Over The U.N.,What Makes You Think He'll Use It To Try To Take Over The World??Hell,The United Nations Can't Even Agree On What To Have For Lunch!!Let Alone Take Over The World!!It'd Be Funny If The MST3K Gang Ever Did A Look t The "Left Behind"Movies!!
John D.Revelator |
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Neville
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Spain
1590 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 11:07:44 AM
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Dude, ever heard of paragraphs? It took me like ten minutes and three aspirins to go through all your message. And that's not because English is my third language.
This said, the "Left Behind" movies are not to be missed by the Jabootu minions. I mean, one thing is ramble about Christianism and The Rapture, but in what other series of movies are you likely to find out that the devil himself rules the U.N and that his program to eradicate famine is a cover-up for his plans to invade the USA and execute all Christians?
Add to this a multi-stellar cast of TV people like Kirk Cameron, his wife or Clarence Gyliard of "Walker" fame and some of the most cheap-o FX and production design to ever grace a Clancy-esque storyline.
So far I've only seen #1 (a bit boring if you ask me) and #3, which is actually the best of the lot, since the oh-so-subtle political agenda of whichever cult financed this gains a more prominent role and recurrent Jabootu victim Louis Gossett Jr. gets to play the president of the USA. |
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Ericb
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
648 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 11:17:28 AM
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Perhaps someday, in the spirit of Alien vs. Predator and Freddie vs. Jason, Jabootu will grace us with Left Behind vs. The Da Vinci Code.
"I reserve the right to look as well as be boring." - Robert Fripp |
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Dirk
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
237 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 3:29:07 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ericb
Perhaps someday, in the spirit of Alien vs. Predator and Freddie vs. Jason, Jabootu will grace us with Left Behind vs. The Da Vinci Code.
If there's a Jabootu-esque deity whose sphere of influence is poorly written books, the Left Behind series and the Da Vinci Code would no doubt be His holy texts. Both are poorly written, sloppily researched, and full of cliched characters... yet somehow they're incredible best-sellers. Go figure. |
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BlamWalker
Archdeacon of Jabootu
USA
14 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 3:30:06 PM
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| Honestly, it doesn't surprise me that the movie versions of this series would turn out lousy: ever tried to read one of the 'Left Behind' books? They're horribly written; I was able to make it through the first few chapters of, I believe, the first installment of the series before I had to pack it in. Mind you, I'm not bashing it's content (I've dabbled in christian fiction here and there and am a big fan of Frank Peretti's work), it's the mechanics that suck. To this day I still for the life of me can't figure out why the series is so popular. |
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Terrahawk
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
644 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 4:57:58 PM
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I'm a Christian and I'm proud to admit that.....the books are not that good. My wife likes them though so I've read a few just to see what they are like. I think for Christians who haven't read much sci-fi or fantasy, they are interesting in that they string together one view of Christian end times. I do agree though that they would make good Jabootu fodder.
Added: How does someone write where every lousy word starts off capitalized?
The ROPe gives you three options, convert, submit, or die. There is a fourth, resist. |
Edited by - Terrahawk on 02/23/2006 5:00:06 PM |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 5:58:21 PM
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I'm a Christian, and I thought The Omega Code could convert a lot of people... to atheism. Haven't seen the Left Behind flicks, though I've heard they're in the same league. I wonder if Ken has seen any of these? (Hint hint.)
It's Very Easy To Write This Way. Actually, No, It Is Not. |
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hbrennan
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Philippines
1455 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 7:12:51 PM
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quote:
originally posted by Terrahawk:
I'm a Christian and I'm proud to admit that.....the books are not that good.
Same here. I think the problem lies with people who confuse the importance of a message with the importance of talent and good presentation. Both are necessary to convey what you're trying to say. Relying on just your message will, in many cases, have the opposite effect of your intentions.
"...yet it hadn't destroyed his brain."
re: Charles "The Butcher" Benton (1956)
http://henrybrennan.blogspot.com/ |
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Gristle McThornbody
Preeminent Apostolic Prelate of the Discipleship of Jabootu
Germany
186 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 8:58:56 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ericb
"I reserve the right to look as well as be boring." - Robert Fripp
I have nothing to add to the topic, except cool Fripper quote, Ericb!
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!" |
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TheFoywonder
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
833 Posts |
Posted - 02/24/2006 : 08:03:07 AM
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The fact that they cast Kirk Cameron in the role of a hard-nosed cable television news journalist is pretty much Jabootu-worthy unto itself.
I've only seen the first one and (having never read any of the books) found myself wondering how this could possibly be a best selling book series seeing as how stunningly bad the storytelling was. After the Rapture there will hardly be anyone left behind that knows of what the Rapture is? And everyone will be willing to buy into the insane notion that radiation accumulated in the atmosphere will cause people to just up and vaporize?
I'll take MEGIDDO: OMEGA CODE 2 over the LEFT BEHIND flicks anyday.
Now Playing in Foyeurism at Schlocktoberfest.Com:
BALLAD OF THE NASTY HERO - An overlooked gem of 80s action cheese gets it due
Plus: B-WARE THE BLOG is alive at http://www.livejournal.com/users/foywonder |
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Jay
Diocesan Ecclesiarch of the Sacred Order of Jabootu
USA
57 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2006 : 11:23:06 PM
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Waaaaaay back in sixth grade, my school apparently thought that showing us "A Thief In The Night" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070795/ (I went to a Christian school) was a stellar idea. After that I had nightmares about the Tribulation for weeks & I still don't like to have the back of my right hand stamped at concerts or other events. And don't even get me started on hippies with enormous sideburns, electric shavers buzzing by themselves in the bathroom sink & sticks of butter melting on the sidewalk (don't ask - just see the movie)...
I saw the movie again a few years back (along with a couple of its sequels) &, while the movie reeeally hasn't aged well & pretty much sucks, it still gave me a slight case of the willies.
Being a Christian, it saddens me that, for the most part, there are no good, quality Christian-based movies out there that don't look like high school drama productions.
Inane ramblings - http://www.blahdityblahblah.blogspot.com |
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KarlyMc
Archdeacon of Jabootu
USA
20 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2006 : 5:08:35 PM
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I am also a Christian, and agree whoehartedly with the gerneral opinion here.
What I would like to see is a movie with Christain characters that is NOT about the end times.....there are great books by folks like Peretti or Francine Rivers or Terri Blackstock that could be made into good Christian themed films that aren't about armegedon. |
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KarlyMc
Archdeacon of Jabootu
USA
20 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2006 : 5:11:44 PM
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| obviously I cannot type or spell as fast as I can think, sorry! |
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TheFoywonder
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
833 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2006 : 5:24:53 PM
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Ironically, a movie along those lines just came out, Karly - THE END OF THE SPEAR. Even more ironic, many Christian groups boycotted the film when they found out that the lead actor is openly gay in real life.
Now Playing in Foyeurism at Schlocktoberfest.Com:
BALLAD OF THE NASTY HERO - An overlooked gem of 80s action cheese gets it due
Plus: B-WARE THE BLOG is alive at http://www.livejournal.com/users/foywonder |
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Flangepart
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
2329 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2006 : 10:10:21 AM
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Ditto on Christian, Ditto on not haveing seen this stuff. I do imagin Jabootu would have a field day, though, just from the little i've seen.
It doth not impress.
"Cole, stop handing Dr. Doom the Keys to the Baxter building." Brent Sienna/PvP.
"I speak 34 different languages. But gibberish is not one of them."- Danger Mouse.
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Neville
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Spain
1590 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2006 : 12:54:29 PM
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| Try watching #3, Flange. You will be rewarded. |
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