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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
 Posted - 12/21/2007 : 10:20:07 AM
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OK, it wouldn't make for a very compelling climax but still just once I'd like to see this:
The two great armies face each other on the field of battle. The Evil One strides forth and shouts to the forces of good, "Your doom awaits!" But then, Hero appears! He cries, "You thought you destroyed me when you did that thing at the start of the movie but you did not! As foretold by the legend I survived, grew in character and strength and now I have the fabled Generic Artifact of That Ancient Famous Guy (he holds it aloft) and you and your armies cannot defeat me! The prophecy is fulfilled!!" The Evil One ponders for a moment and says "Bugger! I'm off then."
Epilogue: The Evil One lived to a ripe old age, and was never a bother again, confining his evilness to occasionally oppressing small animals in his back yard.
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
Edited by - Sardu on 12/21/2007 10:21:31 AM
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Neville
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Spain
1590 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2007 : 12:10:28 PM
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During the middle section of Return of the Jedi, Emperor Palpatine dies a rather simple death when choking during dinner (looks like Sith lords could use their powers to choke people, but not to un-choke others or oneself).
Saddened by the death of his long time master and mentor, Darth Vader decides he will fully embrace the Dark Side, and that he will start by defeating that bunch of rebels he's run into a couple of times. When he feels a disturbance in the Force and a tech tells him the cargo vessel it comes from has used an old (but still working) password, he orders all guns of his starship to fire on the diminute, harmless spaceship, which is obliterated and never heard of again. |
Edited by - Neville on 12/22/2007 03:32:24 AM |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2007 : 10:13:16 PM
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Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones gallantly catches up to the vehicle convoy carrying the Ark away from the dig site of Tanis. Noticing they are being chased by one man on a horse, the Germans riding with the Ark shout at the driver to halt the truck. The truck and all the other vehicles in the convoy slow to a halt and everyone gets out of their vehicles.
Jones, realizing that his plan only works if the convoy keeps rolling [for whatever reason], is forced to gallop away.
Okay, that kind of stinks. As a bonus, Hitler, Goebbels, Himmler, Goering, Bormann, and Hess all INSIST on being there for the grand opening of the Ark of the Covenant.
That doesn't stink so much. |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2007 : 10:48:05 PM
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This could get addictive. I used to read a lot of "Mad Magazine" back in the day. I'm kind of predisposed towards this kind of silliness.
Passenger 57
Wesley Snipes to British terrorist guy: "You ever play roulette?"
British terrorist guy: "No. That's a sucker's game."
Wesley Snipes: "Oh. Well. If you had said you did, I was going to say, 'Always bet on black'."
British terrorist guy: "Come again?"
Wesley Snipes: "You know...because I'm black. This whole thing about me taking you on is a longshot. Yada, yada."
British terrorist guy: "Oh. That wouldn't have been half bad. Where were we again?"
Return of the King
The gate of Minas Tirith shudders under the impact of Grond, the massive battering ram of Mordor. Gandalf alone waits to face what will come. The massive doors splinter and fall. Arrogantly, triumphantly, the King of the Nazgul rides in. The air rent asunder with the sound of his mocking laughter.
Gandalf proceeds to beat the un-living crap out of him. Bolts of lightning hit him. Gandalf unleashes flame upon him. Closing the distance, Gandalf even employs a few moves that would be similar to aikido in another universe. Punches. A body slam. Gandalf breaks a solid wagon wheel over his head. The Nazgul is moving like pond water and Gandalf looks like Bruce Lee.
Gandalf finishes the fight by holding the Nazgul upside down over a nearby fountain, thus introducing "The Swirley" to Middle Earth and extinguishing the Nazgul King's flaming, demonic eyes.
He casts the empty clothing aside and turns to the stunned Orcs who watched in silence.
"I took on a friggin' Balrog when I was just Gandalf the Grey. You think Gandalf the White was scared of this chump?" |
Edited by - Citizen Carrier on 12/21/2007 10:59:22 PM |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 12:00:52 AM
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House of Sand and Fog
After Kathy's lawyer gives up without a fight, Kathy fires her sorry hide and decides to do some research on tax laws herself. After spending only one afternoon in a law library, she finds out that if she pays the back taxes — or proves she never owed them in the first place — the property must go back to her. Behrani is kicked out of the house, and it goes back to Kathy. Then Behrani must face his family and tell them how his stupidity (and his failure to do the first bit of research on buying houses at tax sales) screwed them into the ground.
That's how it would go down in real life (I've worked in this field). |
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Gristle McThornbody
Preeminent Apostolic Prelate of the Discipleship of Jabootu
Germany
186 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 03:29:01 AM
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The Usual Suspects
Agent Coulian to Verbal Kint: What? You expect me to believe you used to pick coffee beans in Guatemala? I think you're trying to con me. You're going back to the holding cell until you're ready to be more cooperative.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!" |
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Culfy
Preeminent Apostolic Prelate of the Discipleship of Jabootu
United Kingdom
113 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 06:07:52 AM
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Predator:
The Predator decides it runs a better chance of killing Arnie if it stays invisible.
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Notes from a small cavy
www.culfy.blogspot.com |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 07:55:29 AM
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High Noon
Realizing that he wasn't going to get any help from the cowardly townspeople, Marshall Kane walks over to the town doctor's office. After a few minutes of conversation, Kane and the doctor walk over to the railroad telegraph office. A message is sent down the wire that the town has suffered an outbreak of typhus and will need to be quarantined for the next two weeks.
The noon train carrying the gang rushes past the depot at high speed without stopping and the gang, hearing about the typhus epidemic, is glad not to get off. While waiting for the epidemic to pass at the next town, the gang kills time by hanging out in saloons. Being bad characters, they eventually get into a big fight. One suffers a broken leg, another a broken arm, and all of them are sentenced to 6 months in the county jail for felony assault and inciting mayhem.
Terminator III
Realizing the possibilities given to them by the time displacement gear they've captured, the Resistance proceeds to send their reprogramed Model 101 Terminator directly to the Air Force base 4 hours before Skynet becomes self-aware. Gathering weapons from the tomb of Sarah Connor and commandeering a Brinks armored truck, the Terminator crashes through the perimeter fence of the Skynet compound.
He first destroys the hard telephone lines leading from the building and then targets any visible satellite dishes. Shrugging off the ineffectual response by the few security forces and eliminating them, the Terminator proceeds to destroy the Skynet mainframe and every hard drive he can find in the entire building.
His mission complete, he surrenders to the military police who have by then surrounded the building. Using himself as proof of what he says, he proceeds to tell everyone that Skynet would have become self-aware and destroyed the world.
The President of the United States declares that similar technology will NEVER be used as an all-controlling system in charge of our nation's weapons. |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 10:36:16 AM
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Jeez, Citizen, I've never seen Terminator 3, and already I'm wishing they'd gone with your storyline instead of whatever they have.
Warning: Spoiler. Highlight it to see this one: Perfect Stranger: Halle Berry's attempt to frame Bruce Willis runs into a tiny snag: he was a hundred miles away when the murder took place, and he has witnesses to prove it. The police start paying more attention to Berry, suspicious that she was so hot to point the finger at Willis. Berry's "friend" decides to go ahead and turn her in, rather than risk being named as an accessory. |
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Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 12:54:23 PM
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Any Action Movie:
AGENCY CHIEF: "Now this mission requires special skills. We've arrainged for "Mad Dog" McGurn to escape from maximim security and...."
TROUBLE-SHOOTER: "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR $^#%& MIND? Mad Dog swore he'll cut off my head and use it as a TOILET! (Takes out a big stack of files) I've been down to personel and selected a few of our agents who have the nessisary skills and who DON'T want to see me dead...."
HIGH NOON:
When the gang comes into town, they break a window and the "school marm" comes out with a shotgun. Covered by the 12 gage, they are forced to repair the window while the locals realise just how cowardly they were for being afraid of four men with pistols.
See this site:
http://www.howitshouldhaveended.com/
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
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hentai_wolf
Preeminent Apostolic Prelate of the Discipleship of Jabootu
139 Posts |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 9:55:31 PM
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Pee Wee's Big Adventure
Pee Wee Herman walks into the tough biker bar.
Weeks later, his picture begins appearing on milk cartons and bulletin boards at post offices.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Butch and Sundance find a back way out of the adobe house and fresh horses waiting.
Any Zombie Movie
Upon holing up in a place of security with firearms, food, and water, members of the ensemble cast who obviously bring NOTHING to the table and in fact turn out to be blantantly anti-social hindrances, whiners, or selfish non-team players are lined up and shot for the good of the order and preservation of morale.
The remaining members conduct themselves with discipline, chose a leader with obvious qualities, and then proceed to invent and engineer--in classic "A Team" fashion--ingenious ways to kill zombies.
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Capt. Nemo
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
630 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 11:50:06 PM
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Titanic
Jack throws Rose back on to the lifeboat. Uses the piece of floating debris that Rose used originally to save himself. Rose and Jack hook up later on the Carpathia.
It's a Wonderful Life
Clarence tells Bailey where the money went. Movie ends with the money returned and a warped frustrated old man ready for the graveyard.
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"Ward, the Beaver blew up the 7-11 again."
"I'll have a talk with him Dear" |
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Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 12/23/2007 : 1:01:34 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by hentai_wolf
That "how it should have ended" reminded me of this site.
http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/
That was more like "Movie 10 Seconds"! And that included going through the list to the movie.
Thank you!
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
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Flangepart
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
2329 Posts |
Posted - 12/24/2007 : 2:49:39 PM
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DRACULA.
The heros show up at dawn at the castle. They establish a perimeter with an armed band to deal with any still liveing thralls ( Renfield gets capped ), then they start in the lowest reaches of the castle, watching the clock, and leaving garlic and crosses at the entrance of any room they have cleared. If they can't find Drac, the call it a day a hour before sunset, and wait in a safe room. When dawn comes, they do it till they get it right. Then they burn down the castle.
Marvin the Paranoid Android to Buzz Lightyear "Too infinity and beyond-i've been there, its rubbish!"
"Hoody Hoo, i waste 'em with my cross bow!" Bob Herzog- KODT
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Edited by - Flangepart on 12/24/2007 2:50:36 PM |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 12/24/2007 : 8:28:29 PM
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| Flange, that sounds a bit like "Dracula Meets The Hot Zone". Too bad they didn't have Hazmat teams back in the late 19th Century. *grin* |
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