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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
 Posted - 12/24/2007 : 9:02:17 PM
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That's how a disciplined D&D adventuring party would do it *g*
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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Neville
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Spain
1590 Posts |
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Ericb
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
648 Posts |
Posted - 12/25/2007 : 05:43:49 AM
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Star Trek
Captain Kirk beams down to a dangerous planet with a landing party that includes the following: Commander/chief science officer, chief medical officer, chief engineer, chief communications officer, the navigator. Everyone in the landing party except for Kirk is killed. Kirk is relieved of command for gross incompetence. The brass is like "Kirk you just don't send all a ships top officers into dangerous situations and leave the ship under the command of some anoymous red shirt. What were you thinking?"
"I reserve the right to look as well as be boring." - Robert Fripp |
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New Hinda
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Israel
469 Posts |
Posted - 12/25/2007 : 06:08:56 AM
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TEA AND SYMPATHY. Deborah Kerr gives herself to the boy so he won't feel like a sissy. (Anyone besides me think that's a disgustingly sexist idea-that you prove you're a man by ****ing a woman?) The next morning, all the boys in the school are lined up on her doorstep, saying "Mrs. Reynolds, the boys are calling me a sissy!" If anyone doubts that the whole plot premise of that film is stupid and disgusting, imagine the following: a rumour goes around a GIRL'S boarding school that one of the girls is a lesbian. The principal seduces her so she'll feel like a woman. Can you imagine the HOWLS of indignation, the cries of "pedophile!", "pervert!", "corrupting the morals of a minor!"
FROM HERE TO ETERNITY: During the famous "making love in the surf" scene, Deborah Kerr complains of how uncomfortable she feels with all the little shells and pebbles digging into her back, butt, and thighs. |
Edited by - New Hinda on 12/25/2007 06:11:52 AM |
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New Hinda
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Israel
469 Posts |
Posted - 12/25/2007 : 07:26:22 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Capt. Nemo
It's a Wonderful Life
Clarence tells Bailey where the money went. Movie ends with the money returned and a warped frustrated old man ready for the graveyard.
How about Uncle Billy remembers what he did with the money? Did it ever occur to anyone besides me that trusting a man as befuddled as Uncle Billy with such a large sum of money was an appallingly negligent thing for Bailey to do? |
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Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 12/25/2007 : 5:56:00 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by New Hinda
quote:
Originally posted by Capt. Nemo
It's a Wonderful Life
Clarence tells Bailey where the money went. Movie ends with the money returned and a warped frustrated old man ready for the graveyard.
How about Uncle Billy remembers what he did with the money? Did it ever occur to anyone besides me that trusting a man as befuddled as Uncle Billy with such a large sum of money was an appallingly negligent thing for Bailey to do?
Yeah!
OK, Clarence tells Uncle Billy that Potter stole the dough while his back was turned. Billy knows that they recorded the serial numbers of the big banknotes and George calls in a favor from Burt the cop to work a bluff, telling Potter that there was a witness and they have a search warrent to check Potter's home safe. Potter panics (Like many movie villians) and babbles about "just teaching you a lesson". They threaten to, but DON'T press charge because Potter is humiliated publicly.
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 12/25/2007 : 7:25:59 PM
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You guys DO remember this, right??
http://youtube.com/watch?v=mbSBqwM3_2c
Maybe some of you are too young *g*
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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AnnGora
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
252 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2007 : 12:53:44 PM
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The night of brother Harry’s engagement party, Violet Bick takes George up on his offer to “make a night of it” and run through the meadow sans new dress. Naturally, Violet gets knocked up and she and George are forced to get married. Disgraced, they are run out of town, which makes George very happy since he always wanted to leave that crummy town, anyway. They live happily ever after and Clarence never gets his wings, but remains an angel 3rd class for the next 367 years.
She was bred in old Kentucky, but she's just a crumb up here. |
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AnnGora
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
252 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2007 : 1:01:52 PM
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In a Barbara Streisand movie, Ms. BS is virtually ignored by everyone, especially the male characters.
She was bred in old Kentucky, but she's just a crumb up here. |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2007 : 3:21:28 PM
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Due to a catastrophic rift in the time space continumum across the multiverse, the script of Home Alone is combined with Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween and the studio execs don't catch the mistake.
Casablanca
The Nazis and the Vichy French are one step ahead of Rick and attempt to raid his bar looking for Victor Lazslo.
As the door shudders under their attempts to smash in, Sam retrieves a drum-fed Lewis machinegun from a cello case leaning against the wall. Rick lays a 9mm Browning Hi-Power on the bar counter and brings up molotov cocktails made from 100-proof whiskey.
The half dozen Vichy collaborators through the door are mowed down by Sam from behind barracade of furniture.
Rick makes his way to the roof by a ladder and showers the Vichy around the door with flaming death. He manages some lucky hits on their cars and transport trucks, burning the tires and igniting their gas tanks.
Major Strosser pulls up in a Mercedez-Benz touring car, whereupon Rick empties an entire 13 round magazine into it, riddling the engine and seriously wounding the occupants. This is filmed in slow motion "Peckinpah-Vision".
Back inside, Rick sees that Sam has cast aside his now empty Lewis gun and is brandishing two nickel-plated Colt .38 Specials he has kept handy since his early days as a blues musician in the Mississippi River delta region of Louisiana.
Laszlo appears from the back room and announces his car is waiting and Ilsa is inside. Sam leaves the room to take the driver's seat, another skill picked up in the Louisiana delta.
As Laszlo turns to leave, he is hit in the back by a shot from the doorway. Strosser has limped in, his luger pistol smoking. Beside him is Vichy Captain Louis Renault, who has decided to cast his lot in with the Master Race.
With his last dying strength, Laszlo fires a small pistol at Strosser, hitting him in the gut twice. Renault raises his revolver to fire.
Rick yells, "You dirty collaborator rat bastard!" and hammers Renault into oblivion with four shots.
Laszlo is dead. After several days of agony, Strosser succumbs to infection complications from his stomach wounds.
Rick and Sam hijack the plane bound for Portugal. After a suitable period of mourning, Rick and Ilsa go on to enjoy a wonderful marriage while earning their living running a coffee plantation in the Carribbean. Sam opens the most popular blues/jazz nightclub in New Orleans history. |
Edited by - Citizen Carrier on 12/26/2007 3:31:10 PM |
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Flangepart
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
2329 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2007 : 4:29:33 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by BradH812
Flange, that sounds a bit like "Dracula Meets The Hot Zone". Too bad they didn't have Hazmat teams back in the late 19th Century. *grin*
Hummm...vas iss das 'Dracula meets the hot zone?' How did I miss it?
Any GODZILLA movie. The Army rides up, looks at G, everybodys face says 'Screw this!', they turn around , and drive away.
Civilians get the message, and start running anyplace ( Thats not burning) Godzilla has already been.
G gets bored with the lack of action, snorts in disgust, and stomps back to the sea.
Prime Minister thins, "Hey, lets try that again next time, too."
Marvin the Paranoid Android to Buzz Lightyear "Too infinity and beyond-i've been there, its rubbish!"
"Hoody Hoo, i waste 'em with my cross bow!" Bob Herzog- KODT
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Edited by - Flangepart on 12/26/2007 4:30:39 PM |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2007 : 8:03:48 PM
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Robin Hood (Errol Flynn version)
Robin Hood decides that the archery tournament is the most clumsy, obvious trap laid for him in movie history and decides not to attend. An annonymous archer who wins the tournament is beheaded as Robin Hood, protesting his innocence to his dying breath.
Robin Hood then steals the "Murtaugh, they think I'm dead!" ploy from Lethal Weapon and eliminates Prince John with a long range arrow shot during a hostage swap scenario involving Will Scarlet and Maid Marion at a secluded location.
Seeing Prince John fall next to him with an arrow through his throat, the Sheriff of Nottingham exclaims, "Dammit, it's Riggs...I'm mean Robin Hood!"
Batman
The Joker's huge henchman in the final scene in the clock tower defeats Batman in hand to hand combat. Insuring that Batman is unconscious with repeated blows to his face, the henchman body slams him over the side of the building and watches his body go all the way down to impact on the pavement. The Joker rewards his most competent lackey with a large cash bonus.
Two weeks later The Joker is shot to death by a rookie cop with two weeks on the force while attempting to rob a bank.
The dreadful sequels to that movie are never made, never directed by Tim Burton or others of a pretentious bent. Years later, Batman Begins is made and erases the suckiness of the original movie. |
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Ericb
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
648 Posts |
Posted - 12/27/2007 : 2:21:11 PM
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Of course the master-criminal-of-the-moment could just shoot Batman the first time they meet and be done with him for good.
"I reserve the right to look as well as be boring." - Robert Fripp |
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Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 12/27/2007 : 8:58:52 PM
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Remember the fight scene in the Batman movie? Well.......
As the petty crooks pound Batman into the ground because he could barely move, Batman reflects on just how STUPID the rubber suit was.
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 12/27/2007 : 9:35:20 PM
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It is really impossible for me to spew enough bile on the Batman movies.
Batman Returns
In the final scene, Max Shreck [Christopher Walken] uses his .357 Magnum revolver to kill both Batman and Catwoman.
Period.
I so despised the characters, especially The Penguin, his insipid giant rubber "duckmobile" and his army of penguins equipped with guided missiles that I wanted the only character with reality and depth--Shreck--to win and survive.
I wouldn't have minded it so much of Walken had saved a final bullet for director Tim Burton, shooting him off camera for inflicting this mess upon the American people and insulting their intelligence. |
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