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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
 Posted - 01/18/2006 : 6:43:58 PM
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Rokan: Enemy From Space
“Gathered together from the cosmic reaches of the universe, in this great Hall of Justice, are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled!” a redoubtable narrator announces as the show begins, then lists off the guys he was talking about. “Superman!” who pushes a rocket into space, “Batman and Robin!” who drive the Batmobile and swing around on their Bat-ropes, “Wonder Woman!” who lassoes a dragon. For some reason he also includes, “Aquaman!” who, um…rides on the backs of some dolphins and calls an octopus, a shark, and some fish with his aquatic telepathy, “And the Wonder Twins, Zan and Jayna, with their space monkey, Gleek!” Strangely, the twins have their gloves off as they touch hands to spark their powers. I don’t remember them ever having to do that on the show. As Superman, Wonder Woman and Aquaman (!!!) fly through space, he finishes, “Dedicated to truth, justice, and peace, for all mankind!”
We open “deep within the outer reaches of space,” where a pterodactyl-like creature flaps (!!) its way through the inky darkness. Then again, I wonder how valid complaints about scientific accuracy really are in a universe where super-powers exist. Where should this dread beast be winging its way but to “a small, distant planet called…Earth!”
“Later, in a small New England village,” the enormous space-dino lands, and begins causing havoc with the mighty winds generated by flapping its wings. “It’s a monster! Let’s get out of here!” a man yells in terror, just as a woman adds, “It’s a monster! Let’s get out of here!” The monster crushes a house (not until the family has safely exited, of course) and uproots a tree with its beak. This looks like a job for…the Superfriends!
“Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice,” Zan is bemoaning how dull it is now that it’s finally the Wonder Twins’ turn on monitor duty. There’s “not even a cat up a tree!” Jayna affirms. Wonder Woman, the only other Superfriend on hand, notes that at least Gleek is finding ways to fill his time as he tries to use his “magic tail” to pick up and feed himself a banana, but the tail has other ideas and Gleek ties himself up trying to get the banana. Hmmm, even if it is a slow day, wouldn’t there be work for a hero as powerful as Wonder Woman? Especially if the world really is so dependent on the Superfriends they have to do things like NASA’s maintenance work. I’ll never forget that time Superman and Green Lantern were both sent to capture an elephant.
Just then something starts to beep. “It’s the Justice League Trouble Alert!” Jayna notes. A military official of some sort tells them about the monster and asks for Wonder Woman’s help. I can’t blame him for looking right past the other “super” heroes in the room. Zan announces it looks like they’re finally in for some excitement, but ‘tis not to be as Wonder Woman tells them to stay put and watch for any further messages while she and the other Superfriends head to the rescue, speeding “across the country to converge on the scene of unsuspected danger!” I don’t know what “unsuspecting danger” means, and I doubt the writers did either. Anyway, I hope this village is someplace that isn’t a long swim or drive from where Batman and Aquaman were when they got the call for help.
Maybe it was, as when the Superfriends arrive the town has been leveled and the monster is long gone. A bald fellow tells our heroes that “ It flew off in the direction of the Great Lakes!” That’s oddly specific of him, isn’t it? Taking stock of the damage, Wonder Woman observes “The force of its wings is powerful enough to change weather conditions all over the area!” I admit, I’m probably even less of a Mr. Wizard than Ken, but does creating strong winds really result in changing weather conditions? Realizing there are more important things to do than trying to figure out the science of the creature’s powers, Superman leads the chase to Niagra Falls (Niagra Falls?!), his foot still being in shot with Wonder Woman for a second after he takes off.
At Niagra Falls (Niagra Falls?!), Wonder Woman whines that they’ve “searched everywhere” and found no sign of the creature. They must not have searched very hard, as two seconds later the monster appears over the falls and begins creating tidal waves with its wing-beats. Some tourists head underground for shelter as a wall of water heads toward them. “What on Earth is it?!” exclaims the Caped Crusader. “I can answer that, Batman!” Superman replies. “It’s a prehistoric beast called Rokan from my home planet, Krypton! It was supposed to be extinct for a million years, but my guess is that the explosion of Krypton just after I left freed it from the polar ice cap!” “It must have wandered the galaxy for years looking for a place to live!” Wonder Woman intuits. I’m not even going to ask how Superman would know something like that, just don’t they have more important things to do than stop for a history lesson right now? Oh, and clever name change there, guys.
Wonder Woman and Superman finally decide to do something about Rokan; Wonder Woman lassoes it around the neck, but it shoots lasers out of the big crystals it has for eyes that break the golden lasso. She takes a second out to note how that’s impossible. “Wonder Woman’s in trouble!” Superman observes, although Rokan doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to her now that the lasso is off. I think I’ve just made a new Jabootu discovery: Informed Circumstances. The Man of Steel grabs Rokan by the tail, but notes that, “I can’t budge it!” before he’s flung into the water.
With even Aquaman stymied by the awesome power of Rokan, things look bleak. Fortunately, Superman has a super-brainstorm. “It’s from Krypton, it has strength for the same reason I have.” I’m inclined to balk, but didn’t Superman have a dog from Krypton with powers identical to his own? (after some checking: Yes he did, Krypto, who has his own cartoon on Cartoon Network) I guess a giant prehistoric monster is only a slight stretch if we’re willing to accept that. They decide to see if the Justice League Computer can come up with a way to stop Rokan. That’s kind of lame for having a pair of super-tacticians like the Silver Age Superman and Batman on the team.
Unfortunately, salvation is not to be achieved that easily. “The computer’s tried a thousand calculations, and there’s still no sign of any weakness in Rokan,” Jayna announces rather calmly. And not that logic was ever the series’ strongpoint, but I seem to recall in the first season the main team of Superfriends would call in help from other superheroes for something as simple as getting a mouse out of a computer. Are they ashamed to do that for some reason with a giant monster that Superman can’t beat on the loose? Wonder Woman urges her to keep trying.
“Meanwhile, in the distant mountains of Canada…” exposits the almighty narrator. A couple is out skiing when the woman points out a strange-looking object. Her husband/boyfriend/third cousin twice removed thinks it’s probably just a frozen boulder, but--are you sitting down?--just as he says that, it hatches to reveal what is quite plainly a baby Rokan. The skiers head for the hills as Baby Rokan runs after them rather efficiently for something that was just born.
“Later, at the Hall of Justice,” the Superfriends’ search for an answer is interrupted by a call on the Trouble Alert, which Wonder Woman helpfully identifies for us (again). A Mountie informs the heroes that “Dozens of giant eggs have been found throughout the Canadian Rockies! They’re hatching into giant wild beasts!” The Superfriends decided to split up: Superman tells Batman and Robin to head to the Great White North to look into this call, Aquaman volunteers to check the Great Lakes for any damage (you’d think they’d have heard about it if there was any, with how quickly calls for help come in), while Wonder Woman assigns herself and Superman the task of finding Rokan and slowing her down. I’m not sure how they know Rokan is female, since the Mountie didn’t specify what kinds of “giant wild beasts” those were.
In the Rockies, the Caped Crusaders are tooling around on a pair of Batsnowmobiles looking for any disturbances, when Robin (isn’t he cold in that outfit?) spots Baby Rokan, chewing at the trunk of a tree. Presumably it’s trying to get at the two skiers who’ve taken sanctuary in its branches, even though it’s tall enough to just reach up and grab them with its beak. The Dynamic Duo speeds past Baby Rokan and because…who knows, it gives up on the skiers and instead decides to chase this far more mobile prey. “We’ll lead him into that canyon ahead and pen him up with the Bat-nets!” Batman announces, but Robin sees a snag inn that plan; namely, three more Baby Rokans are crouched in the mouth of the canyon. How did Batman not notice them? They quick U-turn and jump over the pursuing Baby Rokan with a handy snow-ramp, then, pausing to collect the skiers, take off, Batman wisely noting, “We’ve got to get out of here!”
“Meanwhile, at the Great Lakes,” Aquaman is tooling around on his Aquajetski. The captain of a freighter calls and pleads for his help, for what should be attacking his ship but Rokan. Helpfully announcing that he’ll lure Rokan underwater and give it the slip (won’t it just attack the ship again then?), the King of Atlantis calls Rokan a turkey, which perfectly succeeds in getting her attention before diving underwater with Rokan in hot (wet?) pursuit. You might think he’d call Superman and Wonder Woman, especially if they’re the ones designated to deal with Rokan, but maybe Aquawimp thinks this is his big chance to prove himself.
Aquaman eludes Rokan by swimming into a small cave (yeah, I believe that for a monster with all of Superman’s sensory powers). Leaving his hideaway, Aquaman finds “dozens” of what he immediately intuits to be “Rokan eggs.” He figures he’d better call the other Superfriends (NOW he thinks of that) when Rokan finds him again, flying (!!) toward him. The Wonder Twins get the call and Aquaman gives them his coordinates to relay to the other Superfriends. Unfortunately (?) Gleek steps on the “break the communications console” button, leaving the twins unable to reach their senior teammates, which it’s time for some “Exxor handiwork!” Jayna turns into a seagull, Zan into an ice gondola to carry Gleek. And how far is a seagull going to be able to carry an ice gondola holding a monkey? This begs the question of placement once again. Where the heck is the Hall of Justice in relation to the Great Lakes?
Back to the lakes, Aquaman finally realizes for himself that he’s in over his head, and uses his aquatic telepathy to summon a bunch of electric eels (?!?) to his aid, forming them into a gigantic net. Rokan crashes into the eel-barrier and is repelled, which I’m not buying for a creature with Superman’s powers taken to a higher level. The ever-thoughtful Aquaman, however, notes the voltage was “just enough” to make Rokan think twice about having him for dinner. Above the water, Rokan runs right into the Wonder Twins. Although they try to flee, we’re not surprised when a seagull carrying an ice-swing and a monkey is caught by a monster fast enough to fly between planets.
Meanwhile, Aquaman calls Supes and Diana (if his pocket communicator could do that, why didn’t he do it in the first place?), telling them he “chased Rokan out of the Great Lakes region,” and that she’s captured the Wonder Twins. I’d like to know why he’s smiling as she says this. You’d think he’d be kind of worried about their youthful charges being in the clutches of a monster their biggest gun can’t beat, but maybe he’s still feeling the rush of having done something right, as moronic and impossible as it was (electric eels live in rivers in South America, by the way, not the Great Lakes). Wonder Woman signs off, and then picks Rokan on her, um, invisible radar. She relays to Superman that Rokan is headed toward “the opposite side of the world,” Mt. Everest in particular. How would you know to assume that? In any case, they speed off to the rescue.
“Meanwhile, in the Eastern hemisphere, somewhere in the Himalayas,” the narrator sets the scene. Somewhere in the Himalayas? Why did the script change from knowing exactly where Rokan was going, to the general area? The Wonder Twins are pinned by one of Rokan’s toes as a pair of Baby Rokans close in for breakfast. “We’ve got to think of something, and quick!” Zan desperately notes. Well, they look close enough to touch hands, how about turning into things small enough to slip out of her grip? No need, I guess, as Superman and the invisible jet arrive just then, the Man of Steel telling Wonder Woman he’ll “sneak up on Rokan and try to get them out.” He does this by landing right in front of the monster and lifting her toe off the twins. Rokan is strangely cooperative, not moving or attacking in any fashion during all of this. Not until Superman notices, “She’s seen us!” Yeah, you prying her claw off the Wonder Twins might have foreseeably had that effect, huh Super-maroon? Rokan’s cries cause an avalanche, and if you just thought, “I bet there’s a village at the bottom of the mountain,” give yourself a gold star. Superman saves the day by molding the slope into a makeshift ski-jump that sends the snow and debris shooting right over the village. Naturally, nothing at all falls short and hits any of the villagers or huts on the way over. The Wonder Twins, still pursued by a Baby Rokan, are saved by Wonder Woman when she lowers herself from the jet with her lasso and carries them out of its reach.
Back the Hall of Justice, the Superfriends are safe for the moment but stumped. “It’s stronger than I am,” Superman reiterates helplessly, “and the only thing that can harm me is…kryptonite! Of course, why didn’t I think of it before!” Batman plugs some numbers into the computer to find out how much kryptonite they’ll need to affect Rokan, and the JLC reports that a three billion ton chunk of kryptonite will be sufficient. Three billions tons of kryptonite?! Ignoring how they’d find that much even in this universe where chunks of the stuff seem as common as pennies on the sidewalk, how could you possibly need three billion tons to get a reaction from Rokan? Lex Luthor used to have a kryptonite pinkie ring that was enough to keep Superman out of his hair, for crying out loud. The amount is probably just so high to lend a little credence to the computer’s further analysis: that with that much kryptonite, there’s an 83% chance Superman will die even with the Hall of Justice’s lead shielding.
Mind you, this is Superman while he’s still in his more or less omnipotent phase, the point where it was still a matter of course to have him jet off to planets galaxies away without so much as an oxygen mask or travel hundreds of years in time at whim. Couldn’t he scoot off to another planet or time period until this Rokan thing blows over, if the protection afforded by the Hall of Justice might not be enough? Even if there was some reason he couldn’t do that, which there isn’t, couldn’t the combined super genius of the Silver Age Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman whip up some kind of red sunlight projector and use that to make a more manageable menace out of Rokan? Then again, we wouldn’t be worried about Superman’s survival.
Jayna moves to veto the kryptonite plan, but Superman vetoes her, “We decide the matter the same way the Superfriends decide any matter of importance; the greatest good, to the greatest number of people. Use the kryptonite!” Wonder Woman and Aquaman (!!) blast off in the invisible jet to collect the needed three billions tons, while Superman and the Dynamic Duo head to Japan (probably for those of us who didn’t get the reference yet) to occupy Rokan in the meantime.
The earthbound Superfriends arrive in Tokyo to find Mommy Rokan and a pair of Baby Rokans tearing the place up. Batman prevents the young monsters from munching a suspension bridge by playing the “Bat-lights” (which for some reason contain his logo) over them. Rokan rips a building in half but Superman catches it and welds it back in place. Then, in a bit I admit was kind of surprising for this show, Superman and Rokan trade blasts of heat vision.
In space, Aquaman picks up a 3.2 billion ton piece of kryptonite on the scanners (all in one piece, huh? That‘s convenient). Good thing she brought him. Snagging it with “rocket harpoons,” they begin towing the asteroid back to Earth. She calls ahead to tell Superman to head back to the Hall of Justice while she meets up with Batman in Tokyo bay. You’d think that would end the episode right there if they were to drag that huge chunk of kryptonite right to where Rokan is, but instead for some reason the Superfriends divide it up into three pieces and drag the sub-chunks to the “four corners of the globe.” Or more specifically, to where Rokan laid her eggs to scare the multitude of Baby Rokans off the planet.
So the Baby Rokans fly away into space, which seems a less than permanent solution to this problem, especially what with the Superfriends seeming to be responsible for maintaining peace and justice for the whole universe. But it’s just a kid’s show, right?
For our nail-biting climax, Superman is on the point of succumbing as the invisible jet and Bat-copter tow two massive pieces of kryptonite after Rokan herself. My hat’s off to Batman for developing a helicopter that can lift a billion tons and not appear to slow down at all. Rokan dives into an active volcano (now they’re daring me to notice) and Batman orders a “bombing run,” saying they’ll “drop [the kryptonite] right down its throat!” Wonder Woman says there won’t be a second chance if they mess us, but I still don’t see why one billion-ton chunk of kryptonite wouldn’t be enough. Anyway, the two (two? There were three) huge chunks of kryptonite are dropped down the volcano and it erupts, shooting Rokan (and, presumably, the kryptonite) back into space JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME.
At the Hall of Justice, the Superfriends are celebrating a job well down now that Rokan and her brood are picking someone else’s planet to bits. Zan mocks Jayna for being worried, until Gleek shines some flashlights on him and makes him think Rokan’s back. Let’s all have a good laugh--at the idea that anybody would laugh at that.
No, as a matter of fact, there has never been one single time where I've been mellow. |
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Rokan: Enemy From Space
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