There's this really tall guy with metal teeth who chases this British spy around, and...oh, sorry. Wrong "Jaws". This Jaws put Steven Spielberg on the road to becoming the most commercially successful movie director ever, and it remains one of his best films. Jaws was also the first official Hollywood ‘blockbuster,’ the first film to make over one hundred million dollars. It retained the title of Box Office Champion until Star Wars came along. The fact that one film could make that kind of coin has altered film production to this day, and probably not for the better. Jaws could well be the best Monster Movie ever (unless you want to argue that a 30-foot, super-intelligent great white shark isn't a monster). It also spawned more awful rip-offs than just about any other movie ever made. This includes three comparatively big-budget sequels, which got worse every time one came down the chute. Jaws also made a permanent movie fixture of the uncaring bureaucratic boss/mayor/dickhead who tells the good guys that "You can't close the beach (National Park, History Museum, London Bridge exhibit, etc.) now, it's tourist season!". The good guys then reply, "You bastard! You care more about money/your job/a promotion/etc., then the people!". There, now you can go write your own monster movie. Just don't forget your Uncle Ken. Jaws sports a terrific cast - Roy Scheider as Amity Island's Sheriff Brody, a young Richard Dreyfuss as rich kid and shark aficionado Matt Hooper, and the brilliant Robert Shaw as Quint, captain of the Orca (also the name of one of the more laughable Jaws rip-offs), who as it turns out has a very good reason to hate sharks. Peter Benchly, who wrote the book from which this was adapted, has a bit part as a reporter. Jaws is one of the best film adaptations of a novel, knowing exactly what to drop (the middle third of the book, which mainly concerns Hooper having an extraneous affair with Brody's wife), and even rarer, what to add (the aforementioned scene where we learn of the origins of Quint shark fixation, which was added to the script at the last minute during filming). The actress who plays the first victim, a chick who goes for a nude swim and gets munched by Bruce the Shark (as he was nicknamed by the film crew) was later hired by the makers of the scene-for-scene Jaws rip-off Grizzly ("You can't shut down the Park, it's tourist season!" "You bastard! You care more about your damn job than those people out there!"). There she played, yes, the first victim of the film’s murderous bear. Grizzly was originally to be called ‘Claws’ (get it?). (Somebody else went on to make an even worse Killer Bear movie called Claws anyway.) Jaws’ famous and much parodied score won John Williams the first of his many Oscars®. One interesting thing about Jaws in relation to its many rip-offs is that most of them went back to Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds for a rationale of the animal attacks - either that some manmade chemical or activity has thrown Nature out of balance, causing animal behavior to drastically change (Day Of The Animal, Barracuda, Prophesy, etc.) or that nature itself, represented by animals, is simply revolting against humankind's assaults (The Birds, Frogs, Kingdom Of The Spiders, ad nauseam). The ironic thing is that Jaws, the most critically acclaimed and profitable of this sub-genre, and the one that started off a veritable tidal wave of "animal attack" films, is the only one working from a different perspective. The shark isn't attacking people because Man's actions effected its natural food supply, depriving it of it's normal diet, nor as a revolt of nature against Man's depredations. Instead, the Great White Shark here functions more as a Dragon, an ancient species that rivals Man and whom must be defeated in combat if Man is to establish mastery of all the Earth, in this case the open waters of the seas and oceans. That the Sharks (the great ones dying out perhaps, as dragons were when the knights of legend confronted them) might be more of an ancient and ascendant species than Man is aware of is implied in a throwaway line in which Sheriff Brody notes "We're not even sure how long they live", implying that the Shark here is an old and powerful creature. Men had to confront dragons in their own lairs if they are to establish Man’s dominance, and so it is that Brody, Hooper and Quint must venture out to the open sea to battle and hopefully defeat their nemesis. In any case, a truly great movie. Don't miss it, and believe me, it’s more than worthwhile to find a letterboxed copy of the tape, at least until the film shows up on DVD. Just don’t watch the opening ‘documentary’ on the film that appears on the video before the movie. It contains footage of Spielberg and others talking about the film, and showcases footage of the movie that you’re just about to watch. This includes the very ending of the movie! Yep, if you want to see the end of the movie half a minute before watching the film, watch the documentary. Otherwise, watch the movie first.

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THE LAST MAN ON EARTH - (1964; ITAL)

The first of two adaptations of Richard Matheson's science fiction novel I AM LEGEND. Though flawed, The Last Man On Earth is definitely superior to the later one, Charleton Heston's The Omega Man. That movie is so unrelentingly '70s and "hip" that they made Heston's main squeeze a with-it Black Mama. Right On, Chuck! You're groovy, man, really. Anyway, The Last Man On Earth stars Vincent Price (he sure gets around!) as the, uh, well, he's the...last man on Earth, I guess. A apocalyptic plague has turned everyone else into vampires. Price spends his days finding and staking bodies and disposing of them in a giant fire pit set up to incinerate plague victims, a last ditch government action that was too little too late. Price is immune to the plague due to a antitoxin he had created. At night he holes up in his fortress-like house, fending off the vamps who look upon him as the last snack in town. However, it turns out that some of the vampires have been controlling the disease with a drug they have come up with. Their community views Price as the monster, a beast that preys on the populace while they lie helpless in catatonic sleep during the day. This reversal, the human becoming the monster to the community of vampires, was a major point in the novel, but largely ignored here (and even more so in Omega Man, which is played as an action film). It's a good bet George Romero saw this before making Night Of The Living Dead, as the sequences with the vamps besieging Price’s house look quite similar to that film’s zombie assault on the farmhouse. Last Man on Earth is better than it's reputation, which is pretty poor for some reason (probably from people comparing it to the novel, instead of judging it on it's own merits). If you're a Bad Movie fan looking for a turkey, skip this one entirely and head directly for The Omega Man, which makes Heston's lame Soylet Green seem like 2001: A Space Odyssey.

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THE LIFT - (1985; NETHERLANDS)

One of the few Dutch horror films generally available, aside from the same director’s later slasher film Amsterdamned. This quirky but decent effort revolves around one of the, shall we say, less obvious horror situations: a killer elevator (or Lift, in Euro parlance). It's also one of the few films where the good guy is a heroic elevator repairman. While not all that frightening, the film is rather fun to watch as the filmmakers strain to find different ways for the Lift to kill people. The inevitable man-falling-down-the-shaft is accomplished with a blind guy, one of several points in the film that suggests that the political correctness movement hasn't yet grown as large in Europe as over here. However, American horror movie buffs needn't fear the film's sensibilities are too alien: there are plenty of familiar cliches running about, like the feisty female reporter or the evil corporate experiment run amok. In fact, the corporation Behind It All is pointedly Japanese, adding a none-too-subtle "yellow menace" feel to the piece (though, oddly, no Asians are actually in the movie). For those who collect such things, the film contains a singularly great example of the "Scientific Explanation" that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. The picture also contains a weird running theme about how dangerous elevators are generally (maybe more of a European phenomenon), leading the repairman to tell the reporter that "You're actually more likely to die in your car than in an elevator". Boy, that's reassuring. Think about how few people die in automobiles. As in the later AMSTERDAMNED, a fair deal of attention is paid to the hero's domestic life. In this case, the wife of the repairman starts suspecting the odd-acting husband of having an affair. She takes the kids and splits, but the guy is so stoical that it’s hard to figure out if he views the situation as more than a mild annoyance. Also, after he figures out that something's pretty seriously out of whack with the Lift, why at the end of the movie does he keep getting into it? Except for a bit of nudity right in the beginning and a fairly fakey decapitation sequence, the film's pretty mild, and should prove a decent rental for those looking for a laid backed viewing experience.

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A terrific Halloween musical feature for the kiddies, particularly if they grew up watching old monster movies like I did. It's an animated (with puppets) tale of the annual convention of the World Organization of Monsters. Leader Baron Frankenstein is planning to retire, and intends to name his nerdy nephew Felix as the new boss. Dracula and some of the other fiends have other ideas. After all, Felix is, well, human! All the classic monsters are here - Drac, the Wolf Man, The Monster and his wife (voice of Phyllis Diller!), The Mummy, The Invisible Man, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, even a Peter Lorre type character. Boris Karloff provides the voice of Baron Frankenstein. The monsters spend the whole picture noting in relief that "It", apparently the monster's monster, hasn’t made an appearance. Apparently, he has a habit of wrecking their conventions with his rude and crude behavior. Of course, "It" eventually makes his appearance, setting up the film’s climax. Forrest J. Ackerman, creator of the magazine Famous Monsters of Filmland and the biggest horror movie fan in the world, helped with the screenplay. ABC did a couple of cartoon knock-offs of this for one of their anthology Saturday morning cartoon shows in the '70s. These were once available on video and might be stocked by your local Blockbuster's children's department. In any case, a cute movie.

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MAN'S BEST FRIEND - (1993; USA)

Decent but unspectacular example of the Killer Dog micro-genre of the Killer Animal(s) sub-genre. The film makes enough right moves that it turns out to be about as good as can be expected. However, with just a little more effort it could have been substantially better than that. A TV reporter (The Breakfast Club's Ally Sheedy) arranges, with the help of a disaffected employee, to sneak into an experimental corporate science lab. There she will find evidence of systematic abuse of lab animals. Before this occurs, however, said employee is killed in a vicious attack by an unseen animal (though the title kind of gives away the dog angle). Left to her own devices, Sheedy and her camera-woman sneak into the complex. This proves rather simple, as the facility is surprisingly easy to break into, especially for a sinister secret lab. For instance, the Laboratory itself doesn't even have locks on the door! After foiling this devilish security system, they are greeted with the sight of gruesomely experimented-on animals. Sheedy doesn't appear to be too bright: she keeps sticking her fingers into cages even though she has no apparent idea of what kind of experimentation the laboratory conducts. When she finds the now friendly dog, Max, she lets it out of its cage and nuzzles it. I mean, she has no way of knowing if these animals are diseased or what! Surprised by security (finally!), she and her assistant run. The assistant drops a video tape with her name and the station ID on it. Outside, they discover Max, who jumps into Ally’s car as she makes her escape. The lost video, meanwhile, provides a convenient (to say the least) plot device for later in the film. For it allows, at the proper point in the plot, the scientist who created Max (genre pro Lance Henriksen), and who desperately needs him back, to track down Sheedy. This is but one of the film’s ridiculous implausibilities. In spite of an immediate police investigation, the tape, just lying on the floor, rather unbelievably fails to be found for about another hour of running time, which is like days later. Max, meanwhile, earns Sheedy's thanks when he saves her from one of those knife wielding psychos who always seem to pop up when innocent-looking but deadly animals (or Charles Bronson, for that matter) are around. See the far sillier killer-cat flick The Univited for another example. So, of course, Sheedy decides to take Max home, over the protest of her live-in boyfriend. For some reason the boyfriend is made out to be a tremendous jerk because he objects to keeping this gigantic hound that Sheedy supposedly just found in the street. (The fact that Ally lies about where Max came from hardly makes her look any better, either.) In fact, the film continues to portray the boyfriend as a jerk, even the dog repeatedly attempts to attack him. At this point, the film shifts into its second phase by becoming a Beethoven-esque ‘big dog’ comedy, wasting time until the ‘killer dog’ bit again comes into play. This section slows down the movie considerably, reaching a nadir when Max chases down a neighbor's collie for some "action". You can tell this scene was meant to be pretty witty, but when they play Paul Anka's "Puppy Love" (get it?!) I began squirming out of my chair. Besides, anybody who has seen more than a couple of these things knows that the real point of the scene is to set up a sequel (and a "shock ending", of course). Finally, beginning with a funny/gross sequence wherein Max hunts down and swallows a cat, the film does blessedly start revving up. It turns out Max has been genetically augmented with non-dog animal genes and is super smart, strong and fast, has enhanced vision, etc. Though if he's genetically altered, it doesn't explain all of his scars, presumably the result of diabolical experiments. I thought he'd turn out to be a cyborg or something. Of course, Max proves to be a deadly weapon and a walking time bomb, just waiting for his tranquilizers to wear off. The picture's last half hour moves pretty well. Max kills a bunch of people (including, inevitably, a postman), and Henriksen becomes increasing unglued while trying to reclaim his dog. At the end, Sheedy regains Max's trust by laying down a knife, apparently willing to forgive Max for earlier liquefying her boyfriend's face. In an "ironic" ending that makes little sense, Henriksen (who has by now become just another mad scientist) is electrocuted when Sheedy's new puppy plugs in a cage Henriksen has fallen on (?). We had earlier learned the pup has a habit of playing with sockets, in one of those scenes where you know something is being established so as to pop up again later in the picture. Max croaks, but a "surprise" ending reveals that his fling with the collie has resulted in a litter of puppies, including a growling little version of Max. Just in case anyone is a complete and utter moron and fails to ‘get’ it, "Puppy Love" is played again as the film fades to credits. The film’s main problem is that its politics are so totally predictable, in a Hollywood kind of way. Henriksen is the villain apparently just because anyone who would be mean enough to experiment on wittle bunny wabbits and stuff is obviously a bad guy. Meanwhile, Sheedy, your typical ‘intrepid reporter’ type, is the film's heroine. (Regular readers of the Jabootu website will recognize this as an example of Douglas Milroy’s Designated Hero/Villain rule.) However, this requires us to ignore the fact that had she not broken into the lab and basically stolen Max, nobody except the lab assistant in the beginning of the film would have been killed. This problem is exaggerated by the fact that actress Sheedy is horribly lame in the lead, coming off as such a total moron that it’s hard for the audience to take her as the heroine. Henriksen, on the other hand, makes his character into much more of a real person. So, instead of coming across as a villain whose death we cheer, we tend to sympathize with the fact he just wants his dog back. When another character questions the ethics of his experiments, his scornful reply that he isn't pouring cosmetics into rabbits’ eyes but is instead breeding an animal that could save thousand of human lives seems utterly reasonable. And unless you are a total animal ‘rights’ nutcase, you can only drop your jaw when Sheedy sees scars on this dog and tearfully comments "It's like something from Auschwitz." (!!) Amazingly, the filmmakers apparently thought this would make her come across as a compassionate, caring person, rather than a monstrous fool of the most stupid and dangerous kind. Even more amazingly, just a couple of movies down from here is another film, MONSTER SQUAD, which also references the Holocaust in a stupid and repugnant fashion. What are the odds of that? Finally, it should be noted that Max is given some rather ridiculous ‘powers’, many of which make no sense at all given his ‘genetic’ origins. OK, he can climb trees like a cat (although this ignores the fact that cats that mass as much as Max don’t in fact climb trees). Still, what animal pisses acid? (Setting up an obvious, and gross, rip-off of David Cronenberg’s The Fly.) And are we to assume that it is chameleon genes that give him the power to turn literally invisible? Need I point out that chameleons don’t have fur? How would you change the color of that? In any case, this film is a watchable video for undemanding fans, but it perhaps more interesting as a casebook example of how lazy filmmakers can get when they are ‘only’ making a horror film.

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MARY SHELLEY'S FRANKENSTEIN - (1994; USA)

Following the unwarranted financial success of his awful (and misnamed) Bram Stoker's Dracula, Francis Ford Coppola struck while the iron was hot and produced the natural follow-up pic: Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Luckily, instead of directing the film himself, he brought in Kenneth Branagh, best known for his classy Shakespearean film adaptations Hamlet, Henry V and Much Ado About Nothing. Unlike Coppola's Dracula flick, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is in fact fairly close to Shelley's novel, both from a structural and philosophical standpoint, though hardly perfectly so. As the title indicates, the film revolves around the scientist Frankenstein (Branagh), with the Monster, ably portrayed by Robert DeNiro, coming in fairly late in the proceedings. We open with a group of explorers, whose ship is trapped in the ice of the Arctic. In the frozen wastelands, they amazingly come across a half-dead traveler, who is, of course, Frankenstein himself. The captain of the ship interrogates him and we hear his tale. Frankenstein came from a well-to-do family, and had intended to follow in his father's footsteps by becoming a doctor. However, once at University (as we see in flashback), Frankenstein reveals a maverick streak, racing ahead of current medical dogma to seek the answers to Life and Death themselves. Ultimately, of course, he creates his Monster. However, in the wake of exhaustion, and horrified by his own success, he lapses into a fever. He eventually awakens, determined to put his experiments and his now missing creation behind him. Instead, he readies to marry his half-sister. However, his creation, furious and unbearably lonely at being the only one of his kind and an outcast in the human world, arrives to demand that Frankenstein create him a mate. When Frankenstein refuses to do so, the Monster starts bringing death to those Frankenstein loves. Ultimately, he denies Frankenstein a wife as punishment for Frankenstein denying him one. Frankenstein ultimately chases his creation to the ends of the Earth (literally). When he passes away, the Monster, bereft of purpose, brings about his own destruction. An interesting, if flawed film, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein follows the novel rather more closely than other adaptations, though there are of course differences remaining. In the novel, Frankenstein refrains from creating a mate for his monster because he fears they will breed an indestructible race of fiends who will threaten all mankind. Here, he just seems to be too self-centered to do so: he ignores his creation's wishes in the same selfish manner with which he had previously dismissed the Monster himself. Frankenstein's selfishness is further emphasized when, after his bride is slain on their wedding night, he immediately goes to bring his slain wife back from the dead, never questioning for a moment whether she would want to be brought back. Oddly enough, one of the film's most tiresome aspects, Branagh's propensity to showcase his buff, naked torso throughout the flick, could almost be a cinematic metaphor by Branagh the Director to mirror the self-absorption of the character Branagh the Actor is playing (though probably not). Another problem is that the film dwells a little too much on unnecessarily graphic "realistic" details during medical or violent sequences, particularly the two childbirth scenes. In spite of being pretty good, if not totally successful, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein had the misfortune to come out to theaters at the same time as the marginally better adaptation of Anne Rice's Interview With The Vampire. Unable to compete with Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, Branagh’s film prove to be an unsuccessful and abandoned creation itself.

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MONSTER SQUAD - (1987; USA)

Folksy B-Western stalwart Rory Calhoun plays folksy "Farmer" Vincent. Vincent makes his living by running two businesses with his sister, Ida - the rural Motel Hello (the motel's neon sign features a faulty, flickering "O", hence the title), as well as an on-site smokehouse where they process Farmer Vincent's Smoked Meat - a local legend for over thirty years. However, as you might have guessed, "It takes all kind of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters", including a healthy dose of ‘long pork’. Late at night Vincent lays traps along the isolated local roads, disabling vehicles and grabbing motorists. Then he and Ida plant them in their "secret garden" for fattening (after cutting their vocal cords to keep them quiet). Things start to come apart when Vincent saves a pretty young woman, Teri, from the garden, much to Ida's annoyance. The situation is further acerbated by fact that Vincent and Ida's goony brother, the town sheriff (who is not privy to the family secret recipe), is himself attracted to Teri. I have to admit, for the first part of the movie I never felt that its disparate elements (horror flick, ‘black humor’ comedy, Dukes of Hazard-esque cornpone comedy) would meld together very coherently. However, eventually everything comes together, and it starts working pretty well. There's some really funny stuff here, and it's actually handled pretty subtly, without, say, goofy ‘comedy’ music in the background to let you know that Hey, this is a funny part now! I particularly like the way that Teri's ‘dead’ boyfriend's headstone reads 1923-1980. It's just a quick flash, but if you're anal enough to figure out that his age was a mature 57, it foreshadows Teri's attraction to the much older Calhoun. When Teri tells the disbelieving brother that she intends to marry Vincent, who’s going to be her "Old Man," it's a telling moment. Funny bits include Vincent and Ida's ruminating on the ‘good’ they're doing (Vincent's meats both provide food and help alleviate overpopulation at the same time), as well as Vincent discussing how the different methods he comes up with to trap motorists allow him to explore his "creative" side. The film ends with a hilarious chainsaw battle between Vincent (wearing a pig head!) and his sheriff brother. You've got to believe that Paul Bartel, who later made the riotous Eating Raoul, must have seen this movie, which contains a scene where Vincent and Ida lure some wild "swingers" to the motel with an ad in a "Hot Spots" brochure, and grab them for cannibalistic purposes. So the hot double feature picks here are Eating Raoul (swinger/cannibalism movies) or Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (climatic chainsaw duel movies). Oh, and watch for a cameo from the fun '50s sci-fi flick The Monster that Challenged the World. Bon Appétit!

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Boris Karloff stars as Im-ho-Tep, an ancient Egyptian priest who dared to attempt using the sacred Scrolls of Life to revive his dead lover, the Princess Anck-es-en-Amon. Caught, he plea bargained, and was given a suspended sentence and ordered to perform 50 hours of community service. No, wait. He was actually cursed with eternal life and buried alive. In present day Egypt (well, 1920s Egypt, anyway) he's dug up and revived when an archaeologist reads the Scroll, buried with Im-ho-Tep to keep others from repeating his sacrilege. The scene where the translator goes mad after seeing the mummy exit his sarcophagus and set off into the desert is deservedly one of the most famous moments from any of the Universal horror films. Twelve years later (sans bandages) Im-ho-Tep meets a young woman, Helen, who's the spitting image of (dare I say it) the Princess Anck-es-en-Amon! He means to transform this reincarnation of his former lover into a living mummy like himself, so that they can be together for eternity. And while we sympathize with the current incarnation of the Princess, who at the last moment decides she'd rather not, thank you, you sympathize even more with Im-ho-Tep (at least I do). I mean, here this guy spends 3,000+ years trapped in a casket, waiting to be reunited with his love, only to get the equivalent of a ‘Dear Im-ho-Tep’ letter. I mean, I'd be kind of pissed off too, wouldn't you? Man, women, huh? I tell you, they never change. Karloff eventually gets destroyed by the gods. Boris is terrific in one of his all-time best movies, billed as the "Uncanny Karloff". There's also a love interest for Helen and a wise old scientist, played by Edward Van Sloan, who played a wise old scientist in Dracula, and then played a wise old scientist in Frankenstein. He apparently was an actor of extraordinary range. Some low-brows will be disappointed that Im-ho-Tep's only a mummy mummy in the first part of the film. Hey, just watch the junky but enjoyable sequels, detailing the career of Kharis the mummy, who spends all his time shambling around in bandages trying to get enough Tana Leaf Fluid (remember that?) to become indestructible. For purists, The Mummy is available on an absolutely first-rate DVD presentation, including an expert Commentary Track and a documentary on the film.

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THE MUMMY - (1959; USA)

Another in the chain of Hammer remakes of the old Universal classics, and really one of the company’s very best movies. Hey, know who the two stars are? That's right - Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing. How'd you guess? Lee is Kharis (the mummy from the later Universal films), and Peter Cushing is the cursed archeologist whose expedition entered the tomb of Princess Ananka. This movie follows the Universal mummy pictures more closely than did Hammer’s interpretations of other Universal series. This is perhaps because Universal made up the living mummy concept, while Dracula and the Frankenstein Monster were adapted from pre-existing novels. The best scene here has Kharis' present-day Egyptian priest/servant reading the Scroll of Life over the bog where Kharis' sarcophagus was lost, causing the Mummy to rise up from the fetid waters. Also, watching Cushing ineffectively blowing big holes in Kharis as he shoots him is fun. By the way, Cushing's wife is a dead ringer for Kharis' old lover, the Princess Ananka. What are the odds, huh?! Recommended, but watch the old mummy movies first.

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THE MUMMY'S HAND - (USA; 1940)

Karloff starred in the earlier THE MUMMY, but only appeared in bandages for a few minutes in the beginning. So this sequel is the start of what most people think of as the ‘Mummy series,’ introducing Kharis the Mummy. In ancient Egypt, Kharis had illicitly attempted to use sacred tana leaf fluid to bring his deceased lover, Princess Ananka, back to life. He was caught and sentenced by the gods to eternal life. Remember tana leaves? Boiling them resulted in the fluid used to keep Kharis alive; three leaves to keep his heart beating, nine to make him mobile. More than that would turn him into an uncontrollable, indestructible monster. This was used as a threat throughout the series, but never occurred. This film also started the Egyptian High Priest motif, who were supposed to use Kharis as a weapon of revenge against those who desecrated bigwigs' tombs, usually Ananka's. Instead, they would invariably end up using Kharis for their own selfish ends (usually grabbing whatever starlet was assaying the female lead), leading to their own destruction. The film opens with skid-row horror fave George Zucco taking over as the High Priest of Ananka, with expository dialogue to clue him and the audience in on Kharis and the tana leaf angle. Years later we cut to two Americans, handsome archeologist Steve Banning and his chubby comedy relief buddy Babe Jensen, bumming about Egypt. They're planning to head back to the States (Babe's from Brooklyn, of course - they must have had a gigantic Comedy Relief Second Banana farm out there in the '30s through the '50s, because that's where all these guys came from). However, plans change when Steve finds an ancient urn engraved with what he believes is a map to the tomb of Princess Anaka. But when he goes to the Cairo Museum to secure funding for an expedition, we learn that the head guy there is none other than George Zucco. Zucco tries to dissuade them from mounting their expedition, but Steve and Babe later talk a kindly magician (from Brooklyn!) into funding them. The magician (Cecil Kellaway, who later got eaten by the title creature in the '50s sci-fi classic The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms) and his suspicious daughter Marta (Zucco told her Steve and Babe were con men) join them on their trip, where Steve and Marta unsurprisingly fall in love. They end up burning Kharis to a crisp, though he would still manage to return for three more pictures. Modern audiences might find the blase contempt of the American characters towards the Egyptians and their beliefs rather off-putting, but hey, get a life. In the odd sequel The Mummy's Tomb, the filmmakers played around with Kharis' immortality by setting the film in the 1980s (which they apparently thought would look a lot like the '40s), where Kharis finally succeeds in bumping off the aged Steve and Babe (!).

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THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD - (1968; USA)

One of the seminal films in Horror Movie history. The Night of the Living Dead stands as nothing less than the dividing line between the Classic Horror era and the Modern Horror era. Director George Romero made the film on a shoestring, shooting on weekends for two years before the job was finished. He ended up with the film that shattered all the rules of the genre: the hero is black, the young lovers are killed (and eaten) after trying to escape, the hero becomes a murderer; killing a bigoted asshole, and the hero's plan ultimately gets everybody killed - everybody but the hero, who only survives because he holed up in the basement, just like the bigot had suggested. A little girl dies and becomes a zombie, gruesomely murdering her own mother. Another character is killed by her zombie brother. Finally, the hero, after surviving the Night of the Living Dead, gets knocked off by a posse who mistakes him for one of the Dead (and probably wouldn’t care too much if they learned of their mistake, anyway). However, after breaking the mold for what a horror film was supposed to be (and scaring the crap out of his audience in the process), Romero ultimately only succeeded in creating a new set of conventions. These would be as mind-numbingly copied by Modern Horror flicks as the old rules were followed in the Classic era. The ubiquitous Last-Second-Shock (which no longer shock), the minority hero, and the film’s general pessimism (along with the refusal to wrap up plot threads because they might want to make a sequel), ruin just as many films now as were wrecked by the hero-must-win, good-must-triumph formulation prevalent in the old days. Still, that's not really Romero's fault, and one can only admire the pioneer status of The Night of the Living Dead, going where no picture had gone before. Not that it was much admired at its time of release. It was considered sadistic pornography by almost every critic who bothered to comment on it (though the drive-in crowd loved it, of course). It's since taken its rightful place as a masterpiece. Cheaply produced and sporting non-professional actors, everything that should have been a distracting flaw makes it seem more real. NotLD was a pioneer in the use of heavy gore, one of the many ways it influenced the course of horror films to come. This creepy black & whiter is positively unrelenting, and still stands head and shoulders above it's cinematic children. Romero completed two other films in the Living Dead "trilogy", Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead. He also produced the 1990 remake of the original, mainly to reap some money from his ownership of the title. The original film has fallen into the public domain, robbing him of profits. Directed by gore make-up god Tom Savini, the remake was in color and cleverly played off the expectations of people who have seen the original, but only rates as a fairly decent horror pic. Of course, it would be impossible to recreate the recipe that made the 1968 film the classic it is. By breaking most of the "rules" of the genre, and with subsequent films breaking any conceivable taboo left after that, NotLD heralded the beginning of the end of the sense of shock that this film itself so effectively exploited. Because it had fallen in the public domain, broadcast prints tended to be quite poor, leading many to believe that the grainy presentation often seen on TV over the years represented the initial quality of the film. However, the original master print was used in the late ‘90s to strike off a video version that more accurately presented the film’s quite beautiful visuals. The DVD version, obviously, is even finer. DVD buyers should beware, though, for the film is available on a number of different discs. Beware the cheap ones, which are the equivalent of those shoddily produced public-domain videos that have flooded the market over the years. Also, one of the ‘special edition’ discs features a re-cut version of the film, with reinserted ‘lost’ footage. I haven’t seen this, but I can’t imagine it to be an advantage. Instead, look for the ‘Special Collector’s Edition.’ This includes the original cut of the film, accompanied by not one but two informative and vastly amusing Audio Commentary tracks, one featuring Romero and others in the production staff, the second featuring commentary from some of the cast members. In any case, a must for any Halloween Flicks pick.

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THE NIGHT STALKER - (1972; TV)

The highest-rated TV movie to its time was this tale of a vampire lurking in modern day Las Vegas. Down on his luck wiseass reporter Carl Kolchak is covering a mysterious series of murders. The police are reluctant to provide any information, but they are stymied by the pushy Kolchak, the only reporter in town rude enough to try to find out what’s going on. Eventually, it comes out that the victims were all drained of blood. Kolchak initially believes a madman with a vampire complex to be responsible, but later concludes that the killer must be a real vampire! The authorities, trying not to cause a panic (it's an election year), try to keep the obnoxious Kolchak from following up on his theories. This proves impossible after the killer tears through about fifty cops, who are all blasting away at him at point blank range. Finally, Kolchak hunts down and destroys the vampire, only to get less than a hero's welcome from the city fathers. Darren McGavin plays Kolchak for the first time here, and is a real pleasure to watch as the sarcastic, unrelentingly snooping reporter. Even after getting totally screwed, Kolchak remained the same in the subsequent TV movie, The Night Strangler, as well as in the classic TV series Kolchak - The Night Stalker. The series, which in a small way helped to influence the creation of The X-Files, was cut short before its time but is now available in its entirety via Columbia House video. Meanwhile, both the movies are available on one double-feature DVD. Like Lt. Columbo, Kolchak always wore the same wardrobe, consisting of a bad seersucker suit, canvas sneakers and a ratty straw hat (in an episode of the TV series, Kolchak was given a new hat by a well meaning friend. He quickly "loses" it). Simon Oakland played Kolchak's long suffering editor Tony Vincenzo in both movies and the TV series, invariably getting ulcers when hearing Kolchak run on about another bizarro story. The Night Stalker was shot by the director of the neat-o Horror Hotel, and produced by prolific TV producer Dan Curtis, the man responsible for Dark Shadows and many, many other works. He also produced the very similar The Norliss Tapes (see below), another movie well worth watching. Scary and funny, who can ask for anything else?

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NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS - (1993; USA)

It seems odd that Halloween, the closest thing we have to a ‘cult’ holiday, has so few movies or TV specials built around it. I mean, in a way any and all horror movies are kind of Halloween-ish (that, of course, being the point of this book). Yet, aside from It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, there's really very few films or TV programs that deal with the holiday of Halloween in the way that a ton of stuff deals with, say, Christmas, whether from a religious (Little Drummer Boy, for example) or secular perspective (Miracle on 34^th Street, etc.). Even the Halloween movies are mostly just regulation slasher flicks that exploit some of the elements of Halloween (since indestructible mass murderers are not part of the Halloween mystique in the same way that Santa Claus is part of Christmas'). Luckily, no less a talent than Tim (Edward Scissorhands) Burton came to fill in this very noticeable hole with this remarkable stop-animated musical. The irony, however, is that A Nightmare Before Christmas is as much a Christmas story as a Halloween one. The film opens by showing us a circle of doors in a forest, each icon-shaped (a Christmas tree, a Jack O’Lantern, a Shamrock, etc.). Each is a portal to the ‘land’ from which each holiday originates. We enter the door into Halloween Town to view the celebration marking the conclusion of what was evidently a very successful Halloween. However, we soon learn that Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King (who is to Halloween what Santa is to Christmas) has become bored. Halloween has become routine to him, and no longer fires up his juices (or whatever skeletons have in place of juices, marrow maybe). In a funk, Jack goes for a long walk in the surrounding woods, where to his surprise he comes across the doors to the different Holidays (which usually remain unaware of each other). He gets sucked into one, and to his amazement ends up in Christmas Town. He then launches into the film's most infectious song, "What's This?", through which he expounds on the mysteries of this bizarre land: "...There are children throwing snowballs / instead of throwing heads / They're busy building toys / and absolutely no one's dead". Taking the discovery of Christmas Town to be the answer to his boredom, Jack decides to highjack the holiday from Santa. He commissions three malicious tots, Lock, Shock & Barrel, to kidnap Santa (or Santy Claws, as the locals know him). Jack doesn’t intend to harm him, but merely to get him out of the way until Christmas is over. However, Lock, Shock and Barrel's first allegiance is to Oogie Boogie, a sentient bag of worms that represents all that is really bad about Halloween (I think we can safely assume that ‘tricks’ like razors blades in apples are Boogie's responsibility). The kids go off on their quest, and in the movie's funniest song, "Kidnap the Santy Claws", develop and discard various plans to obtain their target: "Wait! I've got a better plan / to catch this big red lobster man / Let's pop him in a boiling pot / and when he's done we'll butter him up!". Back in Halloween Town we meet Sally the Rag Doll Girl, the latest in a line of Tim Burton characters who are literally stitched together, preceded by Edward Scissorhands and the resurrected pooch Frankenweenie. Though sweet on Jack, Sally nevertheless has a premonition of disaster regarding his plans. In spite of her efforts, Jack proceeds in getting the residents of Halloween Town to help prepare Christmas. However, the townsfolk don't quite get the whole Christmas concept. Their ideas for Christmas presents include flying toy ducks with fangs that menace their recipients, giftwrapped shrunken heads, and wreaths that attack people. These gifts, along with Jack's appearance and even his sleigh (hauled as it is by flying reindeer skeletons), end up sending the populace into a panic. Finally, the Army is called in to deal with this Santa imposter, and Jack gets blown out of the sky by anti-aircraft fire. When Jack comes to he is both contrite (he really never meant to ruin Christmas) and filled with self-pity and anger that his efforts weren't appreciated. However, the experience has served to re-ignite his old passion to scare people on Halloween. (It's a nice touch that Burton would have Jack's passion for Halloween at least partially revitalized by the negative emotion of anger. After all, Halloween has to be somewhat scary or it isn't Halloween.) Jack manages to free Santa from the malevolent Oogie Boogie in time to save Christmas, and the forgiving Santa gives the residents of Halloween Town a present by making it snow there (beautiful snowfall scenes are another Burton motif; see Edward Scissorhands and Batman Returns). Amid the snowy landscape, Jack finally pays proper notice to Sally, and they serenade each other in front of a giant, gorgeous moon. Stop animation, in which figures are moved an infinitesimal amount and then filmed a frame at the time (it takes twenty frames to make a second of film) is a long and laborious process, and A Nightmare Before Christmas took over three years to complete. The character’s facial expressions were manipulated by literally exchanging heads. A smile breaking across a character’s face might require twenty different ‘heads’ to realize. Jack, the lead character, had over 700 such heads, allowing his animators to create an extraordinarily complex range of expressions. Those looking for a knock-out example of the advantages of the DVD format would do well to procure this film; the detail revealed is amazing. For a different sense of the film’s beauty, turn down the color on your TV and watch the film in Black & White. It seems quite natural to the material, and emphasizes the rich texture of all the sculpture work. Director Henry Selick has done a brilliant job bringing Burton's concepts to life, but ultimately anyone familiar with Burton's body of work will recognize that he is the creative force behind the film.

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NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET - (1984; USA)

As if it needs an introduction, this is the Wes Craven's shocker that introduced horror icon Freddy Krueger. Played by Robert Englund, Krueger was an utterly evil child molester/murderer who killed with a set of steel claws welded onto a glove. When the law was forced to release Krueger on a technicality, parents of the murdered and threatened kids from Elm Street got together and burned Krueger alive. Years later, Krueger returns in the dreams of the remaining Elm Street kids. He's able to manipulate the dreams of his victims, and anything that happens to them in their dreams happens to them in real life. The first film, before Krueger was turned into a pop figure, is pretty grim and gritty, containing genuinely frightening stuff that touched nerves no other film even seemed to know were there. In my opinion, this could have been THE horror classic of the ‘80's (admittedly, not much of a distinction). Unfortunately, the film’s producers made Craven tack on one of those thoroughly cliché Look, the monster's not really dead, and he kills everybody endings. Aside from being obvious, this ending completely ruined a truly original concept that would have legitimately allowed the characters murdered during the course of the film to return to life. Instead, we are left to believe that Freddy can torture their souls for the rest of eternity, revealing him to be a satanic being, a demon from Hell. While the rest of the movies are more humor orientated and comic-bookish, the first film is disturbing enough that having the evil Freddy triumph over these particularly intelligent and hard fighting teens is almost painful. I wish they would release a version of the film without the ruinous ending, and allow us to really see the truly evil Freddy of the first flick get the ignominious finish he so thoroughly deserves. However, like Jason Voorhees (who Freddy is scheduled to fight sometime in 2000, about a decade after the idea was first broached), Freddy was a source of too much income for his owners to ever really let him get the destruction he warrants (even after the release of the ‘last’ film of the series, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Wes Craven was brought back on board to resurrect him in Wes Craven’s New Nightmare). To me this is the true tragedy of the modern horror film, that plot points such as the survival or destruction of characters are dictated more by the need to provide for sequels than for any legitimate story purpose. Wes Craven was opposed to the direction later taken with Freddy, "Shecky Green with claws", to quote him. He's also, perhaps fairly, rankled by the fact that since he sold off the rights to Freddy with the first film, he has not reaped any of the profits from the subsequent films (other than his fees for working on New Nightmare). Craven tried to re-create the popularity of Freddy in his later movie Shocker, which starred future X-Files star Mitch Pileggi as the title fiend. However, the villain, a mass murderer who could project himself into television sets (among other things) by traveling in the form of an electrical current, was too derivative of Freddy to really succeed on his own (though for a truly awful Krueger rip-off, check out the Lou Diamond Philips turkey The First Power). Craven will probably never be able to create another character that touches all the nerves that Freddy does, but he continues to create highly entertaining and off-beat movies. Fans looking for the currently best available home version of the film should check out the stunning DVD, which presents the film in a letterbox format and includes a Commentary Track featuring Craven and the film’s stars. For real nuts, there’s a mammoth box set which includes every film from the first one on through The New Nightmare. Those interested in the high spots of the series, meanwhile, are advised to check out the first and third films, with New Nightmare providing a worthy cap to the ‘trilogy.’

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THE NORLISS TAPES - (1973; TV)

Producer Dan Curtis created and directed this entertaining carbon copy of his own The Night Stalker. Presumably, this was meant as a back-up in case the sometimes troublesome Darren McGavin refused to again assay reporter Carl Kolchak. In actuality, a short-lived series based on the Kolchak character did materialize, only to get cancelled when McGavin got tired of its inevitable "Monster of the Week" format. By that time, however, the moment for a possible Norliss series had passed. Author David Norliss (Roy Thinnes, late of the ‘aliens among us’ series The Invaders) disappears after informing his publisher that the book he’s been contracted to write, a debunking of so-called supernatural events, isn’t going to be written. He then demands a meeting that very day, before "it’s too late." However, Norliss never shows up. The publisher eventually drops by Norliss’ house, finding it deserted. Left behind are a large number of audio cassette tapes, containing Norliss’ notes from this last year of research on the book. Playing the first tape, the publisher (and the viewer) hears the story of Ellen Cort (Angie Dickinson). Late one night she investigates her recently deceased husband’s art studio. There she is attacked and her dog slain by what she maintains was her husband. Despite taking a point blank shotgun blast, however, the police find no body. Here Norliss enters the picture, promising to investigate the incident. Meanwhile, a young women has been slain and found drained of blood. Eventually, we learn that Cort, learning that he had a terminal illness, bargained for eternal life from the grave. In return, he is to create a statue for the evil god Sargoth to inhabit (using clay impregnated with the victim’s missing blood), allowing him a physical form with which to enter our world. Norliss, needless to say, is determined to stop this. The tale completed, the publisher begins the next tape, as the movie ends. As played, this is practically identical to the Kolchak stuff (Claude Akins even plays a cop character exactly like the one he played in The Night Stalker), and easily could have featured that character with only a slight rewrite. It’s too bad that this never took off, as it could have resulted in an entertaining series. Thinnes is fine, although perhaps a tad too serious. A little humor might have aided the project. Unfortunately, The Norliss Tapes has never been released to video, so it might be a little hard to find. (Columbia House Video, which released the Kolchak series on tape, might have made a couple of extra bucks by offering this to subscribers of that series.)

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THE OMEN - (1976; USA)

Twentieth Century Fox's answer to Warner Brother’s hugely successful The Exorcist was this overstuffed occult thriller. The film opens in Rome on June 6th, 6 AM (get it?). Wealthy American Richard Thorn (Gregory Peck [!]) is rushing to the hospital, where his wife Catherine (former Cat-Woman Lee Remick) is giving birth. Upon arriving he is informed that their son was stillborn. Thorn knows that his wife, medicated during the procedure, will be devastated by the news. So when a priest offers to secretly switch his dead son with an orphan whose mother died in delivery, Peck agrees. We are then treated to some nauseating montage footage of the happy family. This culminates with the news that Thorn has been named as Ambassador to Great Britain by his old college roommate, who now happens to be the President of the United States. The couple buys a mansion in London, where presidential hopeful Thorn informs his wife "You may be too sexy for the White House!", which is followed by a swell of romantic music (!). During their son's fifth birthday party, ominous events begin, with their nanny hanging herself in full view of the guests. Here we are also introduced to a cynical photographer played by genre mainstay David Warner. (The cynical Warner states at the huge party "You wonder if this kid is the heir to the Thorn millions, or Jesus Christ." Wow, if only he knew, huh. I mean, pretty ironic, wouldn't you say?) Warner becomes suspicious of the child when his pictures show strange markings around future victims. Ex-Dr. Who Patrick Throughton appears to warn Thorn, only to end up as a priest-ka-bob. Remick takes a great fall (in a famous scene, the kid knocks her off a balcony while riding his tricycle), but survives. For awhile, anyway. She later gets tossed out of a hospital window, spectacularly smashing through the top of an ambulance. Warner gets decapitated by a sheet of glass. There's a mysterious new nanny (who practically wears a sign around her neck saying "I'm sinister"), a big mean dog, and other stuff, but what's the point? The film is competently directed by Richard Donner, who cranks out hit movies like sausages (in more ways than one), and it made a lot of money, but so what? Of the ‘powerhouse’ cast, Remick overacts wildly, Warner acts snide, Peck seems to be saying "gimme my paycheck" (who can blame him?), and a cameo by character actor Leo McKern seems superfluous. Like in the ‘70s series of Disaster Movies, The Omen’s stars are hired less to play characters than to play themselves playing characters. Audiences didn't care if the cad played by Robert Wagner in The Towering Inferno got killed, because the part was too poorly written to warrant any distress. But they were affected by seeing Robert Wagner catch fire and fall two hundred stories, or seeing Charlton Heston get it in Earthquake. So when the Thorns die we're really reacting to seeing Lee Remick and Gregory Peck getting knocked off. However, this kind of star casting also tends to keep the audience from getting too involved in the film, since we're not wondering what's going to happen to Richard Thorn, we're wondering what's going to happen to Gregory Peck. The middle of the film's kind of handled like a mystery, with little Damien (who'd name their kid that, anyway?) going berserk while being driven up to a church, and a scene where Remick takes the tot to a drive-through Safari Zoo, only to have their car attacked by spooked baboons. However, since the audience walked in knowing that Damien is the Anti-Christ, there’s little apparent rationale for these ‘what's going on here?’ bits. The scene where they're going to church, though, is great for one reason: As the kid playing Damien sits there like a block of wood, Remick, following the script, grabs him and starts shrieking "Damien! What's wrong!! He looks scared to death!!! He's trembling all over!!!! Etc.!!!!!" Meanwhile, the kid sits there like he's doped up on Quaaludes. Since they couldn't get the kid to act, they probably hoped that he would be frightened by Remick's overacting (I was!), but even this has no effect. This is the funniest scene in an often silly movie. The film makes heavy use of the Book of Revelations and 666 being the Number of the Beast. Two theological points bother me, though. First of all, not one character posits that since what's going on is predicted in the Book of Revelations, there might not be any use in trying to stop it. Second, the filmmakers seem to think that all Christians (those in this movie are all Catholic) would automatically look upon the coming of the End Times with horror. Certainly, though, some would see the arrival of the Anti-Christ as a positive sign that the Second Coming was around the corner. So a more interesting tack for the sequels might have been having a group of Christians opposing those out to kill Damien. Hilariously, the studio played up ‘dangerous’ incidents that occurred during the making of the film, implying that some ‘evil power’ was trying to forestall the making of this film. This is one of the first studio films to incorporate hardcore gore (the film's centerpiece is the lovingly photographed slow-motion sequence of David Warner being decapitated, in detail previously unseen in a major studio picture). When the profits began rolling in, the studios started realizing that there was a huge market for this stuff. The Omen, though, was a definite intellectual step down for occult films. Roman Polanski's Rosemary’s Baby was a brilliant examination of one women's growing paranoia and her betrayal by those around her, and The Exorcist was at least partly focused on the horror of a girl's soul being in peril. The Omen, however, abandons such spiritual or intellectual subtleties, focusing almost exclusively on the mundane fears of violent death and mutilation, thus heralding the coming of the slasher film. The Omen II continued the trend, radically upping the gore quotient and offering stuff like a doctor being graphically cut in half by an elevator cable. The Omen certainly isn't an awful film, but it has that stink of mediocrity that only a big budget, name cast film can possess. There's a lot of better stuff out there.

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PET SEMATARY - (1989; USA)

This isn’t the best film made from the works of Stephen King. That would probably be Rob Reiner's Stand By Me, or perhaps The Shawshank Redemption. Pet Sematary, though, is one of the best in terms of transferring the essence of King’s writing to the screen. King's fiction usually follows a kind of Greek Tragedy framework - people are introduced to extraordinary circumstances, and survive or are doomed due to deeply rooted character traits that rise to the surface during the ordeal. There is often a point in King's novels during which a character makes a decision that irrevocably casts the die for good or ill. (Of course, the choice made is usually the disastrous one.) King wrote the screenplay for this movie himself, and it is one of the few films taken from his work that contains such a pivotal moment. The story centers on a family who has just moved to rural New England - a Doctor/father, his wife, and their young daughter and younger son. Early in the movie, the daughter's cat, Church, is going to the vet for an operation. The crying girl asks her father (actor Dale Midkiff) to promise that everything will be all right. Midkiff is extremely reluctant to do so. He had lost a patient that morning, a brutal reminder that there are things that can't be controlled. His wife (Denise Crosby), however, wanting to keep the daughter from worrying, goads Midkiff into making the promise. This is the film's pivot point, for the rest of the film is really an examination of Midkiff’s increasingly unbalanced efforts to make everything turn out "all right." Church does indeed return safe from the vet, but later is run down by one of the monolithic 18-Wheelers that come screaming down the highway right in front of the family's house. The neighbor from across the road, Fred 'Herman Munster' Gwynne, declares that the daughter is "too young to learn about death." So he reveals to Midkiff that beyond the local Pet Sematary (misspelled because the sign was painted by children) is a far more ancient place, a sacred Indian burial site where things that are buried return to life. This second fateful decision, Gwynne's revealing of the burial ground's magic properties, is the point at which everything falls apart. The magic at the burial ground has "soured," and anything that is resurrected there returns evil. The most interesting thing about Pet Sematary is that everything that goes wrong (and plenty does, believe me) happens because of someone trying to make things better, but making the wrong choice, the easy choice. Gwynne's motivation in revealing the secret of the burial ground is to protect Midkiff's daughter from learning about death, but she ends up with lessons far more wrenching than losing a cat. Even the actions of a helpful ghost only make things worse. In the same way that Rosemary’s Baby is a film that particularly touches on the fears of women, especially pregnant women, parents of youngsters should be warned that one of the family's children dies in the course of the film, and that the death is well enough portrayed so as to perhaps make this an uncomfortable viewing experience. Though it starts out tame, the action becomes quite grisly by the end, another King-esque trait. Also, even when the movie is over, things are not neatly tied up. One of the creepiest horror flicks of the ‘80s, and one of the few to be directed by a woman, Mary Lambert. Followed by the inevitable sequel, which King had nothing to do with.

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THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM - (1961; USA)

The best of the Corman/Price/Matheson Edgar Allen Poe 'adaptations' (although many others prefer The Masque of the Red Death), this film again grabs a Poe title and pretty much nothing else. I don't want to blow any of the happenings here, but Price hams it up memorably as a tormented man who is haunted by the memory of his evil father, who built the convenient huge torture chamber in the cellar (dig those sets!). The Pit and the Pendulum co-stars Horror Queen Barbara Steele as Price's wife, who of course gets buried alive, as pretty much everyone seems to in these things. Great, cheesy fun, highly recommended. A good match-up with 1935's The Raven, which features Bela Lugosi's Poe-inspired Pendulum. Or if you're interested in a perfect Vincent Prince fest, this, along with House on Haunted Hill and Theatre of Blood should do the job (also check out the Robert Mitchum noir flick His Kind of Woman, featuring Price as a hilariously hammy thespian, type casting in the extreme).

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PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE - (1959; USA)

The Citizen Kane of bad movies. Famous bad film writer/producer/actor/director Ed Wood, Jr., made this, his anti-masterwork, around some footage of Bela Lugosi he shot mere days before Lugosi's death. Not one to waste such valuable stuff, Wood took this roughly three minutes of film and built an entire movie around it. This Bela footage was, er, augmented by showing the shots again and again, and using a stand-in (who’s at least a foot taller that Lugosi!), who walked around with a cape over his face to 'fool' the audience. The stand-in was Wood's chiropractor! To go into every awful detail of this flick would take hours, for like every great movie, every subsequent viewing brings new delights. Widely considered the Greatest Bad Movie ever, and it is, at least in terms of movies so bad that they're fun to watch. The usual cast of Wood's bizarre hanger-ons is in evidence here, including Lugosi, Tor Johnson, TV horror hostess Vampira (the Elvira of her day, Vampira's waist is so small you keep waiting for her to break in half), and, most notably, TV psychic Criswell, who wrote his own astoundingly pretentious and non-linear dialogue, as the 'narrator'. Truly astounding, words fail, just find a copy and watch it. There's nothing like it.

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PSYCHO - (1960; USA)

Alfred Hitchcock's classic is the father of such films as Halloween, and grandfather to all the warped spawn that came after. Psycho opened the mainstream floodgates for shock cinema. Although considered by some almost pornographically violent at the time of release, it’s become somewhat tame in retrospect, the same fate shared by the Universal movies that had people fainting in horror in the 1930s and ‘40s. What the film still has going for it is that Hitchcock was a genius, and that no one since him has had half his talent. Even if the story wasn't so famous, it has been ripped-off so often that even a ten year old could probably figure it out. The movie was the first major studio film to kill what appeared to be the main character, in this case thief Janet Leigh, in the middle of the film. After actress Janet Leigh (mother of Halloween star Jamie Lee Curtis) is bumped off, the focus turns to introvert Anthony Perkins and his psychotic Mother. The ‘shower scene’ is probably the single most famous movie sequence ever, and justifiably so. Though Hitchcock pushed the shock envelope more than anyone before, it was still 1960. So we only see the knife touch Leigh's body one time, though we do get some nasty sound effects. The scene famously kept some people from taking showers in the same way that Jaws kept people out of the ocean. As we all know, there's a twist ending. However, being the first movie to use this particular psychological premise as a plot device, Psycho also provides a little remembered sequence with psychiatrist Simon Oakland (who was Vicenzo, Carl Kolchak's ulcer-ridden editor in the Night Stalker television movies and series) to explain what happened. Today so many Freudian concepts are part of Pop Culture that the average viewer can probably explain it better than Oakland did. Another choice bit to watch for is the great scene where detective Martin Balsam gets it. The famous film trailer for Psycho provides a good example of Hitchcock's bizarre sense of humor. It's available on a lot of trailer compilation tapes, so keep on eye out for it. Also watch for Hitchcock's cameo appearance, which he made in about every one of his movies. Like many truly great horror films, this is remembered as being more graphic than it was, particularly the shower scene, a masterpiece of editing if ever there was one. Bernard Herrmann's classic score can be found on compact disk. The film is based on Robert Bloch's novel of the same name, which was inspired by the antics of gruesome rural mass murderer Ed Gein. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was also 'inspired' by Gein. The studio (Paramount) wanted as little to do with the film as possible, and Hitchcock was allowed to finance it in return for 60 percent of the profits. To keep expenses down, he filmed in black & white and used the crew from his TV show. The film was a smash hit, and made Hitchcock rich. The famous gimmick when the film was released was that no one was seated after the movie began, the ushers turning away anyone who showed up late. Historical note: When the film came out, its most controversial element was that it showed a toilet flushing! Fans should be sure to procure the film on DVD, which includes the aforementioned trailer, while, of course, utterly ignoring the Gus Van Sant color remake of 1999.

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Another film supposedly 'inspired' by the work of E. A. Poe. Bela Lugosi is at his best as an insane surgeon obsessed with Poe's writings, to the point of re-creating a Poe-esque torture chamber below his house. Not recognizing any morality but his own (because he’s a genius, don’t you know), Bela occasionally takes on the odd job for the local criminal element. Ugly crook-on-the-lam Boris Karloff soon shows up, hiding from the police and wanting Lugosi to supply him with a new, more pleasant mug. Karloff thinks he does ugly things because he is ugly looking. Bela finds the theory interesting, and just makes him uglier, in order to gage the effect. The scene where Karloff removes his bandages and stares aghast in the surrounding mirrors is a minor classic. Bela then forces Karloff to obey him if he ever hopes to get a better face. Meanwhile, the ultra-arrogant Lugosi falls in love with an actress/dancer whose life he saved. Of course, she must be his. He's rebuffed, and goes completely bonkers. Another wonderfully weird Karloff/Lugosi flick. Watch for the really lame ‘Raven’ dance routine the actress does in Bela's honor. Highly recommended for those interested in the older stuff.

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A Corman/Matheson/Price 'Poe' movie that made fun of all the other Corman/ Matheson/Price 'Poe' movies. It has Boris Karloff (his second The Raven) and Peter Lorre to boot, as well as a young Jack Nicholson. Lorre is the Raven of the title, a sorcerer who challenged another (Karloff) to a magical duel. Obviously, Lorre lost. He flies to fellow mage Price to be returned to normal, which Price accomplishes. Price, however, is a retired wizard, and refuses to help Lorre get back at Karloff. Until, that is, Lorre claims to have seen a woman resembling Price's supposedly dead wife at Karloff's castle. Vincent and Boris finally do face off in an awesome wizard's battle. Since it's a comedy, Price is even hammier than usual, in a movie with a really bizarre sense of humor that will be most appealing to fans of the earlier Corman flicks. One of Karloff's last decent movies.

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RE-ANIMATOR - (1985; USA)

Re-Animator is, along with Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead series and Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste, one of the premiere examples of the ‘80s string of ‘splatstick’ horror comedies, pushing the gore to such outrageous levels that it becomes (to some, anyway) hilarious. Rather loosely ‘adapted’ from a story by horror icon H.P. Lovecraft, Re-Animator is the darkly comic tale of one Herbert West, another in the long line of scientists trying to make his mark by bringing the dead back to life. If anything, he has even less success than his like-minded colleagues. Star Jeffrey Combs gives a greatish performance as West, who is unusually intense and self-absorbed even for a mad scientist. West never gets grossed out, horrified or morally torn by the results of his experiments, merely exasperated when things don’t go his way. And believe me, this film supplies him with much to get exasperated about. He gulls in the obligatory (slightly) more morally aware assistant, who in turn has the obligatory girlfriend-to-be-put-in-peril. It must be said though, that few girlfriends in the genre go through quite the ordeal that this one does. This includes having her father turned into a zombie and an encounter with a decapitated if yet living head which still retains it’s, shall we say, sexual appetites, in a scene that brings new meaning to the phrase "giving head". Said cranium is that of Dr. Hill, a charlatan murdered by West after he attempts to steal West’s work. Of course, West can’t leave well enough alone and injects the head with his glowing green miracle serum. This results in one of horrordom’s spunkier living heads, as he continues to pursue the girl while still seeking to steal the credit for West’s discovery. (In the film’s greatest line, West sneeringly taunts "Who’s going to believe you? You’re just a talking head.") The film was directed by Stuart Gordon, founder of Chicago’s Organic Theater, who like many others went on to other horror movies that never quite equaled his first one. Available in both ‘R’ rated and un-rated versions, but if you don't go for the completely berserk one, what's the point? Director Gordon followed this with another, less heralded Lovecraft update, From Beyond, while Herbert West returned in the also gross Bride of the Re-Animator. Actor Combs, however, wouldn’t have another role this juicy until Peter Jackson’s Frighteners, in which he shows us what Mulder would have become if he never met Scully.

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RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD - (1985; USA)

John Russo had co-written the classic The Night of the Living Dead, and while that film ended up in the public domain, Russo and director George Romero ended up owning the ‘Living Dead’ trademark. Romero, of course, ended up making the official sequels to Night of the Living Dead, Dawn & Day of the Dead, as well as producing Tom Savini's 1991 remake of the original. Russo, meanwhile, ended up making this amusing take on the film. The rather witty premise here is that the original movie was inspired by a true incident, one that leads to the events of this film. Unfortunately, the zombies in Return of the Living Dead are even deadlier and harder to get rid of than their prototypes. They're smarter (they talk and have personalities), they eat only brains, not flesh, and are much, much more difficult to destroy. In fact, if you cut them up, the pieces keep coming after you. One amusing bit has the characters smashing the zombies' brains, because that's how you killed the zombies in Night of the Living Dead, only to find that the "movie lied!" The film loses some steam toward the end, when it's played more as a serious horror movie. It works a lot better as a spoof. The scenes in the medical supply company, with dead pinned butterflies and "split dogs" coming back to life, are particularly hilarious. Return of the Living Dead was written and directed by Dan O'Bannon, who wrote ALIEN. The most memorable thing from the movie is when Linnea Quigley, in a scene that introduced her to horror audiences and helped make her the Scream Queen of the 1980s, dances nude in a graveyard. In fact, she spends pretty much the whole movie naked (which isn't that odd with Linnea), even after she becomes a zombie. I mean, that's worth the price of a tape rental right there! When she first takes off her shirt, you're like, Wow! Those of two of the most amazing... uh, well, anyway. The military's solution to the problem is logical and frightening at the same time, even if the film's special effects budget keeps it from being fully realized. However, the attempt to set up a resulting apocalyptic situation seems strained. There was a sequel/remake (surprise!), which was even more of a comedy, being kind of a parody of the first movie. Which is weird because Return of the Living Dead itself is a parody of The Night of the Living Dead. So it's a good idea to see this movie first so that you get the self-referencing bits in the second. Meanwhile, Return of the Living Dead III is more serious, and has little to do with the two prior movies. Anyway, it's pretty good, if not great, so give it a look.

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ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE - (1987; USA)

Certainly a nightmare for anyone who loves rock 'n' roll. However, this vanity project, written, produced and starring Thor Mikl (frontman of the metal band Thor, and putative metal god) is a definite treat for those with a taste for cinematic turkey. The film opens with an unexplained (and hilarious) demonic massacre of a family, mostly off-screen because the "demon" is one of those movie props that can pop out but isn't articulated enough to actually do anything. Years later Thor, along with his band, their girlfriends and the band's "comic relief" nerdy manager arrive at the house to work on an album (the house's barn just happens to come complete with a recording studio!). Sure enough, everyone but Thor ends up getting possessed and/or bumped off (though not before all the chicks show off their breasts during monotonous and repetitive sex scenes), leaving the massively pumped rockster to face off with Satan himself (really!!). The Satan prop also can't do much of anything other than stand there, so their struggle is more of an exercise in how to use camera angles to suggest movement (though given the technical ‘skill’ with this is ‘accomplished’, its more an exercise in how not to use camera angles to suggest movement). In spite of itself, this film is quite funny (and thus in its own way quite entertaining): most of the demons are hand puppets, bad ones at that; Thor shows off some wardrobe choices that Liberace might have worn if he played metal; the "comic relief" portions just play up how lame the rest of the film is, and finally, this movie contains one of the all-time silliest "twist endings" you could possibly imagine. I guarantee your mouth will drop open. Make no mistake, Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare is in no way a good movie, but it is a pretty good bad movie.

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ROSEMARY'S BABY - (1968; USA)

One of the very top horror films ever made, and one of the few horror films that will probably hit home more with women than men. Mia Farrow is the pregnant, lapsed Catholic Rosemary. Moving into a new apartment with her actor husband, she soon starts getting increasingly paranoid about everyone around her, from her hubbie to the little old lady down the hall (Ruth Gordon, who won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar® here). As it turns out (duh), she has every right to be. I don't want to say too much here, as this is not one of the more well known flicks these days. Very highly recommended, though I wouldn't advise guys to take dates to see it. A truly great movie that presaged the occult horror pictures of the 1970s. Also, one of those where people often seem to remember seeing things that were never shown, only suggested. Find it, watch it. Directed by Roman Polanski (whose pregnant wife Sharon Tate was soon to be horribly murdered by the Manson family) and produced by horror's own Schlock King, William ‘House on Haunted Hill’ Castle (!).